Carrying, letting go, biology
Ren_in_black
Georgia Veteran
This post is related to my last one about judgments, but it applies to really all types of stress or triggers.
Disclosure that I am not a medical or scientific professional or even hobbyist. But's it my understanding that hormones and what not, namely cortisol, are released when someone is triggered. It happened to me today when a co-worker was trying to be clever and made a "joke" about my shirt.
Even if I could have lashed out (for instance, if we were not in the workplace), I wouldn't have. I tend to avoid conflict in general and it wouldn't have even been a worthy battle. But I was angry, stressed, and spent the next 15-20 minutes thinking about little subtle acts of revenge I could do.
Then I breathed slower, took a step back, remembered that the hurt are the ones who hurt, etc. Letting go.
But the body has already done its thing, the cortisol is released. That's a biological fact that can't be let go of. Too much cortisol or too often can lead to a variety of health problems.
My other concern is what I think of as letting go might actually be me coping with carrying around the anger and hurt that this person aroused in me.
Anyone else have concerns about cortisol or other health effects of being triggered and/or not letting out anger?
Or if their letting go makes them too passive?
Comments
Just being able to ask such questions points one in the right direction.
Somewhere between acting as a door mat and acting as a millipede with a hundred acting arms to correct all errant behaviors......is a potentially balanced practice.
Some policies of developing particular responses to phenomena can be less harmful than others but eventually such artificiality will need to be let go off to allow the skillful means to arise to meet each unique moment with whatever is actually being called for.
@Ren_in_black i can entirely sympathise, I do very similar things. I also tend to avoid conflict, although I’m not above a witty rejoinder if one happens to surface in the moment. Luckily these kinds of things are very rare for me, and so I don’t worry too much about the cortisol.
I like to think “what would a Zen master have done?” It sometimes supplies good context…
Take a cold shower every morning.
And I'm serious.
https://newbuddhist.com/discussion/26927/wim-hof-feel-the-cold-and-do-it-anyway#latest
It's something I have thought about quite a bit over the years, whether its a good habit to have. On one hand, conflict perpetuates itself, and starting a conflict is generally not a good thing, for neither party. So not starting conflicts should be a virtue.
But for me it is also about staying straightforward and honest, and sometimes it is appropriate to just say, hold on, I don't appreciate what you just said. If you feel you are not doing your inner feelings justice, then its a good idea to let that out, otherwise you are doing violence to yourself.
So if you can say something in the spirit of honesty, or as a joke, then you can express your feelings without necessarily starting a war. Although I have been known to be a bit indelicate and ending up in a slanging match.
Nice!
I asked the question in a Dhamma discussion below about how to arouse a mind of joy and peace when tired in the morning and at night (around the 5 minute mark).
And one of the answers was to have a cold shower! I thought of you fede.
Maybe when summer gets in to full swing here I'll try it
You should have laughed at the joke...research shows having a good laugh helps to keep the cortisol level low...
Practicing being mindful throughout the day will help reduce the chances of negative thoughts taking control...@Bunk has just started a thread relating to a three week daily awareness course for members to join...This will be helpful when it comes to developing mindfulness throughout the day...
You are doing the right thing, focussing on the breath focusses the mind inwards ( back to the body ) instead of becoming lost in outward projections...charmed by its own thoughts...
Continue focussing on the breath, reducing the cortisol levels...
Anger as you know for the most part is a destructive emotion (energy in motion)...focussing on the breath gives one breathing space (pun intended) providing a calm space in which to gather rational thoughts, thoughts which will help counter negative ones...
It's important to maintain a level of mindfulness throughout the day, by doing so one becomes not so trigger happy so to speak... one will remember to keep the safety latch on the triggers and thus have I heard... eventually the firing pin is taken out altogether...
The above is also a reminder to my "self"....refreshing the memory so to speak...
Avoiding conflict is the point of Buddhist martial arts such as Yoga, Qi Ong and Muay Thai kick boxing etc
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muay_Thai
https://www.freedommartialart.com/japanese-arts/martial-yoga.html
Incidentally the King of Thailand regularly trains his fighters at his London residence, which I occasionally attend. It is a also a monastery and temple. The fighters become temporary monks, kicking the hell out of innocent sand bags.
Very instructive answer from @Shoshin1
Learning to burn up passive mind anger in the body is a way of being gentle on yourself with your real needs.
Revenge is being burnt again. Lashing yourself, or holding on to a hot coal …
More skilful techniques:
https://buddhaweekly.com/buddhas-teachings-anger-management-five-ways-put-end-anger-use-constructively-3-sutras-anger/
Well thank you for thinking of me!
The cold-water temperature was notably cooler this morning; I did wonder for a short period whether I was imagining it, but I took a sample of cold water and took the temperature and sure enough, it's gone down by about 4 degrees, to around 16 degrees... and it's autumn yet, so I expect the temperature will go down further.
Once you begin a steady routine of taking a 5-minute daily morning shower, it gradually becomes harder to just have a hot shower... and it's got to the point where I actually prefer the cold to hot.
So IF you begin showering in the warmer weather, @Bunks, and create a daily habit, you too may find yourself becoming inured to it, and eventually, you will feel somehow cheated if you go without it one day!
All of these thoughtful responses are their own kind of cool drinks of water. Thank you all!
Cold showers? Intrigued, but not ready to sign on dotted line yet...
Ah, but it feels absolutely wonderful, and it's done marvellous things to my moods... far more stable and level-headed....