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I HATE WORK...(but its GREAT money and I need to provide for my family) PLS READ + HELP!!
OK, im a father and work 9am till 8pm everyday. (really great money) and my missus is a full time mum.
The problem is I really hate work. However its one of them situations where I feel i cant leave because we need the money??? No other job wage would now be good enough for us..
HOWEVER: Buddhism has made me think differently. Do I need this job? Im not really happy where i am. Its just too stressful and long hours i dont really see my little lad much..
A position is coming up where i could work only 4 days a week and the money would just be OK. we would just GET BUY...(at the moment we can go on holidays, buy new clothes every day, day trips etc etc....But if i took this other role, most of the that would all go and we would just be on average salary. But the good thing would be i have 3 days off with my son.
Buddhism is helping me realize that money isnt everything and its about being happy HOWEVER its about my son being happy aswell and having enough money to take him places..The good places cost money..Holidays, Zoos, day trips, etc etc...Things for free are very limited in this world. LOL..(obviously theres going on walks, park, playing football blar blar blar, but eventually he'll want to start doing better things. So its either stay doing what im doing for good money but im not happy. Or HAVE MORE FREE TIME BUT LESS MONEY??
Any thoughts or recommendations??
The problem is I really hate work. However its one of them situations where I feel i cant leave because we need the money??? No other job wage would now be good enough for us..
HOWEVER: Buddhism has made me think differently. Do I need this job? Im not really happy where i am. Its just too stressful and long hours i dont really see my little lad much..
A position is coming up where i could work only 4 days a week and the money would just be OK. we would just GET BUY...(at the moment we can go on holidays, buy new clothes every day, day trips etc etc....But if i took this other role, most of the that would all go and we would just be on average salary. But the good thing would be i have 3 days off with my son.
Buddhism is helping me realize that money isnt everything and its about being happy HOWEVER its about my son being happy aswell and having enough money to take him places..The good places cost money..Holidays, Zoos, day trips, etc etc...Things for free are very limited in this world. LOL..(obviously theres going on walks, park, playing football blar blar blar, but eventually he'll want to start doing better things. So its either stay doing what im doing for good money but im not happy. Or HAVE MORE FREE TIME BUT LESS MONEY??
Any thoughts or recommendations??
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Comments
The best things in this world are free.
Why do you need new clothes every day?
What does your missus say?
However its one of them situations where I feel i cant leave because we need the money???
Everyone needs money. Is there no possibility of working up a savings and quitting to look for better or more enjoyable work? Many kinds of families get by on varying wages. Sometimes, for people to truly be happy, the standard of living needs to be lowered just a little bit. Don't, of course, ignore necessities, which I am sure you would never do. Spending time with your family is the most important thing besides the necessities. What sounds better? More stuff or more time with your family?
You'll find your happy medium. :om:
Here's an option you may not have thought of; with you home more (I take it the new job wouldn't have you working such long hours daily), maybe your wife could take a part-time job to help out. Or do some kind of home-based business. She may have some ideas of her own to contribute.
I think the West tends to get life priorities mixed up. We shouldn't live to work, but work to live. I also think the best solution to your situation would be if your wife could help out by bringing in extra income. On a reduced salary, you'll still have life insurance, car insurance and maybe a college savings account to build up for your son (how does that work in England, anyway?) I think having 3 days/week off is ideal for most of us. But don't stretch the budget too thin.
Walks. Are you anywhere near wilderness? My cousin and I were very content with family hikes and picnics on the weekends, well into our teens. Maybe this will be an opportunity to teach your son other values, besides video games and the like.
Let us know what your wife says. Maybe she'll come 'round if you point out you'll be around to help in the house more, and you'll be less tired, less stressed. So you'll be better company.
Is the new job a stable position? Not dependent on public donations, or any shaky financing? Be mindful of the terrible global economy, but on the other hand, don't sell your soul to it. Good luck
I have a great paying job making six figures and lots of financial benefits. But I totally HATE my job. After I become Buddhist, I realized I don't need to take this job so I decided to quit. I am in the process of arranging my exit. It will take couple of more months and then I will go somewhere where I can be benefit to others. Thats my new priority. I don't need all these luxury.
Understand everything in life has a price, and you're trading one set dukkha for a different one. Beyond that, all any of us can do is what seems like the best decision at the time.
I hope whatever you decide, it works out for you.
I can relate!
My bet is, if you and your family decided to down-size and reconfigure your expectations of what you "need" (boy, there's an over-used word if there ever was one), you'd find life could be just as good or better.
“How little suffices for happiness! the least thing precisely, the gentlest thing, the lightest thing, a lizard’s rustling, a breath, a wisk, an eye glance – little maketh up the best happiness. Be still!” -- Nietzsche
Many, many hard-working dads regret not spending more time with their kids. They spend so much time working, to get money, to buy stuff, and then 20 years later they realise they have a child with lots of ... stuff ... but a bad relationship.
I've had similar choices. And i chose the kids. Never, ever regretted it.
Also, here's an interesting perspective as to why time off can actually help your career.
http://bit.ly/4GjUuE
(I know you are not contemplating actual time off, just a downsize in hours, but still i think some of the principles carry over).
I think you should work a little on nekkhamma, "the pleasure of renunciation".
Did your kids really need braces? A lot of kids who've had braces didn't really need 'em. It's a bit of a racket, that. It's actually quite normal for some segments of the population to have an overbite. In fact, one of the characteristics of the Indo-European skull that differentiates it from other ethnicities is the natural overbite. Those plaster models they show in orthodontists' offices are anatomically incorrect. They work great to convince parents to spend thousands of dollars on orthodontia for their kids, though. Canadian friends of mine always wondered why the American kids all had "metal on their teeth". The Canucks didn't even have the vocabulary for it.
So Buddhacoe, don't worry about braces for your kids, unless there are really obvious problems.
with metta
let me tell you something. whatever decision you make, everything is going to be okay.
so be creative. not everything costs money. just BEING with someone is enough and extremely fulfilling.
and lastly, you create your reality based on the assumptions and beliefs that you project onto reality. if you don't like your current situation then examine the beliefs and core assumption about your reality. then decide to change that reality by changing your beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions.
it is as simple as that.
either way you will learn these lessons with time.
I have talked to my wife about all of this and she says its completely down to me. She is with me 100% whatever I decide.
My lad cannot talk yet no, so I cannot ask him.
I'm kinda thinking perhaps I should cut down the hours till at least he starts school. As someone mentioned these early stages are the most important. Watching him grow up. People say hard workers regret working so hard after 20 years and already I regret not being around. My lad is only 2. And I feel I haven't seen enough.
Thanks again for all these great answers! X
There is nothing wrong with money though. It is energy that can be use for wholesome purposes and cause.
@robot I wasn't making a sweeping generalization about all dental work being unnecessary. Orthodontia has been oversold, though. Some people do need it, but some don't, but are told they need it anyway. There's a lot of dishonesty in dentistry; dentists who tell their young clients they have cavities, when they, in fact, don't, and drill perfectly healthy, intact teeth. You raised a good point about working fewer hours being of benefit to you, not your family, which is why I responded. You didn't answer my question, though, about: did you like your job? Did you hate it, but did it anyway? Were you more or less neutral about it? Sometimes downshifting can be of benefit to the family, depending on the circumstances, depending on many factors. There's no one-size-fits-all solution.
I can actually speak from a child's perspective on this though. My father worked shift-work and often 12 hour shifts (5-6 days a week). That means I rarely, if ever, saw him. I only saw him for an hour, sometimes not at all. Or on the days where he got day-shift I would see him a good bit. However, growing up as a toddler, I had my mom all the time. My father is a great man, and was a good father even despite not seeing him much. Hiding in the laundry, waiting for him to come home and wonder where we were, throwing baseball, throwing football, wrestling him, teaching us how to catch fireflies in jars, taking us into the woods to help him cut lumber, fishing, or just simply laying on the couch or bed and watching some crazy sci-fi channel. These are the things I remember, and they don't cost a dime. I don't remember all the clothes they bought me, the places they took me, the toys I had, etc. My family was very middle class. I had hand-me-downs, I mostly received new things at christmas, we went to a small beach one week a year, yet I look back fondly on my childhood.
It isn't the quantity of time you spend with your family, it's the quality. I would worry more about how your wife feels about you being gone so long. If she says she supports you 100%, that's fine. But try to get some kind of opinion on the matter from her. You ask us what matters more: money or family-time? But really, this is a question for you and your wife and the health of your family.
Can you live simply and be happy? Do not kid yourself about this because it'll only make you miserable. Happiness is hard to measure and hard to create because we often have trouble making happiness out of a job (something we MUST do). Examine why you hate your current job. Think about all the ups and downs of a new job (without bias). Try a month of living like you have a lower salary. Also, you'll be able to save that extra money you got from living like you are earning less.
Search yourself for the answer, you will find it. Ask your wife to do the same. Ask for an honest opinion, not just "I'm behind you 100%". That is supportive, but doesn't reveal much about what your wife thinks. Something like "I would like to have you home more often, but I don't think we can afford to not have the money coming in." OR "I want you home more often, and I think we can live a more simply." tell more of the tale. Anyway, hope this helps in some way.
What worries me is that you spend long hours at a job you hate. That kind of prolonged stress could effect your health. Naturally, you want to stay at the high paying job, but is there a way to change how you feel about it? Are there any good aspects to the work itself, besides the income? Is there a way to minimize the negative effects of the job so that you can stay healthy and happy?