After a pleasant afternoon visit with a friend drinking coffee I was on my way home. I was surrounded by concrete and people speaking unfamiliar Eastern European languages on the train platform, and I was gripped by a dark mood. I was thinking about crimes and unhappy families, and it made me quite unhappy.
So I turned to mindfulness to try and find out what was going on inside, and what I got back was that I was carrying too much of the fear of cruelty, and that my imagination was being gripped by this, and I was projecting a perceived darkness on the dreary surroundings. So I spent the train journey in introspection, attempting to mindfully examine the fear of cruelty. The projecting vanished after a short time.
The thing is, I have a fairly sunny personality, but I’m occasionally prone to seeing the world as quite a dark place. I think it is an illusion perhaps brought on by reading a few too many of the wrong kind of books when I was younger. My introspection did carry some hints of this. These days I notice my personal sensitivity a lot more, I’m much more aware of my inside.
Before I started looking seriously into Buddhism I would never have been aware of these things, but I find I’m quite a sensitive person after all, and I carry impressions from my past which come out in dreams and these kind of moods. Perhaps practicing mindfulness increases one’s inner sensitivity.
Have you found that mindfulness has made you more sensitive?