Have I done well… or have I done ill?

Jeroen

I’ve been following a video podcast called The Book Club for the past week or so, and one of the episodes that set me to thinking was about John Steinbeck’s novel East of Eden. Here is a link in case you have an hour to spare, it’s good fun:

So basically the book is about good and evil, whether they are predestined. It references the biblical story of Cain and Abel, the two brothers where Cain murders Abel, and also the story of the fall from paradise and original sin. There is this famous quote from the book:

“I believe that there is one story in the world, and only one. . . . Humans are caught—in their lives, in their thoughts, in their hungers and ambitions, in their avarice and cruelty, and in their kindness and generosity too—in a net of good and evil. . . . There is no other story. A man, after he has brushed off the dust and chips of his life, will have left only the hard, clean questions: Was it good or was it evil? Have I done well—or ill?”
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden

We have already talked about this a little in the ‘Good and Bad People’ thread, but this question has stuck with me and I wanted to revisit it, from a more personal perspective.

At age 53 enough of my life has passed that I can see the general shape of it. The largest influence of my life on others has likely been the work I did on computer games, where I worked on some titles that sold in the millions of copies. And I find it hard to say whether that was a good influence or an ill influence on the world — it was probably a bit of both, but I think the fact that computer games inevitably get you to strive and struggle, that they do not encourage introspection or meditation, makes it tend more towards being an ill influence.

Some of the graphic design and illustration work I did early in my career also had wide reach, I did some scientific illustrations in a book that sold millions of copies, and that may have clarified certain things for people. I’d say that had a neutral influence, it was encouraging people to think, but it was also encouraging clarity and reason.

In recent years I have contributed to mental health forums, and here on NewBuddhist, and I have helped care for my stepfather and mother. I have reached out to family and tried to create a good atmosphere for sharing and togetherness. Those are net positives, but probably lesser in impact on the world.

Of course it depends what measures of good and evil you use. You could say, being a warmonger like Netanyahu or Putin is proliferating great evil, they caused many deaths and much ill-feeling. Compared to that, the amounts of influence we exert on the world are tiny. But there is a personal balance as well, how you relate to your neighbours and close relatives. One can be deeply twisted and leave little trace on the world.