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How do you control irritation towards people?
ericcris10sen
Veteran
Okay, at my job, I issue passes and talk to about 400+ a day. I normally work the kiosk booth in front of our visitor center, and we have 2 signs (one large so you can see when you're driving up) and one small (right on the window so you can see when you're talking to the ranger). And then we have 2 signs that state we really need exact change or small bills instead of $20 bills. So my point is, we have all kinds of signs up to show people everything they need to know about the monuments, the fees, the passes, and EVERYTHING, and people still do not read it! Heck, even on the back of the National Park Passes, it says the pass is accepted by all places controlled by the National Park Service, and yet we have to constantly check if people have them or get asked if they're accepted here. I was ringing up and entire group of people today, only to find out every single person had a park pass....
So my issue is that a large majority of people just do not read signs, no matter how big, and how important they are, and then people do not use common sense. I have people asking me where we are, or pointing to a location on the map asking if we're here, even though the map has a marker that says "You are here" and it's very easily readable.
I don't get mad at people, and I don't give them ANY kind of attitude (unless I get those who are outright impatient and disrespectful, and I might be unable to control my "kindness"). I simply answer their questions, provide directions, and issue passes, and anything else they'd like, because they're here on vacation and trying to get away from the stress of normal life, and they want to enjoy themselves. And I can understand that, and that's one reason I don't want to be rude to them. But I'm constantly scratching my head and wondering, WHY AREN'T YOU READING THE SIGNS?? Why aren't you looking at the back of your passes and reading what it entails? Why aren't you just paying attention to your surroundings?
It's not a tough job, AT ALL. All I do is talk to people and issue passes. That's pretty much it. I've actually had kids answer questions that their parents had just because they looked at the signs or read the brochure we hand out. But this happens every day without failure. I enjoy talking to people, I enjoy the beautiful scenery/wilderness where I live, and I LOVE my job. I'm just trying to figure out why people just don't look at their surroundings, because almost all of their questions can be answered there.
I feel wrong that I have this kind of feeling towards these kind of people, but it's not an easy feeling to control.
So my issue is that a large majority of people just do not read signs, no matter how big, and how important they are, and then people do not use common sense. I have people asking me where we are, or pointing to a location on the map asking if we're here, even though the map has a marker that says "You are here" and it's very easily readable.
I don't get mad at people, and I don't give them ANY kind of attitude (unless I get those who are outright impatient and disrespectful, and I might be unable to control my "kindness"). I simply answer their questions, provide directions, and issue passes, and anything else they'd like, because they're here on vacation and trying to get away from the stress of normal life, and they want to enjoy themselves. And I can understand that, and that's one reason I don't want to be rude to them. But I'm constantly scratching my head and wondering, WHY AREN'T YOU READING THE SIGNS?? Why aren't you looking at the back of your passes and reading what it entails? Why aren't you just paying attention to your surroundings?
It's not a tough job, AT ALL. All I do is talk to people and issue passes. That's pretty much it. I've actually had kids answer questions that their parents had just because they looked at the signs or read the brochure we hand out. But this happens every day without failure. I enjoy talking to people, I enjoy the beautiful scenery/wilderness where I live, and I LOVE my job. I'm just trying to figure out why people just don't look at their surroundings, because almost all of their questions can be answered there.
I feel wrong that I have this kind of feeling towards these kind of people, but it's not an easy feeling to control.
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I remember my mom telling me how when she first saw a computer/net etc she didn't know what to look at and what to ignore. That was back when there were 'pop ups' if you remember. So it took the longest time to adjust and just not notice unnecessary things. I think it is like that with you. You are trained and have done the job for days weeks and perhaps years. But some customer doesn't 'have eyes' for seeing 'you are here'. Sure some people might read and notice. But for others you are their shepherd and they are looking to you to make things easy.
Trying to be helpful, hope this helps.
Now that I'm working with kids who have learning difficulties/attention spans that make you go "Realllly?!!" (e.g. reading the word "big" correctly, but then when asked to spell it, they write "bage" or something equally silly), I've learned that you really have to condition yourself to drop expectations and approach every situation as if it were brand new.
Access your inner brown-noser! "Oh, you didn't know that? Here, let me smother you with helpfulness!!!"
I know it may feel unnatural and may be hard to keep up, but it works for me most of the time.
Maybe people like you and want to talk? Consider they sit at a computer most likely reading and parsing data, and they would rather talk and see nature than dissect more words and signs. Or, it could be a stream of Bodhisattvas helping you reap more enjoyment out of life by talking to you about what you love.
With warmth,
Matt
During my stint as a caseworker, I'd constantly have to listen to co-workers complain about how frustrated they were due to their clients creating double the work for them. They would do this by missing appointments, "forgetting" to send in documents/forms, not returning phone calls, etc. I would just tell them, "Stop expecting them to do something logical. There is a reason they are the client and you are their caseworker. Once you take the expectation out, it's just a normal function of your job to do the paperwork twice, take very careful notes/phone logs, or reschedule the appointment 3 times." You can't make people responsible or considerate. You can only make your job easier by realizing that not everyone is as "with it" as we'd like them to be.
P.S. I'd probably be one of those people asking you... I'm so oblivious to my surroundings.
As far as dealing with irritation (I have it too, just in different ways) I try to put myself in their shoes and think of possible situations that might cause them not to see the signs. And then it becomes easier. When someone pulls out in front of me and then drives 10 mph under the speed limit, it's easier for me to not get frustrated because I have a newly licensed driver in my house (my son) and sometimes he makes mistakes. I prefer if people not get really mad at him and try to understand that at one point, they were new drivers, too. We never know why someone does something, and assuming they are dumb or lack common sense doesn't help us, or them. Being able to put yourself in someone's shoes is totally invaluable.
To a Buddhist practitioner, I'd say this was where working on a practise of empathy might turn this aspect of your job into a moving meditation.
@Invincible_summer lol AWESOME POST! I do get happy with myself when I see someone walk away that's happy and satisfied with the information I've given them. I'm going to have to try harder to keep up my smiling and even though it's going to be hard to keep it going after 200 people ask sorta "ridiculous" questions, I'm going to have to try.
@aMatt Actually that never even occurred to me...I feel kinda bad now that you could be completely right about a lot of those people. My past jobs I've worked at required me to be in constant contact with people and with nature (some of my jobs), and there are those people who don't have that. Ouch that hurt....
@karasti that's a really good way of seeing it! I'll have to try that out lol
@how that could very much be true.
After a minute I often can find a kind of a center in my body and the painful irritated knot is no longer "my" problem, it is just a sensation that is not "me".Then I can ask, the question coming from the center rather than just my aching head: what is this? what is I? How is this related to I? In the meanwhile, irritability transforms into something altogether different and a sense of wonder arises within, and compassion too.
Really, trying to fight "bad" feelings with thoughts rarely works for me, I just end up feeling more confused and aggravated. The key is to find a way to step back from the petty drama in my head, find another place within from which I can just watch and inquire. Doesn't always work, sometimes I am just too wound up but even so, just realizing that I am a nervous mess today and accepting it makes the experience a tad lighter. Just keep trying.
In the moment of interaction with people, I am nature, like a tree. Their words are like wind, and so I rustle my leaves when the wind blows. There is no need to ask the wind why it blows, or wish the wind blew north instead of south, or worry that my leaves aren't rustling in the correct way. They ask, and the answer arises in me and I offer it to them as best I can. Then they go on their way and the leaves settle, stop moving. It is only when my own resistance comes up that the roots of the dharma are challenged and somehow the wind becomes painful.
Perhaps if there is surrender to the wind, to the stream of people and questions... then each question nourishes the roots, because in being clear and generous, we become joyful and strong.
With warmth,
Matt
@aMatt very interesting post
Of course, thank you to all who commented on this thread. It's been going MUCH better since I received some feedback