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Doubting Myself

meh_meh_
in Buddhism Basics
An aspect of Buddhism that really drew me in is that you don't need to blindly accept anything - you are invited to investigate the truth for yourself and come to your own conclusions on the teachings. But it is precisely this that has me doubting myself. I find myself agreeing with a lot of what I have read, and heard - because I can understand some of it in relation to my own life. But I am concerned that this is only due to our mind's natural tendency to make connections between things - that I see the truth in something because I want to.

I thought that I'd found the explanation that I was looking for, and it made me extremely happy - but now I feel like I've just been kidding myself.

I do hate to bore you all with this - but if anyone has some advice it would be gratefully appreciated.

Comments

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    meh_ said:

    An aspect of Buddhism that really drew me in is that you don't need to blindly accept anything - you are invited to investigate the truth for yourself and come to your own conclusions on the teachings. But it is precisely this that has me doubting myself. I find myself agreeing with a lot of what I have read, and heard - because I can understand some of it in relation to my own life. But I am concerned that this is only due to our mind's natural tendency to make connections between things - that I see the truth in something because I want to.

    I thought that I'd found the explanation that I was looking for, and it made me extremely happy - but now I feel like I've just been kidding myself.

    I do hate to bore you all with this - but if anyone has some advice it would be gratefully appreciated.

    Yes, we all do have the tendency to "see things our way" or see things that aren't really there (for example, the posts we sometimes get here about some movie or song having a "hidden Buddhist message").

    But I think what's important to realize is that Buddhism (or for that matter Christianity) shouldn't be a "well, now I know and understand it all" belief system. It (they) should be systems that allow us to continually grow and further understand the teachings. Sometimes it may be a rather straight evolutionary path, but I suspect, more often than not, that we will sometimes see things differently later along the path, meaning that some of the understandings we had were wrong when we got them.

    But so what? As we progress along the path, are we not better people than if we didn't take the path at all?

    riverflowInvincible_summerlobster
  • howhow Veteran Veteran
    Most valid discoveries can stand quite happily on there own and don't need us as a supporting crutch. If they do require our validation to exist in some way then they are probably just more identity baggage and your questioning of them is healthy.

    Happy is nice but is a very transient measurement of anything. Being open and present to whatever moment you find is a much more enduring practise to work with.
    Invincible_summernlightenlobsterstavros388
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    @meh -- Yup, it's nice to make nice, whether intellectually or emotionally. If we make nice with people or ideas, perhaps they will like us and support us ... and god knows everyone likes to find a realm that agrees with them.

    Spiritual effort is a bit more fickle. Its writings and teachers may provide all the pat-on-the-back agreement we long for, but then, but then ....

    It doesn't work.

    Spiritual endeavor isn't about how many people or books agree with us or we agree with. However scary it may be, it's about standing on our own two feet. It may sound nifty to have a philosophy or religion suggest that you "find out for yourself," but the fact is we'd rather be part of some in-crowd ... let's call them "Buddhists." :) We think spiritual life should be cozy and serene and companionable ... and now this! ... now the individual really does have to "find out for yourself." Ohhhhhh shit!

    Doubt is one of the greatest allies, together with patience and courage. To doubt what has become comforting and comfortable is not so much a bad thing as it is a reality check.

    Take your time. Be patient. Don't be lazy.

    SabreInvincible_summerlobster
  • nenkohainenkohai Veteran
    It was too easy? It fit in to your personal "puzzle" without much effort? THAT is wonderful, actually! Personally, I think its okay to walk away for awhile and explore. Its taken me years and years of exploration... all of it valuable. On a very personal level, I think a "spiritual walkabout" is essential... was for me.
    lobster
  • fivebellsfivebells Veteran
    meh_ said:

    ...I am concerned that this is only due to our mind's natural tendency to make connections between things - that I see the truth in something because I want to.

    I thought that I'd found the explanation that I was looking for, and it made me extremely happy - but now I feel like I've just been kidding myself.

    These are just ideas, and you are right to doubt them. The litmus test is whether putting those ideas into practice improves your life. Does it help you to see things more clearly, make better decisions, and face difficulties with more resolve?
  • SabreSabre Veteran
    edited April 2013
    Just be totally honest with yourself. Do you really understand what you think you understand? Or perhaps a better question, have you found what you wanted to find? Is what you found really satisfying? Or is it just an idea in the mind? I think what you are realizing now can be a nice insight that ideas in themselves are not satisfying. Real satisfying answers are not made by thoughts or ideas, they arise out of a still mind that lets go.

    It can also be a good feeling to realize you just don't know certain things. Especially in educated western people, this way of looking at things should be encouraged, I think. To just not know is also an answer.
  • riverflowriverflow Veteran
    'When you realize that you lack wisdom, your wisdom increases imperceptibly.' ~Sheng Yen
    Invincible_summer
  • Invincible_summerInvincible_summer Heavy Metal Dhamma We(s)t coast, Canada Veteran
    "Don't think... feel!" -- Bruce Lee (or the scriptwriters from Enter the Dragon)

    I'm taking this out of context a little bit, but Buddhism is really about putting the teachings into practice and, from these experiences of practice, deciding if the teachings work. It's not just an intellectual exercise.

    I personally find that any doubts that come out of my spiritual practice (or even daily life) come from thinking too much about something. Our minds have an amazing ability to fabricate doubt and despair. If you just feel how Buddhism works for you, you may be able to quell these doubts. That's what the Buddha was talking about to the Kalamas - feeling the results of his teachings, not just intellectually surveying them.
    riverflowpersonVastmind
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    I've just been kidding myself
    So?
    The whole path of tantra is just kidding yourself . . .
    The question and doubt will allow you insight and the ability to say 'is this really insight?' In Buddhism we don't have blind faith, we have conviction and trust based on experience - a kind of knowing faith . . .

    You are after certainty? Oh dear . . . should I mention impermanence? Do you think impermanence is permanent? Your doubt will pass and be replaced . . . and return . . . samsara is like that . . .

    . . . I did hear of a way out . . . so have you . . . EH MA HO
    riverflow
  • footiamfootiam Veteran
    meh_ said:

    An aspect of Buddhism that really drew me in is that you don't need to blindly accept anything - you are invited to investigate the truth for yourself and come to your own conclusions on the teachings. But it is precisely this that has me doubting myself. I find myself agreeing with a lot of what I have read, and heard - because I can understand some of it in relation to my own life. But I am concerned that this is only due to our mind's natural tendency to make connections between things - that I see the truth in something because I want to.

    I thought that I'd found the explanation that I was looking for, and it made me extremely happy - but now I feel like I've just been kidding myself.

    I do hate to bore you all with this - but if anyone has some advice it would be gratefully appreciated.

    Now, I think this here is a case of you yourself not being confident about yourself. Why would you kid yourself, I wonder.
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