Environmental trigger
techie
India Veteran
Friends,
This is regarding how something out there might trigger something inside of us.
Let's say I go out and see a guy getting out of a fancy car. This triggers the following: Ten years ago, I squandered an opportunity. If I had taken that opportunity, I would be the guy getting out of the fancy car.
This thought immediately leads to depression, self-pity, regret, etc.
You wrestle with these emotions, suffer a lot, but eventually they fade. Life goes on ... until another day some other event triggers the same set of negative emotions. You go through the same cycle.
How do you deal with this?
Do you allow this process to take place, or do you curb it right at the start?
How does mindfulness work here - is it about merely observing this process or actively suppressing the the very first thought (that is being triggered by the event/environment)?
I think a discussion on this might be fruitful.
Comments
The untrained meandering ... meanders and drives us as its fancy vehicle ...
I enjoy being in the moment, walking in the moment, driven to stay there ...
Practice.
I would say mindfulness could be experimenting with allowing and experimenting with curbing. See how each is effective or not. At the same time you could reflect (or read others reflections) on same question.
The way I look at it, is this: Look at the reality of what you're viewing. Both the car, and the man, will one day be on their death-beds:
The car may outlive its usefulness, become a financial liability, be too expensive to maintain and upkeep, and be sold on to some other 'fortunate' person (who will inherit the luxury vehicle together with all its problems!) or it will be consigned to the scrapyard, broken down, used for spares, and eventually be crushed and cubed for further processing. Ultimately, whether it has 'one careful owner' or a dozen, it will get there anyway.
And the guy climbing out of it?
The jazzy guy with the neat Saville Row suit, expensive Rolex, outrageously costly haircut, fake tan, perfect teeth, Testoni shoes...?
He'll die, just like you or I will.
If he's lucky to reach old age, all those wonderfully expensive indulgent 'things' will be of absolutely no use to him whatsoever.
The watch will probably be given to some lucky recipient, who might keep it, or sell it for the money; the suit will be long gone, as will the shoes, tie and haircut.
What will they all have been for? Momentary pleasure, that's what.
There he is, emaciated, gasping for breath because of some virulent disease or terminal illness, thin, white-haired, sunken eyes, with nothing. Absolutely nothing he has ever owned, there, to give him any single crumb of comfort.
And besides, how do you know the guy with the car, is happy? He might have a shedload of stuff going on in his life you wouldn't want to touch with a bargepole, let alone share the load of....
Don't look at things through the eyes of a dreamer, @techie.
It's all bullshit.
It's all just 'stuff'. It's all crap that binds you, ties your feet together and frustrates the heck out of you because... what? Why?
Momentary, fleeting, temporary pleasure.
The kind of pleasure that becomes addictive and keeps you simply wanting more.
A better, newer car. A better suit, a bettef rolex, and a better pair of shoes.
Until the next time....
Always more.
Oh hang on, that's 'grasping' isn't it? The odious symptom of the 'Hungry Ghost'.
Quell that appetite, mister. It will never be satisfied, if you don't.
I think @federica has some good points, all of that is definitely going on.
You don’t list it @techie, but the first things that you feel are actually jealousy and envy. You wish you were the person getting out of the fancy car. And that initial jealousy is the trigger for a number of different, all negative emotions.
For me, the mindful approach in these kinds of cases is to follow each emotion to its root, to try to really understand what underlies it. Being jealous of the man with the fine car comes from wanting to have a fine car, which is ultimately a form of desire.
If you keep doing this, going to the roots of things, you will learn to distinguish the Three Poisons with a lot more clarity, and it will change things for you as far as desire for many things is concerned. It is an ongoing journey, you will find that your penetration into understanding things like the effects of ignorance takes time to mature.
I think there are generally two approaches. A cognitive one where you actively apply reasoning and antidotes contrary to your mental habits, like @federica laid out. And a mindful meditative approach more akin to what @Kerome mentioned.
To add to the mindful approach, I would say that the goal isn't to curb or suppress the thought pattern but instead to let it go. Gil Fronsdale has the analogy of sitting on the bank of a river. Boats go up and down the river, the boats here are our thoughts and triggering events that bring them up. We can either stay seated on the river bank or we can get on the boat and let it carry us down river. Sometimes we want to go where the boat is going but sometimes we don't, mindfulness and insight let us see when we get on the boat and practicing meditation gives us the power to get off again... and again.
Personally, if I could nip a process like the example in the bud, I would. If it's stronger than that, I say it should be contemplatively observed with the intent of renunciation.
I'm working on this as well. Second foundation of mindfulness, mindfulness of feeling tones. If you can recognize the feeling tone that accompanies an experience/thought/emotion you can then (after much practice!) start to see it before the thought/emotion arises. By recognizing that our thoughts are empty and emotions are not innate to an experience they are put on the experience by your mind, you can observe them and let them go a little easier as well.
This is my shorthand version of my experience with it. I would suggest doing some reading/ research on feeling tones/sathipattana sutta get a better feel of it for yourself, since that's what Buddhism is all about!
I've found videos through seattleinsight.org with rodney smith who goes through each foundation they are great!
I think being mindful of the fact you are aware it is happening is a big step alone. Just knowing our habit tendencies are there before we react is monumental for most people. I talk through them in my mind, usually. Recognizing and naming them helps me to see what is going on, and then I can make a better decision. yesterday I was working on my laptop keyboard and was so frustrated I was ready to cry. So i stopped and looked at what was going on, and then decided to set it aside until my husband was here to help. Not too long ago, I would just continue to work on it until I likely broke something and then would be cranky the entire day over it. I find it helps me to avoid reacting to people online as well. Instead of just hammering out a response, I stop and think about how I am feeling and if my response is appropriate or needed.
When jealousy specifically comes to mind I try really hard to focus on being happy for the person rather than mad it is not me. Today my very good friend told me she and her family of 8! made an abrupt decision overnight to take a roadtrip to Colorado for a couple of weeks. My initial sense was to be jealous because I love CO, but picking up and going isnt an option for us right now like it is for them. So I focused instead on being excited for her and giving a few suggestions of places to see. Instead of focusing on what I did not have, I focused on the fun my friend would have, and I was and stil am truly happy for her. I have been before, and I will go again. The other day I had a slight twinge of envy over someone with a new car, too, one I happen to like a lot. But I realized quickly that the reason I do not have that car is I do not want the payment. So i wished her well and was content with our slightly older car being fully paid for. I just try to turn it around I guess.
Just as we practice mind stilling, we can also practice emotional and body stilling. Which is why meditation which has all these components is so fundamental.
I think some problems can't be tackled head on. I'm thinking of my alcoholism; trying to stop drinking wasn't the solution to stopping drinking, because I couldn't (not for any length of time).
The approach which helped me isn't much different from a religious practice, such as Buddhism, where I had to learn how to live an ethical life (that's not as simple as it sounds), take a look at myself, make amends to those I'd harmed (if it wouldn't cause further harm) and in so doing created some 'good karma', with a practice of prayer, meditation, and compassion chucked in too.
And funnily enough this lead to a more stable, happier and meaningful life, and the obsession to drink just left me.
It's weird how it works.
I suspect your problem would be similarly solved - or reduced - with a practice like that.
I kinda think many problems are.
I've found that with conscious effort, we can notice the cycle happening at ever earlier points. Once we actually notice what is going on we can stop it. Eventually, we will notice it arising and be able to stop it before it starts.