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Hiding Buddhism

edited December 2010 in Faith & Religion
So, I've recently moved back in with my Dad, (And no this isn't as sad as it sounds, I'm 18) and recently our good friend, let's call him, "Dan" moved in to my Dad's house as a Room mate. He's a very Christian guy, goes to Chruch every Sunday, has Bible studies, etc. etc.

When setting up my room and such my Dad told me not to put up my Buddhist Books out of fear that "Dan" will see them and have a "Talk" with me about why Jesus Christ needs to be my savior. Which isn't a sterotype on "Dans" part, he may actually do that.

What do you guys think I should do? We're pretty good friends but I get this feeling that if I tell him or he finds out that I'm Buddhist things may change.

Namaste
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Comments

  • Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice.

    Cheers!
  • Do whatever you want. He can't affect you unless you let him. If you don't feel like dealing with it, then just do as your dad says and hide your stuff. If you don't care and you don't want to hide your stuff, then keep it out in the open. If "Dan" confronts you, politely listen to what he has to say and tell him that it's not your truth, and that you wish him the utmost happiness in his truth.
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    If he's a good friend, you might just tell him your own truth ... not make a compare-and-contrast thing out of Buddhism and Christianity ... just say that you dislike walking on egg-shells or trying to hide things from him. Better and worse are not so much the point. If the two of you go into a restaurant and look at the menu, you may order spaghetti and he may order lasagna. Both receive nourishment. Neither would bother to criticize or try to improve the other.

    Of course you will have to consider the fact that Christians sometimes feel they are required to instill "the one true faith" in those around them. If your friend is this way, then keeping your mouth shut might be a better choice ... it's too wearing, listening to someone who cannot be troubled to hear you.
    It's childish and inconsiderate, but there are people like that...even Buddhists.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    If Dan is your guest, he would be abusing your hospitality to start preaching, proselytising and making efforts to convert you (although this is strictly speaking what Christians are instructed to do....)
    he may see it as a divine sign , being put with you, and a mission on his part to accomplish this.
    I would keep your books out, and be yourself. It's your home more than his, but be skilful in your motives. Don't do it to defy or antagonise. Do it because you feel it's a comfortable and natural thing to do.
    if he begins on you, tell him this:

    "I will gladly listen to all your arguments, reasons and convictions as to why I should convert to Christianity. However, before you begin your effort to convert me, I would put forward one condition:
    You read my books on Buddhism to truly and fundamentally understand what it is I follow. Because how can you argue against something you are completely ignorant about? It would be like disagreeing with a chef on his dishes, ingredients and preparation methods, when all you know how to make, is a cup of instant coffee...
    First understand me completely. Then start proselytising. Until and unless you are willing to do this, I'm not interested. Because unless we can discuss all aspects of this on an equal footing, you're pissing in the wind.
    Now, which book would you like to start with?"
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice.

    Cheers!
    I'm sorry, I didn't realise there was an age limit or requirement to Buddhism.
    I must tell those three 14-year-olds at my local temple to come back in 5 years....They're far too young to be Buddhists.


    :crazy: :rolleyes:
  • edited December 2010
    Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice.

    Cheers!
    I'm experiencing life right now. If you're so speaking of going out and partying, I've done so. Sex, Weed, and Alcohol, I've been there my friend. That's why I'm into Buddhism in the first place, to experience life as a better being without the need for such substances, to be mindful of things like that.

    That being said, I did enjoy the partying times.

    And thank you Federica, I get the feeling he already knows I don't believe in God so I think he wouldn't care to much. Sometimes people have to understand that not everyone is Christian anymore.

  • BonsaiDougBonsaiDoug Simply, on the path. Veteran
    He can't affect you unless you let him.
    Not only a good answer, but a valuable Buddhist tenant to hold near you for this particular situation.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    What an awful lot of Christians fail to realise is that we weren't born Buddhist, or we didn't come to Buddhism at a ridiculously early age... so we weren't indoctrinated by it. We actually came to it of our own free will, and what's more, many of us turned away from a God-based religion in order to do that.
    Quite deliberately.
    It was a conscious and heartfelt choice.
    (I'm generalising here, and speaking more of Western-based Buddhists than those in the far east/orient...)

    If you get the feeling he already knows you don't believe in God.... then there's no harm that I can see, in keeping your books out...
    or am I missing something?
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited December 2010
    He can't affect you unless you let him.
    Not only a good answer, but a valuable Buddhist tenant to hold near you for this particular situation.
    (tenet....)

    :o
  • So, I've recently moved back in with my Dad, (And no this isn't as sad as it sounds, I'm 18) and recently our good friend, let's call him, "Dan" moved in to my Dad's house as a Room mate. He's a very Christian guy, goes to Chruch every Sunday, has Bible studies, etc. etc.

    When setting up my room and such my Dad told me not to put up my Buddhist Books out of fear that "Dan" will see them and have a "Talk" with me about why Jesus Christ needs to be my savior. Which isn't a sterotype on "Dans" part, he may actually do that.

    What do you guys think I should do? We're pretty good friends but I get this feeling that if I tell him or he finds out that I'm Buddhist things may change.

    Namaste
    Honest words would be conducive to your practice, but also his too. By letting "Dan" get to know you as a person, it would possibly help any wrong perceptions he has about practitioners of Buddhism.

    Just be nice to him.


  • If you get the feeling he already knows you don't believe in God.... then there's no harm that I can see, in keeping your books out...
    or am I missing something?
    Nah, you pretty much got it on the spot. The only trouble is having other people see them and have comments about it. But Thejourney said is true, they can't affect me unless I let them.

  • And here's the secret. Just because they can't affect you unless you let them, doesn't mean you don't have to let them. If he says something that upsets you, you may understand that at an ultimate level they cannot affect you, but yet your desire in that moment is to be upset. You are creating your reality, in which you are upset in that moment. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's exactly where you should be right now.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    No, TJ, you should have stopped at:-
    Do whatever you want. He can't affect you unless you let him. If you don't feel like dealing with it, then just do as your dad says and hide your stuff. If you don't care and you don't want to hide your stuff, then keep it out in the open. If "Dan" confronts you, politely listen to what he has to say and tell him that it's not your truth, and that you wish him the utmost happiness in his truth.
    That was pretty good. Now you're just trying to be clever.....

    :lol:
  • I dunno, I think TJ was making pretty good sense, whether he was trying to be clever or not.
  • I'm just trying to help you see that you are free, and understand what that means.
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice.

    Cheers!
    Worst advice ever. :-/
  • Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice.

    Cheers!
    Worst advice ever. :-/
    Not really. It seems like it, but it's not. He's actually quite close to the truth.
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    Personally, I think its the worst advice ever, TJ.

  • Personally, I think its the worst advice ever, TJ.

    fair enough :)
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    If he chose Buddhism as his path and it makes him happy, should he not be allowed to follow it?
  • No, he is free to follow whatever path he desires. We all are.
  • In the end you need to be true to who you are. If you are commited to the Dharma Teachings tring to hide that will just put your friendship under stress and eventualy cause a rift that may be unrepairable.

    IMO you should just be up front with Dan about you path. This has worked for me with my family and friends. I try not to get into debates about what the Buddha said or did, but try to be the best person that I can. Mostly, over time, people will respond to that.

  • To not cause disharmony amongst those you have to live with now would be a good thing.

    Also, to openly be "Buddhist" and willing to face "opposition" to your beliefs is a good thing too.

    If you're confident in your ability to "defend" your beliefs as a Buddhist would then I say set up an altar.

    However, if all you have are books on Buddhism and your Dad's roommate would see that as a cue to lecture... I say put the books up, wait for the lecture, take note of it, thank him for his concern and compassion and move on.
  • edited December 2010
    Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice
    Lostie, there are a number of members here who are under 18. One joined before his teens. Please be more careful with your comments.
  • Also, the thing I use as a basis for "peace" among Christians is to tell them that I believe Christ was a great bodhisattva (explaining what that is) and then telling them that we both have a wish to emulate Christ as best we can.

    The notion of "salvation" and "original sin" can be hard to "combat" as Buddhists. Just use your best judgement. (pun somewhat intended) :)
  • If the topic comes up maybe say what you believe. Good Bucket Bad Bucket. Theres a cause of acting bad. Theres a chance to act better. And that you have to watch the actions of your body speach and mind. Very secular notion of 8 fold and 4 noble. You can't can this stuff your going to have to say it in your own words and YOU too will have an urge to convert HIM. Probably.

    If he asks you about Jesus ask him questions about what he believes. It might be more interesting to learn what he believes than to have him pressuring you to believe in Jesus Christ. If he says your going to hell tell him to kiss your ass and stop pressuring you that your only 18 and that you can't force anyone to go to god. You might say that you believe in love in the world and meaning. But your not sure if that is God and Jesus. Tell him you will think about it but that you don't want to be pressured.

    If he says we are all sinners and we can't possibly act good...ask him if he has a conscience. And free will. Thats something Christians believe.
  • I'm not sure about the whole "Kiss my ass" thing, Jeff, but I understand what you're saying :) Thank you.
  • Yeah I agree with Rmurray1985. There's a lot in common between Buddhism and Christianity. I'd research that more and find common ground that you can sincerely share with Christians so that it doesn't feel so much like a "them vs me" situation. I bet he'd be surprised if you agreed with him but still stood your ground as a Buddhist, and might leave you alone. :)
  • DhammaDhatuDhammaDhatu Veteran
    edited December 2010
    TehGuezt

    Dude. I am glad to hear you are a 18 and a Buddhist.

    About your Christian friend, just view him with unconditional awareness or luminous mind.

    As Buddhism is a higher level of understanding than Christianity, as a Buddhist, it is best you 'defer' to the lesser.

    There is no need for you to challenge his views and attempt to assert some kind of superiority.

    You must be careful to practise non-harming in order to not harm his faith (in Christianity).

    Just be laid back & relax.

    Regards

    DD

    :)
  • edited December 2010
    My advice? Stay away from Dan unless Dan actively seeks out your opinions.

    If that fails? Ask the Christian Dan to tell you all about (and only about) what Jesus actually taught. Explain you really like how Jesus and Buddha are so much alike. Watch what you are being told by Dan. If it's Biblical sources explain you don't want distant third and fourth hand edited accounts of what Jesus taught.

    Because of their similarities and because only Buddha has a continuous unbroken lineage of teaching you have to put your faith in the idea that Jesus would have been saying the same things if such a lineage existed for Christians.

    You might ask the Christian Dan what he thinks of this book: _The Gnostic Gospels of Jesus: The Definitive Collection of Mystical Gospels and Secret Books about Jesus of Nazareth_. If he rejects such extra-biblical accounts of Jesus' teachings it means you might have an uphill probably very unsatisfying conversation in your future.

    Hummm..., that was kind of snippy! Sorry. I think it was the coffee I drank. :dunce:

  • wait... do you hold any metaphysical/dogmatic views in Buddhism?

    It's quite possible that none of your views conflict with Christianity. In that case, fill him in on that fact. Maybe you can encourage him to do some Christian meditation, and you guys could meditate together.
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    edited December 2010
    If Dan is your guest, he would be abusing your hospitality to start preaching, proselytising and making efforts to convert you (although this is strictly speaking what Christians are instructed to do....)
    he may see it as a divine sign , being put with you, and a mission on his part to accomplish this.
    I would keep your books out, and be yourself. It's your home more than his, but be skilful in your motives. Don't do it to defy or antagonise. Do it because you feel it's a comfortable and natural thing to do.
    if he begins on you, tell him this:

    "I will gladly listen to all your arguments, reasons and convictions as to why I should convert to Christianity. However, before you begin your effort to convert me, I would put forward one condition:
    You read my books on Buddhism to truly and fundamentally understand what it is I follow. Because how can you argue against something you are completely ignorant about? It would be like disagreeing with a chef on his dishes, ingredients and preparation methods, when all you know how to make, is a cup of instant coffee...
    First understand me completely. Then start proselytising. Until and unless you are willing to do this, I'm not interested. Because unless we can discuss all aspects of this on an equal footing, you're pissing in the wind.
    Now, which book would you like to start with?"
    What the boss lady said...Just set a good example theres no need to tell anyone anything and keep your books in your room I like to maintain a secularist out look in the house if guests are about, Just like a pub somethings you shouldnt converse with guest about, Politics, religion and other peoples wives ;)
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    Oooh JUST had a thought...what Do I do when confronted by calling religious folk at the front door.

    #knock knock#

    me: Hello ?
    JW: Have you found Jesus yet ?
    me: Sorry I didnt realize he was lost.

    # Watchtower publication falls through the letter box #

    ;)

  • I am careful with my comments. Life experiences is the best teacher.
    Dude you are 18. Aren't you too young to be a Buddhist? Go and experience life first, it will help you in your practice
    Lostie, there are a number of members here who are under 18. One joined before his teens. Please be more careful with your comments.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Lostie, I became a Buddhist when I was 8 years old, and a friend of mine did the same at age 10. The inherent logic was what appealed. There's nothing wrong with beginning studies and practice at such an early age; after all, monks begin at age 7, tulkus begin even earlier. It's never too early to practice compassion, take the precepts, etc.
  • edited December 2010
    I can actually relate to your situation. It's important to realize that they're people, too, who are treading down their own paths. My father had a girlfriend once that was one of those fundie types. I didn't tell her outright that I practiced Buddhism. However, she still found out and thought I was going to go to hell. She even threw away one of the Shakyamuni statues in my room. How did I deal with it? I took time to sit down with her so that we could both calmly explain our points of view. I'm not entirely sure that she took it all in (I'm not entirely sure I did, either ;)), but I think we both benefited greatly from the talk.

    In short, there really isn't any point in hiding anything. If he's living with you, chances are he might even find out eventually. Perhaps actually trying to talk it through in a mature manner would be the best route to take. He might try to convert you, but just take it in stride. He'd probably be more apt to do so if he thought for some reason you had to practice in secret and keep it hidden. To him, that may just be fuel to the fire causing him to think that what you're doing can't be good since you're "keeping it hidden".

    We all have our own paths to take. Simply inform him that you do not judge him for the one he has chosen, and hope that he affords you the same amount of respect. Good luck!
  • If narrow is the path to heaven and the majority will go to hell, I think it's rather cruel to many people and in that moment God dies.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited December 2010
    I'm not sure that the path to "heaven" (Nirvana) is any wider in Buddhism than in other religions. I read that adulterers automatically go to hell in Buddhism. That's more people than one would think. Including some teachers. There are probably other categories as well like that.

    Good advice, Bodhipunk. :)
  • There's nowhere to go but here. :D
  • You mean, "here" is the real hell? We create our own "heaven" and "hell"?
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    I'm pretty sure many Buddhists here don't actually believe in the literal Buddhist heaven and hell.
  • cazcaz Veteran United Kingdom Veteran
    I'm pretty sure many Buddhists here don't actually believe in the literal Buddhist heaven and hell.
    Unfortunatly there are many Nihilists about...
  • I'm pretty sure many Buddhists here don't actually believe in the literal Buddhist heaven and hell.
    I don't know about other schools of Buddhism, but in Vajrayana there are "hell realms" and heavenly realms, too.
  • MindGateMindGate United States Veteran
    edited December 2010
    Excuse me; I meant western Buddhists. :)
  • Excuse me; I meant western Buddhists. :)
    I'm not sure what that means; I'm a Western Buddhist. All Buddhism comes from the East, I know of no "western Buddhism". But maybe Mahayana or Hinayana don't have those realms, maybe that's what you mean.

  • most western buddhists tend to be more into the logical philosophical aspects behind buddhism, rather than its mythology. They merge eastern philosophy with western logic.
  • buddhism is also very logical in the fundamental aspects. But I take your point; western buddhism is Eastern Buddhism but without the frills. Stripped down to logic. That's why Westerners tend to say Buddhism isn't a religion, it's a philosophy, or it's psychology. Easterners all see it as a religion.
  • As an "Easterner", I do think you have a point. Interestingly, the Easterners tend to view Christianity having a more logical theology. The Father and the Son - simple enough.

    Must be a universal human trait. Well, that's up to the anthropologists and sociologists to investigate I guess. :)
    buddhism is also very logical in the fundamental aspects. But I take your point; western buddhism is Eastern Buddhism but without the frills. Stripped down to logic. That's why Westerners tend to say Buddhism isn't a religion, it's a philosophy, or it's psychology. Easterners all see it as a religion.
  • edited December 2010
    Well, this is off-topic, but Christianity, logical? It's not the Father and the Son, for one thing. It's the Holy Trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, or Holy Spirit. What's the Holy Spirit? That depends on whom you talk to. And assuming there's a God (whose nature no one can agree on or describe) in the sky or somewhere? And the Son of God? How did he get to be the Son of God? By a supposedly virgin birth? And the Resurrection: he arises from the dead,eats a Last Supper (in spirit form, mind you, he ingests solid food), and then rises to heaven? What logic?!

    Jesus' life in the East after he survived the Crucifixion was documented in a text found in Hemis Monastery in Ladakh, by the way. It was translated from Tibetan into English in the 1930's by George Roerich, a PhD in Oriental Studies from Harvard, and the news made headlines in the US. No Resurrection, because Jesus didn't die. He was alive (which is how he managed to consume food at the Last Supper), then he fled for his life, and joined a caravan going East.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing, Lostie. It's interesting to compare perspectives. I had no idea that "Easterners" consider Christianity to be logical.
  • He's saying that easterners don't have to try to try to justify beliefs. There simply is what is. Christianity has it's teachings. Very straightfoward. No picking holes. I think that's what he's saying, anyways. lol.
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