Best Of

@person said:
The take on this that I really like is that there is a ton of talk today about tracking macros, sleep, VO2 max, on and on, but they never talk about the quality of their relationships and how to develop and maintain them.

Yes, I agree. I was talking to Kotishka about this. I was explaining how I went about developing and maintaining my relationship with my father. I decided to develop some interests which paralleled his own, like baseball and the Boston Red Sox, different ways of making coffee, Osho and walking holidays. Not necessarily all of his interests, but enough to develop things to talk about. More conversations followed. Then I decided to talk more about heart-based topics, to talk about what I cared deeply about, to reveal more of my inner life.

You can also base a deep relationship on care and generosity and being available. Giving of your time and energy, and letting the other person know you enjoy assisting them and being around them, is a great maintainer of relationships. Regular visits to a beach cafe were part of my relationship with my dad, as were occasional holidays to places like the Schwarzwald in Germany where we would hike in the hills.

The thing is, he remained a pretty private person, my dad. He didn’t used to talk a lot about his inner life, but he was aware that i made efforts to be with him, and he reciprocated, talking more about his surface activities, but without sharing his worries.

The take on this that I really like is that there is a ton of talk today about tracking macros, sleep, VO2 max, on and on, but they never talk about the quality of their relationships and how to develop and maintain them.

I came across this short video which talked about how the quality and depth of your close relationships was the best predictor of happiness and cognitive health, according to an 88-year study by Harvard. Surprising and wonderful, and especially important for caregivers.

I haven't been here in ages. But my good news is I FINALLY formally took my Refuge Vows last month and have found a permanent home in a Sangha close by.