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panic attacks
Since my cousin died of an overdose 8 months ago, I've been having brutal panic attacks and insomnia. I think it's about a fear of non-existence. I'm having a hardcore panic attack right now, and I figured writing this might help...
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Take an object (any, but perhaps a little statue if you have one nearby, or some little toy perhaps.)
look at it very closely. Look at all the little details. all of the angels.
Put all of your attention into this.
do this for 3 minutes.
Then feel the object. Very carefully run your finger on it's surface. try to feel every single details of it.
Put all of your attention into this.
do this for 3 minutes.
Then just sit down and listen. Try very carefully to listen to every single sounds in your environment. Pay a very close attention to not miss any of the sounds.
Do this very carefully for three minutes.
When you are done with this, see if you feel any differently than before. See if your breath is a bit slower, see if the emotions that you can feel in your body are calmer etc...
I used to have horrible panic attacks you have no idea, I've been hospitalized the whole deal..
Seek professional counseling help as they can help you - even persistent meditation might help.
If I were you I would talk this over with the wisest and most experienced medical professional you can find. This may end up with a prescription for antianxiety medication, but I would recommend some kind of counseling too. This seems to be composed of several issues, and you would do well to look at those.
Be well.
What happens when we die?
http://channelhigherself.com/videos/non-series-videos/what-happens-when-we-die-a-higher-consciousness-teaching/
As for the insomnia, I have had insomnia, before, and I found the best way to overcome it is to well again accept it. By that I mean, when I went to bed I said to myself that if I can sleep then that's fine and if I cannot sleep, well that's fine also. I have to say it seemed like it did not work for a while, but I was determined to not let it worry me or affect me, anyway after a couple of weeks I started to sleep better, and its been fine since. So for me I think it was the actual desire to get a good night sleep, that stopped me from getting a good night sleep in the first place.
Anyway I hope everything becomes better for you.
Metta to all sentient beings
They can feel like you are dying, and you may think you are having a heart attack. You may want to lie on the floor, or just disappear up your own bottom! I know because my wife suffered from them after the sudden death of her mother, and I helped her through several (once we got sensible medical advice and I stopped being so scared too :-) )
Go see a regular physician and maybe (take their advice) a counselor of some sort.
This is *normal* and *fixable*. Try not to worry; just go see a doc. You're going to fine.
P.S. None of this means that meditation can't help, or indeed that this cannot itself even be a source of opportunity for you to deepen your practice. But if you broke your leg you wouldn't rely on meditation alone. So don't rely on it alone here either.
Focus on the path would be my suggestion, from my experience.
I suffer from panic attacks brought on by (my doctor has said) reactional depression due to my marriage breakdown. I never actually thought I had depression (I still don't most of the time - until the uncontrollable bouts of crying and self loathing start) and I'm using cognitive therapy over medication at this point in time (which I have discussed with my GP) but will go onto medication if necessary.
I totally understand how you feel @JamesW. I find writing in a journal has been very beneficial (an old fashioned paper one, not a blog) and I have been offline for a while trying to sort myself out. I like the idea put forth by @pattb and will try it myself next time an attack ensues. Usually my attacks are like heart seizures and at first, I was being treated for a heart condition as both my parents have heart conditions. I hope you find some solace in the advice given here.
Other than that, if you have not already, please seek out a doctor who can give you some advice on treating the attacks.
In metta,
Raven
This was the very helpful advice given to my close friend from her doctor, and the attacks go away for her within 5 minutes. With acute anxiety, such as with a death, you might not have a lasting need for any other kind of help.
With warmth,
Matt
Buddha Speaks Infinite Life Sutra of Amitabha Pure Land
The number of the audience at the first assembly
[13] The Buddha said to Ananda, "The number of shravakas at the first teaching assembly of that Buddha was incalculable; so was the number of the bodhisattvas. Even if an immeasurable and uncountable number of humans multiplied by millions of kotis should all become like Mahamaudgalyayana and together reckon their number during innumerable nayutas of kalpas, or even until they attain Nirvana, they could still not know that number. Let us suppose that there is a great ocean, infinitely deep and wide, and that one takes a drop of water out of it with a hundredth part of a split hair. How would you [270c] compare that drop of water with the rest of the ocean?"
Jewelled trees
[14] Again, seven-jewelled trees completely fill that land. There are some made of gold, some of silver, and others made of beryl, crystal, coral, ruby or agate. There are also trees made of two to seven kinds of jewels.
"There are gold trees with leaves, flowers and fruits of silver; silver trees with leaves, flowers and fruits of gold; beryl trees with leaves, flowers and fruits of crystal; crystal trees with leaves, flowers and fruits of beryl; coral trees with leaves, flowers and fruits of ruby; ruby trees with leaves, flowers and fruits of beryl; agate trees with leaves, flowers and fruits made of various jewels.
"Again, there are jewelled trees with purple-gold roots, white-silver trunks, beryl branches, crystal twigs, coral leaves, ruby flowers and agate fruits. There are jewelled trees with white-silver roots, beryl trunks, crystal branches, coral twigs, ruby leaves, agate flowers and purple-gold fruits. There are jewelled trees with beryl roots, crystal trunks, coral branches, ruby twigs, agate leaves, purple-gold flowers and white-silver fruits. There are jewelled trees with crystal roots, coral trunks, ruby branches, agate twigs, purple-gold leaves, white-silver flowers and beryl fruits. There are jewelled trees with coral roots, ruby trunks, agate branches, purple-gold twigs, white-silver leaves, beryl flowers and crystal fruits. There are jewelled trees with ruby roots, agate trunks, purple-gold branches, white-silver twigs, beryl leaves, crystal flowers and coral fruits. There are jewelled trees with agate roots, purple-gold trunks, white-silver branches, beryl twigs, crystal leaves, coral flowers and ruby fruits.
"These jewelled trees are in parallel rows, their trunks are evenly spaced, their branches are in level layers, their leaves are symmetrical, their flowers harmonize, and their fruits are well arranged. The brilliant colors of these trees are so luxuriant that it is impossible [271a] to see them all. When a pure breeze wafts through them, exquisite sounds of the pentatonic scales, such as kung and shang, spontaneously arise and make symphonic music.
The Bodhi-tree
[15] "Again, the Bodhi-tree of the Buddha Amitayus is four million li in height and five thousand yojanas in circumference at its base. Its branches spread two hundred thousand li in each of the four directions.
"Ananda, when humans and devas of that land see the Bodhi-tree, they will attain three insights: first, insight into reality through hearing the sacred sounds; second, insight into reality by being in accord with it; and third, the insight into the non-arising of all dharmas. These benefits are all bestowed by the majestic power of Amitayus, the power of his primal vow, his perfectly fulfilled vow, his clear and manifest vow, his firm vow, and his accomplished vow."
They are clear and serene, full of depth and resonance, delicate and harmonious; they are the most excellent of sounds in all the worlds of the ten quarters.
Glorious adornments
[16] "Again, the halls, monasteries, palaces and pavilions are spontaneous apparitions, all adorned with the seven jewels and hung with curtains of various other jewels, such as pearls and moon-bright mani gems.
"Inside and out, to right and left, are bathing pools. Some of them are ten yojanas in length, breadth and depth; some are twenty yojanas, others, thirty, and so on, until we come to those measuring a hundred thousand yojanas in length, breadth and depth. They are brimful of the water of eight excellent qualities, clear, fragrant and tasting like nectar. [271b]
"There are golden pools with beds of silver sand; silver pools with beds of golden sand; crystal pools with beds of beryl sand; beryl pools with beds of crystal sand; coral pools with beds of amber sand; amber pools with beds of coral sand; agate pools with beds of ruby sand; ruby pools with beds of agate sand; white-jade pools with beds of purple-gold sand; purple-gold pools with beds of white-jade sand. Others are composed of two to seven jewels. "On the banks of these pools are sandalwood trees, whose flowers and leaves hang down and diffuse perfumes everywhere. Heavenly lotuses of blue, pink, yellow and white bloom profusely in various tints and tones, completely covering the surface of the water.
(Apparently the realization of E=mc2 concept where energy can also be converted back to mass for pleasure of entertainment to achieve actualization of Bodhi)
"If bodhisattvas and shravakas in that land enter the jewel-ponds and wish the water to rise to their ankles, it rises to their ankles. If they wish it to rise to their knees, it rises to their knees. If they wish it to rise to their waists, it rises to their waists. If they wish it to rise to their necks, it rises to their necks. If they wish it to pour over their bodies, it spontaneously pours over their bodies. If they wish it to recede, it recedes. Its temperature is moderate, cool or warm, according to their wishes. The water comforts the body and refreshes the mind, washing away their mental defilements. Clear and pure, the water is so transparent that it seems formless. The jewel-sand shines so brightly that even the depth of the water cannot prevent its brilliance from being seen. The rippling water forms meandering streams, which join and flow into each other. Not even the names of the three realms of suffering are heard there, but only Nirvanic sounds of bliss. For this reason, that land is called 'Peace and Bliss'."
Bodily appearance of the inhabitants and the pleasures they enjoy
[17] The palaces in which they dwell, their clothing, food and drink, the wonderful flowers, and the various kinds of incense and adornments are like those naturally provided in the Sixth Heaven of the world of desire.
My close friend for 30 years dropped dead suddenly without any warning from a heart attach.
Grief and depression over my loss was enhanced with fear and anxiety at facing the reality of death. Although I had older family members die before this was very different. My normal coping technique of denial and avoidance was no longer an option. I was a real basket case. You could say I became intimately familiar with the First Nobel Truth.
The silver lining in this sad story (which is really just the way of things) is that it lead me to the Buddha path.
Impermanence is the very nature of everything. Accepting this truth is the thing.
If you are having a panic attack, I found that looking deeply into what is triggering the panic attack helps, although in my experience and reading about panic attacks, during a panic attack it is impossible to look at or do anything. The triggers can be many things.
how about checking out your meds arent clashing!
Do you have any health problems and taking medications besides your panic-attacks? Any financial and relationship issues you are suppressing?