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meditation question
chanratt
Veteran
So, I've been on the forum for a while now. I don't post much but I read a lot. I read a lot of books too and listen to dharma talks. (brad warner, kenneth folk, stephen bachelor etc). I was going to my local Zen center for a while and even went on a 2 day retreat, but at a distance of 30 minutes away on top of a 6 day a week job and 3 kids...well, I don't get there very often and haven't been for months.
Now I meditate every day and the times vary. Some days for 2 15 min sessions, or 1 20 min session or less. I've been doing this for a year and a half now and I still can't even hold my attention on my breath. After about 10 minutes I don't need to because my thoughts calm down by themselves but quite often this is the end of my session. I also get very tired as the only times i can meditate are first thing in the morning or late at night. What am i doing wrong? I really should be further along in my practice.
Now I meditate every day and the times vary. Some days for 2 15 min sessions, or 1 20 min session or less. I've been doing this for a year and a half now and I still can't even hold my attention on my breath. After about 10 minutes I don't need to because my thoughts calm down by themselves but quite often this is the end of my session. I also get very tired as the only times i can meditate are first thing in the morning or late at night. What am i doing wrong? I really should be further along in my practice.
0
Comments
where do you think you should be?
I am not trying to be philosophical or anything...just trying to see from your perspective..
since you don't seem to have much time for more on the cushion meditation, perhaps focus your practice a bit more on your daily life.
perhaps keep a journal, the simple act logging your mindfulness in your daily life can help you tremendously be more mindful off the cushion.
I think it's important to label the thoughts as you sweep them aside and return to the breath.
Another issue I had when starting to meditate was that I always practiced with my eyes closed. This allowed me to get tired quickly, especially if I already was tired to begin with, and also allow more picture-thoughts - for lack of a better word - to intrude. Meditating with my eyes open has made a great deal of difference in my practice.
The problem with "trying " to concentrate is that the way you make it sound is as if you are struggling or fighting with yourself when it should really arise naturally.
You could also try to focus on the heart beats...the beats are constant and you don't have to fight them or control them. Just feel the constant beating rhythm and use that as an anchor.
Naturally, you must be very still to listen and concentration will arise naturally. After 10minutes you will begin to sense the pulsing in all parts of your body and it feels very alive andsoothing...
Make sense...easier than chasing the breath.
My point is try to judge the effectiveness of your meditation on how it effects your daily life more than on how good the actual session is.
Have you tried mahasati meditation? Perhaps the breath is too subtle an object for you at the moment.
[Also known as Dynamic meditation, Mahasati Meditation is a form of mindfulness meditation. It is a technique developed by the late Thai Buddhist reformist, Luangpor Teean Jittasubho.]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahasati_meditation
Spiny
Just keep doing what you are doing. Do your best and a little at a time the expectations will drop away by themselves. Notions of "right" and "wrong" will move to Tennessee or Oklahoma or wherever they go when they are not nipping at our heels.
This life is your life. Get used to it.
Though I think there are correct and incorrect ways to do meditation, and it's good to get advice on technique and method.
Spiny
Ponder on your expectations - what it is that you are achieving with your practice or where you want to be for example?
There is no linear path - there is no further along - there just 'is'...
In all likelihood...
Practically speaking you could try different forms of meditation to be practiced simultaneously with your day to day obligations - for example you can practice mindfulness of breath when doing the washing up - miyagi style - wax on, wax off, breathe in, breathe out... why am I putting wax on my washing you may ask...? hmmmm...
Sit down
Erect the spine
Shut up
Sit still
Focus the mind and ...
See what happens?
Another tip I recently came across is to support the mindfulness with very subtle thoughts:
on the inbreath, very softly think 'in' (or 'rising')
on the outbreath, very softly think 'out' (or 'falling')
This thoughts should remain in the background. This way, you engage your thinking a little bit (you give it something to do), while not allowing it to take over and lead you to tropical islands, etc.
http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/shenpa3b.php# :
"Say, for instance, you meditated and you felt a sort of settling and a sort of calmness, a sense of well-being. And maybe thoughts came and went, but they didn't hook you, and you were able to come back, and there wasn't a sense of struggle. Afterwards, to that actually very pleasant experience: shenpa. "I did it right, I got it right, that's how it should always be, that's the model." It either builds arrogance or conversely it builds poverty mind because next session is nothing like that.
Next session, the bad one, which is even worse now that you had the good one —and you had the shenpa to the "good" one. Do you see what I'm saying about the shenpa? In other words, is there something wrong with that meditation experience? Nothing wrong with it, but the shenpa. This is what, as practitioners, we have to get at.
Then you have the "bad" one, which is not bad. It's just that you sat there and you were very discursive and you were obsessing about someone at home, at work, something you have to do— you worried and you fretted, or you got into a fear or anger. Anyway, you were wildly discursive, and you were trying to rope in this wild horse who refused to be tamed, and you just felt like it was a horrible meditation session. At the end of it you feel discouraged, and it was bad and you're bad for the bad meditation. And you could feel hopeless.
That's why I told the story about my meditation last night, because really, someone like me, I'd say, would have taken my own life long ago based on if I had been trained in good and bad —that it's supposed to be like this and not this. But from the beginning, even though it took ten years to even start to penetrate, I was always told not to judge yourself. Don't get caught in good or bad, it's just what it is."
Forget about Buddhism for a while and try to fill up on the world, because you not going to knuckle under and really apply yourself until you really see no choice.
Spiny
Don't impose anything on the mind in meditation; no efforts to control or even "be peaceful." Let go of even the idea that you are meditating. Simply sit with the breath.
is that right?
anyhow the focusing is very important, in the sense that our mind usually goes all over the place and this is what gets the water muddy.
but perhaps changing the term "focusing" with "re-directing" the attention might solve this conundrum.
just re-directing the attention peacefully on a object (weather it be something to look at, a sound to hear, letting go, the present moment, a picture in the imagination, a candle, the observer etc...)
this has the effect of calming the mind, keeping it much less hyper active or even still for a bit so the muddy water can settle..
2 things I noticed,
1. your sessions are too short, try to aim for 1 hr seating
increase it gradually from 10 min.
2. what is your technique? do you just watch your breath?
sounds like you need more instructions.
Spiny
Spiny
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/study/merit.html
Spiny