Best Of

I don’t think the OP was asking HOW to give advice….i think it was whether you should give it at all. If I know a person is not interested (based on previous venting sessions) in solving an issue or getting out their crisis jacuzzi, ……..I politely nod, and half ass listen. Why? Venting and emotional dumping can be unhealthy for both parties. Yes, I’m your friend…I can relate when it applies, share my experience or tools….but I’m not a therapist/Monk/life coach. If one continues to make bad choices, Right Effort and Right Action needs/should be applied. If this person becomes someone I dread being around, due to the dumping….i will then bend my neck to avoid them. If it’s an occasional spill by an associate or someone I’m occasionally around…I listen and offer no advice. It’s their life and we’re all trying to figure it out.

Skillful venting and the human connection:
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_venting_your_feelings_actually_help

Now that this is a full on Sanga meeting…who brought snacks???

@Vastmind said:
What is this need of validation as it pertains to advice? I’m confused. If your life is a cluster fuck or you having a huge problem….you want me to validate what, exactly? Like the article says…your audience matters.

Validation, in this context, is shorthand for "whether or not I agree with you, your feelings and perspective are important to me so right now I'll give you the space to express them without judgment or criticism." It establishes a feeling of cooperative safety and trust. You don't have to do it, especially if those things aren't important to you. As I understand it, the first priority of right speech is to avoid making things worse, followed by trying to make things better. Saying "that sounds stressful" or "I'm sorry you're going through that" doesn't, to me, feel like an imposition when it can have a calming effect on the person speaking to me. That's all validation is.
For example, if you said to me, "it's silly that people want their feelings validated when they complain to me about their situation. I'm not the person to give them that." I would say, "I hear you. Sometimes it's hard when people expect things of us that we're not ready to give them." Validation.

Has anyone read the article I posted? I’m interested in thoughts on it.
What kind of venter are you? Chilled dude excluded, hahaha
Myself…not necessarily chill…but I usually keep personal business to myself AFA friends or family. Same reasons the article mentions. I do vent when it’s major…usually to hear my own thoughts play out and goal is get to a Game plan by the time I’m done the steam… I’ll find psychology or Buddhist POV’s on the framing I’m having a problem with or things like that. I also try to exam behavior patterns or things I need to change that are causing the upheaval

What is this need of validation as it pertains to advice? I’m confused. If your life is a cluster fuck or you having a huge problem….you want me to validate what, exactly? Like the article says…your audience matters. Maybe I’m not the one to understand your perspective…or give empathy for your particular situation. The responsibility is not only on the listener. Communication is more complicated than that.

ETA: OP, can you give us an example of what you were talking about? When did/do you give unsolicited advice? To whom? About what? You also mentioned the cringe? Does that usually deter you next time? Or you just can’t help yourself giving the unsolicited advice even after it’s the same person or the same situation? Or you just can’t help yourself period? What do you think that cringe means?

OK, since you ASKED...
When people communicate openly, they're being vulnerable. When a relationship is egalitarian in nature (as opposed to mentor/student, etc), what the other person is looking for is someone who will listen to them and understand their perspective. Opening up to a friend is generally an attempt to regulate one's emotions and bring the nervous system back to a place of homeostasis. This happens when the listener listens, without judgment, without challenging, and exudes empathy.
Even if the speaker HAS asked for advice, they'll receive your input far more openly if you begin by listening to them and validating their feelings and perspective.