embarrassment and regret
thegoldeneternity
Veteran
Tonight i met a friend to play pool at a local bar. It was a pleasant evening. My friend showed me a secret that you don't actually need to put quarters in the slot...if you push it in with all the quarter slots empty, the billiard balls still come down the shoot. So we played a few matches. Then a challenger came up to play the winner. As he was going to put quarters in, I nonchalantly said, "Oh, you don't have to do that. Just push in the thing."
My friend immediately shot me a look and came over to me and said "That was NOT COOL, man! You shouldn't be just telling people about that!" I immediately agreed with him. I hadn't thought it through and I just blabbered to some random dude that the pool table is actually free.
I know in the grand scheme of things that it is a very minor thing. But I feel terrible. I feel like it is validation of all my insecurities that I am uncool and a doofus and all that. After all these years of regrets, why am I still so quick to do and say stupid things without thinking them through?
Another thing to ruminate about, I guess.
Comments
stealing is stealing
Are you more concerned about being "uncool", or the stealing? Decide which is more important to you, then try to act in accordance with that value in future. Regret is pointless, but you can turn this into a learning experience.
I hate secrets exactly for this reason. They kill my spontaneity.
Don’t blame yourself for being open.
@thegoldeneternity try be more aware of your thoughts in these situations. It really helps me to see objectively
Being honest is never a bad thing, sure you showed someone else your friends "secret" but hey. It's your friends problem, don't make it yours.
When you say your a doofus or uncool... Just remember who is calling you a doofus? Yourself or your thoughts...
Take away the thoughts, your not a doofus anymore. Life's so short! Your more valuable than you think you are
Well, I gave the establishment my business tonight, so my being there made them money. They ended up "losing" $3.00 from the four $0.75 games that we played for free.
I hear y'all on the stealing bit. Sure, looking back, perhaps it was dishonest to play for free rather than putting the money on anyway. We didn't actually take anything...that is, us not playing pool at all, or us playing for free leaves the establishment in the same position. But I understand that I'm splitting hairs here. Yes, for clarity's sake, I stole 4 games of billiards. Honestly, no, I don't feel particularly bad about that aspect of it. They made money from me tonight.
I do have a neurotic clinging to my lack of social grace. Even if that social grace is premised on keeping a secret that prevents the bar from making money on our billiards games. That is just where my head is at.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, that sounds exactly like something I would have done. I'm kind of a doofus too... but I still think I'm cool.
But honestly, what was your intention here? It sounds to me like you just met some new people and in the interest of being kind, thought you would be nice and offer up some knowledge they didn't possess. Essentially, you were kind to a stranger and treated them as if they were already a friend, right? Not so bad.
@zenff
Part of me feels the same way, but there is no way to avoid them. I feel like there are secrets within everything. I am terrible at keeping them. Should I? Arg.
@zombiegirl
I guess my predisposition to be open and honest with the new person trumped my predisposition to keep a secret or to be-in-the-know or to maximize the profits of the bar :-)
Different strokes for different folks. I don't think either way to respond to the situation was inherently wrong, so don't beat yourself up about it. I also don't think it's a bad thing to walk around life seeing strangers as potential friends.
Being open is a good thing. And I think life is hell if you have to worry about “being cool” every time you say or do something.
This is really true. How old are you OP? When I said earlier that I thought I was "cool," what I really mean is to say that I've learned to just embrace myself as is... doofiness and all. Cool is a ridiculous concept. It has no definition and can mean a multitude of different things to different people. Don't worry about being "cool" to everyone, because you never will be. Surround yourself with people that like your inherent awesome self.
Just turned 30. In regards to "coolness" I have made great strides. Haha. If I look back on my high school self, college self, post-college self....I could easily get lost in the shame of how truly UNCOOL I was. But I still have lapses where I do/say things like I did tonight.
My social awkwardness and anxiety has improved by leaps and bounds. I need to be positive about my improvement over time...however, I think what leads to improvement is my scything self criticism and analysis.
Tact is the word that came to mind as I lost sleep over this stupid stuff last night. I can't stand being untactful. It makes me feel like a clumsy fool tripping over everything in plain sight for all others to see. I pissed off a friend (who probably feels that he can't tell me things now) because I couldn't keep my mouth shut when appropriate.
The** wish** to be tribe members in good standing is pretty universally human and it even mimics the basis for most spiritual aspirations.......But......until we are prepared to honestly examine such yearnings through the lenses of the 4 NT, we will not see our way beyond the innate suffering that such inclinations offer.
The universe wanted you & your mate to play pool for free, & you stole nothing....You told the next guy the secret, & so did the right thing in my opinion....When your friend told you you shouldn't have told the next guy, you should have asked your friend: "why not"?....You did what you thought was right at the time & so you should have stuck to your guns, & told your mate that in your opinion he's wrong or agree to disagree....After any event or instance like that try to learn something about yourself if you can, & then put it completely out of your mind....Thereby "leaving the woman at the river", "don't still keep carrying her" (looking back)....I'm pretty sure the Buddha would have played for free, because that's what we're all supposed to be doing....The Buddha would also know that if the management get to know the secret about the free pool, they will do something to fix it & will learn a lesson themselves....You like to share whilst your friend doesn't, so well done & stick to your guns next time....Tell him next time you want to help someone out, that guy or woman is our brother or sister just like we all are. :-)
Back up and take a long look at who is being so hard on you. You are being held to some seriously strict standards of behavior. You are losing sleep over the thought of yourself being a clumsy fool tripping over everything, being a general asshole idiot disrespectful and annoying to your friends. Who is raking you over the coals, here?
It is myself. I am aware. Realizing that doesn't make the harsh feelings dissipate immediately, though. 24 hours later I have digested most all of the unpleasant feelings and coming out the other side. That's how it goes.
The point isn't to make the harsh feelings dissipate or go away
The point is to wonder about that draconian 'voice' or self that is plaguing you. Be curious about it. Get familiar with it. Don't turn away or disregard it (like that would work but anyway), or pretend it ought not to be there if you were an OK person.
Give this harshness the floor and see what it has to say. It might be completely insane and not worth listening to anymore. It might actually have something valuable to say. We'll never know if all we want is for it to go away.
First off, are you sure that the pool wasn't supposed to be free despite the coin slots? A lot of bars and bar-restaurants here do that for a reason. The slots are still there, but it's meant to be free. And yes, I've asked.
Second, if it wasn't intended to be free (this point is addressed to @Daveadams) it's ridiculous to say that because someone found a way to "screw the system" that the universe wanted them to play free pool. Hackers find ways to screw the banking systems all the time, is that fair game too, just because they figured it out? You're ok with them getting into your account to steal your money because they were lucky enough to get your password right? Clearly, last year when someone used $500 from my account to buy textbooks in another state, that was the universe blessing them with good luck, rather than my son whose birthday it was and who ended up having to lose a significant chunk of time on his birthday while I dealt with the banking chaos. Strange idea you have there. Just because something we see as an opportunity presents, doesn't mean we have to take it if we know it's wrong.
Third, I'd be more concerned that your first thought was that your friend might be right in calling you uncool rather than questioning why you took something thinking you were supposed to be paying for it. Not tooting my own horn here, but if it had been me, I would have not only paid for the game, but when my friend wasn't in ear shot, I would have let an employee know what was going on with the table. Sure, you don't think they lose money when you didn't pay your $3, but how often does it happen? And who has to replace the balls, the cues, and have the table maintained? If no one pays for their fees, how does that get paid for? Maybe the money from the pool table goes to an employee Christmas party or something. Maybe YOU not paying your money and then telling someone else not to pay theirs, will lead to a string of non-payment that takes money away from something needed. Perhaps next time you go in, the pool table won't be there because they couldn't afford to fix it because too many people never paid for it.
Sorry to sound irritable, but honesty is very important to me.
Lastly, just be you. If someone else finds you uncool, despite your best efforts you cannot change the core of who you are. If there are people around you who expect that, they are not real friends.
Thank you, Karasti!
Yes, thank you @Karasti.
I didn't read all of DaveAdam's post and most definitely agree attributing intentionally free games to 'the universe' is missing the point that the universe has a helluva lot more important things to do than hang around pool halls.
You were too quick to take the blame from your 'friend'. I suspect your 'friend' has given you crap before, and you accepted his blame then, too. I'm not so sure about this 'friend' aside from his super secret free pool racket he let you in on.
Your friend is uncool.
I am doofus.
Doofus is beyond cool. Tact is for the people who care what others care to think or as we doofuses call them - sheep.
:buck: .