Best Of

1. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
2. Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
3. My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
4. My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world!
5. After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
6. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog – we laughed a lot.

@lobster said:
Dad Jokes:

"Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, 'Do you know why I can’t be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because I’m not dead yet!'”

"A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'"

"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"

I like your Dad