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Hamish MacTavish and his wife Maggie have never been flying, so at the local Air Show they decide to take a ride in a small open aircraft.
They are just climbing into the back of the plane when the pilot asks for the fare, which is twenty pounds.
“Twenty pounds?” screams MacTavish, “That is ridiculous, it is far too much!”
“Okay,” says the pilot, “I will make a deal with you. If you can complete this ride without opening your mouth I won’t charge you a penny. But if you make a sound you pay me double!”
Hamish agrees, and they take off. As soon as they are in the air, the pilot starts to loop the plane, flies upside down, sideways, and gives a whole display of aerobatics.
When they land again, the pilot says over his shoulder, “Well sir, you win. I never thought you would be able to go through all that without opening your mouth!”
“It was not easy,” admits MacTavish, “especially when my wife fell out!”

Found this on Mastodon. Thought it humorous...

France is bacon

When I was young my father said to me: "Knowledge is power, Francis Bacon." I understood it as "Knowledge is power, France is bacon."

For more than a decade I wondered over the meaning of the second part and what was the surreal linkage between the two. If I said the quote to someone, "Knowledge is power, France is Bacon," they nodded knowingly. Or someone might say, "Knowledge is power" and I'd finish the quote "France is Bacon" and they wouldn't look at me like I'd said something very odd, but thoughtfully agree. I did ask a teacher what did "Knowledge is power, France is bacon" mean and got a full 10-min-ute explanation of the "knowledge is power" bit but nothing on "France is bacon". When I prompted further ex-planation by saying "France is bacon?" in a questioning tone I just got a "yes". At 12 I didn't have the confidence to press it further. I just accepted it as something I'd never understand.

It wasn't until years later I saw it written down that the penny dropped.

It is the mailman’s last day on the job, and he is feeling mixed emotions. On the one hand he is glad to be retiring, but on the other hand he will miss seeing the beautiful young married woman he has fancied for the last few years.

He is shocked and delighted when she opens her door for this last time, wearing a see-through gown, and invites him in. She drags him up to the bedroom and makes passionate love to him.

Afterwards she cooks him a delicious breakfast. When he is about to leave, the young woman goes to her purse, takes out a dollar bill and gives it to him. “I don’t understand,” says the satisfied mailman. “You are going to pay me as well?”

“It was my husband’s idea,” the woman explains, “when I told him you were retiring and suggested we give you something, he said, “Screw him, give him a dollar.””

”The breakfast,” she adds proudly, “was my idea.”

What is irony?
Thus:
"I am but a pebble freshly emerged from the sea.
I bask in the sunlight as last!
Oh the JOY!
Then some fool just threw me back in...."

IMAGINE BEING SO FULL OF SHIT THAT YOU NEEDED TWO EXTRA ARSEHOLES

I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Eskimo earnestly, "did you tell me?"
-- Annie Dillard

Some great insights everyone,

Very important to understand that Mind in Buddhism includes emotions and body feelings. Some of these are hormonal, age and gender related etc.

As I slowly disintegrate into irrelevance, alternate relevance and Anti-Vance, I can attest:

1. The French are right even objects have genders
2. Diversify your Buddha buds
3. Remember the fifth Noble Truth... which I seem to have forgotten for The Moment

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Noble_Virtues

Tee hee a more conventional funny I found on Mastodon this morning...

A shrewd antique dealer from London was driving through the Somerset countryside when he stopped for petrol.

As he walked past a run-down cottage, he noticed a stray tabby cat drinking milk from a shallow saucer on the porch.

The dealer took one look at the saucer and nearly stopped breathing. It was genuine Ming dynasty porcelain, worth at least £25,000.

Determined to make the deal of his life, he knocked on the door.

An elderly man answered.

“Good afternoon, sir. I couldn’t help noticing that lovely cat on your porch. My mother has been terribly lonely lately, and he looks just like a cat she had when she was young. Would you take £20 for him?”

The old man scratched his beard.

“Aye, lad. That sounds fair enough.”

The dealer handed him £20 and picked up the cat.

After taking a couple of steps, he turned back casually.

“Oh, by the way, would you mind throwing in that old saucer? The cat’s used to drinking from it, so it might help him settle in.”

The old man chuckled.

“Not on your life, mate. That’s my lucky saucer. I’ve sold thirty-four cats from this porch just this month alone.”