Question regarding proper etiquette towards teacher

Nwoso

Hi everyone,

Question regarding etiquette towards teacher and a little background:

After attending one of the 'Intro to Buddhism' classes, our instructor encouraged us to approach and speak to the monks. It turns out the monk I introduced myself to was willing to get me started with my first meditation exercise, and offered to help me along on an ongoing basis. My next action is to check in via e-mail and follow up with our initial meeting. Even though I am new and recently started attending group practice at our local Tibetan (Sakya) Center, I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to find someone there who will help me along my path.

I would like to show respect for his generous offer of time and teaching, and want to know about proper forms of address, courtesy, protocols, and the like - when to do what so as not to appear ungrateful.

Thanks a lot, all

genkaku

Why not ask your new-found friend? Most people willing to lend a hand understand the confusions and fantasies of a relative new-comer and are more than willing to help iron out the wrinkles.

Best rule of thumb -- just be honest. You want to ask about etiquette, ask about etiquette. You want to talk about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll ... go ahead. Just be honest -- it works out better in the long run.

how

I completely agree with genkaku and would only add...
What a teaching monk wishes for is to show everyone how to walk the path to sufferings cessation. The etiquette that he would most likely appreciate will be your willingness to be open to the teachings offered.

zenff

Don’t worry about the etiquette. The monk will live if you break some futile “rule”. Just be sincere in your practice.

Sometimes people get so obsessed with the etiquette of showing respect and gratitude, they stop seeing things in proportion. The monks pass on the teachings they received and that’s kind of them. There is no need to worship the ground that they walk on.

Invincible_summer

Also, you have to remember that monks are just people. Although some monastics may enjoy the whole being reverence/etiquette/respect from laypeople (which would make their intent to become a monastic very questionable), I'm sure many more are uncomfortable with it and see it just as a part of the job.

Nwoso

I really appreciate the perspective everyone! I guess it follows that being sincere and honest in one's approach, and simply asking, is the best course. It is also refreshing to hear the view expressed that monks/teachers are just people like us.

Part of why I was concerned and felt the need to ask was that the group practices I have attended have had some element of ritual wherein respect is paid to the teacher, and also in reading similar views have been expressed.

Thanks a lot for answering.

karasti

Just be respectful. Different people show this in different ways. You are unlikely to get slapped or anything Your teacher knows you are new, if there is something he deems needs correcting, he will let you know. When I first started, there were things that were uncomfortable to me, such as bowing to a teacher. Over time, with lots of learning and observation, some of those things have gotten much easier. I understand them better and have removed the leftovers from my previous religion that were attached to similar practices and so I don't feel uncomfortable anymore.

Nwoso

Thanks @karasti, much appreciated. You also touched on the leftovers that I similarly face from growing up in an organized religion setting too.

To some extent I realized that in pursuing a different spiritual path I would be moving far beyond my comfort zone. While there are regularly times where I feel out of my element, I try to focus on the notion that beyond one's comfort zone is where growth and learning will occur.

sharonsaw

There are different protocols for different schools of Buddhism, like i know that in the Theravadan tradition, women cannot touch a monk or even pass something to him. We have to put it on a table and the monk will pick it up from there. We also don't offer the monk refreshments after 12 noon as that is in conflict of their vows. It is a form of respect for the monk's vows.

I am more familiar with the Tibetan Buddhist tradition where there is more protocol, but if you are new, i am sure your monk teacher will advise you accordingly and not take offence. This is when having a Buddhist community helps, in that you could ask other students of that particular monk what you should do since each monk may be different perspectives on this.

footiam

Nwoso said:

Hi everyone,

Question regarding etiquette towards teacher and a little background:

After attending one of the 'Intro to Buddhism' classes, our instructor encouraged us to approach and speak to the monks. It turns out the monk I introduced myself to was willing to get me started with my first meditation exercise, and offered to help me along on an ongoing basis. My next action is to check in via e-mail and follow up with our initial meeting. Even though I am new and recently started attending group practice at our local Tibetan (Sakya) Center, I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to find someone there who will help me along my path.

I would like to show respect for his generous offer of time and teaching, and want to know about proper forms of address, courtesy, protocols, and the like - when to do what so as not to appear ungrateful.

Thanks a lot, all

Probably, a simple 'thank you' would do.

Nwoso

@sharonsaw @footiam - thanks for your replies. After much review and revision, I wrote my first e-mail and sent it off a day or two ago. I kind of felt like I was applying for a job and didn't want any mistakes in my cover letter. As the teacher is just returned from a trip, I don't expect I will hear anything back for a bit. I will see him at an event tomorrow. I made sure to offer my thanks and gratitude, as well as to let him know that I am a newcomer and not entirely up to speed on what is expected of me as it relates to some of the customary protocols. courtesies, etc.

Thanks again

genkaku

@Nwoso -- Try to think of it this way: As much as you might wish to have a job, so the company is equally keen to see you get it.

Best wishes.