what to do if i do something I regret?

Rein

So I did something bad recently, and I don't know what to do. Does buddhism say anything specific about when you take unskilled actions?

Straight_Man

Well, learn to do skilled actions instead is the usual thing, accompanied by making any reparations you think best to do.

poptart

Depends on what it was. Is there any way you can mend the situation?

Rein

poptart said:

Depends on what it was. Is there any way you can mend the situation?

I dont know. At this point the only thing I could do to make amends would screw someone else over. I could have made amends when it first happened, but I got scared and left.

Jeffrey

Notice that you are entangled in bad karma and it is imperative to overcome or else you will stay stuck.

Notice that you have done wrong and resolve to prevent it in the future.

Create positive karma like through mindulness, meditation, reflecting on non-self to the skhandas.

Take refuge in the Buddha, dharma, and sangha.

Like the moon coming from behind the clouds is a former person with misdeeds who becomes mindful.

Sabre

Jeffrey said:

Notice that you are entangled in bad karma and it is imperative to overcome or else you will stay stuck.

Notice that you have done wrong and resolve to prevent it in the future.

Create positive karma like through mindulness, meditation, reflecting on non-self to the skhandas.

Take refuge in the Buddha, dharma, and sangha.

Like the moon coming from behind the clouds is a former person with misdeeds who becomes mindful.

:thumbsup: Don't know if I would have said it much differently, so I'll just quote this one.

poptart

Rein said:

I dont know. At this point the only thing I could do to make amends would screw someone else over. I could have made amends when it first happened, but I got scared and left.

Well, I'd say do what you can to make amends. But even if you aren't able to do anything, learn from the experience and resolve to do better in future. Also forgive yourself and don't let it become a focus for regret. There's no point in punishing yourself for mistakes that can't be changed.

Vastmind

^^^ What she said.

vinlyn

poptart said:

Rein said:

I dont know. At this point the only thing I could do to make amends would screw someone else over. I could have made amends when it first happened, but I got scared and left.

Well, I'd say do what you can to make amends. But even if you aren't able to do anything, learn from the experience and resolve to do better in future. Also forgive yourself and don't let it become a focus for regret. There's no point in punishing yourself for mistakes that can't be changed.

Perfect.

Tosh

Rein said:

So I did something bad recently, and I don't know what to do. Does buddhism say anything specific about when you take unskilled actions?

I've been through an 'amends process' aka 'doing the My Name's Earle' bit. We do this as part of the 12 Step process in A.A..

We're taught that if making amends is going to cause someone further harm, you should not make the amend. I think the general principle is that we don't make an amend to make ourselves feel better - if it is going to hurt someone else.

And the best way to use a regret is:

1. To prevent us from doing the same action again.
2. To share that experience with someone else, when appropriate, so they can learn from it.

We transform the negative into something positive. I agree with Poptart 100%, but I see regret and guilt as different things. Regret is okay, I can use regrets to help others; guilt is utterly pointless, and damages myself and my ability to help others.

zenmyste

Acceptance is key here!!

If you can change something, do so...
If you cannot, then accept whats done is done and move on...

Dwelling on things we cannot change is what leads to suffering..

Nirvana

poptart said:

Rein said:

I dont know. At this point the only thing I could do to make amends would screw someone else over. I could have made amends when it first happened, but I got scared and left.

Well, I'd say do what you can to make amends. But even if you aren't able to do anything, learn from the experience and resolve to do better in future. Also forgive yourself and don't let it become a focus for regret. There's no point in punishing yourself for mistakes that can't be changed.

Well, poptart's words should rightly end this thread in a good note, but some mischievous thought in me would add an unless to what she said.

"There's no point in punishing yourself for mistakes that can't be changed" unless you both enjoy punishing yourself and also need a reason to do so. But I kinda think that's not the case here.

footiam

Rein said:

So I did something bad recently, and I don't know what to do. Does buddhism say anything specific about when you take unskilled actions?

Maybe you have heard of Angulimala. He was a mass murderer but got enligtened somehow. If one has done something bad, that does not mean one has to be punished for life. There will be some form of punishment maybe, like Angulimala, being shunned and going through other hardships. If you have done something bad, perhaps you'd feel remorseful. If you've already realised that and stop doing that something bad and do something good instead, most probably you would see yourself smiling at the world. It does not have to be the other way round.

Jason

Rein said:

So I did something bad recently, and I don't know what to do. Does buddhism say anything specific about when you take unskilled actions?

Yes. From an interview with Thanissaro Bhikkhu:

And the way to that release starts with the question, “What is skillful?”:

Right. It's the first question the Buddha recommends that you ask when you visit a teacher. And you can trace this question throughout the suttas, from the most basic levels on up. There is a wonderful passage where the Buddha is teaching Rahula, his seven-year-old son [Ambalannhika Rahulovada Sutta, M 61]. He starts out by stressing the importance of being truthful—implying that if you want to find the truth, you first have to be truthful yourself—and then he talks about using your actions as a mirror. Before you do anything, ask yourself: “Is what I intend to do here skillful or unskillful? Will it lead to well-being or harm?” If it looks harmful, you don't do it. If it looks okay, you go ahead and give it a try. While you're doing it, though, you ask yourself the same questions. If it turns out that it's causing harm, you stop. If not, you continue with it. Then after you've done it, you ask the same questions—“Did it bring about well-being or harm?”—and if you see that what originally looked okay actually ended up being harmful, you talk it over with someone else on the path and resolve never to make that mistake again. If it wasn't harmful, you can take joy in knowing that you're on the right track.

horsebones

Straight_Man said:

Well, learn to do skilled actions instead is the usual thing, accompanied by making any reparations you think best to do.

After reading this, I felt I needed to start learning about skilled actions. I looked around and found this for download:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/skill-in-questions.pdf
Scanning through the index It seems quite thorough, but I can't recommend it since I haven't read it yet. If anyone has any better links, please share them as well. I especially love video :P

federica

Rein said:

So I did something bad recently, and I don't know what to do. Does buddhism say anything specific about when you take unskilled actions?

Regret, remorse, apology avoid repetition.

Done.

Dennis1

The purpose of meditation is the development of mindfulness. If you are mindful your Bohdicitta (awakened mind) will guide and guard your thoughts and actions. If you did it and now regret it you probably accepted an untruth before your error. Look and find the untruth and determine to do better. Learn the idea of Buddha fields and you will learn rather than regret. Learning will improve your awareness and actions. We are all perfectly ourselves. Discover your greater self. Best, Dennis