Buddhism, LGBTQ+, and Going Vegetarian
jakayob
United States New
Hello guys, I am new to Buddhism (not new to meditation though), so if I say something ignorent, please correct me. 
I had a few questions regarding Buddhism on the position of LGBTQ+ rights, dealing with my anger with the recent Orlando Shooting, and how to go vegetarian.
First, I have recently been researching the different schools, and I came across a Buddhist Conversion Therapy Camp for gay and transgender individuals (I believe in Thailand). But at the same time, I have read that Siddhārtha Gautama supported trans people, and allowed them to be the gender of their choice. I was wondering what the general point of view (for people who practice Buddhist principles) is about the LGBTQ+ community. Is the Conversion Camp a part of a minority or majority? I am in the middle of transitioning (ftm), and I am afraid of facing discrimination among other Buddhists, if what I practice is contradictory to what other practitioners believe. Which schools of thought/parts of the world are most friendly?
Second, with the recent Orlando Shooting, I have been terrified out of my wits (to the point where I'm afraid to leave my house), and have only been able to be angry at the shooter (which I personally find to be understandable). It is affecting me, to the point where I can't quiet my mind when I meditate. I can normally meditate without problem for one hour (which, arguably is not very long, but is pretty long for me, as of now), but now, I can't even meditate for ten minutes before my mind starts buzzing with thoughts and I start crying. Does anyone have ideas on how I can let go of this anger and fear? I know it is not healthy to hold on to anger and fear (this is something Gautama said even), and I want to get back on track to my normal self. Any advice would be much appreciated. 
Finally, I am sixteen years old, so in terms of going vegetarian, I need permission from my parents. I have been asking for years, and they will still not let me. I have brought up that most meat eaters have double the amount of protein they should intake (which leads to many health problems), killing animals is unethical, I can take protein supplements if I don't get enough protein, etc. The compromise we currently have is that I don't have to eat pork, and whenever we go out to eat, I don't have to eat meat, but I have to eat the stuff my parents buy, and blah blah blah. That has been the compromise for the past year, but I want to try asking again. How do I convince my parents to let me go vegetarian? Any suggestions would help a lot, and be greatly appreciated as well. 
Thank-you so much for taking the time to read all of this (I'm sorry it is a lot). I hope you all have a great day.
-Jacob
Comments
Just seeking religion to be a part of community. Does not make sense. If you like Buddhism and found it true after proper analysis then it should be followed. Lust is one the hindrance to enlighten self. It applies to bisexual and others too. And gender is decided at birth which is a natural phenomena. If someone claims to be Buddhist then he/she also need to be compassionate about fellow being. You need not to worry about what other says. Buddha has advised to love oneself and to accept oneself as it the oneself is!
Vegetarian diet can have protiens and iron too in abundance amount but I think in western countries it is hard to find vegetarian diet.
I think you'll find any issues regarding LGBTQ has to do with the culture rather than the religion. In the Pali canon, the earliest and foundational, Buddhist scriptures there's no mention of gay or trans anything in the sexual misconduct parts but in some later scriptures there is mention of oral and anal sex as being negative. Western sanghas are pretty universally accepting though. So you may run across the occasional teaching against non hetero sexuality but I wouldn't worry about being rejected.
You'll probably find this Wiki page informative
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism_and_sexual_orientation
In regards to going vegetarian. Many Buddhists decide to do it because it agrees with the notion of non harming, but its not a requirement to do so. Your parents are paying for and providing the food so if you can't convince them sadly you are kind of stuck. Maybe you could convince them to reduce the amount of meat the use or have a vegetarian meal or two a week. If they don't want to give it up themselves maybe you could lay out a menu that you could cook for yourself with a shopping list and nutritional info so they could gain some confidence that it would be healthy for you and wouldn't be very inconvenient for them.
Edit: Also about the Orlando shooting and your fear. The incident and ones like it are scary but it is statistically extremely rare in the real world (outside of the news world) for anyone to die or be injured in a random way like that.
http://gawker.com/you-will-not-die-in-a-mass-shooting-1746158444
Thank-you for responding, it means a lot. The link about the death statistics was interesting (I am about to read the first link next). Also, thank-you for your suggestions about my going vegetarian; I'll try them out. Have a good day.
I don't know what the official Buddhist teachings are, but if you're interested in the opinion of someone who generally practices Buddhism (as opposed to an expert or a teacher), I for one don't think anyone else's sex life is any of my business. They can do what they want; they're not hurting me. I think it's reprehensible that anyone thinks they have the right to tell somebody else who they can have sex with or what their gender identity should be.
Regarding fear and anger, I've found it most helpful over the years, when dealing with intense emotions, to take myself outside my body and observe from a short distance away. I see the anger, recognize it, contemplate it. That's all. I don't try to rationalize it. I just recognize and contemplate. I don't remember that I've ever tried this with fear; I don't experience fear in my everyday life. But for anger and other "human" emotions, I find it very helpful to just observe, take note, contemplate. And you're not going to get shot, by the way. Even if there were an Orlando-type shooting every year forever, that's still an infinitesimally small number of people out of the whole population. Regardless of your gender identity, the best way to not get shot is to never have a gun in the house. Having a gun in the house roughly triples your chance of dying of gunfire, statistically. Of course, if your parents own a gun, this information won't help you much until you have a place of your own.
Obviously I don't know your parents, but I suspect your best bet is to be as "adult" as you can regarding your diet. "I have strong beliefs about what I put in my body, and it is MY body. Please respect me in this." Of course it's easier to say than do. And when I was a teenager, I had a similar battle that I handled differently from what I'm suggesting here in retrospect. In my case, I simply didn't want to eat red meat. I don't remember it being about health, maybe it had an element of compassion for cows, but mostly I just didn't like it. One night we were having steak and things got tense. So I simply ate everything else and didn't eat the steak. My father said I would sit there until I ate it, all night if necessary. OK fine, I'll sit here. And I did. All night. Finally it was time to go to bed, and that was the end of it. I don't remember anything being said after that (this was more than four decades ago), but I was never again required to eat what I didn't want. In general I was a pretty well-behaved kid, and when at other peoples' houses I always politely ate whatever was offered, so this wasn't that much of a battle. Sure seemed like a battle at the time, but it was only one night. It took the right combination of patience, determination, and peacefulness on my part, and ultimately maturity on my father's part (he probably had some private "help" on this from my mother).
Hello @jakayob
You are changing your gender, diet and probably religion and hair colour. Your parents are maybe being driven to Christian overdrive ...
Fortunately you can have compassion for them.
Now let us talk about fear. Your parents are scared for you in the best way they know, just as you are trying to adjust to a new gender, fear arising in meditation etc.
So, what to do? Be kind, this is something that applies to fear, parents and uncertainty.
Your Buddha Nature is gender free. Your fear is dependent on your present being.
Hateful, difficult and totally fear based shooters are something we eventually develop, through personal experience of fear, compassion for. Fear can and does change ...
Developing metta for ourselves, others and even demonic thinking is hard. Being courageous is hard. Personally I would use prostrations to a yidam to 'burn up' some of my mind energy into the body ... Maybe walking meditation, even outside eventually would be suitable ...
I think going vegetarian entails not eating meat. Even if they put it on your plate, they can't force-feed you. You live in the USA, which as far as I know, doesn't hold a high record of obligatory diet observation.
If you don't want to eat meat, don't eat it.
Oh sure, it will cause ructions, but it's your body and you can choose what to put in it. can't you?
What is the worst thing they could do?
And if they do it, what will you do?
Secondly, if you look at a row of Buddhists meditating, you'd be very hard put to decide which one of them was gay.
Your identity is secondary to your practice. That is to say, a label is not required, if you wish to Take Refuge, here.
Hello
Congratulations on your transitioning. How have your parents been doing with your transition? Perhaps they just need some time to adjust to all the changes before they can get on board with your diet changes, too. Or perhaps it is more economic? I'll just start at the top.
1-No, this is not how the majority of Buddhists, in my experience, think about gay or trans people. Please understand that like any religion, Buddhism takes on flavors of the cultures it is present in. Some of them are much more conservative in nature and haven't moved past those old ideologies. I have seen nothing but acceptance for people whoever and however they are. You will find some things regarding gay sex and so on online. But I wouldn't worry too much about all that. It is the opinions of people and nothing more. Even the HHDL has changed his stance and says people should be about to love and marry whoever they desire as long as they aren't hurting others. Buddhism is all about intent, but knowing when it is pure can be tricky. You will be able to find love and acceptance within Buddhism.
2-Be gentle and patient with yourself. It will take time. Don't give up on meditation even if you can only manage 5 minutes. Do it a few times a day instead. Even just a few minutes of focused, deep breathing will calm our nervous system if you let it. What happened in Orlando was a major assault to your community. It is no wonder you have all the feelings that you do. But he was an individual who hated himself and took it out on other people. There is still much more compassion and kindness and love in your community. Rely on it and your allies. Many of us stand with you rather than against you.
3-People often resist that which they don't understand. In addition to telling them how important it is too you, and why, perhaps you could offer to help pay for any special groceries you might need and maybe offer to cook for yourself? I would fully support any of my children wanting to be vegetarian or whatever they needed but I would ask them to help support that change. We only have one income and so cannot afford to plan, pay for and cook multiple types of meals. So I would ask my kids, particularly the older ones (mine are 19, 14 and 7) to make an effort to support this desire in their life by getting a job and helping to pay for it. And to cook their meals. It would tell me that not only do they have this desire but they are serious enough about it to take on the responsibility that goes with it. It would mean a lot to me as a parent. As would a good conversation about their reasons for wanting to make such a change.
To be honest, kids have a lot of whims when they are teenagers
So as a parent it's hard to know which ones to support and which ones are passing phases. An adult conversation with laid out reasoning along with the offer to be responsible for the change you want to make might help. Simply expecting parents to suddenly change how they do everything for your diet is asking a lot. Taking some of that pressure off might be appreciated. "It's very important to me,and I am willing to do some of my own shopping and cooking and to help pay for it" is easier to accept than "I want to do this, here's my shopping list."
Kia Ora Jacob,
This link may be of some help, regarding Buddhism and the LGBTQI ...http://www.hrc.org/resources/stances-of-faiths-on-lgbt-issues-buddhism
Plus this one has lots of resources, to help you through/with your transition...
http://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources
And this might also be of interest to you
Michael Dillon he was a F2M who became a Buddhist monk
Hey, Jacob! I'm a gender-neutral bisexual and I've only found acceptance within Buddhism. People trying to change others is the way of society, really. It has nothing to do with Buddhism, however, and has everything to do with themselves, how they feel, their drive to fuel their own egos, which in fact contradicts Buddhism.
I also went vegetarian when I was 16! What I did was 1) Get a vegetarian cookbook to show how serious I am and that I have a source of knowledge and 2) Become a pescetarian first to ease into it.
Be careful when it comes to sort of "preaching" vegetarianism to your parents, though. If you don't come from a political place, they will probably be more accepting. Try not be judgmental in your reasoning. I'm not sure how conservative your parents are, though. I was raised by a gay-asexual single mom so I don't know how helpful my advice will be depending on how traditional your parents are.
Also, I know now that you're allowed to be angry. Just allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to fear, and act accordingly to your comfort.
Hey, and thank-you! My parents are doing well; I think they are starting to get over the initial shock, and they have been so supportive (I am very fortunate). Thank-you for asking, and thanks for responding! I will keep the things you said in mind, it really helps to read some advice from a parent's perspective (so thank-you, one last time). Have a good day.
Hard to understand, therefore, if such an overwhelmingly life-changing situation can be taken so well by them - why they would baulk at this life-choice you are making?
Just wondering.... seems odd..... Maybe it's because your sexuality is a given, and not a choice, they are obligated to either accept it (which they have done) or reject it (which would be a tragedy).
When it comes to eating, THAT IS a choice, and they don't agree with it wholeheartedly... so they've laid down ground-rules.
Maybe (subconsciously) it's go more to do with something they have control over (even if for a limited period of time) and they can hold onto that.
I'm sure it is subconscious, and I'm sure they mean it with love, so perhaps, while under their roof, you go along with their wishes until such a time as you gain total personal and financial independence. Then you will be free to make the choices you want.
Embrace them; I think they just want what's best for you.
Thank-you for responding! And thank-you for the advice, I will try not to preach. cx
Have a great day, and also, good for you (for identifying as who you are- I don't know you in person, but I'm happy for you.
).
Very, very, very small minority and that would be an understatement!
@jakayob, your parents have already demonstrated an open mind, so that is very good. Build on that :-) and stay friends.
It might be a good idea to arrange with them that you want to do a trial period of going vegetarian - say 3 months? I have a feeling they may not find a good argument to refuse such a request. :-) They may just not be informed enough to see that it is perfectly OK to live (and prosper) on a vegetarian and vegan diet. I went vegan 9 months ago after 25+ years of being a vegetarian. If you look around the web, you'll find lots and lots of info on how healthy a vegetarian/vegan diet is compared to the Standard American Diet. However, do NOT criticize other people's choice of food, even if it is hard to watch others eat meat once you have been sensitized to seeing them eat dead animals.
Most Buddhists, AFAIK, do not go about flauting their beliefs, they live them and prefer to be practical examples of the teachings. By the same token, it is not helpful to judge other people's food choices. Either they'll "get it" or they won't - same as in Buddhism.
Discussing the merrits of a whole grain, vegetable based diet is a good idea though, but stay calm and expect disbelief and resistance. Just say you are serious about trying this out and if asked, give your reasons without getting defensive. BTW, be aware of the pitfalls of vegetarian junk food.
A healthy vegan/vegetarian diet is a beautiful expression of caring and fits really well into the Buddhist world view. It is also the ultimate in doing everything you can for a sustainable food production and for helping the environment. (Animal production uses up food that can be fed to people, there is toxic gas emmission, and animal cruelty to consider.)
I have been very healthy on a vegan diet; veggies and legumes have protein, as do nuts and seeds, and the amount you need is much smaller than the western diet claims. So much in this society is driven by profit margins and not health concerns, you'll be surprized to discover a whole new set of values, and be healthier (and wiser) in the process.
Good luck to you. Glad to help if you want more info :-)
@possibilities Thank-you for responding! Last week they finally let me go vegetarian! I am so excited, and soon, I'm going vegan.
And wow, twenty-five years plus; that is amazing.
I hope you have an amazing day.
Going Vegan...? Be careful... Don't "push your Luck" and discuss this with your parents well in advance, okay...? Just my two cents....
This Guide to Vegan Diet may be of some help @jakayob
@jakayob, going vegan is a bigger step than going vegetarian, IMO, because it eliminates a lot of the typical comfort foods (any milk products like chocolates and ice cream). Also might make going on dates and visiting friends more awkward.
So, I'd take it easy on that and make sure you're not setting yourself up for failure. For a young person, it seems it might be best to find a group of like-minded folks as peer or support group.
If your motivation is avoiding animal cruelty, then you are stuck with that (in a good way) and while it separates you from most of the rest of the population it also allows for instant recognition and bonding with like-minded people.
It's not easy. Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons. If in doubt, wait for the right time when it will not be a struggle. Best wishes! :-)