After months of observing my deeper self, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really understand myself. When my intention is to be a certain way, my impulses and emotions express something different. My thoughts then stand back and say, no no no, this is not how it’s supposed to be…
It’s as if I am at war with myself on some deep level, and I don’t understand how it comes to be so. It is like a thought or an impulse actually is an action, I am acting all the time, and by objecting in thought, conflicting actions arise all the time. It is only in a total acceptance that I find peace.
But this essentially brings my deeper self to a full stop, and so my surface mind becomes quiet and placid. This happens when I am awake. But when I’m asleep all kind of contradictory impulses manifest.
Is it even possible to comprehend ones own mind?