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@Jayantha said:
So it looks like my ordination date is confirmed. 110 days until I take lower ordination on my favorite holiday... Saturday, October 31st. Halloween!
Awesome. I hope they let you costume up as a 'Buddhist Monk'. Bravo. Congratulations. Much metta.
I will be there in my best behaved spirit form if not in person ...
May all be auspicious. May all be well. May all be inspired. May all realms benefit.
Will this be an open or closed thing? Will visitors be there?
If so....I'll plan the NB carpool! ... I told you I was coming to WV awhile ago....so this event looks like a good as time as any. If not....I understand....but the seed has planted for a NB roll up on you, nevertheless
Around Halloween in WV folks....get ready....road trip to see our Brother/Monk Jay!!!!!!
It is open to anyone. Normally these are done on days like katina/vesak and there are like 300 sri lankans and a few dozen westerners who come then, it can be a madhouse, but mine is the day before so it will be nice, low key and chill.
At this point I know some family and friends are coming and those regulars to Bhavana who know me.
The samanera ordination is minor compared to next year when I become a bhikkhu,that is when they will need 10 monks.
You and anyone else is welcomed @Vastmind . It will also be recorded so ill put it up on Youtube after.
[TOWARDS ORDINATION : PART 1 - TWO MONTHS TO GO.. AND NOW FOR SOME INFORMATIONAL POSTS.
As of yesterday(9-1) I am exactly two months out from my Pabbajja(The “Going Forth” from the life of a householder to that of homelessness) and I decided it may be good for my friends who are interested in following my journey if I would start making the occasional post explaining about what I’m getting myself into and what the ceremony is about.
Firstly I’d like to explain what this ordination means. This is only the first of two ordinations. In many ways it’s the least important and more minor of the two. I will not be a full fledged Bhikkhu(male monastic) after this ordination, but a samanera (Novice monastic). A Bhikkhu follows 227 major rules and close to 10,000 more minor ones, a samanera is not very different then myself as an Anagarika with the exception of following one more precept(that of not handling money) and wearing two of the three red robes.
Of course from the outside it looks like a big change, and I suppose it is considering I will have my head(and eyebrows) shaved and wear red. In essence as of Halloween, I will look like a monastic to any casual observer, but I will only be a monastic in training, a probationary monastic as it were. A year from now is when the big ceremony requiring 10 monastics and more occurs, after which I can truly be a Bhikkhu.
So I wanted to end with this sutta that I have memorized and will be reciting in the Pali, that is a summation of the change of life I am about to undertake. The Buddha requested that we always remember these 10 things:
XI. Discourse on the Ten Dhammas
Thus have I heard. On one occasion the Sublime One was living at Sāvatthī, at Jeta’s grove in the park of Anāthapiṇḍika. There the Sublime One addressed the bhikkhus thus: “Bhikkhus.” “Venerable Sir,” they replied. The Sublime One said, “These are ten things, bhikkhus, which one who has gone forth into homelessness should reflect upon always. What ten?
“I am now changed into a different mode of life [from that of a layperson],”should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“My life depends on others,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“I must now behave in a different manner,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Does my mind upbraid me regarding the state of my virtue?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Do my discerning fellow bhikkhus, having tested me, upbraid me regarding the state of my virtue?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“All that is mine, dear and delightful, will change and vanish,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“I am the owner of my kamma, heir to my kamma, born of my kamma, related to my kamma, abide supported by my kamma. Whatever kamma I shall do, whether good or evil, of that I shall be the heir,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“How do I spend my nights and days?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Do I take delight in solitude?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Have I gained superhuman knowledge which can be specially known to noble ones, so that later when I am questioned by fellow bhikkhus I will not be embarrassed?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“These, bhikkhus, are ten things which one who has gone forth should reflect upon always.” Thus spoke the Sublime One. The bhikkhus were pleased with and appreciated the Sublime One’s words.
oh and also, a funny episode from a few weeks back:
This is a recent facebook post of mine, one in a series of ongoing posts related to being out in public in sarongs and robes:
"After 6 months wearing my Anagarika clothing i finally got the comment ive been waiting for. As usual lately today im in town,this time west, deeper into WV in the town of Romney bringing garbage to the dump and water samples to the health department. I stopped at subway and while im waiting for my food i hear "whats with the dress man?" not in a mean way, but in a surprised confused tone.
I turned around with a smile and saw two big burly contractor dudes who looked right out of the hills of Scotland and told them im in training to be a Buddhist monk. He looked at me thoughtfully, nodded his head up and down, and left.
It was an interesting encounter, and it seemed to me that I gave him the last answer he expected. I really enjoy these little encounters, they give me a chance to practice conversations that i suspect will be common in my monastic life.
Mostly what I get are shocked double takes, as in they saw something abnormal quickly and had to turn back to confirm what they thought they saw. It is especially funny for me when it happens with little girls, who seem the most expressive in terms of wondering why this person is wearing a dress. I've been asked if I was a Hare Krishna, and once of twice someone guessed Buddhist right, but mostly people have no clue and some decide to satisfy their curosity with a few questions."
If this is the path you have chosen
If you are comfortable with your decision
If you feel have prepared well for this journey
Then good fortune and success to you on your journey
Don't ever stop learning
TOWARDS ORDINATION: PART 2 - “WHAT DO YOU NEED?” - THE FOUR MONASTIC REQUISITES AND A MIND NOT YET READY TO FULLY LET GO
There is a phrase I’ve heard once or twice so far as I come close to my ordination, and it’s the title of this article. It’s a phrase that fills me with slight dread, but one that I will have get used to hearing as once I ordain because soon “my life depends on others”, as the sutta in the previous article tells me to keep in mind.
Once I ordain, the four requisites of food, clothing, shelter, and medicine, are items I no longer will have the ability to provide for myself. This was a wonderful invention of the Buddha who created the fourfold assembly of male and female monastics and lay persons. This four-fold symbiosis meant that monastics could not do what was so often seen near 1500 years later in medieval Europe, where monasteries were fortresses that had their own lands, their own indentured servants, and ruled over the populace rather than depending on them and being beholden to them as Buddhist monastics are.
As a monastic living at Bhavana I will need shelter to live. Bhavana itself is that shelter, if it closed down because people did not feel it worthy to donate to and keep it going, then I would be without shelter. If there was no one anywhere to provide me shelter, I could no longer be a monastic. The same goes with food,clothing and medicine, which come either directly from people helping the monastic out or out of general funds donated to Bhavana for these purposes. Then of course there is clothing. The basic monastic clothing is a very simple three robe and a shirt affair, although it gets more complicated when it comes to winter clothing and the like.
The great thing about the Buddhist setup is that because I am beholden to the lay community, if I am a bad monk or don’t fulfill my end of the bargain, they can(and should) stop supporting me. A Buddhist monk is not supposed to be above reproach and untouchable. A Buddhist monk is not supposed to be able to hide behind a large institution that will hide what they’ve done wrong and shelter them, giving them a lifetime tenure of safety regardless of how they act. Of course there are places in the Buddhist world where this is EXACTLY what happens, because life is not perfect, but it wasn’t originally setup this way.
The Great Maha Kassapa, my favorite disciple of the Buddha, said that “he ate the countries alms food a debtor” until he became awakened. I am given these four requisites by lay persons, and this is a debt to be repaid. How does a monastic repay their debt? By striving in the practice, and teaching what they’ve learned. By being an example of the Buddha’s path for others to follow, which of course does not mean being perfect, but honestly striving with confidence, humility, and endurance. This is what I plan to do to the best of my ability.
So with that explained, back to my own experience and the reason for this post. Keep in mind that this post isn’t some kind of veiled attempt to “get” anything or claim that I am in need of anything. This is also not meant to dissuade those who want to help make sure I have everything I need. In this post I want to continue my plan of documenting experiences on the path, showing insight into the mind-states and thoughts that arise on the path of renunciation.
So what happens when I hear “what do you need?”? As stated above a slight feeling of dread arises as this is quite a complicated question and I am often unsure as to the proper answer. There are also feelings of joy in witnessing someone wanting to perform an act of good will and generosity. This is a brand new experience I often times don’t know WHAT I need, so I’ve spoken with the other monastics here about how they handle the situation.
When I hear “what do you need” a balancing act comes up in the mind between asking for what I truly need, and what I don’t REALLY need but want. Between trying to ensure I do have everything I need, but not appearing to ask for too much or be a burden on those kind and generous enough to ask. In the end I’ve given people a few choices between helping me acquire clothing for winter, and the monastics in general needing more cloth for robes and the like, as most premade robes are not made for westerners and don’t fit well. I will be making my own robe as a monastic in the near future, something I am greatly looking forward to as a connection with the Bhikkhus of old who did such.
Another aspect of the mind in the process of renunciation, is the great American concept of self-reliance, which is a great skill for anyone to have, including monastics who often have to make do with what little they have. This however can also lead to thoughts such as “oh I’m going to need shirts, oh and a winter hat, and this or that; but what if no one asks and its winter and I’m cold! I know I can spend money now so I can make a “gift to myself” and buy these things with my own money!”.
I have always been self-reliant, never needing much help from others, and unskillfully not taking it when I DID need the help. This is something however that I’ve worked on greatly for the past half-decade and that I continue to work on as I move towards becoming a monastic. Totally letting go and REALLY allowing your life to be in someone else’s hands is quite a scary concept, but one truly essential to the life of a renunciant.
Of course then once I purchased the items I feel guilty because my own fear has led to me denying someone else the benefit of practicing generosity with me. Monastics are said to be a “field of merit”. Meaning that lay persons can practice generosity and freely giving by helping out the monks, which in turn also leads to the lay person sowing the fruits of being able to “let go” more and more themselves. Fear however has led to me robbing others of that opportunity, but since this fear is rooted in one of the most basic survival instincts, it is deep and pervasive in the human psyche. For this reason I am kind, forgiving and not too hard with myself.
I’ve heard it said that the more you give up, the more you get, and I see the wisdom in that statement as I ever so slowly move towards its acceptance, it will take some time.
As of tomorrow I have one week until my Sāmaṇera(novice monk) ordination. Since I have been documenting my “journey into homelessness” these last few years, I figure it might be beneficial to document my experiences as I come down to the final days of lay life.
While this ordination is important, and I am excited about it, I am also tempering this excitement with the fact that it is only the next step in the process to becoming a Bhikkhu, with Sāmaṇera ordination I am half way there. The day I become a Bhikkhu is the day I have been waiting for, for half a decade now.
That being said I had a thought occur to me at lunch yesterday that a week from now I’d be sitting in robes eating from a bowl, and that would be only a small part of the changes I will need to adapt to. The past half year or so has seen me memorizing all of the lines I need for my going forth, two of which from a sutta where the Buddha explains the 10 things that those who have gone forth should always keep in mind, has become a focus for me:
“I am now changed into a different mode of life [from that of a layperson],” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“I must now behave in a different manner,” should be reflected upon
always by one who has gone forth.
The past few months have seen me becoming more keenly mindful of my actions, some of which conform with monasticism, and some of which stem from 37 years of lay life and I’ve had to gradually work on habitually changing. A year into monastic living it is still an ongoing practice for me to learn how to “slow down” in body, speech, and mind.
Once I don the robes, I take on a 2600 year old tradition and my actions not only reflect upon myself, but that tradition and all other fellow monastics. This responsibility is not lost to me and I would never want to do anything through my actions that would harm how the sangha is viewed.
As I continue to go deeper into the practice, I see even further how much one must give up to attain the goal(Nibbana) and truly live this life as the Buddha intended, including the very notion of self itself. Truly going for the goal of the holy life is no easy thing, a goal that I’m not sure I’ll come close to in this life, but I see no other point to becoming a monastic then the ending of dukkha. The line below is part of my request to the senior monastics to be given the going forth:
Venerable Sir, accepting this orange robe, please give me the going forth for me to practice the holy life to overcome all samsaric suffering and attain Nibbana]
and of course we have the Buddha's final words, which have called to me for years now and can be seen at the top of jayantha.tumblr.com: "Appamadena Samppadetha"- "strive with diligence" towards the goal.
Truly living this life will be hard, and only time will tell if I have what it takes, but I know from experience that if I continue to practice insight will comes in its own time, so I continue to do the best I can in following the path of the Buddha. It is well said many times in the suttas that becoming a monk doesn’t guarantee you peace and happiness, but having to actually put in the work will. I could sit around living a comfortable monastic life, or I can go for broke and live this life the best I know how, only time will show the results.
May all go well. Your efforts are indeed part of 'the longest journey'. Go for broke. Nibbana or Nothing. Good plan. Don't forget to put it on Youtube for us feeble minded cyber fellowship followers ...
I went to town with my sister that afternoon and there was a kid in a storm trooper costume, we never crossed paths but I so wanted to go up to him,wave my hand and say " these aren't the droids your looking for"
@lobster said:
^^^ Discipline is hard for padawans ... they must ensure they are not tempted. Bravo. You have an elder monk as confidante? Not sure what the term is?
When I go out of the monastery it is proper for me to go with a more senior monastic yes.
Video of the ordination is up for those interested in what one of these is like. A brief outline is the first few minutes me chanting, getting my hair cut, going out to be shaved and put on the robes for about 30 minutes or so while Bhante G gives a dhamma talk, then coming back for more chanting and the end.
You have shared your quest.
You have taken us on your journey.
You have reached your gate
and passed through
May you walk your path in peace.
May your lantern burn bright
Even into the darkest night.
I was asked to write an article for the Bhavana newsletter on why I wanted to ordain, It's too long put in one post so I'll post it in two for those who don't want to go to the link.
"On Ordination
Trying to explain something like the why and how of choosing monastic ordination is never an easy thing. Like most events in life it is preceded by a complex web of choices and experiences that have led me to this point. I will do my best here to put into words a coherent story of “why”, for after all that’s what our memory is, a story we tell ourselves and continuously reinforce to keep alive.
I would like to use what is normally called “the Five Subjects of Contemplation” from the Upajjhatthana Sutta of the Anguttara Nikaya as the framework for my article. The simple straight forward message the Buddha exhorts us to remember is on one end so simple as to be easily dismissed by the foolish, but on the other so profound that we try to avoid the remembrance of these at all costs. I remember being awestruck by the simple truth of these the first time I read them, and they have stayed with me as an important part of my daily practice ever since, nearly a decade later.
The Buddha said there are these five things one should always reflect on, whether you are woman or man, lay or ordained, three of these correlate directly with the “divine messengers” the Buddha saw which led him to renounce and begin his quest.
“I am subject to old age and decay, I am not exempt from old age and decay”
We are to always remember that one day this body will grow old, withered. We are constantly growing old and decaying even from birth. We do our best with modern technologies and makeup to try and hide this fact. We don’t remind ourselves that this is our nature, so we fight it instead of being at peace with it, leading us to create our own suffering.
I was lucky enough to grow up around what people call “the greatest generation”, which is the generation of people who lived through WW2. Being exposed early and often to elderly people, both in my family and in society (my town had lots of retirement communities and my father had a landscaping business, so I often spoke with elderly people), lead me to become more comfortable being around older people than adolescents my own age.
I often think back to my paternal grandmother, who at least in my experience appeared to embrace life and old age with a smile, a sense of humor, and peaceful acceptance. She did not try to hide her wrinkles and flab, but laughed about them. I find it no coincidence that she ended up living nearly two decades longer than any of my other grandparents. This way of looking at things always made more sense to me, even from a young age, and I owe her a debt of gratitude just for being her as I to move towards old age myself.
Growing up I remember saying to my mother how I can’t wait to get older, and she would say that I would regret those words when I do. So far I can honestly say I don’t regret them! Even though I had a wonderful childhood, I have no desire to go back to my youth or be a kid again, in this life or the next. I’m 37 now and in the last few years I’ve started to see grey hairs growing in and for the first time in my life I went to the eye doctor for reading glasses. My first thought with both of these experiences was “wow, awesome, the Buddha’s teaching comes alive before me!”. That is the power of this practice, of facing things head on, you experience change and uncertainty with peace and confidence instead of fear and aversion.
It is said in the story of prince Siddhartha Gotama’s(The Buddha) renunciation that his father the king tried to hide all the harsh realities of life from his son. He had all of the sensual pleasures, riches, friends, and women he could want, but something always nagged him, a sense of disenchantment that only grew the more his father tried to indulge his son. For the first time in his life, when he was 29, he saw an old and decrepit man and asked his chariot driver what that is. He was told that this is an old man and all of us, even kings, will be like this in time. This hit the Siddhartha like a ton of bricks and was the beginning of his awakening to the realities of life. Old Age was the first of four “divine messengers”.
“I am subject to Illness and disease, I am not exempt from Illness and disease”
Yet another subject to remember that is dear to my heart, and my story. I have had much experience with family and friends and illness, starting from my grandfather at age 8 to my wife and most recently my father.
I have vivid memories of traveling to Sloan Kettering cancer hospital in NYC with my father to pick up my paternal grandfather, who was in his early 60s at the time and fighting cancer. I remember walking in the building and seeing my grandfather emaciated and hunched over in a waiting room chair after just finishing another round of chemotherapy. That memory sticks with me to this day. Nearly 12 years later I would be back at Sloan Kettering when it was my mother’s turn to battle cancer, and again a couple of years after that I met the woman who would later become my wife and who would go through three years of cancer treatment with me at her side.
Most recently even as I was living at Bhavana Society as an Anagarika, I traveled back to Sloan Kettering to be with my father and my family during an operation for cancer that was detected. My maternal grandmother also had cancer, my maternal grandfather had Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. My best friend in the first few years of grade school battled leukemia.
Can you tell cancer and I have a lot of experience together? It’s an old friend that I expect will pay me a visit at least once in this life, but If so I plan to open the door and embrace it, rather than slam the door in its face. I have been around sickness my whole life, so I have been able to see with my own experience that illness and disease are a part of life, nothing to be feared or hated, and nothing you can run away from.
I do fear, however, that some people reading this article so far may find the tone of this article to be depressing and sad, but I would not change any of my experiences even if I could. They all played a part in leading me towards the peace and happiness I continue to grow inside today. I see these experiences not as sad, depressing, horrible things, but life-affirming realities we can choose to grow from, or to run from in futility.
The second divine messenger Siddhartha saw, so the story goes, is a person on the ground wracked in pain from boils and disease. Again he was told that this is sickness and can befall anyone, even kings, which lead to further distress and disenchantment, leading closer to renunciation.
“I am subject to Death, I am not exempt from Death”
The thing most feared by all beings, indeed it is said that all fears stem from fear of death. If one takes a logical step from my previous section on illness, you may infer that I have plenty of experience with death, and you’d be right. I’ve been to more funerals than many people twice my age, the first that I can remember being that of my paternal grandfather at age 9. I’ve been there at the moment of death holding the hand of two people, my maternal grandmother when I was 19 and my wife when I was 27. There is no experience in life that can compare to being with someone at the moment of their death. This is an experience that can lead someone into an acceptance and an embracing of life, or a denial and fear of it. For me it has led to a gratitude for the time I had with each person, be they family, friends, or co-workers, and a renewed desire not to waste time with petty squabbles among those who are still alive.
“There are those who do not realize that one day we all must die, but those who do realize settle their quarrels”. – Dhammapada 1.6
Ever since I can remember even back to childhood I never felt that death was a horrible thing, sad yes, but not “bad”. I think those early experiences helped shape my views on this. I never could understand why people were so distraught at funerals. There are traditional funerals in many countries where there are a group of women whose job is to just wail the whole time. As the son of an Italian immigrant I experienced this and it elicited more of a giggle from me at the high pitched shrieks than sadness.
I always thought it would be better to celebrate the person’s life rather than cry over the loss of our attachment to the person, but then again I’ve always been a bit of a “weird bird” as they say. I’ve always had world views that did not match with the culture and religion I was raised in, and indeed it was not until I found the words of the Buddha in the Theravada Pali Canon that I found the missing piece of the puzzle. With the missing piece in place, it was like “coming home” for the first time in my life.
The third “divine messenger” the Siddhartha saw was a funeral procession and a dead person. Again he was told that this befalls everyone, even kings. He struggled to understand this thing called … death.. and what it meant, and it sunk him deeper into introspection and shock.
“The Fourth Divine Messenger”
I’d like to take a quick detour from the subjects of contemplation to go over the fourth divine messenger. After seeing old age, sickness, and death, it is said that he saw a shaven headed ascetic. When he asked who this person was he was told this was a man who has renounced the worldly life in search of awakening. Siddhartha Gotama had a hunch that this weird guy with a shaved head may be on the right track, and a plan began to formulate in his mind.
So as you can see I’ve had ample experience of the first three divine messengers knocking on my door. I’d like to speak about the fourth messenger, that of a monk. I can remember the first time I had experience with a “monk”. Being raised Catholic and going to Catholic school I of course learned all about the saints.
There was only one saint that I ever really connected with, Saint Francis, a rich noble who became a poor beggar monk (sound familiar?) who preached non-violence, charity, and peace. To this day I love Franciscan monks and look forward to possible interfaith dialogue with them in the future.
The other monk I remember from an early age of course, like most westerners, is the Dalai Lama. I remember thinking to myself as an adolescent “who are these guys who are poor and wear robes yet seem to be so happy!”. That thought has stayed with me to this day, even though my idealism about monasticism has turned to realism. It was always in the back of my mind, just like the Buddha thought, that maybe these guys are on to something, and in deed I find it a funny coincidence that I became a Buddhist the same age the Buddha began his quest. Although honestly I did not have an idea to want to become a monk until a few years later.
“All that is dear to me, I will one day be separated from”
On the night of his renunciation Siddhartha was said to of looked upon his wife and newborn child and because of the divine messengers realized that one day they would all die. He was raised with the knowledge of samsara, the endless round of continued rebirth. He started to realize that through countless previous births he has experienced the loss of everything he held dear. Indeed later after his awakening he would say greater than all the water in the four great oceans are the tears you have shed over the loss of loved ones throughout your wandering in samsara.
He thought there must be a way out of this trap, a way to true permanent peace and happiness, and so he began his quest to find that way. It is a simple fact that we will all be separated one day, be it tomorrow or 50 years from now.
I find it funny when my parents to this day each say how they hope they die first so they don’t have to experience the loss of the other! Ideally I think most couples in love would rather they die at the same exact instant to avoid such suffering. I can personally say I’ve been through that, and I came out a better person for it.
The Buddha exhorts us to not try and hide from the inevitable, but to embrace it and spend the time you have skillfully. These statements of separation are not meant to illicit fear, sadness, and clinging, but to implore us to live our lives skillfully and not waste time on petty squabbles with those we hold dear.
“I am the owner of my actions, whatever I do for good or harm, to that I shall fall heir”
This is related to Kamma, but is also to be seen here in this very life. Your actions create your world and you cannot escape them, therefore it behooves us to live skillfully. Bhante G once said “the greatest impact we can have in the world is to face every circumstance with a mind of clarity, compassion, and love”. That is living skillfully, mindfully, and indeed happily. We are responsible for our actions, whether we wish to be or not.
Living skillfully is a choice, it is a practice that we all can do if we find it important enough to put for effort. You should know that you don’t need to be mired in greed, aversion, and fear. I made that decision near five years ago now, and the path has lead me to where I am today.
“In conclusion”
I became a Buddhist on Vesak in 2008, a few weeks after my 30th birthday, with the taking of the refuge and precepts. By 2011 the practice lead me to the point where I wanted to do nothing more than follow in the footsteps in the Buddha on the quest to awakening. I spent the first 36 years of my life as a lay person and I’ve experienced most all of what a person can experience in life in those short 36 years. I’ve had amazing experiences, done amazing things, met amazing people, and been to amazing places. I’ve experienced love and loss, being poor and being financially stable, good family and good friends, I don’t regret a second of it.
I’d like to spend the rest of my life now living the Dhamma, following in the footsteps of the Buddha, on the greatest quest humanity has ever known. Unlike the Buddha, who had the divine messengers come to him at age 29, I was lucky enough to of had all four divine messengers showing me the way since I was a young child.
People often think that monks hate the world or want to run from it in some way. While I have definitely developed a disenchantment with the world’s bait, I do not hate the world or want to run from it out of aversion. The practice has rooted out much of the aversion I did have and replaced it with an understanding that it is how it is, and to use one of my favorite quotes from Ajahn Brahm “suffering is asking from the world what it cannot give you”.
The people and experiences of this life and countless others have lead me to this point, and I cannot feel anything but gratitude for all of it as I move forward.
So that’s my story, based on perception and memory, two of our many faulty faculties. Whether all I have said is actually how it happened or not, I cannot know, but regardless it has all lead me to my current path, following in the footsteps of the Buddha on a quest for awakening. For a peace and happiness that lasts and is not based on external conditions. I wish you all the same peace, happiness, and freedom from suffering, in your own journeys.
^^^ as always many thanks for sharing your journey. As lay practitioners many of us are familiar with some of the experiences you so honestly mention. Bravo.
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silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
Yes, thanks @Jayantha, for sharing your experiences. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all about it. This paragraph stood out to me, especially one particular phrase: "Now some words on my mind-states during seclusion. They ran the gamut as I’ve already explained. I would say in general my most common mind-state was peaceful determination. A determination to continue with this seclusion and with my practice, regardless of what arose. I’m no stranger to working through all kinds of negative, depressive and strong aversive/emotional mind-states."
That peaceful determination phrase just sorta registered with me as something important - the way to look at things in life, or something like that.
And the last paragraph was helpful: "Waking up each morning, doing all the “duties” and practices of a monk, and learning how to set my own purpose (a monk is a free agent, it is up to them to work on their own practice, their own education, their own purpose, no one can tell them or give them these things), I really feel like during this seclusion I finally made the switch over. I can’t say I remember when exactly the switch “clicked” in my mind, but there was a definite mindset change..."
Definitely, everyone sets their own purpose in life, but we're all too often unaware of it.
The graphics were excellent - the pale gray background and the double-spacing makes it a lot easier on my eyes. People just don't realize how important it is to choose wisely how their blogs etc. are going to look. Nice!
This weekend was an amazing experience for me. I had done a Dhamma talk before but this was my first direct meditation teaching experience. It felt a lot like a coming full circle. All the years of me going to retreats and learning meditation from monastics and here I was guiding new practitioners in how to do walking meditation and metta meditation.
Not only the experience, but the response from people who said how these two favorite practices of mine really effected them, was extremely rewarding and fulfilling to me. Probably more fulfilling then anything else I've ever done, because I helped introduce them the tools they can use to create happier and more content lives for themselves, and that makes it all worth it.
Comments
Nice to hear from you Jay.
Sending love, light and blessings your way.....
John (me) is lay, Jason (moderator) is lay but extremely knowledgeable also I think.
So it looks like my ordination date is confirmed. 110 days until I take lower ordination on my favorite holiday... Saturday, October 31st. Halloween!
Awesome. I hope they let you costume up as a 'Buddhist Monk'.
Bravo. Congratulations. Much metta.
I will be there in my best behaved spirit form if not in person ...
May all be auspicious. May all be well. May all be inspired. May all realms benefit.
Will this be an open or closed thing? Will visitors be there?
If so....I'll plan the NB carpool!
... I told you I was coming to WV awhile ago....so this event looks like a good as time as any. If not....I understand....but the seed has planted for a NB roll up on you, nevertheless 
Around Halloween in WV folks....get ready....road trip to see our Brother/Monk Jay!!!!!!
It is open to anyone. Normally these are done on days like katina/vesak and there are like 300 sri lankans and a few dozen westerners who come then, it can be a madhouse, but mine is the day before so it will be nice, low key and chill.
At this point I know some family and friends are coming and those regulars to Bhavana who know me.
The samanera ordination is minor compared to next year when I become a bhikkhu,that is when they will need 10 monks.
You and anyone else is welcomed @Vastmind . It will also be recorded so ill put it up on Youtube after.
Sounds good.
I'll start a thread in Members only for anyone interested in meeting up/going.
Started a little series as my countdown to ordination(Halloween 2015) begins...
http://jayantha.tumblr.com/post/128363009686/towards-ordination-part-1-two-months-to-go
[TOWARDS ORDINATION : PART 1 - TWO MONTHS TO GO.. AND NOW FOR SOME INFORMATIONAL POSTS.
As of yesterday(9-1) I am exactly two months out from my Pabbajja(The “Going Forth” from the life of a householder to that of homelessness) and I decided it may be good for my friends who are interested in following my journey if I would start making the occasional post explaining about what I’m getting myself into and what the ceremony is about.
Firstly I’d like to explain what this ordination means. This is only the first of two ordinations. In many ways it’s the least important and more minor of the two. I will not be a full fledged Bhikkhu(male monastic) after this ordination, but a samanera (Novice monastic). A Bhikkhu follows 227 major rules and close to 10,000 more minor ones, a samanera is not very different then myself as an Anagarika with the exception of following one more precept(that of not handling money) and wearing two of the three red robes.
Of course from the outside it looks like a big change, and I suppose it is considering I will have my head(and eyebrows) shaved and wear red. In essence as of Halloween, I will look like a monastic to any casual observer, but I will only be a monastic in training, a probationary monastic as it were. A year from now is when the big ceremony requiring 10 monastics and more occurs, after which I can truly be a Bhikkhu.
So I wanted to end with this sutta that I have memorized and will be reciting in the Pali, that is a summation of the change of life I am about to undertake. The Buddha requested that we always remember these 10 things:
XI. Discourse on the Ten Dhammas
Thus have I heard. On one occasion the Sublime One was living at Sāvatthī, at Jeta’s grove in the park of Anāthapiṇḍika. There the Sublime One addressed the bhikkhus thus: “Bhikkhus.” “Venerable Sir,” they replied. The Sublime One said, “These are ten things, bhikkhus, which one who has gone forth into homelessness should reflect upon always. What ten?
“I am now changed into a different mode of life [from that of a layperson],”should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“My life depends on others,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“I must now behave in a different manner,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Does my mind upbraid me regarding the state of my virtue?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Do my discerning fellow bhikkhus, having tested me, upbraid me regarding the state of my virtue?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“All that is mine, dear and delightful, will change and vanish,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“I am the owner of my kamma, heir to my kamma, born of my kamma, related to my kamma, abide supported by my kamma. Whatever kamma I shall do, whether good or evil, of that I shall be the heir,” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“How do I spend my nights and days?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Do I take delight in solitude?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“Have I gained superhuman knowledge which can be specially known to noble ones, so that later when I am questioned by fellow bhikkhus I will not be embarrassed?” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“These, bhikkhus, are ten things which one who has gone forth should reflect upon always.” Thus spoke the Sublime One. The bhikkhus were pleased with and appreciated the Sublime One’s words.
oh and also, a funny episode from a few weeks back:
This is a recent facebook post of mine, one in a series of ongoing posts related to being out in public in sarongs and robes:
"After 6 months wearing my Anagarika clothing i finally got the comment ive been waiting for. As usual lately today im in town,this time west, deeper into WV in the town of Romney bringing garbage to the dump and water samples to the health department. I stopped at subway and while im waiting for my food i hear "whats with the dress man?" not in a mean way, but in a surprised confused tone.
I turned around with a smile and saw two big burly contractor dudes who looked right out of the hills of Scotland and told them im in training to be a Buddhist monk. He looked at me thoughtfully, nodded his head up and down, and left.
It was an interesting encounter, and it seemed to me that I gave him the last answer he expected. I really enjoy these little encounters, they give me a chance to practice conversations that i suspect will be common in my monastic life.
Mostly what I get are shocked double takes, as in they saw something abnormal quickly and had to turn back to confirm what they thought they saw. It is especially funny for me when it happens with little girls, who seem the most expressive in terms of wondering why this person is wearing a dress. I've been asked if I was a Hare Krishna, and once of twice someone guessed Buddhist right, but mostly people have no clue and some decide to satisfy their curosity with a few questions."
Latest video in the "journey into homelessness" series, marking 1 year at Bhavana, experiences as an Anagarika and preparing for novice ordination.
If this is the path you have chosen
If you are comfortable with your decision
If you feel have prepared well for this journey
Then good fortune and success to you on your journey
Don't ever stop learning
Peace to all
Good on you @Jayantha - your humility and honesty are inspiring!
jayantha.tumblr.com/post/128875850322/towards-ordination-part-2-what-do-you-need
TOWARDS ORDINATION: PART 2 - “WHAT DO YOU NEED?” - THE FOUR MONASTIC REQUISITES AND A MIND NOT YET READY TO FULLY LET GO
There is a phrase I’ve heard once or twice so far as I come close to my ordination, and it’s the title of this article. It’s a phrase that fills me with slight dread, but one that I will have get used to hearing as once I ordain because soon “my life depends on others”, as the sutta in the previous article tells me to keep in mind.
Once I ordain, the four requisites of food, clothing, shelter, and medicine, are items I no longer will have the ability to provide for myself. This was a wonderful invention of the Buddha who created the fourfold assembly of male and female monastics and lay persons. This four-fold symbiosis meant that monastics could not do what was so often seen near 1500 years later in medieval Europe, where monasteries were fortresses that had their own lands, their own indentured servants, and ruled over the populace rather than depending on them and being beholden to them as Buddhist monastics are.
As a monastic living at Bhavana I will need shelter to live. Bhavana itself is that shelter, if it closed down because people did not feel it worthy to donate to and keep it going, then I would be without shelter. If there was no one anywhere to provide me shelter, I could no longer be a monastic. The same goes with food,clothing and medicine, which come either directly from people helping the monastic out or out of general funds donated to Bhavana for these purposes. Then of course there is clothing. The basic monastic clothing is a very simple three robe and a shirt affair, although it gets more complicated when it comes to winter clothing and the like.
The great thing about the Buddhist setup is that because I am beholden to the lay community, if I am a bad monk or don’t fulfill my end of the bargain, they can(and should) stop supporting me. A Buddhist monk is not supposed to be above reproach and untouchable. A Buddhist monk is not supposed to be able to hide behind a large institution that will hide what they’ve done wrong and shelter them, giving them a lifetime tenure of safety regardless of how they act. Of course there are places in the Buddhist world where this is EXACTLY what happens, because life is not perfect, but it wasn’t originally setup this way.
The Great Maha Kassapa, my favorite disciple of the Buddha, said that “he ate the countries alms food a debtor” until he became awakened. I am given these four requisites by lay persons, and this is a debt to be repaid. How does a monastic repay their debt? By striving in the practice, and teaching what they’ve learned. By being an example of the Buddha’s path for others to follow, which of course does not mean being perfect, but honestly striving with confidence, humility, and endurance. This is what I plan to do to the best of my ability.
So with that explained, back to my own experience and the reason for this post. Keep in mind that this post isn’t some kind of veiled attempt to “get” anything or claim that I am in need of anything. This is also not meant to dissuade those who want to help make sure I have everything I need. In this post I want to continue my plan of documenting experiences on the path, showing insight into the mind-states and thoughts that arise on the path of renunciation.
So what happens when I hear “what do you need?”? As stated above a slight feeling of dread arises as this is quite a complicated question and I am often unsure as to the proper answer. There are also feelings of joy in witnessing someone wanting to perform an act of good will and generosity. This is a brand new experience I often times don’t know WHAT I need, so I’ve spoken with the other monastics here about how they handle the situation.
When I hear “what do you need” a balancing act comes up in the mind between asking for what I truly need, and what I don’t REALLY need but want. Between trying to ensure I do have everything I need, but not appearing to ask for too much or be a burden on those kind and generous enough to ask. In the end I’ve given people a few choices between helping me acquire clothing for winter, and the monastics in general needing more cloth for robes and the like, as most premade robes are not made for westerners and don’t fit well. I will be making my own robe as a monastic in the near future, something I am greatly looking forward to as a connection with the Bhikkhus of old who did such.
Another aspect of the mind in the process of renunciation, is the great American concept of self-reliance, which is a great skill for anyone to have, including monastics who often have to make do with what little they have. This however can also lead to thoughts such as “oh I’m going to need shirts, oh and a winter hat, and this or that; but what if no one asks and its winter and I’m cold! I know I can spend money now so I can make a “gift to myself” and buy these things with my own money!”.
I have always been self-reliant, never needing much help from others, and unskillfully not taking it when I DID need the help. This is something however that I’ve worked on greatly for the past half-decade and that I continue to work on as I move towards becoming a monastic. Totally letting go and REALLY allowing your life to be in someone else’s hands is quite a scary concept, but one truly essential to the life of a renunciant.
Of course then once I purchased the items I feel guilty because my own fear has led to me denying someone else the benefit of practicing generosity with me. Monastics are said to be a “field of merit”. Meaning that lay persons can practice generosity and freely giving by helping out the monks, which in turn also leads to the lay person sowing the fruits of being able to “let go” more and more themselves. Fear however has led to me robbing others of that opportunity, but since this fear is rooted in one of the most basic survival instincts, it is deep and pervasive in the human psyche. For this reason I am kind, forgiving and not too hard with myself.
I’ve heard it said that the more you give up, the more you get, and I see the wisdom in that statement as I ever so slowly move towards its acceptance, it will take some time.
jayantha.tumblr.com/post/131754726598/one-week-till-ordination
ONE WEEK TILL ORDINATION
As of tomorrow I have one week until my Sāmaṇera(novice monk) ordination. Since I have been documenting my “journey into homelessness” these last few years, I figure it might be beneficial to document my experiences as I come down to the final days of lay life.
While this ordination is important, and I am excited about it, I am also tempering this excitement with the fact that it is only the next step in the process to becoming a Bhikkhu, with Sāmaṇera ordination I am half way there. The day I become a Bhikkhu is the day I have been waiting for, for half a decade now.
That being said I had a thought occur to me at lunch yesterday that a week from now I’d be sitting in robes eating from a bowl, and that would be only a small part of the changes I will need to adapt to. The past half year or so has seen me memorizing all of the lines I need for my going forth, two of which from a sutta where the Buddha explains the 10 things that those who have gone forth should always keep in mind, has become a focus for me:
“I am now changed into a different mode of life [from that of a layperson],” should be reflected upon always by one who has gone forth.
“I must now behave in a different manner,” should be reflected upon
always by one who has gone forth.
The past few months have seen me becoming more keenly mindful of my actions, some of which conform with monasticism, and some of which stem from 37 years of lay life and I’ve had to gradually work on habitually changing. A year into monastic living it is still an ongoing practice for me to learn how to “slow down” in body, speech, and mind.
Once I don the robes, I take on a 2600 year old tradition and my actions not only reflect upon myself, but that tradition and all other fellow monastics. This responsibility is not lost to me and I would never want to do anything through my actions that would harm how the sangha is viewed.
As I continue to go deeper into the practice, I see even further how much one must give up to attain the goal(Nibbana) and truly live this life as the Buddha intended, including the very notion of self itself. Truly going for the goal of the holy life is no easy thing, a goal that I’m not sure I’ll come close to in this life, but I see no other point to becoming a monastic then the ending of dukkha. The line below is part of my request to the senior monastics to be given the going forth:
and of course we have the Buddha's final words, which have called to me for years now and can be seen at the top of jayantha.tumblr.com: "Appamadena Samppadetha"- "strive with diligence" towards the goal.
Truly living this life will be hard, and only time will tell if I have what it takes, but I know from experience that if I continue to practice insight will comes in its own time, so I continue to do the best I can in following the path of the Buddha. It is well said many times in the suttas that becoming a monk doesn’t guarantee you peace and happiness, but having to actually put in the work will. I could sit around living a comfortable monastic life, or I can go for broke and live this life the best I know how, only time will show the results.
^^^ Outstanding!
May all go well. Your efforts are indeed part of 'the longest journey'. Go for broke. Nibbana or Nothing. Good plan. Don't forget to put it on Youtube for us feeble minded cyber fellowship followers ...
Ordination is complete on 10-31, more pictures and write up to follow
^^^ Wonderful news. Bravo. Look forward to pics and vid
Aaaaawwwesome!!!
Congratulations Jayantha.
Nice one @Jayantha
Well done
Sadhu.
Such a nice young man!
public picture album is up, with some serious and funny moments captured:
https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10207528751757436.1073741841.1248631145&type=1&l=56d2c2d3c8
^^^ When will you be a full Jedhi?
I went to town with my sister that afternoon and there was a kid in a storm trooper costume, we never crossed paths but I so wanted to go up to him,wave my hand and say " these aren't the droids your looking for"
One more year to full Jedi.
^^^ Discipline is hard for padawans ... they must ensure they are not tempted. Bravo. You have an elder monk as confidante? Not sure what the term is?
When I go out of the monastery it is proper for me to go with a more senior monastic yes.
Video of the ordination is up for those interested in what one of these is like. A brief outline is the first few minutes me chanting, getting my hair cut, going out to be shaved and put on the robes for about 30 minutes or so while Bhante G gives a dhamma talk, then coming back for more chanting and the end.
Stay focused and dedicated.
Peace to you.
That is awesome! Thank you for sharing this special part of your life with us
I was asked by Bhante G to participate in the Thanksgiving retreat, so I did my first Dhamma talk and Q&A as a monastic this past week:
Dhamma talk on Dana:
Q&A on a variety of topics:
I know I've said it to you before @Jayantha but I want to thank you again for including me (us!) in your journey. You're a true inspiration.....
You have shared your quest.
You have taken us on your journey.
You have reached your gate
and passed through
May you walk your path in peace.
May your lantern burn bright
Even into the darkest night.
Good question and answer
My question never comes up but then I never ask it 
Formal representation of the Buddha Way requires questioning the Sangha as if the Buddha Jewel is present.
Can we have access to the Q&A Buddha Box?
This is great. Much metta to you.
_ /\ _
jayantha.tumblr.com/post/135012196607/on-ordination-bhavana-newsletter-article-on
I was asked to write an article for the Bhavana newsletter on why I wanted to ordain, It's too long put in one post so I'll post it in two for those who don't want to go to the link.
"On Ordination
Trying to explain something like the why and how of choosing monastic ordination is never an easy thing. Like most events in life it is preceded by a complex web of choices and experiences that have led me to this point. I will do my best here to put into words a coherent story of “why”, for after all that’s what our memory is, a story we tell ourselves and continuously reinforce to keep alive.
I would like to use what is normally called “the Five Subjects of Contemplation” from the Upajjhatthana Sutta of the Anguttara Nikaya as the framework for my article. The simple straight forward message the Buddha exhorts us to remember is on one end so simple as to be easily dismissed by the foolish, but on the other so profound that we try to avoid the remembrance of these at all costs. I remember being awestruck by the simple truth of these the first time I read them, and they have stayed with me as an important part of my daily practice ever since, nearly a decade later.
The Buddha said there are these five things one should always reflect on, whether you are woman or man, lay or ordained, three of these correlate directly with the “divine messengers” the Buddha saw which led him to renounce and begin his quest.
“I am subject to old age and decay, I am not exempt from old age and decay”
We are to always remember that one day this body will grow old, withered. We are constantly growing old and decaying even from birth. We do our best with modern technologies and makeup to try and hide this fact. We don’t remind ourselves that this is our nature, so we fight it instead of being at peace with it, leading us to create our own suffering.
I was lucky enough to grow up around what people call “the greatest generation”, which is the generation of people who lived through WW2. Being exposed early and often to elderly people, both in my family and in society (my town had lots of retirement communities and my father had a landscaping business, so I often spoke with elderly people), lead me to become more comfortable being around older people than adolescents my own age.
I often think back to my paternal grandmother, who at least in my experience appeared to embrace life and old age with a smile, a sense of humor, and peaceful acceptance. She did not try to hide her wrinkles and flab, but laughed about them. I find it no coincidence that she ended up living nearly two decades longer than any of my other grandparents. This way of looking at things always made more sense to me, even from a young age, and I owe her a debt of gratitude just for being her as I to move towards old age myself.
Growing up I remember saying to my mother how I can’t wait to get older, and she would say that I would regret those words when I do. So far I can honestly say I don’t regret them! Even though I had a wonderful childhood, I have no desire to go back to my youth or be a kid again, in this life or the next. I’m 37 now and in the last few years I’ve started to see grey hairs growing in and for the first time in my life I went to the eye doctor for reading glasses. My first thought with both of these experiences was “wow, awesome, the Buddha’s teaching comes alive before me!”. That is the power of this practice, of facing things head on, you experience change and uncertainty with peace and confidence instead of fear and aversion.
It is said in the story of prince Siddhartha Gotama’s(The Buddha) renunciation that his father the king tried to hide all the harsh realities of life from his son. He had all of the sensual pleasures, riches, friends, and women he could want, but something always nagged him, a sense of disenchantment that only grew the more his father tried to indulge his son. For the first time in his life, when he was 29, he saw an old and decrepit man and asked his chariot driver what that is. He was told that this is an old man and all of us, even kings, will be like this in time. This hit the Siddhartha like a ton of bricks and was the beginning of his awakening to the realities of life. Old Age was the first of four “divine messengers”.
“I am subject to Illness and disease, I am not exempt from Illness and disease”
Yet another subject to remember that is dear to my heart, and my story. I have had much experience with family and friends and illness, starting from my grandfather at age 8 to my wife and most recently my father.
I have vivid memories of traveling to Sloan Kettering cancer hospital in NYC with my father to pick up my paternal grandfather, who was in his early 60s at the time and fighting cancer. I remember walking in the building and seeing my grandfather emaciated and hunched over in a waiting room chair after just finishing another round of chemotherapy. That memory sticks with me to this day. Nearly 12 years later I would be back at Sloan Kettering when it was my mother’s turn to battle cancer, and again a couple of years after that I met the woman who would later become my wife and who would go through three years of cancer treatment with me at her side.
Most recently even as I was living at Bhavana Society as an Anagarika, I traveled back to Sloan Kettering to be with my father and my family during an operation for cancer that was detected. My maternal grandmother also had cancer, my maternal grandfather had Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases. My best friend in the first few years of grade school battled leukemia.
Can you tell cancer and I have a lot of experience together? It’s an old friend that I expect will pay me a visit at least once in this life, but If so I plan to open the door and embrace it, rather than slam the door in its face. I have been around sickness my whole life, so I have been able to see with my own experience that illness and disease are a part of life, nothing to be feared or hated, and nothing you can run away from.
I do fear, however, that some people reading this article so far may find the tone of this article to be depressing and sad, but I would not change any of my experiences even if I could. They all played a part in leading me towards the peace and happiness I continue to grow inside today. I see these experiences not as sad, depressing, horrible things, but life-affirming realities we can choose to grow from, or to run from in futility.
The second divine messenger Siddhartha saw, so the story goes, is a person on the ground wracked in pain from boils and disease. Again he was told that this is sickness and can befall anyone, even kings, which lead to further distress and disenchantment, leading closer to renunciation.
“I am subject to Death, I am not exempt from Death”
The thing most feared by all beings, indeed it is said that all fears stem from fear of death. If one takes a logical step from my previous section on illness, you may infer that I have plenty of experience with death, and you’d be right. I’ve been to more funerals than many people twice my age, the first that I can remember being that of my paternal grandfather at age 9. I’ve been there at the moment of death holding the hand of two people, my maternal grandmother when I was 19 and my wife when I was 27. There is no experience in life that can compare to being with someone at the moment of their death. This is an experience that can lead someone into an acceptance and an embracing of life, or a denial and fear of it. For me it has led to a gratitude for the time I had with each person, be they family, friends, or co-workers, and a renewed desire not to waste time with petty squabbles among those who are still alive.
“There are those who do not realize that one day we all must die, but those who do realize settle their quarrels”. – Dhammapada 1.6
Ever since I can remember even back to childhood I never felt that death was a horrible thing, sad yes, but not “bad”. I think those early experiences helped shape my views on this. I never could understand why people were so distraught at funerals. There are traditional funerals in many countries where there are a group of women whose job is to just wail the whole time. As the son of an Italian immigrant I experienced this and it elicited more of a giggle from me at the high pitched shrieks than sadness.
I always thought it would be better to celebrate the person’s life rather than cry over the loss of our attachment to the person, but then again I’ve always been a bit of a “weird bird” as they say. I’ve always had world views that did not match with the culture and religion I was raised in, and indeed it was not until I found the words of the Buddha in the Theravada Pali Canon that I found the missing piece of the puzzle. With the missing piece in place, it was like “coming home” for the first time in my life.
The third “divine messenger” the Siddhartha saw was a funeral procession and a dead person. Again he was told that this befalls everyone, even kings. He struggled to understand this thing called … death.. and what it meant, and it sunk him deeper into introspection and shock.
“The Fourth Divine Messenger”
I’d like to take a quick detour from the subjects of contemplation to go over the fourth divine messenger. After seeing old age, sickness, and death, it is said that he saw a shaven headed ascetic. When he asked who this person was he was told this was a man who has renounced the worldly life in search of awakening. Siddhartha Gotama had a hunch that this weird guy with a shaved head may be on the right track, and a plan began to formulate in his mind.
So as you can see I’ve had ample experience of the first three divine messengers knocking on my door. I’d like to speak about the fourth messenger, that of a monk. I can remember the first time I had experience with a “monk”. Being raised Catholic and going to Catholic school I of course learned all about the saints.
There was only one saint that I ever really connected with, Saint Francis, a rich noble who became a poor beggar monk (sound familiar?) who preached non-violence, charity, and peace. To this day I love Franciscan monks and look forward to possible interfaith dialogue with them in the future.
The other monk I remember from an early age of course, like most westerners, is the Dalai Lama. I remember thinking to myself as an adolescent “who are these guys who are poor and wear robes yet seem to be so happy!”. That thought has stayed with me to this day, even though my idealism about monasticism has turned to realism. It was always in the back of my mind, just like the Buddha thought, that maybe these guys are on to something, and in deed I find it a funny coincidence that I became a Buddhist the same age the Buddha began his quest. Although honestly I did not have an idea to want to become a monk until a few years later.
“All that is dear to me, I will one day be separated from”
On the night of his renunciation Siddhartha was said to of looked upon his wife and newborn child and because of the divine messengers realized that one day they would all die. He was raised with the knowledge of samsara, the endless round of continued rebirth. He started to realize that through countless previous births he has experienced the loss of everything he held dear. Indeed later after his awakening he would say greater than all the water in the four great oceans are the tears you have shed over the loss of loved ones throughout your wandering in samsara.
He thought there must be a way out of this trap, a way to true permanent peace and happiness, and so he began his quest to find that way. It is a simple fact that we will all be separated one day, be it tomorrow or 50 years from now.
I find it funny when my parents to this day each say how they hope they die first so they don’t have to experience the loss of the other! Ideally I think most couples in love would rather they die at the same exact instant to avoid such suffering. I can personally say I’ve been through that, and I came out a better person for it.
The Buddha exhorts us to not try and hide from the inevitable, but to embrace it and spend the time you have skillfully. These statements of separation are not meant to illicit fear, sadness, and clinging, but to implore us to live our lives skillfully and not waste time on petty squabbles with those we hold dear.
“I am the owner of my actions, whatever I do for good or harm, to that I shall fall heir”
This is related to Kamma, but is also to be seen here in this very life. Your actions create your world and you cannot escape them, therefore it behooves us to live skillfully. Bhante G once said “the greatest impact we can have in the world is to face every circumstance with a mind of clarity, compassion, and love”. That is living skillfully, mindfully, and indeed happily. We are responsible for our actions, whether we wish to be or not.
Living skillfully is a choice, it is a practice that we all can do if we find it important enough to put for effort. You should know that you don’t need to be mired in greed, aversion, and fear. I made that decision near five years ago now, and the path has lead me to where I am today.
“In conclusion”
I became a Buddhist on Vesak in 2008, a few weeks after my 30th birthday, with the taking of the refuge and precepts. By 2011 the practice lead me to the point where I wanted to do nothing more than follow in the footsteps in the Buddha on the quest to awakening. I spent the first 36 years of my life as a lay person and I’ve experienced most all of what a person can experience in life in those short 36 years. I’ve had amazing experiences, done amazing things, met amazing people, and been to amazing places. I’ve experienced love and loss, being poor and being financially stable, good family and good friends, I don’t regret a second of it.
I’d like to spend the rest of my life now living the Dhamma, following in the footsteps of the Buddha, on the greatest quest humanity has ever known. Unlike the Buddha, who had the divine messengers come to him at age 29, I was lucky enough to of had all four divine messengers showing me the way since I was a young child.
People often think that monks hate the world or want to run from it in some way. While I have definitely developed a disenchantment with the world’s bait, I do not hate the world or want to run from it out of aversion. The practice has rooted out much of the aversion I did have and replaced it with an understanding that it is how it is, and to use one of my favorite quotes from Ajahn Brahm “suffering is asking from the world what it cannot give you”.
The people and experiences of this life and countless others have lead me to this point, and I cannot feel anything but gratitude for all of it as I move forward.
So that’s my story, based on perception and memory, two of our many faulty faculties. Whether all I have said is actually how it happened or not, I cannot know, but regardless it has all lead me to my current path, following in the footsteps of the Buddha on a quest for awakening. For a peace and happiness that lasts and is not based on external conditions. I wish you all the same peace, happiness, and freedom from suffering, in your own journeys.
2016 February Seclusion: Insights and Experiences from a month of living alone in (mostly) silence - http://jayantha.tumblr.com/post/140880544037/2016-february-seclusion-insights-and-experiences
^^^ as always many thanks for sharing your journey. As lay practitioners many of us are familiar with some of the experiences you so honestly mention. Bravo.
Yes, thanks @Jayantha, for sharing your experiences. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all about it. This paragraph stood out to me, especially one particular phrase: "Now some words on my mind-states during seclusion. They ran the gamut as I’ve already explained. I would say in general my most common mind-state was peaceful determination. A determination to continue with this seclusion and with my practice, regardless of what arose. I’m no stranger to working through all kinds of negative, depressive and strong aversive/emotional mind-states."
That peaceful determination phrase just sorta registered with me as something important - the way to look at things in life, or something like that.
And the last paragraph was helpful: "Waking up each morning, doing all the “duties” and practices of a monk, and learning how to set my own purpose (a monk is a free agent, it is up to them to work on their own practice, their own education, their own purpose, no one can tell them or give them these things), I really feel like during this seclusion I finally made the switch over. I can’t say I remember when exactly the switch “clicked” in my mind, but there was a definite mindset change..."
Definitely, everyone sets their own purpose in life, but we're all too often unaware of it.
The graphics were excellent - the pale gray background and the double-spacing makes it a lot easier on my eyes. People just don't realize how important it is to choose wisely how their blogs etc. are going to look. Nice!
Always find your posts interesting @Jayantha Thanks for sharing.
This weekend was an amazing experience for me. I had done a Dhamma talk before but this was my first direct meditation teaching experience. It felt a lot like a coming full circle. All the years of me going to retreats and learning meditation from monastics and here I was guiding new practitioners in how to do walking meditation and metta meditation.
Not only the experience, but the response from people who said how these two favorite practices of mine really effected them, was extremely rewarding and fulfilling to me. Probably more fulfilling then anything else I've ever done, because I helped introduce them the tools they can use to create happier and more content lives for themselves, and that makes it all worth it.
Our ways differ, but I like your heart.
Peace to you
A talk I gave to college students and beginner meditators on what it takes to be a successful meditator.
and Q&A
A talk I gave to college students and beginner meditators entitled "Right Effort and Right Attitude: what it takes to be a successful meditator."
and Q&A
Latest update on my experience as a monastic and upcoming Bhikkhu ordination