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emotional outbursts, what to do
Ok, so I kind of had an emotional break down at work today. I am a pharmacy tech and work in one of the busiest stores in our district, filling upwards of 600-800 perscriptions a day. Normally I handle it very well, in fact that is why I was offered the transfer to that store, because I can calmly approach stress as simply a situation and be aware of it and just do what needs to be done. But today I broke. I recently started working third shift, which includes 10+ hours in a day at work. I had so much to do, normal pharmacy tasks plus our shipment came today that I had to put up, and I have to do some inventory stuff that no one else would do. I threw my hands up in the air and walked out and sat in my car and just screamed at the top of my lungs for a good 5 minutes. I know it is my ego making all this happen. I love my job, I am good at my job, I want to be promoted, I do so much that other people don't recognize.....me me me me me...see what I mean about the ego? Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to let stress go and handle it better when we feel utterly helpless.........sometimes I wish I could just go through life meditating and sitting, that is when I am totally content.
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carry out every task you are given, or must accomplish, with skill and mindfulness. but without running commentary. Simply focus on what your hands are doing, and what you are accomplishing - without attaching sticky, insidious thoughts to it. See everything you do, hear everything you hear, without mentally commenting on what it is you see, or what it is you hear.
And breathe.
That - is important.
I would suggest that Frederica's reply is right on. Your meditation needs to come off the cusion and into your life, your work life included.I work as an ER nurse, there can be much to do and much stress. I do my best to mindfully do one task at a time, while watching my breath. When that task is done I move to the next task, then the next. I also do my best to fully take in and appreciate all that my work entails, so that things aren't just begrudgeing tasks but are part of my path and spiritual life.
Yours in the Dharma,
Todd
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha!
Don't be so hard on yourself, Lucas. If you are doing a good job, then you are already practicing Buddhism, If you make a mistake and correct it you are already a practitioner. I'm sorry about the stress, don't imagine that being stressed makes you a failure or a bad practitioner or anything like that. Stress is also part of our daily lives, it is possible to incorporate this practice into our lives - the reality of our lives, not in some imagined cave dwelling somewhere. When stressed, just take moments out - breathe - whatever it is that comes up.
Most importantly, go easy on yourself. You and I are just humans. At night after work or early in the morning take out some time for meditation. Daily, consistent if possible just keep at it, you are doing fine all round. Easy, easy, easy.
Blessings
Abu
Very commendable and wise action. At least you had the mindfulness & wisdom to not have an outburst in the workplace.
It is correct we obtain what we deserve. Try avoid mistaking ego with what is correct. If your skills, training & work ethic justify a promotion then it is justified. It is not really an ego thing.
I trust you do. This is not really ego but karma. Good karma warrants a good result.
But maybe try to work more mindfully, as Frederica suggested.
My guess is you probably do alot more than others. You can reduce you work load and output just a little and replace that with more mindfulness and acceptance.
You would still be doing alot more than others.
What I am saying is it is important to keep control because one unskilful act can harm promotion prospects.
Where I work, my work output is probably 300% more than most. But one must keep oneself in check and develop qualities apart from being a work machine. Promotion also needs some people skills and respect for & acceptance of others who may not have your abilities & attitude.
To end, try shifting down one gear. It sounds like you work in 4th gear whilst others are in 1st.
This is normal. In time, the results will come according to your good karma. So ensure all of your karma is good. Not just your technical skills.
Kind regards
May you be well
DD
Have you considered working less? In my experience getting stressed like that is usually my body and mind telling me I am pushing things too far. Meditation can improve things but I have not come across anything that has given me reason to believe it is a form of magic that will give us super human capacities so we can work long days to maybe, perhaps, if anyone notices, get promotions.
Sounds like you have a lot of self-motivation to do your job and can derive a sense of acheivement for your own reasons so focus on that instead of looking for the praise from others - it is a much more reliable source of nourishment.
There is nothing wrong with a desire to advance. However, it's important to keep in mind that a business is not a family. That may seem like a strange thing to say, but most people map parental relationships onto their business relationships. If you just quietly produce, hoping to be recognized, you are not maximizing your prospects for advancement. Your employers are likely going to be choosing people for higher positions on the basis of how appropriate they are for the job in question, not how much they deserve it. Of course, loyalty and productivity will be important considerations, but probably not the central ones.
Celebrate it.
What a crazy experience, eh? I can understand that kind of pressure that builds and builds as we see things stacking up in the world around us. In those moments, what I find helpful is to look at what is creating the collapsing of space in my mind, and intentionally 'step aside' well before it builds to the point of explosion.
In your case, it sounds like there was a lot of stuff going on that you somehow felt responsible for, directly accountable. If you have some contemplation time, you may want to consider why you 'have' to do all those things, and why the people around you do not. Not from a business stand point so much as a desire/compelled action frame... does that make sense?
Anyway, I think your response was wonderful, because even if it was painful, it was a non-destructive release of emotion. Perhaps not ideal, as it might feel better to be at peace the whole time, but goodness, you didn't shoot up the place or throw pills around.
With warmth,
Matt
Good luck with your practice
Mtns
Anyway thats how I felt compared to a research project in graduate school. Take home the worry every day.
The only thing I take home in pharmacy is all the politics and social interactions which I found if I be spacious with my visions and give my self room to not have all the answers for the future that would help.
In the sense of mindfulness by working with the experiences rather than resisting them that can go a long way in feeling better. I remember pharmacy is crazy there is like so much stuff to do and always someone who needs you to step out and show them the aspirin or magnifying glasses. I worked with a crazy pharmacist one time who was floating aka temping in he had been a chicago police chief so he must have had balls. I remember at one point one night he said "Jeff don't answer the phone".. Lol we just shut down.. Ok that was creating some bad karma probably haha! Other lady I would work like crazy from 4-6 (I usually only part time) then nobody in from then till 8 and she would just read a novel and I'd handle the customers. She'd always find a crooked sticker or something to give me some fecal matter about.
No but thats a good model you say about when stressful situation comes just do what needs to be done. Keep doing that and hopefully look to have a good positive home life. If that much is ok I think you can laugh at it at home!
Do what is necessary to maintain mental stability and a light heart.
In your example you said that you think you are doing very well with dealing with the stress.
Without this emotional outburst you would have not notice that you are repressing emotions and kept on believing that you were dealing with things perfectly peacefully.
This is what an outburst is, repressed emotions that eventually build up so the pressure increase until it eventually explode in a outburst.
So it gives you the opportunity to deal with whatever conditioning you have that result in repressing your emotion.
Yes. It is an opportunity. Skillfully working with Shen pa (strong urge to behave in unskillfull ways) with an attitude like this, can free you from the grasping.
Namaste
Good luck.
nothing more nothing less.....that and
suck it up and deal with it...
I can relate, as I have had my fair share of issues with emotional outbursts in the past (and still now, though less so). Thank you for posting about this tough topic.
Do you really think it is non-destructive though? These types of outbursts in myself (ex. screaming at the top of my lungs) scare me. In retrospect they make me feel as if I've done some emotional damage to myself. I'm not suggesting that it is the worst release, but I do think that the concern is valid and that (as has been said) it is a non-skillful reaction to the stress.
This resonates most with what I have learned about myself since I started practicing mindfulness. The trick is to become aware and to see the situation as a golden opportunity that you are lucky to have come into awareness during. Let go of the dialog in your head and feel what is going on within you. As patbb said, there is a reason why you exploded. Feel it and learn.
I tend to think that it's actually this attitude that can lead to the outburst to begin with. Instead, why not stay with it, experience it as fully as possible until it has finally passed... and then deal with it.
Good luck.