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I feel incredibly guilty that I don't want to go to my weekend teachings. Our teacher, a Geshe from Dharmasala, is an exceptional teacher with a light heart, laughs often and explains the most abstract teachings in ways that we can understand and it pushes us further to study and meditate. I truly love him and love the teachings.
I have a stressful job, don't feel very well most of the time & the thought of having to be somewhere 7 days a week makes me anxious, feeling guilty and exhausted. Classes are Saturday/Sunday from 2-4PM. I am exhausted on the weekends and wake up as late as possible then get ready for class and there isn't time for grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning or anything else.
Every November HHDL asks him to come to Dharmasala for teachings and Geshe-la returns in mid-January. This time he was asked to lead a retreat for 2 1/2 months and has just returned, we begin classes tomorrow. I was able to do things with my family this Summer, catch up on mundane things like laundry (when we have regular class I have to resort to washing clothes in the tub because I'm too tired to go to a laundromat) I order groceries on-line & pick them up after class - I'll admit that is so convenient. When he is gone during the holidays I have a lot of time with family but this year he's not going to Dharmasala and the guilt just crushes me if I don't go to class.
I get so much insight and knowledge from class but I'm so burned out from everything. I know, I know, if I meditated more upon emptiness and Great Compassion I might not feel this way but I'm not there yet.