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@marcitko said:
Just an addition to my OP since I believe I was not clear enough: I do not hold the belief that I am JUST negative, but ALSO negative. It's more of a case of holding "saint" and "sinner" beliefs/egos at the same time and (I believe), deep down, not having a balanced neutral/middle-way belief/ego.

If you try and identify with both those sets of beliefs, you may end up rather divided internally and at war with yourself. Unifying these to create a melded middle way seems to me a difficult path.

It may be better to identify with being a witness to all that passes in front of the senses, and just letting what comes come, and letting what goes go. This is a path more of acceptance.

It is said that “enlightenment is the state of being in total acceptance with what is.”

@marcitko said:

From my perspective, if you are in a good place emotionally it does not matter much what you say, since people will pick up primarily your feeling. Some Christian saint said: "Love and do what you will". For this purpose we could change it to: "Love and say what you will".

Very wise. Since speech comes naturally to us, it can be a good looking glass into the heart. And by conscientiously practicing Right Speech, or Lobster's "Right Speechless" we can run the chain in both directions, and gradually train the heart to follow the words. Making this change requires ADKAR: Awareness, Desire, Knowledge, Ability, and Reinforcement. In other words, it's not a change you make by switching one day, it's an ongoing project, with prerequisites and ongoing attention.

@lobster said:
The best right speech or the most noble (as in golden) is silence. However we can also use skilful or compassionate speech when enabled.

If we speak with integrity and not just blindly harming ourselves and others through ignorance of our own lack of skill and/or oblivious or uncaring of the effect, we may be telling the truth but will be ostracised, socially awkward or just considered down right rude …

This is absolutely right on. If we tell it like it is -- uninvited -- then we certainly won't convince anyone of the correctness of our view, though we may well establish a reputation as an irritant. As the self-righteous unskillfulness of youth clears and recedes, this wisdom becomes more clear to us (though not to all of us in the current lifetime). Every now and then we may be actively invited to tell it like it is. This does not mean we should; not all opportunities should be seized.

Every moment might offer you a different answer to this question.

There are few forces as slippery and tenacious as karma. Not even death slows it's momentum. Our ego, selfish self, adversarial tendencies, or that which innately has us feeling apart from the rest of existence, are just descriptions of how each of us enables its inertia.
The degree to which we can transcend how we continually recreate our ego, selfish self, adversarial tendencies, or that sense of being apart from others, is the same degree to which we can address the causes of that Karma's continence through us.

The 4NT & 8FP through the lenses of a consistent meditation practice, has been my journey back to where ever I have clung to, rejected or ignored another, where the opportunity exists to re-experience the events again but this time beyond the limitation of my past attachments and ignorance's.
This is not even an act of intention.
It is as if everything that I've ever become attached to, remains held within me, subtly affecting the course of my life, until my continuing grasp upon them softens enough to let them go.
The machinery in this process seems to be simply about a mind that has usurped much of the data feeds of the other sense gates in a propagation of it own fiefdom.
Compared to a practice of returning the autonomy of those data feeds to the other sense gates so that all get a more equally shared space of life's stage.

Here, even the darkness has it's place.

Very clearly stated @FleaMarket and I totally see how the same plays out in my life, even with this very post. Thanks for illuminating that.

For us who tend more to the feeling side, may I add a thought? Instead of apprehending loneliness

That with speech we induce in the other the feeling "from which we are coming from" and in ourselves strengthen that feeling. It is not 1 for 1, since as we have already noted, skilful and unskilful speech on our end (delivery) can distort the message and we never know the quality of the receiver/mind on the other end.

From this perspective, it would be important to shut-up when the feeling "that we are coming from" is a negative one and aim to share more freely when it is a positive one.

For me this is an interesting topic. I have been exploring my “within” for a while, and I have come across things of darkness as well. These have mostly proved to be the results of my careless and culpable thoughts and speech, which have generated internal kernels of hate.

In dealing with kernels of hate, I have had to rely on the goodwill of fellow beings, who sometimes come and visit me when I’m on the boundaries of sleep. Treating them with respect and gratitude is all thats necessary, and listening to the stories that are sometimes told.

Buddhism inspires virtue, the paramita’s. It emphasises letting go, not-clinging, and doing the right things, such as right speech, right living. You may find that you naturally tend towards such things, and this will strengthen your belief in your goodness. This shifts the balance in your favour.

So, while my journey is not the same as yours, there are still some parallels. Living a good and virtuous life brings its own rewards, it allows you to feel better about yourself and feel less worried about what happened during early childhood.

If you have to give everything of your Self up, when you die, why are you waiting until then?

@Jeroen said:
The sutra to Prince Abhaya on right speech may clarify things for you, @FleaMarket. It’s one of my favourites.

It's a good one and you've inspired a thought.

When right speech meets the untamed desire to participate, the mind obfuscates the truth in favor of its desires.

My desire to participate gets the better of me more times than I care to admit. This typically leads to all sorts of problems that often leave one or more people feeling not so great. Not participating leaves me feeling not so great.

In participation, I see dukkha coming from things not being shared rightly.
In non-participation, I see dukkha coming from the sense of self apprehending loneliness.

I believe relief can be found in either learning how to share rightly or learning how to cease apprehending loneliness. Eventually both.

In both cases factors of the Noble Eight-fold Path house the solution. It's only gated by refinement of understanding and the effort behind the refining of that understanding.

@FleaMarket said:
Right speech is still very confusing to me. I agree with you though @lobster, of the types of right speech, noble silence is the best.

The sutra to Prince Abhaya on right speech may clarify things for you, @FleaMarket. It’s one of my favourites.

Noble silence is beautiful, I agree, but it is also an advanced form of communication. Ramana Maharshi, an Indian saint from the early 20th century, said that he always first approached people with a silent teaching. If that didn’t work, he would resort to words, talking first about self inquiry, then meditation, and lastly about stories and songs.

We can choose which form of communication is most appropriate for the audience we are faced with, how to inspire and introduce that which is wholesome to them.