New Perspective
skyfox66
Explorer
I have been dealing with a chronic illness that has yet to be diagnosed for over a year now. It get's so bad I literally cannot get out of bed for days. I mention this because I've noticed I have a different perspective on life now. I've gone through denial and depression but these days I seem to have found a kind of peace with this.
This peace I am happy to have acquired has led to people feeling like I'm suicidal, I think? Things like, I don't need a career to make lots of money so I can just acquire useless things to show off. I have stopped talking to people who I feel like are just emotional vampires and just have no compassion for others. My mother even told me that she feels like she screwed up with me because I'm so not normal and I care too much about other living beings. It's not like I let people push me around. Not anymore. It just occurred to me one day that we all eventually die so why are we all spending our lives trying to acquire things we really just cannot take with us when we die.
I feel like I've slowed down enough to see what's really important in life finally. I'm looking for alternate ways of living my life now that I can't work anymore or even do things that require a lot of physical activity. I'm learning to even ask other's for help when I need to. I'm just amazed how this new found serenity is rustling so many feathers around me that do not understand Buddhism. I would like to teach the dharma someday and I know not to push my opinions on others. So, why is it other people feel like they need to inform me I'm not normal and I need to see a therapist (even though I already have one)? It just appears to be odd to me.
Comments
Hey there!
Indeed, it's amazing how many so willingly subscribe to the rat race that we call our lives these days. I find it difficult to live in this society, too.
Most people don't like change, or challenge. They see your different view as a rejection of what they are doing (or in many cases have done all their lives). Don't worry about it, you are a lesson/teacher in their lives so they can see another perspective. They are afraid of learning that they are "doing it wrong." That doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Or even them. Just different people on different paths. The more you live your path with courage, the more they will see you are doing just fine. I'm not sure how old you are, I'm 41, and my mom is always terrified on my behalf. She doesn't think I live in the "real world" and am going to end up in trouble later. She is very focused on status and retirement and loves the advice of professionals who tell her what she needs to save to have a good retirement etc. I told her I'd rather die younger and live a full life that was mine and not a life spent beholden to all this other stuff. She's not really on board with that, LOL. But her fear comes from growing up in a childhood of poverty and major problems. So I understand. Sometimes knowing why people do those things they do does help us see their perspective as much as we might wish they'd see ours.
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering with such difficulties but so appreciate you sharing! Best wishes to you.
Be sure to be gentle with others. You have to realise that their intentions are benign, and that in many different ways, they are manifesting their care for you.
I could be entirely wrong - and if I am, I unreservedly apologise - but I get the undercurrent impression that you hold a certain amount of low-level, almost imperceptive hostility towards those around you who are firmly attached - or in the grip of - doing things that would also make them feel better about you...
See, people iz funny folk.
They have been raised and conditioned to believe that the more you accumulate, the more successful you are, and the better at living life you are.
Your 'shedding of the old ways' is an alien concept to them, and detachment an uncommon gift....
"Having it all" is a sign you've made it.
Having nothing is the sign of a homeless desperate person whose wretchedness merits our pity and charity.
Be gentle with them.
Explain in "idiot" terms how serene this has made you, but make allowances for their mis-understanding you.
You're not suicidal. You're shifting baggage.
This story is true, because I remember vividly watching it as part of a documentary on so-called "Silver Nomads".. elderly and/or retired people who abandon their static and un-moving homes, buy a Winnebago of one kind or another, and set off to drive the whole periphery of Australia, first in one direction, then another....
One individual was a middle-aged man on a motorbike, with a simple rucksack and one large saddle bag.
he had once been an eminent, respected and highly successful Psychiatrist who specialised in dealing with criminal minds. The stress and accumulative knowledge of his job led him to eventually suffer a huge breakdown, and he himself had to be sectioned for both his own safety and that of his family. His wife divorced him, his children shunned him and he lost absolutely everything save for a few personal possessions.
Left desolate by his solitude and exclusion, he acquired a motorbike, and gathering what he could of the little he owned, he decided to travel round Australia.
Everywhere he stopped, he left something behind. Something he didn't need any more, something that had become excess baggage.
By the time the documentary had caught up with him, he had travelled round Australia four times, and was by now well-known on the circuit; at the majority of his stops, he worked for a meal, and did whatever necessary to get by. He had with him a tent, a knife, fork and spoon, two billy-cans, two cutting knives, a pocket-watch that had belonged to his father, and a picture of him and his family.
He had one set of clothes and whenever he stopped, he borrowed, was lent or found a blanket, and slept on the ground. (a couple of places actually kept a package of useful stuff for his use when he next stopped by....)
He would rinse his clothes when necessary, and dry them (if they were still wet) as he rode on his motorbike....
He was finally in touch with his eldest son, who kept the rest of the family abreast of his father's well-being, but he himself never contacted anyone, and they never knew where he was or what he was doing.
He professed himself happier than he had ever been in his whole life. He was at peace, both with himself, and the world.
He came across as a calm and unassuming soul, and as I think of him now, I hope he is still well and living as he wishes.
He had a rich life. It taught me a lot about having as opposed to owning....
Hello
I am not normal.
However I get out of bed to do a lot of my feather rustling eg:
Etc keeps me very occupied.
What is the question again?
@skyfox66 I went through the exact same thing when I was first diagnosed with my illness. It's degenerative and incurable, so I will live with it for the rest of my life. I think the people in our lives expect and sometimes encourage us to have emotional breakdowns, not cope with it and act out in anger at the cards we've been dealt. When we take charge of our reactions and adjust to cope without losing our sanity, it makes them feel uneasy. The ironic thing is, they'd tell us to do exactly what we ARE doing if/when we acted the way they expected us to.
>
Please keep on keeping on. Your journey and dharma study is your work to do. If you ever want to PM me, feel free. You aren't "normal" in the sense that you are not leaving your life in the hands of "fate", the unknown or other people's hands. I found on the days that things got hard (and still do), that a book by a woman called Toni Bernhard is amazing. It's called How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers and it's a wonderful read. Toni is dealing with her own as yet undiagnosed, chronic illness. My copy is so dog eared and worn from reading and re-reading it. It always gives me a bit of a boost when I have my craptastic days. And the Sangha here have been, and continue to be, a great support to me.
_ /\ _
Who is?
It's reality that's not normal.
WE are fine...
I knew reality was up to no good!
To me, normal doesn't even really exist. It is just a way that humans quantify the world in an attempt to look at one easy picture of how things are. It's nothing but an average which serves little purpose beyond pigeon-holing complex people so that others can claim to grasp an understanding that doesn't even really exist. Our identifying with an idea of normal just ensures so many people end up left on the side of humanity's road as we drive past them for not "being normal" while attempting to hide all the ways we are also not normal lest anyone find out.
Being labeled as normal has never bothered me nor has it impaired my ability to take an interest in helping others.
One of my friends is psychoanalyst, with an Oxbridge degree.
She's on her third divorce, gets drunk every time she thinks of her third ex, has a paranoid fixation with people being honest to her -the kind of person who wants to know what you're thinking every second- and has huge -as in HUGE- self-esteem issues.
Can someone as imperfect as any of us determine who is normal or not?
I used to live in Norfolk, which is on the east coast of England. There is an expression "Normal for Norfolk", or NFN for short.
Very good advice from everyone here.
I think if you look at what's happening in the world today, it's 100% clear that it's the "others" that are not normal, hiding behind their wealth and useless objects while the use of alcohol and drugs becomes more rampant. Depression is also an issue, although I know many people on this forum have or are suffering from some sort of depression, including myself. I think people are starting to really be negatively affected by this so called rat race, leading them down the wrong paths.
And remember @skyfox66, Siddhartha kind of went through the same thing. His family and friends thought he was crazy for wanting to live the life of an ascetic when he had so much or could acquire so much.
I wish you peace and wellness
I'm as normal as the next weirdo...ask any lobster