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JuBu?
Simonthepilgrim
Veteran
Principles of Jewish Buddhism
1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders.
2. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcyclemaintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
5. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
6. If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.
10. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?
11. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
12. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
13. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders.
2. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcyclemaintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
5. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
6. If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.
10. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?
11. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.
12. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
13. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
14
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
There is a joke about spiritual seekers and travelers -- men and women like me: Margie Smith, a pleasant-looking woman who gave birth to her children in the 1950s (think June Cleaver or Harriet Nelson), approaches a travel agent.
"I must get to the Himalayas for my vacation," Mrs. Smith says. "I've got to talk to a guru."
"The Himalayas, Mrs. Smith! Are you sure?" the travel agent asks. "It's a long trip, different language, funny food, smelly oxcarts. How about London, or Florida? Florida is lovely this time of year."
Mrs. Smith is adamant. She must go to the Himalayas to talk to a guru. So Mrs. Smith, wearing her best blue suit and her black pumps with the sensible heels, heads East, taking a plane, a train, a bus, and, yes, an oxcart, until she finally arrives at a far-off Buddhist monastery in Nepal. There an old lama in maroon and saffron robes tells her that the guru she seeks is meditating in a cave at the top of the mountain and cannot be disturbed. But Mrs. Smith came a long way and she is a determined woman who won't be put off.
Finally the lama relents. "All right," he says, "if you must, you must. But there are some ground rules. You can't stay long, and when you speak to the guru, you can say no more than seven words. He lives there alone, in silence and meditation."
Mrs. Smith agrees; and with the help of a few lamas, monks, and Sherpa porters, she starts trudging up the mountain. It's a long hard climb, but she doesn't give up. With an enormous effort of will and energy, she reaches the top -- and the cave in which the guru is meditating. Her mission accomplished, Mrs. Smith stands at the entrance, and in a loud clear voice, she says what she came to say:
"Sheldon.... Enough is enough! It's your mother. Come home already."
I loved it.
I have to admit - I had to do a double take on the first one before I realized this was humor...
-bf
That was funny. It took me a minute or two to realize it was a joke. LOL!
Adiana:wavey:
Adiana:type:
Here is a Joke from Isaac, I have also seen a Buddhist version of this joke . . .
http://hermiene.net/misc/jew.html
here is one of my favourite humorous books . . .
Fish Who Answer the Telephone and Other Bizarre Books
“A Zen master once said to me, ‘Do the opposite of whatever I tell you.’ So I didn't.”
More Cartoons
New discussion/spin-off here: