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What is my practice? Where is my practice? Who is my teacher?

KotishkaKotishka Veteran
edited 10:18AM in Meditation

I have been attempting to practice Buddhism for almost 6 years now. The issue here is how I have drifted from Tibetan to Theravada to Zen to....perennial/samsaric spiritual materialism and then back to start.

I am now sitting using my ikea stool plus zafu, following shikantaza instructions and the specific hand mudra associated to this practice. I am sometimes though drawn back to my second Buddhist teacher, Ajahn Sona, and do sutta study and practice the 8NB. However, his practice is shamatha (or anapanasati; is that even the same? I'm I mixing terms?). Meanwhile I practice shikantaza...that being.... I face the wall, eyes slightly open, straight back, and bam: let it start baby!

Thank you for your time. A lost meditator here seeking advice once again..

Comments

  • JeroenJeroen Not all those who wander are lost Netherlands Veteran

    The lost asking the lost…

    I did much the same: I started with Thich Nhat Hanh, then I went to the Tibetans, then I found Ajahn Chah and the Thai Forest Tradition, then there was some Zen. It went on and on.

    But I found each teacher left me with something, a core teaching and an insight.

  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran

    In my opinion this sort of practice is fine for us worldlings making our way. I think if you wanted to go deeper finding a teacher and focusing in would be needed then.

  • KotishkaKotishka Veteran

    Without boring you with the details, I did hit rock-bottom a couple of months ago and it kind of clicked: the entire Buddhist narrative and basically how much self-deception I had been feeding myself. Like the façades of buildings in centre Pyongyang. Beautiful outside, colourful yet empty and rotten inside.

    I have seen how practice and Buddhism just makes me live better as a human being, maybe you do not need to label certain aspects with "Buddhist only" as I have grown closer to other inspirational/wise men. Some of them are scientists or health professionals I've worked with and, while completely non-spiritual, taught me a lot.

    I want to dwell deeper and right now my path is to renunciate to excessive material things, keeping myself light, both physically (losing weight), mentally (dropping toxic/unwholesome thoughts), and also my actions (smoking, cursing, lying).

    I remember once How told me that Buddhism was more about practice rather than theory, without discrediting the need for some theory. I think I am more of an intellectual / academic Buddhist more than an actual practioner/folllower....hence I want to deepen my practice.

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2019/10/27/opinion/00mit1-12/00mit1-12-superJumbo.jpg

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