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SimonthepilgrimSimonthepilgrim Veteran
edited January 2006 in Faith & Religion
Principles of Jewish Buddhism

1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders.

2. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcyclemaintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

5. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

6. If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

10. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

11. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

12. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

13. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?


  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited January 2006
    Oi, that's just great!!
  • buddhafootbuddhafoot Veteran
    edited January 2006

    I loved it.

    I have to admit - I had to do a double take on the first one before I realized this was humor...

  • edited January 2006

    That was funny. It took me a minute or two to realize it was a joke. LOL!

    Adiana:wavey: :D
  • edited January 2006


    Adiana:type: :grin:
  • NirvanaNirvana aka BUBBA   `     `   South Carolina, USA Veteran
    I miss your posts, Pilgrim!
  • I learned my Judaism from Isaac Asimov - he wrote a book specifically on Jewish humour
    Here is a Joke from Isaac, I have also seen a Buddhist version of this joke . . .

    here is one of my favourite humorous books . . .
    Fish Who Answer the Telephone and Other Bizarre Books

    “A Zen master once said to me, ‘Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.’ So I didn't.”
  • KundoKundo Sydney, Australia Veteran
    Lama Surya Das is who brought me to Buddhism :D
  • bookwormbookworm U.S.A. Veteran
    Wow thats was really great it brought a big smile to my face i honestly was not expecting that
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    New discussion/spin-off here:

This discussion has been closed.