monk or lay?

Fenix

ok pretty heavy title.

I find it hard to practice 'cause I feel that I should become a monk and be serious about the "path". It's either be lay person and do nothing or follow the path and become a monk. I find it hard to practice kindness when Im only interested in my own personal gain. Really I couldn't care less about people. I wish I could, but I just don't. When Im being kind I'm only making them the victim and me the hero, "because I'm kind and others are not and that's what makes me different". I quit doing anything affiliated with Buddhism this Monday till up to today to add some prespective. I use Buddhism I feel like all addiction related activities, when I feel uncomfortable Idecide to be present to see how beautiful the world is yada yada. but when I feel ok then things are just like there supposed to be and I don' have to even try to meditate cause I'm already in state of high consciencenes : D See thats why I have such a radical opinion cause I can't trust myself. If I let "myself" decide Ill

simply why do we practice?

compassionate_warrior

Fenix, why do you think all of the above behaviors/attitudes would change if you became a monk?

Sabre

I've been thinking about becoming a monk too.

If you decide to be a monk, do it because you want it in your heart because it will probably be a hard life and not easy. You can also take some trial time at most monasteries, I think. Just try it for a week if you feel like it. I sadly don't have that option yet.

In the meantime you can make mindfulness a part of your life. It has to be with you 100% of the time, from the moment you wake up until the moment you lie down.

You can get a lot of progress in lay life if you try. In the time of the Buddha there were stream entrants and even higher states of enlightenment in the lay society and that is still the case nowadays.

Sabre

federica

We practice to understand the origin of suffering, and the cessation of suffering.
How do you think you're doing with that?

Fenix

We practice to understand the origin of suffering, and the cessation of suffering.
How do you think you're doing with that?

it dosent matter what I think, im just fooling myself

Fenix

Fenix, why do you think all of the above behaviors/attitudes would change if you became a monk?

wouldnt, at least I would fail trying

genkaku

Fenix -- If it's any consolation, I'd say that almost anyone trying on Buddhism for size has had the monk-or-nothing daydream. And if it's any further consolation, I imagine that those same people had a distinct sense of their own hypocrisies.

One of the useful things about daydreams is that they can encourage action. But the downside of a daydreaming idealism is that it can encourage laziness ... stuff like, "Oh, Buddhism is so elevated and I'm so screwed up ... I guess I'll eat Ben and Jerry's and relax."

An old saying goes, "My life is so difficult that it has never been tried before." This is the same for you, same for me, same for everybody. Confusions, uncertainties, excesses that bring no relief ... on and on it goes: Same for everybody.

But if you find yourself drawn to a Buddhism that goes beyond internet bulletin boards and books, then the first thing you have to do is take your foot off the accelerator and slow down. Patience, courage and doubt are your great allies in your determined effort. My patience, my courage and my doubt don't do you a damned bit of good. It is your patience, your courage and your doubt that matter.

Slow down. Look around. Consider your uncertainties. Consider Buddhism. Snoop around and see if there is a particular school (Tibetan, Zen, whatever) that appeals to you. Don't ask for perfection -- just find a direction you can agree with in about 80% of the cases you can imagine. If you find yourself agreeing 100%, then Buddhism will do you no good ... have some Ben and Jerry's. 100% agreement means that Buddhism would be exactly as you are now ... nagged by with uncertainty and confusion. The object of Buddhism is not to make things worse.

Once you find a school or persuasion that appeals to you, find out what practices are suggested and then ... PRACTICE them. It isn't easy at first because idealism doesn't vanish overnight. But a little at a time, I think you may find things falling into place, whether you choose to be a monk or not. Practice provides experience and experience trumps idealism and belief -- not overnight, perhaps, but bit by bit.

Slow down. Practice. There is nothing unusual about your life or your attitudes. Sure, they're unique, as the T-shirt says, just like everyone else. But take your time and a little at a time your brightness will come out of the shadows.

Zayl

reflect long and hard on this decision, be absolutely sure you do not wish to become a monk for the wrong reasons. I thought of becoming a monk as well, but I eventually decided not to. Mainly because I decided that I need to learn life's lessons for myself, and that I can only do this in my own way. I'm not expecting this to be easy, and neither should you. MY advice? live you life for awhile. When you think you are ready to become a monk, give it a few more years.

federica

We practice to understand the origin of suffering, and the cessation of suffering.
How do you think you're doing with that?

it dosent matter what I think, im just fooling myself

Or us..... :rolleyes:

I'm hard put to understand exactly what your question actually is, if you're going to bat every constructive suggestion posed..... :scratch:

reflect long and hard on this decision, be absolutely sure you do not wish to become a monk for the wrong reasons.

I think that's a given....

genkaku

...and then remember that being "absolutely sure" is bound to be turn out otherwise.

Fenix

I got interesred in buddhism originally cause a friend of my father was this kind of person who felt different. I wanted to be one more like him basically, and he was a Buddhist

hermitwin

Go ahead & become a monk.
Everything to gain & nothing to lose.
No penalty for early withdrawal.

tess

Fenix -- If it's any consolation, I'd say that almost anyone trying on Buddhism for size has had the monk-or-nothing daydream. And if it's any further consolation, I imagine that those same people had a distinct sense of their own hypocrisies.

One of the useful things about daydreams is that they can encourage action. But the downside of a daydreaming idealism is that it can encourage laziness ... stuff like, "Oh, Buddhism is so elevated and I'm so screwed up ... I guess I'll eat Ben and Jerry's and relax."

An old saying goes, "My life is so difficult that it has never been tried before." This is the same for you, same for me, same for everybody. Confusions, uncertainties, excesses that bring no relief ... on and on it goes: Same for everybody.

But if you find yourself drawn to a Buddhism that goes beyond internet bulletin boards and books, then the first thing you have to do is take your foot off the accelerator and slow down. Patience, courage and doubt are your great allies in your determined effort. My patience, my courage and my doubt don't do you a damned bit of good. It is your patience, your courage and your doubt that matter.

Slow down. Look around. Consider your uncertainties. Consider Buddhism. Snoop around and see if there is a particular school (Tibetan, Zen, whatever) that appeals to you. Don't ask for perfection -- just find a direction you can agree with in about 80% of the cases you can imagine. If you find yourself agreeing 100%, then Buddhism will do you no good ... have some Ben and Jerry's. 100% agreement means that Buddhism would be exactly as you are now ... nagged by with uncertainty and confusion. The object of Buddhism is not to make things worse.

Once you find a school or persuasion that appeals to you, find out what practices are suggested and then ... PRACTICE them. It isn't easy at first because idealism doesn't vanish overnight. But a little at a time, I think you may find things falling into place, whether you choose to be a monk or not. Practice provides experience and experience trumps idealism and belief -- not overnight, perhaps, but bit by bit.

Slow down. Practice. There is nothing unusual about your life or your attitudes. Sure, they're unique, as the T-shirt says, just like everyone else. But take your time and a little at a time your brightness will come out of the shadows.

How true!!!

Thank you.

hermitwin

You can be a monk for 1 month, 3 mths, 6 mths or 1 year.
You can also extend your stay for free.

nibbuti

Hi Fenix.

Really I couldn't care less about people.

Ill-will is a hindrance, gratitude is a remedy.

when I feel uncomfortable Idecide to be present to see how beautiful the world is yada yada.

Restlessness is a hindrance, focus on breath is a remedy.

but when I feel ok then things are just like there supposed to be and I don' have to even try to meditate cause I'm already in state of high consciencenes

Sloth is a hindrance, focus on general perception of light is a remedy.

I can't trust myself.
simply why do we practice?

Doubt is a hindrance, focus on wholesome states is a remedy.

But all these 'hindrances' are just symptoms. They're fed by desire and incorrect response to desire. Thus if you fix your response to the arising of desires by seeing-through, your big question mark will evaporate and be replaced by certainty.