Moving from acknowledgment of impermanence to acceptance of it

WorstBodhisattvaEver

I've done just enough meditation to understand in a direct and immediate way--as opposed to understanding abstractly, which is easy--that nothing lasts.

I have no idea how to go from having this understanding to accepting it, let alone being happy about it. And frankly, it's difficult for me to see how anyone can do those things. I can't help but entertain a suspicion that many of those who claim to be at peace with impermanence are deluding themselves, just as those who believe in an afterlife are almost certainly deluding themselves. But it's possible (and when I try to be objective, I think it's more likely) that I'm projecting my own inability onto others.

I feel stranded. What do I do? Just keep meditating and hope that my perspective changes?

Jeffrey

Is the voice that tells you that your perspective must be missing something a reliable voice? The here and now is impermanent so you don't have to find something outside of the here and now to be at peace with I suppose? So just be at peace here and now and that takes care of being at peace with impermanence? Why do you say the afterlife is certainly a delusion and how did you arrive to that? Can we know for sure? Maybe just sit with that stranded feeling? Do you need to get unstranded or can you sit with being stranded? Any local sangha to get ideas from face to face mores than on computer?

Bunks

@WorstBodhisattvaEver said:

I can't help but entertain a suspicion that many of those who claim to be at peace with impermanence are deluding themselves, just as those who believe in an afterlife are almost certainly deluding themselves.

Sounds like they're not the only ones deluding themselves.......

federica

@WorstBodhisattvaEver said:
I've done just enough meditation to understand in a direct and immediate way--as opposed to understanding abstractly, which is easy--that nothing lasts.

Just enough - but maybe not quite enough...

I have no idea how to go from having this understanding to accepting it, let alone being happy about it.

Why are you blocking yourself from that step? If you can't accept it, it seems to me that you haven't fully understood it.

And frankly, it's difficult for me to see how anyone can do those things.

It's actually very simple. (Which doesn't mean 'easy'.)

I can't help but entertain a suspicion that many of those who claim to be at peace with impermanence are deluding themselves, just as those who believe in an afterlife are almost certainly deluding themselves.

That's not suspicion. That's cynicism.

But it's possible (and when I try to be objective, I think it's more likely) that I'm projecting my own inability onto others.

Now you're on to something...

I feel stranded. What do I do? Just keep meditating and hope that my perspective changes?

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

If you're starting out from a position of suspicion, cynicism and projection, meditating without further input, will merely send you round on the same circular track.

Stop Meditating.
Start practising.

Why not begin at the most basic level by realising that every single breath you are taking - is one less?

Bunks

Welcome @WorstBodhisattvaEver , by the way

person

Have you ever had braces? Do you remember when they first put them on and the first few adjustments? Your teeth ached as they were slowly moved into alignment. After not that long though your teeth became accustomed to the movement and the aching stopped.

Something similar happens on a spiritual path. We are adjusting our minds and as that begins to happen at first our minds aren't quite used to shifting perspectives and it can be painful as our conditioning resists. After a while you kind of get used to it and even when there is still resistance it isn't so dramatic.

I feel stranded. What do I do?

Look up Pema Chodron on groundlessness. It's a common feeling and a good sign of progress.

And its good to question these shifts. Just try to stay with a questioning but open mind and recognize if you're just being stubborn.

pegembara

"Now is what is impermanent pleasant or painful?" — "Painful, venerable sir." — "Now is what is impermanent, what is painful since subject to change, fit to be regarded thus: 'This is mine, this is I, this is my self'"? — "No, venerable sir."

I feel stranded. What do I do?

Having admirable friends
has been praised by the Sage
with reference to the world.
Associating with an admirable friend
even a fool
becomes wise.
People of integrity
should be associated with.
In that way discernment grows.
Associating with people of integrity
one would be released from all suffering & stress,
would know stress,
the origination of stress,
cessation & the eightfold path:
the four noble truths.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/thig/thig.10.01.than.html

FoibleFull

This is a deep question that you ask, and I do not know if I can answer in any helpful way. I can only answer in terms of how I try to work with it.

Impermanence ... last night I was in the bathroom for hours, very sick. I reminded myself that this situation was impermanent, and then I just tried to relax about it and observe it ... more like, to observe how I was reacting to it. To try to treat it as an opportunity to learn, from observation, how my aversions "hook" me. I saw self-pity flit across my awareness, then fade away. I saw impatience, aversion. And interspersed, I saw relaxation and acceptance and ... patience (for lack of a better word). And then impatience. I mean .. these things take awareness and ongoing effort.
Mind you, I still didn't LIKE being sick, it didn't make he happy, and I had to work constantly at relaxing with it.
And .. today I am not sick. Tired (only 3 hours of sleep), but not sick.

I really really like this quote:
“Everything is always changing. If you relax into this truth, that is Enlightenment. If you resist, this is samsara (suffering).”
Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, “What Makes You (Not) a Buddhist”

Jeroen

I found that contemplating impermanence is enough. If you spend time considering impermanence, reading about it, letting it sink in, then you will eventually come to terms with it as a reality of our world.

Contemplating though does not mean struggling with it. If you’re not convinced of the truth of it, such contemplation wil lead to turmoil, whereas if you are, it will lead to a working-out of the detail.

Gui

What do I do? Just keep meditating and hope that my perspective changes?

Perspective is of the mind. Let go of mind and just sit.

Jeffrey

Here is something to consider from some bullet points on meditation I have notes on that I read to get inspiration:

• Meditation is about what thoughts and awareness are in themselves. The content of thought does not matter.

• Treat thoughts as guests. Welcome and appreciate them briefly, but don’t linger too long.

• Turn towards difficult experiences with interest. Don’t try to shrink, hide or push them away.

• Don’t let judgemental and ‘should’ thoughts drive you. Label them as thoughts and treat them like any other thought.

• Awareness naturally moves in and out of focus. Appreciate the movement as you learn to wake up in the midst of it.

• When thoughts, feelings or emotions absorb your attention, as you wake out of that state, reinforce you intention.
• Letting go of what arises happens naturally as you wake up and return to your practice. Appreciate this movement as stepping out of attachment.
• Appreciate the sense of ease that starts to develop that is undisturbed by passing thoughts.
• Appreciate how there is a fundamental quality of stability about your experience. Your experience is not just passing thoughts, feelings and sensations.

lobster

@WorstBodhisattvaEver said:
What do I do? Just keep meditating and hope that my perspective changes?

Some great advice from everyone, some of which might change our respective perspectives. And change it does. The nature/taste of meditation deepens. Otherwise it would be permanently the same ...
Meditation enables, empowers or reveals more calm. Who guessed?

Calm/stillness/emptiness is at the heart/ease of our permanent/real being. It exists as many can attest, through experienced effort.

Carry on.

David

@WorstBodhisattvaEver said:
I've done just enough meditation to understand in a direct and immediate way--as opposed to understanding abstractly, which is easy--that nothing lasts.

I have no idea how to go from having this understanding to accepting it, let alone being happy about it. And frankly, it's difficult for me to see how anyone can do those things.

Having had many close ones pass on, I can understand why you could feel this way.

I can't help but entertain a suspicion that many of those who claim to be at peace with impermanence are deluding themselves

Forgive my assumption but you may only be seeing half the truth. Emptiness and impermanence really get a bad rap sometimes. Sure, nothing "gold" stays but without emptiness and impermanence, there would be no life. No sunsets to behold, no beauty to be etched out by anyone, no growth, no struggle, no joy, no mud and no lotus.

just as those who believe in an afterlife are almost certainly deluding themselves. But it's possible (and when I try to be objective, I think it's more likely) that I'm projecting my own inability onto others.

Well, others have seen it differently for sure but that's how it goes. I try not to have beliefs, just competing theories.

As for the afterlife, I find it best to take care of right now as if it's all we have. The rest will work itself out or it won't. All the anxiety in the world won't change that.

I feel stranded. What do I do? Just keep meditating and hope that my perspective changes?

You're questioning all this stuff so I'm guessing you're perspective will change on it's own merit.

Until then, if you can't find anything good, be good.

It's hard to pass on warm feelings without getting some on you.

There is no solid ground - stand regardless.

lobster

One of your best posts/advisements @David ...

oh we iz all so wize ... 🥳💗🙏🏽🦞