Best Of

From another thread (Buddhist Quotes)

Confess your hidden faults.
Approach what you find repulsive.
Help those you think you cannot help.
Anything you are attached to, let it go.
Go to the places that scare you.
~ Padampa Sangye
(These five teachings are often attributed to Machig Labdron, but it was her teacher, Padampa Sangye, who gave them to her)

Ah ha!
Seems like a plan (hardcore)

I'll start:

• Faults: Too numerous to mention. Maybe one example. Strong desire to compost politicians, q-anon, influencers and unsocial media manipulators ...

• Repulse Approach: Too numerous to mention. Have been approaching the Dank Side of the Farce for years. Sith previous Fault.
  “The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy.
  https://www.cbr.com/star-wars-yoda-turn-dark-side-became-most-powerful-sith-lord/
  The shadow of greed that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” —Bodhi Yoda - Revenge of the Sith

• Help: Ah hah! Get others to help me help others (especially me). Masterful plan.

• Attachments: Nearly dropped my Ipad. Gonna stop being attached to non attachment. Oops! Think that should be under faults ...
• Scare placement: You mean reading the news? Lord Buddha have mercy ...

Anyone else care to have a go?

Ten Zen jokes for the humorous...

1. Seeing his master on the other side of a raging torrent, a student waved his arms and shouted out, "Master, master, how do I get to the other side?"
   The master smiled and said, "You are on the other side."

2. A Zen student went to a temple and asked how long it would take him to gain enlightenment if he joined the temple.
   "Ten years," said the Zen master.
   "Well, how about if I really work hard and double my effort?"
   "Twenty years."

3. One Zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."
   The second said, "My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep."
   The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

4. For his 70th birthday, one of his students gave the zen master a big box with a ribbon around it. When the master opened the box, he found that there was nothing inside. "Aha," he exclaimed, "just what I wanted!"

5. An aspiring monk asked to enter a temple and attach himself to a guru.
   "Very well," said the guru, "but all students here observe the vow of silence. You will be allowed to speak only once in every twelve years.
   After the first twelve years, the student said, "The bed is too hard."
   After another twelve years, he said, "The food is not good."
   Twelve more years later, after thirty-six years of hard work and meditation, he said, "I quit."
   "Good," snapped his guru, "all you have been doing is complain."

6. The master holds the disciple's head underwater for a long time. The bubbles become fewer, but at the last moment the master pulls out the disciple and revives him: "When you crave truth like you crave air, then you will be ready."

7. Four monks were meditating in a temple when, all of a sudden, the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
   The youngest monk came out of his meditation and said, "Flag is flapping."
   The second, more experienced monk said, "Wind is flapping."
   The third monk, who had been there for more than twenty years, said, "Mind is flapping."
   The fourth monk, who was the eldest, said, "Mouths are flapping!"

8. A novice was loading the larder with flour and oil and, spotting one of the monks under a banyan tree, asked him for help. "Sorry," said the monk, "I'm busy". "But your eyes are shut!" replied the student. "Yes, I'm busy doing nothing. It's much harder than what you're doing. It's what the food is for, it's what the kitchen is for, it's what the temple is for. Don't interrupt me again with your lardering." Hours later, with his task complete, the novice spotted the monk slouching on a bench and said, "Can we talk now?" "No," came the reply, "I haven't finished yet."

9. A Zen master was visiting London. He went up to a hot dog vendor and said, "Make me one with everything."
   The vendor fixed up a hot dog with fried onions, gherkins, and mustard and handed it to the Zen master, who paid with a £20 note. The vendor put the note in his register and snapped it shut.
   "Excuse me, but where's my change?" asked the Zen master.
   "O my brother," said the vendor, "change comes from within."

10. Two old friends met for dinner.
    "How's that husband of yours? Is he still unemployed?"
    "No, no, not anymore."
    "Oh well some good news at least. What does he do now?"
    "Now he meditates."
    "Meditates! What's that?"
    "I'm not sure, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing."

@Kerome
or possibly its zen that is far too humorous for itself.
Falling off ledges is so common in zen that beginners are not allowed to practice on anything higher than a floor cushion.

I kept expecting him to fall off the ledge... maybe I am too humorous for Zen?