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Have you ever considered that the whole process of gathering knowledge of the dharma, training yourself in its ways, meditating by its methods, all those things are making it so that the impulses of your original nature become hard to feel? The buddhadharma contains many beautiful things, such as a deeper connection with compassion, generosity, wanting to release others from suffering. But within us is a certain wild, uncultivated nature which we have hardly come to know.
Do you ever go back to your own nature? That you let go of training and learning but instead think of your impulses for a while, and sorting out the things that you feel inside?
With warm regards,