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Being Happy
lobster
Crusty Veteran
Being happy is a science
https://www.gq.com/story/laurie-santos-how-to-be-happy-interview
... and possible
https://www.impossible.com
Any tips?
1
Comments
Not everything becomes a science in the end, with laws and rules and theories... happiness is often little more than just being in the present, relaxed and free, without ties that pull you to thinking about the past and future.
Be Mindful....
Don't Worry...
Be happy....
We all want to be happy. But the desire and the need to be happy IS the source of our unhappiness. Buddhist steps off the happiness/unhappiness merry-go-round and endeavours to just be vibrantly and fully in the moment, even when the moment is not something particularly enjoyable.
I can be happy, I can be unhappy. I can be fulfilled, and I can be frustrated. I can be joyous, and I can be maudlin. I can be calm, and I can be irritated.
But I am always, but always, contented.
In my view, Happiness doesn't mean taking something up, and trying to gain something.
In my view - it's exactly the opposite.
Sounds like a plan.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukha
Funnily enough those with extremes of nothing. Naked yogis, mendicant monks, wandering dervishes, mystic troglodytes, Dessert Mothers etc seem to be excessively happy.
Amma Syncletica said, "There are many who live in the mountains and behave as if they were in the town; they are wasting their time. It is possible to be a solitary in one's mind while living in a crowd; and it is possible for those who are solitaries to live in the crowd of their own thoughts."
I'll have what she’s having
Reminds me of the song...
What’s the message here? Don’t think you have to be as people want you to be? Be yourself?
Perhaps that includes happiness. Don’t let anyone else define it for you.
I don’t think I’m there yet. Frequently discontented. It seems to be a long path. But what you’ve said seems true to me: it’s more about letting things go, a sense of release, than it is about trying to make a gain or holding on to what you have.
I think happiness is the default position of the mind, and as such is not something to be gained. Happiness, like bliss, is a matter of freeing oneself from what happiness is not.
Sometimes this isn't all that hard- washing dishes when I would rather sit down and rest - just free myself of aversion and desire, and be in the moment. Washing dishes is happiness - who knew!
Other times it is more challenging -
If one takes one's life too seriously then it will be serious...this is a no brainer
However some ( I guess one could say most) people are so it would seem 'hard wired' to take things seriously... their mind is never in a stable place (the stable door left wide open and the thoughts have bolted) ...always on the look out for things to go wrong... and they will often find what they are looking for...
Which reminds me of what one of my Dharma teachers once said ...something along the lines of "If one wants to worry, then one will never run out of things to worry about...So it's best not to worry"
I guess the key to true lasting happiness comes from making others happy (It's a full time job, and where job satisfaction is.....negotiable )
Many simple things have this component, making one happy if 'in' the activity.
My experience is happiness as @Fosdick mentions, our natural, relaxed state/being. Applying the relaxed attentiveness of meditation, eased chanting or other formal awareness to everyday mindfulness is the way ...
All our tension, monkey mind wandering is unskilful.
It is a bit like a koan, what am I when not being chased by being ...
I am currently re-reading "Ancient Wisdom, Modern World" by His Holiness Dalai Lama. In Chapter 4 (Redefining The Goal) he explores being happy and the takeaway from it that I get is:
1 - every action has a reaction. Being ethical reminds us to do no harm and therefore we place others' wellbeing above our own happines.
2 - genuine happiness can be found in spiritual practices of love, compassion, altruism, patience, tolerance, humility and forgiveness.
So, IMO, happiness can be found and kept by worrying more about others than worrying about ourselves because undertaking actions to help others actually benefits our lives.
Of course YMMV....
???
Thanks everyone
Tigers are sweet strawberries. And strangely enough luscious fruit are tigers. One taste. How so? Attachment and letting go ...
Was the Bodhisattva a living strawberry or a tiger ...
http://monkeytree.org/dunhuang/tiger.html
I see where you’re coming from, and I’ve heard that before. But I personally see being ethical as valuing others’ happiness on a par with one’s own.
We’re all feeling beings, whose deepest wish is to be happy, and we all find it difficult. (To paraphrase Bodhipaksa.)
In my experience, happiness and wellbeing are two different things though. As a mother, I put my children's wellbeing ahead of my happiness on a daily basis. Making sure the youngest is awake on time showered, fed and ready for school before I leave for work is more important than me leaving for work with time to spare so I can do my own thing before I start work. Would I be happier with more time to commute and have a coffee before work? Sure, but my stepson being at school on time and wearing clean clothes and having a decent breakfast is more important. He may not be happy with the routine, but it's better than him being late, grumpy and hungry.
???
I also think it very much depends on how we define those terms for ourselves: happiness, well-being, contentment... they mean different things to different people, due to subjective experiences...
A clear head isn't as significantly important to someone who hasn't ever suffered crippling headaches, for example.
I'll warrant it's extremely difficult for someone in the middle of a Migraine attack, to appreciate a state of serenity and well-being...
So I think definitions vary, and might even vary due to circumstance.
The saying "This too shall Pass" may be piercingly true, but pretty hard to take while your head is exploding.
It's transcending such situations, and being able to muster calm, serenity and contentment DURING such episodes, that shows our practice is worth it...
On a lighter note...
exactly.i was just thinking,enjoy the comfort;respond to the discomfort...all the while hold on to the view,this shall pass.what helps,is place awareness to the the discomfort such as as a bump on the knee, feel the pain sensation--mental focus--knowing the peak and cessation of the experience this shall pass.so knowing or engraing the dharma view--this shall pass--helps us respond to upleasentness to physical feelings and emotions.in that sense it can deepen our happiness or appreciation of dharma.
From the rest of your post, I am leaning toward believing that your children's well being IS your happiness.
"It's easy to wear a smile and be pleasant when one life flows along like some sweet song
One's practice may flow along just nicely when one is in good health and no pressing worries to contend with..
But a person worthwhile is the one who can still wear a smile when things in their life go all wrong"
It would seem it is easy to lapse back into old impulsive reactiveness when a crises (one of personal illness or something else) hits...one's practice flies out of the window as old habitual behaviour kicks back in...AKA Conditioning...
If one only provides lip service when practicing the Dharma,( just talks the talk) then one can expect lip service in return...
When a crises strikes (health or otherwise).... this is the window of opportunity to let the Dharma practice truly unfold...... Easier said than done (especially when pain strikes)...but not impossible to do "Tonglen"
I (and no doubt many) can speak from personal experience...
I'm happy being happy for it's just a state of mind
True happiness only comes about when one is being kind
For if one is being kind to other their smiles will brighten up the day
and any selfishness that tries to arise is quickly blown away
Being Happy is a science of the mind and it's call Dharma practice....
Lol, I'll try to remember that when they don't do the washing or stack the dishwasher again ??
Thanks @Shoshin
Great post/reminder.
Painful dukkha is a wake up call. That is when the rubber Buddha hits the tarmac path. Do we bounce?
Maybe I would be happier with real buddhism? [I hear there is such a thing ...]
https://www.thoughtco.com/common-misunderstandings-of-buddhism-449743
being in fullness might be it, this happiness.just like time,it does not happen overnight.like dharma,the effort put in,is the amount recieve.time and experience , just changes us all.maybe some tips those new to buddha-dharma:
siddhartha breakthrough the middle way of wellbeing.when the body and mind is satisfied in good health , the mind is receptive to life and its "secrets" called dharma.so take care of u, and the mind will follow.be right,feel right. context,avoid extreame hard or soft practice in regards of the body.
little by little.take on what you can handle.it is a walk,not a race.practice towards ease.some build up virtue.so mind has less stress ,worry.breathe in moments that test the nerves.take some time to sit, the point,to reflect,observe ,concentrate in order to build that mind-heart muscle. through effort,it becomes a way of being in habit.so study self,to heal self if ones life has been hard.
enjoy and build on your insight .the buddha would approve.growing insight develop appreciation,to ones effort and "right"way.our insights develops wisdom knowledge.and that wisdom knowledge makes our life better , contribution to wellfare and happiness.
dont be perfect.be right what is right for you.hold the view everyone is different.
I knew there was a plan
but the meaning is awesomeness 
Not very well said
It’s funny how dreams and memories can refresh you. After a deep night’s sleep, filled with dreaming and non-dreaming, I often wake up feeling quiet in mind and body. It’s a pleasant feeling, as if stillness reigns in the gaps between dream consciousness and waking consciousness.
I was reading a book on the Tibetan beliefs of the Bardo, called Peaceful Death, Joyful Rebirth by Tulku Thondup yesterday. It listed Dreaming as one of the Bardo states, although it’s main attraction was the so-called ‘delogs’ which are accounts of experiences people have had of the Bardo after which they returned to life, a lot like near death experiences.
Maybe it will interest some
I’ve heard it expressed as being “beneficial instead of right”, which I think is why the 8FP is sometimes translated with “appropriate” instead of “right”.
Being right for you and for the work you’re doing is the Buddhist way. Being “right” in the absolute sense is dogmatism. (Feel free to disagree...)
@adamcrossley, yes,no disagreement.
I’m glad, because I’ve always enjoyed reading your posts ?
thank you.
I was just reconsidering happiness, as I’ll be spending more time with my stepfather and mother, and their philosophy is very much about “happiness”, “love” and “existence taking care”. It’s cheerful, but they do take the Arabic saying to heart to ‘trust in God but tether your camel’.
Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that happiness and suffering are linked, that where one is, the other is not. I certainly agree with him that the source experience of our being is a kind of happiness. But there is also a kind of inner silence that comes with being very relaxed, in body, in breath and in mind.
So yeah, I do think it is one of the important points of a spiritual life, whether it makes you happy. If a spiritual practice makes you serious, concerned, focused on suffering only, then it’s time to re-examine.
Certainly I think that the presence of loved ones can be a great aid to happiness. Whether that be children, siblings or parents is largely immaterial... it’s a miraculous thing that the presence of people you love can suddenly make you feel so much better.
This is a really interesting post. I recently ‘became’ a Buddhist and suddenly felt so troubled and unhappy. Why ? Because I’d become obsessed with ; 1) making sufficient progress with dharma understanding ; 2) finding the perfect Sangha ASAP ; 3) finding the tradition that most suited me; 4) the ‘label’ of being a Buddhist and 5) understanding what everyone was talking about here ?
I then realised that none of the above mattered. All of the above amounted to ‘me’ aspects of life, when there is in fact, no ‘me’ as such. All that matters is being kind, ethical and grateful. And exploring my inner World, rather than obsessing over stuff in the outer World. Keeping my eye on the ball is the key thing for me. As I said to someone here last week, the main thing, Is to keep the main thing, the main thing.
Just enjoying the journey now. I hope others can share that too ?
Happy is a choice, an easier choice to make from a clear and present mind.
Often I'll be going about my day and just smile to myself, because I can, because I want to. At home, in the car, at work, anywhere. It's easy to be happy when you have complete control over your emotional well-being.
It’s a good illustration of one of the pitfalls of the spiritual path... you go in pursuit of happiness and self knowledge but end up with so many goals that you totally lose your way trying to fulfill them all. I think buddhism is particularly prone to that.
Thanks @Kerome I agree - I’m combatting this by stripping things back to basically following the eightfold path, meditating and trying not to get too wrapped up in anything more complex at the moment, indeed, the best things seem to be simple - I’m sitting with 2 x Soto Zen Sangha’s and it’s a lovely experience and not demanding anything taxing, intellectually speaking.
It can be, I agree. And at the same time through prolonged practice there is the possibility of falling into emptiness and silence and detachment and disconnection and depression, in steps. It is another of those pitfalls, which I came close to.
Because buddhism is a path which requires a lot of introspection and analysis in order to find the truth of things, and analysis is of itself a clearing activity, the risk exists that one will end up with a mind that is clear but free of joy, juiciness, a creative palette to draw from.
This is I feel an area where Osho and his sannyasins made an important contribution, in outlining a spiritual path which included expressing the joy of one’s life.
Being happy and pretending to be happy are two different things.
Sounds a happy sort of Being.
Smiling in the dust of dukkha, the ashes of others and even the happiness of the hell realms of Facebookings, selfies and celebrity life styles is the balance.
In other words. Independent of situation smiling.
I'll join