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Self Esteem
Wisdom23
Veteran
This coming year i am going to dedicate a year to improving my self esteem, once i have done this i will hopefully be in a better happier place, have better more healthy relationships with others and finally once i have mastered myself i want to dedicate my time to helping others with their low self esteem issues. i could right a book on why i am doing this but i would rather not lets just say 23 years of mostly negative reinforcement of who i am and many masdive hutdles to jump. The past year i have dabbled in it and made minor changes but these have only been temporary. So what i would like to ask does anybody have any wisdom, workbook recommendations etc or would someone like to join me on my self improvement journey and maybe we can confer our journey notes lol. Any input would be very much treasured, i am sick to death of my negative thoughts so i am taking the powerback lol. Thank you for your time and to all those who celebrate it i hope you had a verry merry christmas.
Peace out
Peace out
2
Comments
I wish you every success. I find positive feedback by reprogramming the subconscious can be helpful. You should be able to find hypnosis DVD's that are useful.
Good luck
"no-self esteem"
also, ever thought about a blog? my blog is basically a place to post dhamma and my occasional insights and experiences. I'd follow you're blog. here is mine
http://jayantha.tumblr.com/
I know a young monastic, just starting out, who is being encouraged to journal and post things like this, a blog is a pretty good thing, even if you are the only one who ever reads it.
You can try to work through it yourself and you can be successful with it. I've found that if self-esteem is a problem, it's good to identify what ways low self-esteem manifests iteslef and work from there. Many times it's habitual patterns of thought and reaction. Find the cause and break the pattern. Kind like quitting smoking. In the absence of what triggers or indulges your low self-esteem you can better learn to actually like yourself.
That said, I still highly recommend some help.
If anyone has self-esteem problems, just go and help some poor soul and watch how your esteem rockets. It works.
You know, I'm a runner. I believe I'm a runner because I run. I can read books about running, I can intellectualise running, I can chant about running, look in mirrors and tell myself I'm a runner, but until my running shoes hit the pavement (sidewalk for you 'Mericans), I'm never really going to be a runner.
I think self-esteem works that way.
All views of self, whether pleasing or not, are predicated on our assumption that there is a self to be had.
I only mention this to point out that in considering the issues of self esteem,
where the world concerns itself with endless manifestations of self,
the Buddhist path toward sufferings end simply describes how to let go of it.
I think to even to be able to get to a point where we can contemplate letting go of the self, we need a raft of esteem to help get us there; otherwise we may not think we're worth the effort.
People die because they don't think they're deserving of happiness, or even of life.
It's all well and good to say that our feelings and emotions are "just concepts" and empty and therefore don't matter, but this only applies to the phenomena in an absolute sense. In a relative sense, all these things that bother us, like with the OP, are very real. They should be dealt with accordingly. That's why rather than say he should just get on a cushion and let go of whatever's bothering him, I said to get some counseling. Talk it out.
There are very few among us who can mediate their emotional issues away.
Why do you think Naropa offers post-grad coursework in congnitive psychology?
I know/ I've read that too/I just see the process of letting go as an integeral part of the entire path, rather than an end bonus value.
But it's true. The OP needs some help. All the talk about medatative stuff, and letting go, and relative vs. absolute, is really pointless in his case. If he already has a strong practice that can help, but that's not indicated. Better to get professional help. You can even get a counselor with Buddhist leanings if not actually Buddhist. I know several in my area. Naraopa in Boulder cranks out a few more every year. Not a single one I know would EVER recommend "letting go".
It's not the sort of thing you do on your own.
As an aside - The curriculum at Naropa was directed and inspired by Chogyam Trungpa. I've always thought it sad that he didn't take advantage of that program in his personal life. We might still have a great teacher among us.
You can lead a horse to water I guess .......
Varied and hopefully helpful advice.
Sort ego first. You will be unable to practice if not mostly stable, relatively normal etc. Just the way it is. You CAN do both concurrently. Stabiles the emotional well being AND find its real nature/reality.
We are mostly Buddhist. We have the technology. :wave:
It shows me that I need to give myself a break when all the while I am thinking of what I am not doing and what I do not live up to. When I am down on myself.
If you can smile at each seed it could be very liberated.
What do I know?
See here for example: http://www.wildmind.org/metta/introduction/outline
Self dislike (and self esteem, as a desirable outcome) might only be a meaningful concept in the West. When I was in nursing school, I remember reading that the 'sense of self' was very different in Occidental (western?) culture than in Oriental culture. 'Self' in the Orient is much more inclusive of other people, particularly family. What one does reflects not just on the individual but upon the whole family, and decisions are made more in a group-like manner. The family is revered and honored, thus the sense of 'self' shares in that honor and reverence *and* lies within a group context. A person's personhood is not confined to the outline of a single body. In Occidental culture, individuality and independence is the emphasis, and thanks to the preponderance of Judeo-Christianity's distrust of the body and inherently sinful nature we are born with, the individual 'self' of the westerner is distrusted and always falling short of the mark, never good enough.
So what IS self-esteem, if it doesn't exist as an issue for half of the human population? Maybe only a cultural thing? Well, OK, it's a relative truth, and there's no doubt that it is important, especially considering the suffering of self hatred.
What *I am* (and y'all of course) is above reproach, and so far beyond petty human judgment that its 'worth' is infinite. Whether I like mySELF or not, the worth and value is untouched. We are Buddha Nature, beneath all the nonsense
Perhaps what we suffer over is just our unquestioned, personal additions to the 'self' that accumulate thanks to culture and misperception. How can a person dislike themself if they are Buddha Nature? I get the Dalai Llama's consternation!
Gassho
In the west, we shelter our children and don't even allow them to compete, so that we protect their precious self-esteem. No failing, no scoring in games, shelter them from the experience of failure. The problem is of course, once these youngsters are no longer being sheltered, their self-esteem can often crash when they discover life often does involve failure, and it can be a most valuable teacher. In the west, learning from failure is a terrible consequence that must be avoided. Yeah, right.
High self-esteem can be, and most of the time is, dependant on external feedback. Belonging to the right group, owning the right fashion, being the right weight, getting into the right school, making the right money - all of these elevate self-esteem but none of them enhances a person's character or resilience. These external trappings become the focus and the assumption is that the more of these successes a person experiences, the better they are as a person and the healthier they will be. Yes, we in the west believe everyone must be above average. How can you make most people above average? If you want to figure out the source for children's self-hatred, it is usually grounded in being below average by their own estimation.
Neff's book, Self-Compassion, is an excellent description of the opposite of the blind pursuit of self-esteem. Self-compassion makes room for being average or below. It makes room for learning how to deal with failure in a healthy manner rather than hide from it.
The reason the Dalai Lama may not have understood self hatred, may be because he had not been raised in a culture where self-esteem was God.
well said.
Knowing and accepting oneself AS A FAILURE, whatever ones achievements is very liberating.
I did this.
I did that.
I die.
That is life. When do we start?