What am I experiencing?

Slaytounge

I came here to gain some insight. I'm 18 years old and was raised as a Christian. I later started to doubt my religion and eventually discarded it all together. I've always been very self reflective and have felt like I've lived my life in my head. But as I went deeper and deeper in my own consciousness I felt almost awakened..
It's very difficult to put in words but it feels as though everything that people feel that are so important just seem so mundane and unimportant to me. It's like I have let go of my ego, I heard this once before and it seemed to fit so perfectly with what I was experiencing. I really am having the hardest time putting this into words. I just feel so confused because I'm looking through the world through what feels to be "opened eyes" as I call it. I feel the things that people hold important to them like having a certain reputation or doing things that are important because they were taught they were important instead of looking within themselves to find what is...the truth? See, I just don't know how to express what I'm going through so if anyone understood a single thing I am talking about, please don't hesitate to respond because I'm finding it hard to cope within a society that I feel is very blind egocentric. I've never really thought about meditating but maybe I should because I know the answers I'm looking for are inside me but I just can't grasp them.

EDIT---

I found another example of what I'm experiencing. Things like territory, countries, and just different labels and subgroups seem almost false and people take such pride in being patriotic when I can't because I don't think of me as an American, but as a human being. Hope someone can put words to what this is that is happening.

genkaku

Slaytoungue -- It sounds as if things are opening up and the terrain is a both exhilarating and confusing. Intellectual and emotional openings are pretty exciting and sometimes a little spooky.

OK. The first thing to do is to find a way to slow down and really examine what is going on. Intellect and emotion can be powerful things, but without finding the ground from which they are born, they always fall short of a peaceful life.

Patience, courage, doubt and determination are good tools. Use them. In Buddhism, finding a meditation practice is also recommended. Try that too. Nothing happens overnight, but with perseverance, things tend to settle down and become ... well, they become what they are and you are no longer the surprised outsider.

Take your time and take care of yourself.

person

Hard to say for sure. I've met alot of people who when they first encounter the Dharma have a profound initial experience of sorts. Overall it seems like you're view has shifted from looking towards exterior sources for happiness and meaning in your life (the way you see other people doing) to looking inside yourself for meaning in your life. I don't know you or your experiences but that seems to me to be what your describing, idk.

What genkaku said is very important too. Initial experiences fade without a practice to stabilize and deepen them.

Malachy12

Looks like you're searching for deeper meanings, and want to understand the true nature of things. What you're experiencing may be hard to articulate because you don't have a word for it. If you're on a Buddhist discussion board, I'm guessing you're either Buddhist or curious about Buddhism. Try reading Hardcore Zen. It's a good starter book for someone your age, and it's pretty funny, and interesting. I think you'll enjoy it, and it will give you something to mull over.

hermitwin

teenage angst or midlife crisis,
depending on your age.

vinlyn

teenage angst or midlife crisis,
depending on your age.

I tend to agree. And I don't we're belittling that at all, but some of the thoughts you've expressed most of us had at your age.

zen_world

it doesn't matter...don't try to label it...what matters is what you can do with it. My humble suggestion is to go to your nearest temple and listen to Dharmma...You may find what you are looking for...You don't have to be Buddhist to listen to Dharmma...

Tikal2012

Hey, it sounds like you are on the right path. Perhaps what you might be experiencing is a slight understanding of the emptiness or non-substantiality of all conditioned phenomenon, and also a little bit of renunciation. From what you are writing, you could progress swiftly through the meditation and attain Nibbana. My advice to you would be to find out as much as you can about the four noble truths, because Buddha says it's really the understanding of these truths that will fully awaken you. You already seem to be going into the right direction, you just need to make sure that your on the right path. Trust me, learn the four noble truths, investigate them as they occur in your mind, and observe the unbinding, and don't forget to have fun. Buddhism is a smiling practice.

MindGate

Welcome to the new you. You change once you start to wonder: which is what you are doing. You have learned to question things and think outside of the box. Thats a good thing. One of the firsts steps on your journey to Buddhahood.

Always remember, though, questioning and thinking outside the box is a good thing. Thats what you'll be remembered for, my friend.

DhammaDhatu

@Slaytounge

Hi

My impression is you are experiencing dissillusionment with the superficiality of the world. Many people experience this. There is nothing abnormal about the way you are seeing things because seeing reality can be the same as you are seeing.

If you feel confused and this is disturbing your mind alot then you can try meditation, best learned in a meditation centre or in a monastery.

The purpose of meditation is to calm the mind down and to develop contentment within.

Buddhist meditation generally is to keep the mind with a neutral, calming & soothing object, such as our in-breathing & out-breathing

regards

Malachy12

I think Dhamma Dhatu put the right word to it. Disillusionment. It happens in a big rush from adolescents into the early 20's, then just keeps happening from time to time, usually just when you think you've got it all figured out