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Things have been kind of hectic here but I wanted to take a minute to tell everyone .....
THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your kindness, compassion and support. You all really did make me feel so much better..... You all are terrific!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I must post on this thread way to much.........I think that should tell me something.
Got a question........Has anyone ever dislocated their knee? I saw the doc. yesterday and he popped it back in. Told me to ice it for a few days.....I also wanted to know how long is this going to take to heal? I can't do yoga or sit in a lotus etc... Can't walk very well either......lol Although it feels better today.
When I asked the doc. how long......he never answered.......just kind of chuckled....
Hmmmm... did you happen to sever your spinal cord too?
I'm trying to figure out how someone dislocated their knee, has a doc pop it BACK IN PLACE and then sits around and laugh about when you can start doing things again.
You do realize that YOU DISLOCATED YOUR KNEE!?!!!??!??!?!??!?!!?!?, right?
I've dislocated just about every toe I have in various martial arts tournaments and they don't even come close to people I've seen having their knees dislocated.
BF,
No, I'm not on drugs........I'm hard pressed to take a Tylenol. I have taken 2. One last night and one the night before.
It really hasn't hurt that much. It didn't hurt at all when the doc popped it back in place. I did have some mild to moderate pain last night after he popped it back in but not to bad. The swelling is the biggest thing. Can't really bend it much, altho I do have a little better movement today.
So, how long is this going to take to heal???????? Do you know?
With your pain thresh-hold - you might be able to use it sooner than others.
I used to do taekwon-do with a doctor. He mentioned a couple of times that after 25, your body starts to digress. It no longer heals itself as quickly as it used to.
So... I guess it depends on how old you are, how good you are to it, how much you take care of it and let "it" take the time it needs to heal.
I've known people with blown out knees that never get back to 100% - yours might not be that extreme.
But... I'm hazarding a guess of 5 to 10 months? Depending on the damage that was done in the dislocating (tendon, cartilage, etc.)
ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That must be why the doc laughed when I asked him.
Ok, maybe there is a difference that I didn't know about. I dislocated my knee cap. Is that different than blowing out your knee? That sounds terrible and now that you mention it. My brother has done that to both knees and had to have surgery. Back in his 20's. I'm 47 so if that is the case this will not be a walk in the park........There must be a difference. Cause it really doesn't hurt all that much. I do have a high pain thresh-hold but I didn't think it was that high.
Whenever I would get bad dings in martial arts, I found that letting the injury rest - not over tax, use or strain it if I could help it) was critical.
Ice always help with swelling. I know some people say that it doesn't help after 24 hours, but it there is still swelling that icing can help but can't be seen with the naked eye.
Compression - get an Ace bandage and wrap that puppy up. I used to buy bags of frozen corn or peas, wrap my leg with one layer of an Ace bandage and then put frozen peas or corn on it, then wrap it the rest of the way. Then I'd put it in the air above the level of my heart - always seemed to work wonders. Especially on things like shin splints. If I didn't do this after a hard work out - I could hardly walk the next day.
I've been icing and elevating and I did think I should be wrapping it but the doc didn't say to so I haven't. I will do that. Rest isn't that easy.... I know I should be but I'm house breaking a 9 week old puppy and a 10 week old puppy right now. No time to just sit.....I am taking it very slow. Doc said to be careful not to twist it. So I'm trying to be very mindful of how I move.
Sorry - you keep asking this and I keep NOT answering.
Maybe 2 to 4 weeks? Depending on how quickly it heals and settles back in place, how much you tax it - how many times you forget not to twist and then do something that causes you to twist it, etc. Plus, you old people in your 40's tend to heal slower than us people who are... well... in their 40's too. I blew that...
lol thanks BF.........for your patients and your answers........
Namaste'
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited February 2007
Hey gang....Just an update on my happy life....:)
Nick did his mid-term exams and came out with a 2:1 and in the top 5% of the university students.
My job is going great, and I have just moved to a new group (away from Custom research, I]which meant I was conducting research into pretty much any given technological aspect of the industry[/I, and into a more 'fixed' research group, concerning CD/DVD manufacturing, production distribution and marketing.... I'm really quite pleased, and so must they be, as I've just received a small raise....
But as Nick and I really can't exist on just one income, he rang up about a tele-sales job on saturday (making double glazing appointments for sales reps) and the guy snapped him up! He probably knows more about sales and marketing that the guy who hired him does!
As usual, we bought a lottery ticket on saturday (the prize being a disgustingly unimaginable £15,000,000) and decided that if we win (pause for belly-laugh) we'd treat all of our good friends to an all-expenses, pull-all-the-stops-out trip to the UK... And Nick said he'd love to meet YogaMama and her family.. Yoga-Bear and little Boo-Boo - !!
So that's what your family is now known as, YM.. The YogaBearbunch!!
Good to see all is going well, Fede, and congratulations to both of you.
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited February 2007
Thank you Simon....
nevertheless, I am always conscious, due to previous experience, that "investment and interest totals can go up as well as down"....
I thought perhaps that once we had turned the corner, and I could welcome each sunrise without any feeling of fear and trepidation, that I might be in danger of forgetting the equal presence of the 'dark side'....but to my own personal satisfaction, I am far more realistic and accepting of this that I thought possible...
so in spite of the garden looking rosy, I know manure will be needed to keep it in tip-top condition, at some point.....
I'm glad you and Nick are past that awful period and that things seem to be taking a turn.
Now win that damn lottery so we can all come over.
-bf
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited February 2007
This may be the 'what-ails-thee' corkboard, but I feel it perfectly appropriate to come in and post a 'what-goes-right-with-thee' notice too... But as I said on previous occasions, a man is the sum of his parts, and the friends are a big part...wiothout you guys to sound off on, not sure I'd be quite as chipper as I am today... hence the desire to win the dough and splash it out to the best possible use....
And if I had £150.000,000, it still wouldn't be enough to show you guys how much your love, kindness, wise words of counsel and mere 'shoulder to cry on' meant to us....
So even though we can count our blessings, it's a shared total.
Wonderful, Fed! My situation has improved greatly as well since I got a full-time job. I've been here less than two months and have already received a $2 an hour raise, so maybe I can get out of the financial hole I dug for myself since getting back from Mongolia.
And as I always say to someone when I see them buying a lottery ticket, "Thank you so much for paying my taxes!"
So glad things are going well for you both of you, Fede and Palzang! You fully deserve the happiness.
And if you do win that lottery, Fede, I'm going to sedate myself for the flight and make it there if I have to crawl. I really will. I'd do almost anything to be back on the island I love most in this world.
Nick did his mid-term exams and came out with a 2:1 and in the top 5% of the university students.
My job is going great, and I have just moved to a new group (away from Custom research, I]which meant I was conducting research into pretty much any given technological aspect of the industry[/I, and into a more 'fixed' research group, concerning CD/DVD manufacturing, production distribution and marketing.... I'm really quite pleased, and so must they be, as I've just received a small raise....
But as Nick and I really can't exist on just one income, he rang up about a tele-sales job on saturday (making double glazing appointments for sales reps) and the guy snapped him up! He probably knows more about sales and marketing that the guy who hired him does!
As usual, we bought a lottery ticket on saturday (the prize being a disgustingly unimaginable £15,000,000) and decided that if we win (pause for belly-laugh) we'd treat all of our good friends to an all-expenses, pull-all-the-stops-out trip to the UK... And Nick said he'd love to meet YogaMama and her family.. Yoga-Bear and little Boo-Boo - !!
So that's what your family is now known as, YM.. The YogaBearbunch!!
How's life treating you guys....?
Awwwwww! The YogaBearBunch - I love that so much! I would love, more than anything, for you to come and visit us. Especially after we are settled into our new farm! I promise to give you lots of fresh produce, farm fresh eggs, and fresh goat milk for breakfast every day! And tea, of course!
fede, I am so happy for you and Nick! A big congrats to Nick for doing so well on his exams!! We knew he would do a fantastic job! And I am so glad your job is going so well! You certainly deserve all of this.
Many hugs to both of you! Hurry and win the lottery so you can come for a visit on the farm!
My husband was diagnosed yesterday with an aggressive cancer that has spread to at least one lymph knod in his neck. Not all tests are back yet and a few yet to be done. I will know more in a few days..........
If you all would please add him in your prayers I would be most grateful. His name is John.
Oh Deb! I am so sorry to hear this! I know I haven't been on here much lately (my life has been absolutely CRAZY) , but I wanted to let you know I will be thinking about you and your husband. I wish there was more that I could do for you. If you ever need to chat, just shoot me a pm.
I'll definitely put him in our prayer book and ask Maryland to put him in theirs. If you have a stupa anywhere around, doing prayers around a stupa would be of immense benefit to him.
I recognise that feeling of unreal numbness. It hit us when Chris got her diagnosis of metastasis. It is still with me when I think of sitting in that consulting room and hearing the news. The oncologist was very kind, as were the nurses, but we still had to get home, a dozen miles away. I drove in a sort of 'fugue' state. Not good. We had to stop half-way. Then, when we did get home, we walked round our small garden: the daffodils were out and it was a sunny day but all I remember is that I felt as though I was under a soggy blanket. It lasted for weeks.
Please make sure that you get support. Do you have anything like our hospices over there? We have a wonderful day hospice near here, and their help and love made those last few months almost bearable.
Oh, Deb! I just sent you an email. My heart is breaking for you and John and the kids. As I said in my email, I'm praying with all my might that this will be treatable and that this nightmare will somehow come to a good end. When you need strength you've got it here in your sangha and in everyone who loves you so dearly. I can barely see the keyboard for the tears and I wish with all my might that I could be there with you, hug you and tell you everything's going to be all right. I love you very much, Deb. You've been such a dear friend to me and I feel completely helpless right now. Please know that I'm walking every step with you in my spirit and I'm holding your hand at the worst times. Any merit that I can accrue will go to you and John.
As I sit here reading your posts it hard for me to hold back the tears so that I can see to type. This is like a nightmare I can not wake up from. During the day I seem to do well and feel very positive and strong. But I seem to wake in the middle of the night and can not go back to sleep. It's hard to shut down my mind and my fears come out while John sleeps, I cry.
Yes Simon I agree, it is like being under a soggy blanket. I'm having to force myself to come out from under the rock I so would like to crawl under but there is so much to do.
I have found out that our insurance is not going to cover any of John's medical bills. Do to the business that John worked for closing I put us on temporary insurance while I researched finding insurance for self-employed which is what John decided to go to. Our insurance runs out on Monday and the new insurance begins on Tuesday. Because it was only temporary insurance I can not renew it and the new insurance will consider the cancer preexisting. So, I'm spending my days trying to talk to ppl and find programs to help pay for his medical bills etc... I have been fortunate in my life and have never needed any kind of aid before. But now that John can not work and we have no medical insurance I find myself at a loss on even where to start. ppl have been very kind talking to me but I do seem to find they give you the run around even while they are talking nicely to you. This I sit and thinking about in the wee hours of the morning...
Our 21 year old son is not doing well. We told him Thursday night what was going on. John was honest, straight forward but very optimistic. Latt adores John.... his myspace page says HERO - MY DAD.......After telling him, he left, drove an hour to the town he works in and we have not seen him since. He would not answer my calls yesterday and he did not go to work. He has been in contact with a friend but the friend says he isn't doing well with any of this. Latt has not been exposed to death or major illness except while very small and he has no memory of it. This is all very new to him and while it is not ever easy his 1st time with it happens to be his father.......He finally answered a call from John's cell phone last night. John tried to get him to come home, talked to him for about 30 minutes but he would not agree to come home. He says he will on Sunday his day off. We knew he would need time to digest this but how much time do we give him? I will be surprised if he shows up Sunday....He likes to run from things.... well try and run anyway........He is sleeping on one of his employee's couches we are told but do not know which one or where they might live. We are not sure what to do....
Thank you all so much for all the kind words and support. I would also like to thank you for reading my babbling in the wee hours of this morning. I will say I didn't feel so alone and my tears are gone and just typing out some of my fears has made me feel better....thanks guys for listening...........
I was wondering how Latt was going to deal with this, bless him.
I'm so sorry about the insurance situation. Something has to come up to help you pay his medical bills. There must be some agency, some help somewhere. There are so many people without insurance in the U.S. that there's got to be some sort of alternative. Keep looking and ask people you come across if they know where you can find financial help. It's times like these when I wish I was a millionaire.
Take it one step, one issue at a time. Be as gentle and good to yourself as you possibly can and don't be afraid to ask for help. There have got to be resources to help you through this.
And don't forget we're here whenever you need moral support and a dose of loving kindness.
All my love,
Boo
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited April 2007
Deb,
I have debated very long and very hard as to whether to come back in and offer some concrete counsel, if you like.
I really fear my words might appear insensitive or untimely, but I fervently hope you can take what I say in the compassionate and loving way it is intended.
I mentioned in another thread that I am currently reading a book that has blown me away.
It's called:-
"Living in the Light of Death - On the Art of Being Truly Alive" By Larry Rosenberg.
In it, he mentions exactly what you are suffering now - the twin arrows of pain. Not only the pain of the illness to the body and the situation your husband is experiencing, but also the pain of the mental anguish this is causing everyone.....
Please forgive the intrusion into this situation with what seems to be vacuous practicality, but I would recommend you try to obtain this book.
(Indeed, I would recommend it to everyone. it is a truly startling book.)
Thw words within it are inspiring, supportive, compassionate, loving and understanding.
In whatever way possible, I wish you freedom from your suffering, and I am dedicating all my meditations to you and yours in this time of darkness.
Please forgive me, if my words have frustrated or irritated you.
im just reading what everyone wrote.. as my thoughts, prayers and daily events are consumed with debs suffering.
fed what you wrote was very kind. i will hunt for this book myself.
i will continue to send you strength deb, for every direction needed.
xoxo
Fede,
Your words did not frustrate or irritate me at all. Thank you for mentioning the book. I have written it down and will try and purchase it this week.
I have the book "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. I have loaned it out and was just thinking yesterday that I need to see if they are finished reading it so that I can reread it. It was a great help to me when I read it before when I thought life was tough.
Little did I know at that time things would get worse.
I will read your recommendation first.......Thank you again.
Thank you Simon and Palzang for your advice.....It was greatly appreciated.
Thank you Boo and Colleen...........
Nirvana, I called our insurance agent and she is doing some checking for us. Thank you for your advice also.
Everyone is being so kind and thoughtful.........I can not express in words how much I appreciate it.......There are no Buddhists in my area........It is so great to have this sangha to talk to and support us.........
I get in by pulling up the thread and then typing in the page number......but it won't ever let me post so i'll try again..........here we go......
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited May 2007
I think this is working again....
Could I ask all of you to concentrate your meditations on the recent news of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, the little three-year-old girl, who went missing, it appears abducted, last week, in Portugal....?
Her parents must be utterly frantic and helpless, and there has been much speculation, all amounting to naught...
Spare a thought for all those involved in the search and quest for her safe return, and dare I say it, spare a thought also, for those responsible for her disappearance....
Thank you all.
With much metta and karuna, everywhere....
This is a test to see if this thread is still open.
Namaste to inthedharma, or Deb, if I may call you that.
I remain anxious to hear.
I here am recuperating from an emergency surgery on my knee a week ago. Staph infection that took off like wildfire. On lots of antibiotics, but, thankfully, off the hard pain medicine for a few days now.
I just wanted to let you know that John will not be having surgery. The tumor is way to close to the carotid artery.
1. they won't be able to get all the cancer cells.
2. it would be to dangerous. He will start cemo on the 26th of June and will also be having radiation.
He did have a P.E.T. scan and an MRI and they show that he does not have cancer any where else in his body. It is only in the tonsil and trigon area of his mouth and 1 lymph node like we thought.
Please keep him in your prayers and thoughts..............
Namaste'
Deb
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited June 2007
How are you both, Deb?
I don't mean health-wise...I mean, how are YOU?
Hey that is actually good news! (about the PET scan) you're all in my prayers.
Now with the type of stuff they can do with radiation nowadays! The machines are really GOOD! they target tumours with great accuracy and deliver the correct dose in the target area. I think you have a great prognosis with this situation-BEST WISHES!
Fede,
We are doing ok. Trying to stay very positive!! Don't get me wrong we have tough moments but for the most part we are doing OK!
Thank you for asking.........
Boo,
Thank you!
Xray,
Yes, Very good news on the p.e.t. scan. And you're right on the radiation. The cemo they are going to start on him is new and they have had great success with it. We are very hopeful that John will respond well to both.
Had a second so I thought I'd let everyone know...........
John had his 1st round of Cemo last Monday and tolerated it very well. 2 more trements to go.
He is at the end of his second week of radiation with 5 more weeks to go.
The radiation doc checked him out yesterday and told him that the tumor in his mouth had receded 30% and the tumor in his lymph node had receded 60-70%. We didn't expect to see this good of results yet. So he is responding very well to both treatments.
He feels like crap most of the time but does have a good or I should say better day now and then. I know he will only continue to feel worse from this point on but he is still able to eat and has even gained some weight. Which is good........trying to avoid having to have a feeding tube put in.
He also qualified for S.S. disability and medical assistance so that is a great relief......
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.........Things are looking better but he has a really long road to go yet........
My thoughts and prayers remain with John, you and all the family. This is particularly so as his treatment continues: I remember how awful chemo can be - and as a partner! There is so little we can do to relieve the awfulness of what they suffer.
All my love,
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited July 2007
Deb, hang in there.
Know that you both have never been very far from anyone here, throughout.
We'll keep on keeping on for you.
One step at a time.
Oh, that's wonderful news and so early in the treatment! It's astonishing what modern medicine can do. Deb, I know there's a long road ahead and I'm with you every step of the way. Keep practicing, practicing, practicing!! There's so much truth and energy in this experience, don't let it go to waste. Use every last drop.
I love you very much and I'm sending my prayers to you and John and the whole family. I hope you're getting some help so you have some alone time periodically. Don't forget to take care of YOU as well.
And a big congrats on the financial help!! That's wonderful!!
Comments
THANK YOU SO MUCH
Namaste'
Got a question........Has anyone ever dislocated their knee? I saw the doc. yesterday and he popped it back in. Told me to ice it for a few days.....I also wanted to know how long is this going to take to heal? I can't do yoga or sit in a lotus etc... Can't walk very well either......lol Although it feels better today.
When I asked the doc. how long......he never answered.......just kind of chuckled....
Didn't think that was a good sign.............lol
I'm trying to figure out how someone dislocated their knee, has a doc pop it BACK IN PLACE and then sits around and laugh about when you can start doing things again.
You do realize that YOU DISLOCATED YOUR KNEE!?!!!??!??!?!??!?!!?!?, right?
I've dislocated just about every toe I have in various martial arts tournaments and they don't even come close to people I've seen having their knees dislocated.
Are you on drugs? Can I have some of them?
-bf
No, I'm not on drugs........I'm hard pressed to take a Tylenol. I have taken 2. One last night and one the night before.
It really hasn't hurt that much. It didn't hurt at all when the doc popped it back in place. I did have some mild to moderate pain last night after he popped it back in but not to bad. The swelling is the biggest thing. Can't really bend it much, altho I do have a little better movement today.
So, how long is this going to take to heal???????? Do you know?
With your pain thresh-hold - you might be able to use it sooner than others.
I used to do taekwon-do with a doctor. He mentioned a couple of times that after 25, your body starts to digress. It no longer heals itself as quickly as it used to.
So... I guess it depends on how old you are, how good you are to it, how much you take care of it and let "it" take the time it needs to heal.
I've known people with blown out knees that never get back to 100% - yours might not be that extreme.
But... I'm hazarding a guess of 5 to 10 months? Depending on the damage that was done in the dislocating (tendon, cartilage, etc.)
-bf
Ok, maybe there is a difference that I didn't know about. I dislocated my knee cap. Is that different than blowing out your knee? That sounds terrible and now that you mention it. My brother has done that to both knees and had to have surgery. Back in his 20's. I'm 47 so if that is the case this will not be a walk in the park........There must be a difference. Cause it really doesn't hurt all that much. I do have a high pain thresh-hold but I didn't think it was that high.
Ever hear of the RICE method of healing?
Rest
Ice
Compression
Elevation
Whenever I would get bad dings in martial arts, I found that letting the injury rest - not over tax, use or strain it if I could help it) was critical.
Ice always help with swelling. I know some people say that it doesn't help after 24 hours, but it there is still swelling that icing can help but can't be seen with the naked eye.
Compression - get an Ace bandage and wrap that puppy up. I used to buy bags of frozen corn or peas, wrap my leg with one layer of an Ace bandage and then put frozen peas or corn on it, then wrap it the rest of the way. Then I'd put it in the air above the level of my heart - always seemed to work wonders. Especially on things like shin splints. If I didn't do this after a hard work out - I could hardly walk the next day.
Hope this helps somewhat...
-bf
I've been icing and elevating and I did think I should be wrapping it but the doc didn't say to so I haven't. I will do that. Rest isn't that easy.... I know I should be but I'm house breaking a 9 week old puppy and a 10 week old puppy right now. No time to just sit.....I am taking it very slow. Doc said to be careful not to twist it. So I'm trying to be very mindful of how I move.
How long should this take to heal do you think?
Sorry - you keep asking this and I keep NOT answering.
Maybe 2 to 4 weeks? Depending on how quickly it heals and settles back in place, how much you tax it - how many times you forget not to twist and then do something that causes you to twist it, etc. Plus, you old people in your 40's tend to heal slower than us people who are... well... in their 40's too. I blew that...
-bf
Namaste'
Nick did his mid-term exams and came out with a 2:1 and in the top 5% of the university students.
My job is going great, and I have just moved to a new group (away from Custom research, I]which meant I was conducting research into pretty much any given technological aspect of the industry[/I, and into a more 'fixed' research group, concerning CD/DVD manufacturing, production distribution and marketing.... I'm really quite pleased, and so must they be, as I've just received a small raise....
But as Nick and I really can't exist on just one income, he rang up about a tele-sales job on saturday (making double glazing appointments for sales reps) and the guy snapped him up! He probably knows more about sales and marketing that the guy who hired him does!
As usual, we bought a lottery ticket on saturday (the prize being a disgustingly unimaginable £15,000,000) and decided that if we win (pause for belly-laugh) we'd treat all of our good friends to an all-expenses, pull-all-the-stops-out trip to the UK... And Nick said he'd love to meet YogaMama and her family.. Yoga-Bear and little Boo-Boo - !!
So that's what your family is now known as, YM.. The YogaBearbunch!!
How's life treating you guys....?
nevertheless, I am always conscious, due to previous experience, that "investment and interest totals can go up as well as down"....
I thought perhaps that once we had turned the corner, and I could welcome each sunrise without any feeling of fear and trepidation, that I might be in danger of forgetting the equal presence of the 'dark side'....but to my own personal satisfaction, I am far more realistic and accepting of this that I thought possible...
so in spite of the garden looking rosy, I know manure will be needed to keep it in tip-top condition, at some point.....
I'm glad you and Nick are past that awful period and that things seem to be taking a turn.
Now win that damn lottery so we can all come over.
-bf
And if I had £150.000,000, it still wouldn't be enough to show you guys how much your love, kindness, wise words of counsel and mere 'shoulder to cry on' meant to us....
So even though we can count our blessings, it's a shared total.
And as I always say to someone when I see them buying a lottery ticket, "Thank you so much for paying my taxes!"
Palzang
And if you do win that lottery, Fede, I'm going to sedate myself for the flight and make it there if I have to crawl. I really will. I'd do almost anything to be back on the island I love most in this world.
Awwwwww! The YogaBearBunch - I love that so much! I would love, more than anything, for you to come and visit us. Especially after we are settled into our new farm! I promise to give you lots of fresh produce, farm fresh eggs, and fresh goat milk for breakfast every day! And tea, of course!
fede, I am so happy for you and Nick! A big congrats to Nick for doing so well on his exams!! We knew he would do a fantastic job! And I am so glad your job is going so well! You certainly deserve all of this.
Many hugs to both of you! Hurry and win the lottery so you can come for a visit on the farm!
If you all would please add him in your prayers I would be most grateful. His name is John.
Namaste'
My heart goes out to both of you...
Palzang
I echo all, and reiterate Simon's question....
You and John are in my thoughts.
I wish I could do something...
-bf
im crying with you... my new prayer wheel be used first on john, yourself and the kids.
im here when ever u need me hun..xoxoxo
Please add John to any prayer list that you feel would be beneficial.
This just all seems so surreal........
I recognise that feeling of unreal numbness. It hit us when Chris got her diagnosis of metastasis. It is still with me when I think of sitting in that consulting room and hearing the news. The oncologist was very kind, as were the nurses, but we still had to get home, a dozen miles away. I drove in a sort of 'fugue' state. Not good. We had to stop half-way. Then, when we did get home, we walked round our small garden: the daffodils were out and it was a sunny day but all I remember is that I felt as though I was under a soggy blanket. It lasted for weeks.
Please make sure that you get support. Do you have anything like our hospices over there? We have a wonderful day hospice near here, and their help and love made those last few months almost bearable.
With many hugs
All my love,
Boo
Yes Simon I agree, it is like being under a soggy blanket. I'm having to force myself to come out from under the rock I so would like to crawl under but there is so much to do.
I have found out that our insurance is not going to cover any of John's medical bills. Do to the business that John worked for closing I put us on temporary insurance while I researched finding insurance for self-employed which is what John decided to go to. Our insurance runs out on Monday and the new insurance begins on Tuesday. Because it was only temporary insurance I can not renew it and the new insurance will consider the cancer preexisting. So, I'm spending my days trying to talk to ppl and find programs to help pay for his medical bills etc... I have been fortunate in my life and have never needed any kind of aid before. But now that John can not work and we have no medical insurance I find myself at a loss on even where to start. ppl have been very kind talking to me but I do seem to find they give you the run around even while they are talking nicely to you. This I sit and thinking about in the wee hours of the morning...
Our 21 year old son is not doing well. We told him Thursday night what was going on. John was honest, straight forward but very optimistic. Latt adores John.... his myspace page says HERO - MY DAD.......After telling him, he left, drove an hour to the town he works in and we have not seen him since. He would not answer my calls yesterday and he did not go to work. He has been in contact with a friend but the friend says he isn't doing well with any of this. Latt has not been exposed to death or major illness except while very small and he has no memory of it. This is all very new to him and while it is not ever easy his 1st time with it happens to be his father.......He finally answered a call from John's cell phone last night. John tried to get him to come home, talked to him for about 30 minutes but he would not agree to come home. He says he will on Sunday his day off. We knew he would need time to digest this but how much time do we give him? I will be surprised if he shows up Sunday....He likes to run from things.... well try and run anyway........He is sleeping on one of his employee's couches we are told but do not know which one or where they might live. We are not sure what to do....
Thank you all so much for all the kind words and support. I would also like to thank you for reading my babbling in the wee hours of this morning. I will say I didn't feel so alone and my tears are gone and just typing out some of my fears has made me feel better....thanks guys for listening...........
I was wondering how Latt was going to deal with this, bless him.
I'm so sorry about the insurance situation. Something has to come up to help you pay his medical bills. There must be some agency, some help somewhere. There are so many people without insurance in the U.S. that there's got to be some sort of alternative. Keep looking and ask people you come across if they know where you can find financial help. It's times like these when I wish I was a millionaire.
Take it one step, one issue at a time. Be as gentle and good to yourself as you possibly can and don't be afraid to ask for help. There have got to be resources to help you through this.
And don't forget we're here whenever you need moral support and a dose of loving kindness.
All my love,
Boo
I have debated very long and very hard as to whether to come back in and offer some concrete counsel, if you like.
I really fear my words might appear insensitive or untimely, but I fervently hope you can take what I say in the compassionate and loving way it is intended.
I mentioned in another thread that I am currently reading a book that has blown me away.
It's called:-
"Living in the Light of Death - On the Art of Being Truly Alive" By Larry Rosenberg.
In it, he mentions exactly what you are suffering now - the twin arrows of pain. Not only the pain of the illness to the body and the situation your husband is experiencing, but also the pain of the mental anguish this is causing everyone.....
Please forgive the intrusion into this situation with what seems to be vacuous practicality, but I would recommend you try to obtain this book.
(Indeed, I would recommend it to everyone. it is a truly startling book.)
Thw words within it are inspiring, supportive, compassionate, loving and understanding.
In whatever way possible, I wish you freedom from your suffering, and I am dedicating all my meditations to you and yours in this time of darkness.
Please forgive me, if my words have frustrated or irritated you.
With Metta and Karuna...
Fede.
fed what you wrote was very kind. i will hunt for this book myself.
i will continue to send you strength deb, for every direction needed.
xoxo
Your words did not frustrate or irritate me at all. Thank you for mentioning the book. I have written it down and will try and purchase it this week.
I have the book "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. I have loaned it out and was just thinking yesterday that I need to see if they are finished reading it so that I can reread it. It was a great help to me when I read it before when I thought life was tough.
Little did I know at that time things would get worse.
I will read your recommendation first.......Thank you again.
Thank you Simon and Palzang for your advice.....It was greatly appreciated.
Thank you Boo and Colleen...........
Nirvana, I called our insurance agent and she is doing some checking for us. Thank you for your advice also.
Everyone is being so kind and thoughtful.........I can not express in words how much I appreciate it.......There are no Buddhists in my area........It is so great to have this sangha to talk to and support us.........
Could I ask all of you to concentrate your meditations on the recent news of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, the little three-year-old girl, who went missing, it appears abducted, last week, in Portugal....?
Her parents must be utterly frantic and helpless, and there has been much speculation, all amounting to naught...
Spare a thought for all those involved in the search and quest for her safe return, and dare I say it, spare a thought also, for those responsible for her disappearance....
Thank you all.
With much metta and karuna, everywhere....
Fede
Namaste to inthedharma, or Deb, if I may call you that.
I remain anxious to hear.
I here am recuperating from an emergency surgery on my knee a week ago. Staph infection that took off like wildfire. On lots of antibiotics, but, thankfully, off the hard pain medicine for a few days now.
Deb,
Just wanted to tell you I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your family.
Love,
Boo
I just wanted to let you know that John will not be having surgery. The tumor is way to close to the carotid artery.
1. they won't be able to get all the cancer cells.
2. it would be to dangerous. He will start cemo on the 26th of June and will also be having radiation.
He did have a P.E.T. scan and an MRI and they show that he does not have cancer any where else in his body. It is only in the tonsil and trigon area of his mouth and 1 lymph node like we thought.
Please keep him in your prayers and thoughts..............
Namaste'
Deb
I don't mean health-wise...I mean, how are YOU?
Now with the type of stuff they can do with radiation nowadays! The machines are really GOOD! they target tumours with great accuracy and deliver the correct dose in the target area. I think you have a great prognosis with this situation-BEST WISHES!
We are doing ok. Trying to stay very positive!! Don't get me wrong we have tough moments but for the most part we are doing OK!
Thank you for asking.........
Boo,
Thank you!
Xray,
Yes, Very good news on the p.e.t. scan. And you're right on the radiation. The cemo they are going to start on him is new and they have had great success with it. We are very hopeful that John will respond well to both.
Thank you all for your prayers
Namaste'
Deb
John had his 1st round of Cemo last Monday and tolerated it very well. 2 more trements to go.
He is at the end of his second week of radiation with 5 more weeks to go.
The radiation doc checked him out yesterday and told him that the tumor in his mouth had receded 30% and the tumor in his lymph node had receded 60-70%. We didn't expect to see this good of results yet. So he is responding very well to both treatments.
He feels like crap most of the time but does have a good or I should say better day now and then. I know he will only continue to feel worse from this point on but he is still able to eat and has even gained some weight. Which is good........trying to avoid having to have a feeding tube put in.
He also qualified for S.S. disability and medical assistance so that is a great relief......
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.........Things are looking better but he has a really long road to go yet........
Thanks,
Deb
Namaste'
My thoughts and prayers remain with John, you and all the family. This is particularly so as his treatment continues: I remember how awful chemo can be - and as a partner! There is so little we can do to relieve the awfulness of what they suffer.
All my love,
Know that you both have never been very far from anyone here, throughout.
We'll keep on keeping on for you.
One step at a time.
I love you very much and I'm sending my prayers to you and John and the whole family. I hope you're getting some help so you have some alone time periodically. Don't forget to take care of YOU as well.
And a big congrats on the financial help!! That's wonderful!!
Love,
Boo
Namaste'