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The space between self esteem and self compassion

personperson Don't believe everything you thinkThe liminal space Veteran
in Buddhism Today
This is a TED talk by Dr. Kristen Neff. She talks about how having compassion for oneself is a much better strategy for confidence than self esteem which relies on comparing and being better than others.

John_SpencerriverflownenkohaiVastmindGlowInvincible_summerSabrekarmablues

Comments

  • riverflowriverflow Veteran
    @person - thank you for sharing this!
  • nenkohainenkohai Veteran
    Love this
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
    I love these TED talks when they get posted! Another good one!

    May we Buddhists continue to spread the good word!, :)

    May I practice more self-compassion.
    What is my motivation?
    How do I want to motivate others?

    Seeing a pie chart labeled compassion still cracks me
    up....lolololol
  • VastmindVastmind Memphis, TN Veteran
    edited May 2013
    ^^^ Wait a min...I need to correct myself:

    It wasn't a pie chart, it was a graph....labeled compassion. hehe
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    As a worthless Buddha (just on the tip of my Being) I am no different to the greatest or the least. No better than the reviled, revered and unborn hand reared.

    However I am better than pop psychology, better than neo dharma, better than a talking Ted. I am more than can be imagined . . . just like everyone else . . .

    Be as kind to me as you deserve.
    Because we are worth it

    :clap:
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran
    I really liked the part where she talked about why we use a critical inner voice. That its purpose is to motivate ourselves, we feel like if we're nice with ourselves we'll become lazy and soft. Then she explains why in the long run that doesn't work and that being kind to ourselves gives us more motivation to make effort.
    riverflow
  • riverflowriverflow Veteran
    My girlfriend and I are going to watch this together next week and discuss it. This is something she will appreciate deeply I know!
  • SabreSabre Veteran
    Nice talk. I hope many people read it and become inspired to find out more about compassion.

    I agree that the definition she gives of self esteem (feeling better than others) is not particularly useful. It's also not really 'buddhist' in my experience. But there is another type of self esteem that can arise, in my experience. That self esteem is the knowledge that whatever situation may arise, I will find a way through it. I will not let anything or anyone get the better of me. It a type of trust, but it feels comparable to self esteem to me.
    person
  • John_SpencerJohn_Spencer Veteran
    Sabre said:

    Nice talk. I hope many people read it and become inspired to find out more about compassion.

    I agree that the definition she gives of self esteem (feeling better than others) is not particularly useful. It's also not really 'buddhist' in my experience. But there is another type of self esteem that can arise, in my experience. That self esteem is the knowledge that whatever situation may arise, I will find a way through it. I will not let anything or anyone get the better of me. It a type of trust, but it feels comparable to self esteem to me.

    Her concern seems to be with the rise of narcissistic self-esteem which is based in unrealistic expectations.

  • SabreSabre Veteran
    edited May 2013
    Yup. Also through experience agree with what she says - self compassion is a way better tool than that type of self esteem. And now there is such a hype for mindfulness, to get more attention to compassion I think is good. Because I think mindfulness ideally needs a component of compassion.

    But there can be another type of feeling similar to self esteem that is not based on beauty, looks or possessions or comparison with others. But come to think of it maybe it's more like self confidence. I guess the lines are blurry.
    Jeffrey
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    edited May 2013
    You can generate positive feelings for yourself in mindfulness meditation. Just be a friend to yourself through all the arisings. Conditional confidence is related to a situation. Unconditional confidence and friendliness can relate to any situation one comes against. In a health problem or a relationship breaking all you have to rely is unconditional when the conditional breaks down.
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