Best Of

Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Wishing your father a speedy recovery!!!

@Jeroen said:
Good morning my friends… I’ve been away for a few days because my father had a stroke, and is in the intensive care of a hospital near where he lived. I really miss our morning talks, he was a rock for me. I’m now back at my home taking care of my mother but it has been really intense… my father was always very health focussed and a sporty guy, I never considered seeing him suffering a delirium.

That sucks @Jeroen. Take care. I hope your father recovers quickly and well.

Good morning my friends… I’ve been away for a few days because my father had a stroke, and is in the intensive care of a hospital near where he lived. I really miss our morning talks, he was a rock for me. I’m now back at my home taking care of my mother but it has been really intense… my father was always very health focussed and a sporty guy, I never considered seeing him suffering a delirium.

It makes me consider. What are the differences between Ch'an and Zen?

@Jeroen said:
What would it take to make a long-lasting difference to this man’s life?

Applying pressure on the government by whatever non-violent means possible, to invest more in lifting people out of poverty and supporting mental health services, is crucial. Real change often comes from persistent public pressure.

Yes, giving to worthy charities is important, but that alone is just a band-aid on a festering wound. Our taxes should be used to support the many, not to enrich a privileged few at the expense of those struggling to get by.

These where helpful for understanding, thanks.

What comes to mind was represented in the show The Good Place, there was a philosopher character that could never make up his mind and that's what led him to end up there.

At the same time I think of the story of the person helping butterflies escape from their cocoons. He was acting out of a feeling of kindness but was causing harm through his lack of understanding.

I remember fairly clearly thinking, (though not exactly when, maybe in my late teens early 20s) saying the helpful, true thing was the kinder thing even if it caused discomfort in the moment. Since, I've tried learning how to do it more diplomatically. I guess I still think that is basically right, but maybe there is something to rethink?

Another example from my work life. A decade or more ago I realized people I would work for most of the time wouldn't tell me if they weren't completely happy with some of my work. I think the average home owner isn't as assertive, or disagreeable, in this sense as a boss who is more selected for and required to point out problems. So I wasn't aware of and able to correct mistakes I was making and improve my work. I started asking for and seeking out criticisms and flaws. I generally don't like it, though most people are able to be nice about it. And even when its unpleasant or causes me to have to redo something at my expense it leads me to be better at what I do. I feel like this is a kinder thing than being told pleasantries that make me feel good. Though I guess it depends, often its nice when people let go of small things. It probably comes down again to a middle way.

Joseph Goldstein talks about a practice of his where if he has a thought of generosity he does it no matter his subsequent thoughts. I think I remember him saying it almost always works out well. Though he is a serious Buddhist of 50 years so I'm sure his wisdom is pretty developed.

I’m reminded of a Buddhist friend who was visiting her daughter in Canada. One winter’s day, she saw a notice calling for volunteers at a local soup kitchen. The kitchen was understaffed and needed help, especially during the cold months when demand was high. She took down the contact details, planning to reach out once she got home.

But when she returned, she began to overthink. She asked herself why she wanted to help: Was it because I genuinely feel called to help others? Or is it just to appease my ego? To be able to say, “Hey everybody, look at me...I’m helping those in need. I’m such a kind and compassionate person." In the end, she went with the latter, and the soup kitchen missed out on much-needed help.

This is no doubt some of my own hang up. I have a few weeks of food and supplies in case of an emergency. Some of it perishable enough, like soup cans, to need to be refreshed. So I donate it yearly to a food shelf. The first year while doing it I had those "do gooder", "what a good boy am I", "I'm better than the hoi poloi" feelings and I had a very strong negative reaction to it, not sure if it fully qualifies as revulsion or disgust, but for what ever reason it really doesn't agree with me. I continue to do it and I've been able to manage my attitude to make it more of a "no big deal" sort of thing, but they still arise.

In the end, I think I do plenty of kind things in my life and the people around me generally think of me as a kind person. Maybe its all relative and I live amongst harder people in general?