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What can be acts of kindness and compassion in daily life?
misecmisc1
I am a HinduIndia Veteran
hi all,
i was thinking to add kind and compassionate acts in my daily life, but i was thinking what acts to do for kindness and compassion?
in daily life, which acts are acts of kindness? in daily life, which acts are acts of compassion?
may be if you wish, then you can tell me what acts of kindness and compassion you practice in your daily life - from this, i can try to see what acts i can do in my daily life.
please suggest. thanks in advance.
1
Comments
I think compassion and kindness come from understanding, empathy and selflessness. These are internal aspects that may be cultivated. The acts are secondary and will naturally derivate from these intentions when they are strong enough.
There isn't anything you do, think, say, act or anything else - that cannot be done with loving kindness an compassion.
The primary merit is to yourself, therefore you must hold yourself as totally worthy and deserving of Metta, and karuna.
These qualities must be practised first and foremost for yourself.
Once you absorb that lesson and practise, then every action for others will be likewise.
so what should i do in practice to feel metta and karuna for myself, apart from understanding that i like all other sentient beings deserve metta and karuna? please suggest. thanks in advance.
hi all,
i came across this video url:
in the above video, it says - calling someone who you have not talked to for a long time is an act of compassion - is this act really an act of compassion or is it wrongly put as an act of compassion?
now in my case, there are many relatives of mine, with whom i have not talked for over an year, not because there is something bad that happened in the relationship, but simply because they are busy in their lives and i am busy in my life, so practically speaking in a way my presence or absence does not matter to them and neither their matter to me - so still calling such relatives be an act of compassion? or there is no point in me calling and talking to my these relatives over phone.
any views/suggestions please. thanks in advance.
Well, I'm sure that calling someone after long time is only one of millions of examples. The thing that came to my mind as an example of act of compassion, is my grandmother sewed a lot and she had remnants left of sewing projects and she would make clothing for a family that was poor -- the eldest daughter was one of my best friends in school. She had 11 brothers and sisters. Doing these acts of compassion shouldn't be out of the way for you or any of us. It should meld into the hours of your days and be easy to spot an opportunity - but I guess like everything else, things improve with practice.
@silver: i am still not clear on this point: is calling someone after long time an act of compassion - even in the case which i referred above, in which the relatives just happen to be for the sake of name and there was never any close relationship established till now with them - just a formal hi, hello, calling on festivals that too occasionally? any idea please. thanks in advance.
I think it could be considered one, but sorta weak. Are you wanting to call them because you're curious as to how they are doing and really wanting to exchange a few little pleasantries and just find out what's new? Are you shy away from calling for some reason? It sounds like there is potential for it to be considered an act of compassion.
BUT that's up to you to see in your own heart what you think and feel about it.
Well maybe you should stop telling your wife and child you are dead.
First things first.
What a nag
@misecmisc1 nothing is of any use unless you do it with a true and honest, voluntary and even spontaneous intention.
Don't make the mistake of thinking, Here I am, being Compassionate. here I am, being kind. I am doing the right things."
The 4 Divine States are states you cultivate over time, until they become part of your natural tendencies.
And for a start, you could stop calling yourself stupid, ignorant and whatever else you keep thinking.
)
Reverse that psychology and see yourself for the unique and valuable human you really are.
(And yes, what @lobster said, too....
Living up to any one of the five precepts is already an act of kindness don't you think?
How so?
@misecmisc1 I think what @federica wrote in her last post is right on.
If you can develop some compassion for yourself by seeing yourself as unique and valuable you will begin to see those qualities in others. If you do, you will be able to develop genuine interest in others; in their joys, in their sorrows and in their mundane day to day. You will be able to learn to listen and with mindfulness you can learn to really, deeply listen. Genuine interest and real listening go right to her first two points:
Recently I was having a bad morning at work and was in a poor mood. I needed to consult with a co-worker about something. I know this co-worker well enough to know he has been having a difficult time of things. Without any intent to pry, I asked how things were going. Had the answer been monosyllabic, that would have been the end of it. Instead a brief conversation on his problem ensued, a little humor got bounced back and forth and we both went away feeling better then when we started. That's a small simple thing, but there was kindness and compassion for both of us, by both of us.
Like the people above have said, I think you just need to relax a little and not think about this too much.
Take your family out for a walk.
Enjoy a quiet evening together.
Hold a door open for somebody.
If you think a relative would like to hear from you, give them a call just to chat.
Relax. Breathe.
I start my day with a meditation and a clear thought of the first precept. That carries me the whole day of being kind and compassion to whoever I meet. Two, four, eight legged beings. Also I find it so helpful taking care of a plant, giving my cat a good meal. I try to understand people rather to be understood. Just small moves to develop compassion and kindness.
OP, you're a member of a family, and the head of household. That, alone, should provide you with plenty of opportunities to practice daily compassion. It's pretty much built into your job description as father and husband. (Funny how it's so easy to overlook the obvious, isn't it?)
Ya think!!
@misecmisc1 -- Be yourself ... your own, true self.
nobody can tell you what they are. you just do them. if you know how to intend to do good then you can do them. if you don't know how to intend good then you can never do them.
Being kind and compassionate in mind is the first step to bringing it into your life. You can been kind and compassionate in everything you do, including the way you walk, the way you talk, how you interact with coworkers, cashiers, restaurant servers, how you choose to react when your child misbehaves, what you say and how you say it (often how you say it matters more than what you say) when your wife annoys you. You can even be kind and compassionate when you get yourself ready for your day in how you choose to view your clothing and treat it as you dress and how you care for yourself when you eat and so on. Doing everything with mindfulness automatically brings kindness and compassion into it.
And do what you know to be right. Kindness and compassion will be a natural result.
hmm.. for me, calling someone after long time seems to be a social act, rather than a compassionate act - because the objective for which i think i will call others is to extend my social network, but since i do not have any wish of extending my social network, so even if i will call, it will just be to check how they are doing, but frankly speaking i fear that after that they may call me, as a sort of return of calling and then i may need to call back and then it might become a sort of headache for me, as by nature i am a reserved type of person and selfishly wants that nobody should disturb me unneccessarily - now, if having a reserved nature is kind of hindrance to being compassionate, then i may be in a bigger problem. any ideas here please. thanks in advance.
Don't see why having the unique and precious (and ever evolving) nature any person has should be a hindrance to any kind of growth? Unless that person allows him/herself to be bound to a label ...
I'm don't enjoy cooking. My grandfather was a master baker and my mother is a wonderful cook. She tells me the secret is to do it with love. Well, I still don't love cooking but I am compassionate to myself by selecting recipes that are not too complicated, put what love I can into cooking and tell those inflicted with the results that, if they don't like it, I am happy to get them takeaway/beans on toast/whatever instead. Amazingly, I am often told that the result is delicious
Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. In my experience, all gifts carry their burden. But I have to stop beating myself up before I can push my boundaries without resentment/fear and just let it happen.
Namaste.
i was searching for some videos on compassion on internet and came across the below videos, so thought of sharing with you all:
I think you've got it, @misecmisc1 ....
one more video, which i just watched and then thought of sharing with you all:
Reality always provides a context on which we have the choice between acting compassionately and skillfully or not.
I would dare say every nanosecond are we given the choice between between being compassionate or not.
I'm afraid that video can have different meanings to different people.
Yes! I think you're onto something here. You do seem stuck on this whole idea of calling these people, so you're attacking this problem from a different angle - the problem of your being perhaps overly reserved. You obviously want to take care of this problem, which probably comes from assimilating more about Buddhism in general. This is a very good sign, then. I think you know in the back of your mind - you think about how they would contact you more if they didn't respect your privacy and your penchant for being reserved. You know they want to keep in touch more because they are possibly holding back out of respect but they really want more contact because well that's how most people are. They care about you ... I could be all wrong about this.
well, the situation is not complex, it is simple, it is a materialistic world and people are busy in their lives and do not have time for others - this goes for my relatives too and they do not even think about me, leave about their considering about my privacy. but if i call them to see how they are doing, then at least from formality sake, they shall call back me and then again if i do not call again, then this talking will end there, but if i again call back them, the conversation will continue, but i think you are getting the picture here that most of the conversations will be for sake of formality - so is there any use of even starting such a communication from myside at the first place? in this particular scenario, can it be seen from any angle as a compassionate action? may be i am exaggerating here but it can also be the case that if i call my relatives, the first thing that might come in their mind can be - what i am wanting from them, because of which i am calling them - this can be an exaggeration, but as far as i understand my relatives, this thinking can happen.
so any ideas please. thanks in advance.
They are natural without any thinking.
hi all,
i was thinking to add generosity also in my daily life, as i am very miser or ungenerous. so what acts can be done to practice generosity in daily life?
please suggest. thanks in advance.
Perhaps just send an e-mail. Doesn't have to be much - just say hi, wondering how you doing, maybe you have some pleasant news to share, etc.
It doesn't have to be complicated. I don't speak to my siblings often, I try to call or e-mail once in a while. I'm not much of a chatterbox. I'm introverted and it's hard for me to come out of my shell. But I do feel better after I've spoken to them, and I think they do too. Just keeping in touch once in a while shows that you care, I think.
Nobody else knows what your daily life is like, what it entails, what people you run into, so it's hard to tell you what to do to be more generous -- except to do what you don't normally tend to do. It would be quite the kick in the pants to give money to a homeless person that happens to cross your path. Just one little example.
It didn't sound like a great idea in the beginning and it's not getting any better with time, so why don't you just drop that from your list of things to do to be more compassionate - for now, anyway.
Start by being compassionate to yourself
Don't judge
Smile
Reach out with sincerity
Be grateful and show gratitude
Be courageously compassionate
Oh so simple! Oh so (sometimes) hard!
Many years ago, while manning a telephone at a gov't call center, I "Pulled" a young woman from the edge of suicide by just listening to her and responding politely and with respect. (No it was not a suicide hot line)
Showing courtesy and respect are simple everyday acts of compassion.
Can you please share what you think can be the different meanings to different people for that video - in a way, what are the different perspectives to look at that video, please feel free to share what you think, without any hesitation, i would like to hear it. thanks in advance.
In the video...
Dad was a selfless man.
He gives his all all to his son.
And he gives what he can to the society.
While he is "sad", wishing his son has more time for him, he did not wallow, neither did he complain. He continues to give... to the needy.
Son was sad with dad's passing, but knew what he should do.
He continues dad's legacy. He started his mission of giving.
Commonly, we'd say that son "woke up" late, because dad has already passed on.
But I believe dad is now in another form and is happy, watching his son doing right.
Whatever our living condition, there are infinite opportunities for acts of kindness and compassion in our daily life.
From deciding a day in a week to....
Volunteer in the old folks home or
Volunteer in the intellectually challenge centre
to...
Sharing your umbrella on a rainy day with someone
Helping an elderly to carry her load a distance
Bearing in mind, charity starts at home.
Perhaps you'd like to go the the kitchen now it check if there are unwashed dishes.
Or perhaps, you'd like to pour 3 glasses of water, one for you, one for your lovely wifey and one for your little cutie.
Namaste
Zenni
Sure. The first thing I thought of was a film called "Tribute" that starred Jack Lemmon and Robby Benson years ago. The key scene is when the son tells the father that he's not the father he wanted or needed. But then the father tells the son that he's not the son he wanted or needed.
As I watched the clip I saw a father who was very good at superficially making other children feel good (which is a good thing), but who seemed oblivious to the emotional needs of his own child.
And this reminded me of my relationship with my own father. My own father was a recovered alcoholic and extremely heavy smoker; these traits led to the dissolution of my parent's marriage when I was only 2, and I was raised by my grandparents. However, I always had a fair amount of contact with my dad. Not once when I received 4 college degrees did my father express and pride in my accomplishments. When I became a successful teacher...nothing. Vice principal...nothing. Award winning principal...nothing. Then, one birthday he finally wrote on a card, "I'm very proud of you." When he was dying at the VA hospital, I went up to see him...about a 300 mile trip from where I lived and worked. I took off a week to spend as much time with him as I could, knowing the end was very near. When I got to the hospital and inquired about visiting my father, the nurse asked who I was, and I told her. She said, "Oh my goodness. You're the principal. He talks about you constantly. We've all heard about you so much it's like we know you." She then directed me to his room, and there was another nurse in his room helping him. My father introduced me, and that nurse said, "Oh, you're the principal. We've all been hoping to meet you." This scenario was repeated multiple times over that week. He apparently could tell everyone else, but in about 40 years of life all he could manage to me was writing one sentence on one birthday card.
And that's sort of what I saw in that video.
There's a common belief that children owe their parents everything. Well, not all parents are good/competent parents. But I look at it differently. When parents bring a child into the world, they're the ones that owe that child everything.
@vinlyn: thanks sir for sharing your story. truely speaking reading your story, i feel how much fortunate i am that my parents have taken such good care of me, helped me to study whichever field i was interested in, which was computer science. even though they did not advised me how to proceed in my education, rather from class 6 onwards, my parents did not gave any advice to me as what to become in future, even though my father wanted me to become an engineer, but he never guided me as to what is the course to study to become an engineer, the school in which i studied initially from LKG was an english medium convent school - the best school in my life - very nice teachers, who helped me immensely and without whom, i would not have done bachelor of science degree with honours in computer science and then post-graduate degree in computer science. just to give you one example, i became very weak in mathematics in class 8, i think i did not practiced much at home and in school i was also not giving much attention in mathematics, so in the final exam i got very bad marks in mathematics, which was just something over the pass marks, so i passed. then in class 9, my mother suggested that i start attending extra tution class in evening in mathematics, initially i was hesitant to it and may be my ego was saying i can become good in mathematics by myself without any tution as the way i studied till class 8 without any extra tution in any subject. but since my other class-mates were attending evening tution in different subjects, so i thought of attending it too, the same maths teacher of our class gave extra tution classes in evening, so i requested him to join his tution class and he agreed. but those extra classes really helped me a lot, i worked on the exercises in the maths textbook and there were some other additional maths books, whose exercises we solved in tution class and then i worked at home to complete the exercices. in class 9 itself my maths became from very bad to good. then i continued attending the extra tution evening class in maths from the same teacher in high school or class 10 as the same teacher was teaching in our school in both class 9 and 10. in class 10, i became very confident in maths and started liking maths. finally in my high school board exam, in maths subject my exam went well and when i saw my high school marksheet, i was happy because i got 93 out of 100 in maths.
coming back to my parents, even though they did not guided me what to do after class 10 or high school - in other words, they did not guided me how to proceed in my education, but somehow luckily i got information from others as what are the different courses to study in different streams, but still my parents paid for my education and i am grateful to them for it. whatever books i wanted, they never said a word to me, rather they just allowed me to buy whichever books i wanted.
since you have been a teacher, i found the below video on internet and thought of sharing with you:
due to these things today, in facebook, i tried searching for my teachers of my this convent school, but i was not able to find them, but there is a community on facebook for our school and i had already joined it few years back, so i have posted a topic over there asking if my school teachers are on facebook or on any other website - if somebody could tell me, then i would be thankful to them - so that i can connect with my teachers and talk with them because it has been years, since i had talked with them.
Thanks @vinlyn
Very good post. We have to appreciate the limits of people and situations, including ourself.
Compassion and vulnerability to those close to us is not always easy. Trite as it is we start having compassion for ourself, then those around us. A heart opening; compassion through practice ...
Hate, contention, being grumpy, irritable etc is often very easy to indulge. Even more so if drunk or otherwise ill.
Being kind. Now that's a plan!
hi all,
i am thankful to my parents for taking very good care of me.
whatever i am today, it is because of my parents, my teachers, my friends, my family, those who created internet, those who made the web-pages which i have read till now, those whose content was on those web-pages and to you all on this website for all your guidance you have given to me - so to all of these people, i want to say thank you from my heart.
To live life by holding all life as precious, respect for others and their property, respect for others dignity, to be sincere whenever possible, to remain clear in thought and conduct, is to similar to living by practicing acts of kindness I think.
That's a very nice video. In my life, it was the teachers who made all the difference to me. At one point, after I had become a teacher myself, I decided to try to find some of my old teachers and thank them. Well, many were dead, others had moved and I couldn't find. I did learn that my wonderful first grade teacher was still alive. So I wrote her and got back a wonderful letter, and she related things about me that made it clear that even 25 years later she actually remembered me and my grandparents. She was still teaching, even though she was nearly 80! She died less than a year later, making me even more happy that I had gotten in touch with her. Just a couple of months ago, through Facebook I found my 7th grade history teacher was still alive and doing well, so I communicated with him. Around 80, also. There are so many others that made a difference, and I always hope that even if I couldn't find them to say thanks, that others did.
Ok, thanks for clarifying.
http://www.tricycle.com/special-section/if-there-nothing-lose
"What can be acts of kindness and compassion in daily life?"
@misecmisc1
Bearing in mind it is "Thoughts"> "Words"> "Deeds" So start with your (the) 'self' =the 'pebble' dropped into the pool and watch the ripple effect* "Metta"
Thanks @vinlyn for sharing some more of your life experience with us.
just to update, if somebody would be interested to know, the first comment which i got was - no, these teachers are not on FB, so i felt sad and posted
on FB, but few hours later, somebody commented that most of the teachers are on FB, and even somebody tagged them, i opened my teachers' web-pages and sent them friend request, thankfully my maths teacher is also on FB and his wife too, i sent friend request to both of them, just waiting when they will accept it. two of my teachers for the subjects biology and english accepted my friend request. i posted on their wall saying thanks to them and also paid respect to them, the biology teacher commented back giving blessing to me and since she has moved from our school to some other city, so she said she misses our school.
regarding this topic, there is an update from my side, @silver may be you would like to hear it - yesterday, i finally thought of calling my relatives - the first i thought to call was my cousin, who is younger than me by 15 years and since he is the only child for his parents (my maternal uncle and aunt), so he considers me as his elder brother (we had very less communication, because my mother was not talkig to her brother, so our families did not communicate for a long time, but on my marriage, my mother called her brother and his family, so the communication started). when i called my maternal uncle, his phone was coming switched off, so i thought may be his number has changed, so i called my parents and then got his new number, called him, he said he is in another city currently, so he gave the number of aunt, i called her and then talked to my cousin. he said he has an entrance exam coming in mid of june and he said he would like to go to my native city (my maternal uncle's native city is different from my native city), then i told him that my wife and my daughter are at my native city at my parent's house because of my daughter's summer vacation and since her school will start in july, so in june end i will go to my native city to bring my wife and my daughter back to my work city, so i told my cousin to plan a visit in june last week to my native city and also tell me his plan, so that when he goes to my native city, i can be at home so that i can meet him, because after my marriage, we have not met.
then i also called my uncle (my father's cousin younger brother), who lives in my work city - he told aunt his having pain in spine and she is taking bed rest for 3 months now - he told me to come to his house yesterday itself, so i told me his new address and then i went to his house to meet him, aunt and my grandmother(my father's aunt). it was nice to visit them, i was at their house for nearly 1 hour and then i came back to my rented flat.
they were surprised, when i called, which was obvious, but i think it was my meanness to think that they would think - what i wanted from them - because they did not said anything like that, neither reacted in that way. so i will say my relatives are good and at the least, better than me.
Lol. I'm so happy for you
^^ thanks @Zenni . it is all because of all of you. so thanks to all of you.
hi all,
just few minutes back, while browsing internet, i found the below video song and i found it beautiful, so thought of sharing with you all:
@misecmisc1, just posting the links is fine....