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Giving Money... what should I feel?
nenkohai
Veteran
So, as part of my dharma-practice, I've started sticking money in an envelope, leaving it in the car, and then give the envelope to the next person I see at an intersection begging/asking/entreating. I think there was maybe $60 in the envelope I gave to the lady (I call her "sister") this morning.
Immediately after I handed that off to her, I started considering what it is I should feel regarding giving her that money. I felt compassion toward the lady. And hope. I started to get a little "warm-fuzzy" from knowing I helped her. But, something, from somewhere, kicked in and reminded me that the action is not about me. That rolled around in my head for awhile... giving her that is NOT about me. Its about her.
So, I'm asking for help in digesting this. It seems to me that the Buddhist response does not included the "self-warm-fuzzies." But I don't know. What is the mind-set/mind-condition one should have in giving money to someone in need? Karma (mine) should be immaterial, should it not?
Something feels weird.
Immediately after I handed that off to her, I started considering what it is I should feel regarding giving her that money. I felt compassion toward the lady. And hope. I started to get a little "warm-fuzzy" from knowing I helped her. But, something, from somewhere, kicked in and reminded me that the action is not about me. That rolled around in my head for awhile... giving her that is NOT about me. Its about her.
So, I'm asking for help in digesting this. It seems to me that the Buddhist response does not included the "self-warm-fuzzies." But I don't know. What is the mind-set/mind-condition one should have in giving money to someone in need? Karma (mine) should be immaterial, should it not?
Something feels weird.
3
Comments
I was feeling pretty good about myself until later and thought -- big deal. About what I spend each week on a music CD. Did I stop and talk with him? No. Did I even shake his hand? No. I felt pretty deflated later, and not feeling very good about myself at all.
Even if sharing does involve some sense of getting something out of it, it's nothing wrong to do and still much better than not sharing. So no need to worry. I think the weird feeling is just your confusion. Next time, don't think, just feel. Then you can never go wrong.
Just watch that you don't get into some sort of "look at me being the good guy" kind of state.
Let the feeling come- let the feeling go. No clinging, no wallowing - Naturally, without effort.
Maybe that woman will be shocked at how much money there is in that envelope, turn around and share with others who are just as down and out as she is. Maybe not. But hey, I choose to think of things from a positive POV.
The mind should be comfortable and content, which will be easier sustained through good actions.
Maybe try giving her healthy food an water next time.
This is dumb, but... this reminds me of an episode of Friends where Phoebe tries to commit a truly selfless deed. In the end, she realizes that attempting to commit a selfless deed for her own ego-driven reasons makes it self-ish, haha. But in the end is also the point... does it matter? At one point, maybe it will be like "reaching for a pillow in the night" (I like that analogy @Invincible_summer ), but until then, just keep doing what you're doing and stop worrying about it.
Good words... all of them.
Nobody outside of this forum would know that I give to charity. You're right, it's not about you it's about them. You could certainly feel inwardly that you're doing a good thing, knowing that you're helping people that need help, but don't do it for self gratification, do it because of the compassion you feel towards those you helping.
Did you miss the huge discussion that took place a little while back about giving to beggars, etc? Lots of comments mentioned the charity organization vs individual thing, (also about the money being "wasted" or not and how to let go of that control)....
http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/18003/is-it-ethical-to-give-money-to-beggars/p1
You say that it's fine to pursue pleasant mind-states as it's insightful and harmless. Do you mean in this particular context (where the action and intention were wholesome) it's okay, or in general?
It just seems to me that if one constantly pursues pleasant mind-states, then it's more or less self-gratification.
@Lee82 - I believe there was a thread on this topic recently. Many posters discussed whether it's more skillful to give money or necessities (e.g. clothes and food) to homeless people.
Some argue that it's their karma to spend the money in their own way and that we shouldn't care how our money is being used - after it exchanges hands, it's not ours to worry about any longer.
Others argue that giving money to someone who is most likely going to spend it on something like booze or drugs is unskillful because it feeds their suffering.
All in all, it's a very tricky issue to navigate.
They had it coming, it was due.
So I 'owed' them that money.
it might not be much, but at least I'm not in their 'debt any more.
zombiegirl, the savings mechanism? Once or twice a week, I look in my wallet, and say, "I'm not gonna need that..." That money would otherwise translate into a number of coffees (is coffee an intoxicant in the context of the 8FP? LOL! I wonder!) and a couple lunches at work (I need to lose weight anyway). I see my "sister" once every few weeks. Last I saw her was three weeks ago... so it added up. But, overall, it is nothing formal, other than just "keep something in the envelope!"
karasti, yea. Intention is everything.
Displaying generosity.
Putting words in a posting for us beggars is the same practice. Giving a smile. A kind word. We all start somewhere . . .
:clap:
I think you are second guessing yourself and you need to take a more simple mindset "I gave money and expected to feel x". Not shoulda shoulda shoulda. What's done is done. Let it go. Of course let your mind think the whole jumble, don't resist that, but just remember it is just a jumble of thoughts; it is mirror wisdom mixed with difficult emotions. Every moment is fresh and new.
:clap:
My feeling tone about it? It was good, but different than last week. My sense was that "Dharma had been served."
1) According to Thanissaro Bhikkhu, the purpose of this meditation is to "induce a sense of confidence in one's own worthiness to follow the practice" and he also refers to the texts as saying that the joy and confidence induced by this meditation practice can bring the mind to concentration and cleanse it of defilement.
2) Pls also note this passage from the Buddha's teachings:
"Furthermore, there is the case where you recollect your own generosity: 'It is a gain, a great gain for me, that — among people overcome with the stain of possessiveness — I live at home, my awareness cleansed of the stain of possessiveness, freely generous, openhanded, delighting in being magnanimous, responsive to requests, delighting in the distribution of alms.' At any time when a disciple of the noble ones is recollecting generosity, his mind is not overcome with passion, not overcome with aversion, not overcome with delusion. His mind heads straight, based on generosity. And when the mind is headed straight, the disciple of the noble ones gains a sense of the goal, gains a sense of the Dhamma, gains joy connected with the Dhamma. In one who is joyful, rapture arises. In one who is rapturous, the body grows calm. One whose body is calmed senses pleasure. In one sensing pleasure, the mind becomes concentrated.
Mahanama, you should develop this recollection of generosity while you are walking, while you are standing, while you are sitting, while you are lying down, while you are busy at work, while you are resting in your home crowded with children."
3) You can find a brief guide on how to practice this type of meditation here:
phapchan.net/2013/01/recollecting-our-goodness.html
I'll be using that one.