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DavidA human residing in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Ancestral territory of the Erie, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendat, Mississauga and Neutral First NationsVeteran
edited September 2015
In all honesty I think I'm about at the point where I'm starting to get tired of trying to let go or gain anything for spiritual reasons or to improve my self.
If it comes, it comes and if I go, I go.
The divine and the mundane are the same. It's all just spin and how we look at it all.
Blah, blah, blah.
I'm not going to stop meditating or staying as aware as I can as often as I can but that goes without saying these days.
If that's all there is then that's ok. We are here right now and really, that is what is important to me.
I guess I'd give up everything but metta and curiosity.
Well, wait... I've taken on responsibilities now so I'm going to have to keep on being a father and partner too.
In retrospect, since taking up a meditation practice, I've slowly but surely given up trying to make an impact on my world, whether through political activism or racing or playing in a band.
Not saying that I don't still enjoy participating in running/cycling races, music, or friendly political debates with friends, but now I definitely don't try so hard to make myself known through these activities.
I guess what I'm saying is that I've stopped trying to feed my ego and identity by putting these activities at the forefront of who "I" am.
Well....middle way has come.....I think....haha. I listen to my dance/house/upbeat music in the morning....maybe half the day....but then I start the unwind/turn down.
I start with easy listening after lunch...then some classical. The ride home is quiet. No music. My thoughts come and go....but I'm more even mood when I get home doing things this way. If it gets old....I'll adjust then and see what happens....winter is coming...so I won't go out to concerts as much...so...just takin it easy greasy.... Lololol
@Vastmind said:
Well....middle way has come.....I think....haha.
Good news.
Removing aspects of our habitual experience is part of the value of retreat and formal meditation ... or the quiet time we all can choose or life can at times choose for us.
Equanimity and calm that @how mentions is a growing potential, a basis from which to explore our being, know our selves, our karma and hindrances.
Buddhist practice is very simple. We simplify.
@Invincible_summer said:
In retrospect, since taking up a meditation practice, I've slowly but surely given up trying to make an impact on my world, whether through political activism or racing or playing in a band.
Not saying that I don't still enjoy participating in running/cycling races, music, or friendly political debates with friends, but now I definitely don't try so hard to make myself known through these activities.
I guess what I'm saying is that I've stopped trying to feed my ego and identity by putting these activities at the forefront of who "I" am.
If it comes down to it I would give up myself.
That's why I now before each time I meditate.
To have a willingness to admit I am nothing and will give up myself if it came to it. Surrender I think they call it.
I contemplate my own death to help me with this, I am surely going to die. Everything I have and will ever do is pointless.
I suspect giving up giving-up is one of the hardest bits of surrender, not least because, once accomplished, you find yourself exactly where you were when you decided that giving stuff up was a nourishing idea in the first place.
A Zen teacher and his student (names long forgotten) were discussing the nature of mind. The teacher suggested, "Put it down." The student said, "I can't put it down." And the teacher repliec, "well, if you can't put it down, pick it up."
If you can't do anything about it, how could you possibly do anything about it?
It is my belief that the Noble Truths are somewhat misunderstood today. This may be due to school and sects developing over the years, or some other reason. I tend to be very basic, practical and rational in my approach.
The statement "our condition is one of suffering" is often interpreted wrong. While in essence, it is true, it is also incomplete. It should read, in my opinion, "our condition is one of a predisposition to suffering, and resistance to happiness, but that does not mean that happiness is unobtainable, or that suffering can not be avoided. It is your attitudes towards, and expectations of, such things that will serve you on your path."
I would like to make two points here.
I see no reason to give up worldly things. I like to play guitar, and it brings me happiness, and often insight as I write lyrics. If I were to lose my arms, however, I will not be crushed because playing the guitar is not required. That is what must be renounced; the requirement and dependency on worldly things, not the things themselves.
When we speak of rebirths, due to Kamma conditioning, we refer to them as "planes of existence", yet, they all exist here in this world. Perhaps a more fitting description would be "realms" or more accurately, "mindsets". As Nibbana is also described thusly, then it stands to reason that it can, and does, exist, right here in this world. It is nothing more than that state of mind where you have obtained a balance within yourself, and are able to clearly see what is happening in your world and respond rationally.
Too many Buddhists take the raw text of the Four Noble Truths and Eight-Fold Path too literally and way too mystically. There is nothing mystical about them. So go with peace, enjoy the good things life offers and promote them, and work towards the reduction of suffering for all, not just yourself. There is no need to shave your head and chuck your TV out the window. It's all about expectations, attitudes, and balance.
I think if ones thinking processes are the primary source of ones identity, then asking it to let go of something, works as well as asking a fox in a hen house to be more respectful of the chickens.
While the Dharma jewel has endless facets reflecting the process of "Letting go",
this particular facet, which is probably too extreme for many, is my favourite.
Meditatively giving up something is complicated only by our identity to that thing.
To truly let go of something, we only need let go of that part of our identity that has connected to whatever we are trying to let go of.
Step one. Use your practice to illuminate what your identity is actually composed of.
It turns out to only be a raft of conditioned impulses and behaviors, supported by the manipulation of our sense gates of what we see, hear, smell, taste, feel and think.
Step two. Meditatively stop manipulating those sense gates so that nothing continues to hold that identity raft together.
Step three. Embrace the ocean to find that the only thing that ever separated anyone from the rest of existence, was that raft.
@Vastmind said:
I'll admit....I'm a little jealous if it happens for everyone here like you guys are implying....." oh....it just falls to the waistside...that's how it's supposed to be".
Tee hee.
Taking up dharma pride/jealous motivation from the devoted practitioner maybe giving up laziness ... in time ...
What a great thread. Taking up is giving up? Who would have thought it ...
In the beginning our pilgrims rucksack is filled with all sorts of stuff. A little practice in hopping down the Buddha trail leads to a natural winnowing out of the of the contents of our ruck. Rather than give up use it up.
I have been trying really hard to give up the need to understand everything on the path. The interesting thing is that I am not a logic based person by nature, yet I have this driving need to understand everything I read/experience in my spiritual life otherwise fret over it. And all that does is give me a headache and feelings of despair.
So........... if I don't understand everything then I will just accept that there are things I don't understand and that they may benefit me anyway. Easier said than done I suspect
@dhammachick said:
I have been trying really hard to give up the need to understand everything on the path.
_ /\ _
I can not even understand how my efforts at very gentle yoga today, hobbled me. I relaxed so much, took it so easy and ended up taking five minutes to crawl up the steps. I blame the Medicine Buddha I started the day with. My right knee seemed to have a mind of its own, based around fragility and pain. Rather than going for a walk later, I may have to go for a hop.
I may have to give up the spiritual hedonism of a private retreat I am on for a few days and take up some form of decadence. However I am a stickler for punishment, may do some hardcore chanting to my knee. Did you hear that knee? Straighten up, you bent little fu$&er!
Sorry about that, just needed to rant ... the fish are laughing at my futile efforts ... as usual
@dhammachick
Not that I know if this applies to you or not but...
The most interesting lesson of the path is how to get enough of yourself out of the way so that it's teachings are no longer obscured.
The most common obfuscations of the path's teachings is simply from practitioners approaching it's teachings as something that can be possessed.
"Everything" or "nothing" since nothing is ours in the first place. When all is given up, what is left is everything or nothing. Zero or one. Includes or excludes all.
"So, bhikkhus any kind of form whatever, whether past, future or presently arisen, whether gross or subtle, whether in oneself or external, whether inferior or superior, whether far or near, must with right understanding how it is, be regarded thus: 'This is not mine, this is not I, this is not myself.'
"Any kind of feeling whatever...
"Any kind of perception whatever...
"Any kind of determination whatever...
"Any kind of consciousness whatever, whether past, future or presently arisen, whether gross or subtle, whether in oneself or external, whether inferior or superior, whether far or near must, with right understanding how it is, be regarded thus: 'This is not mine, this is not I, this is not my self.'
So what would you be willing to give up, to gain understanding in your practice?
I know this thread has pretty much run its course, but wasn't sure about sharing this. I sometimes give the appearance of living by the seat of my pants, but I have a plan for almost every contingency. In fact, I have a back-up plan for everything as well. I mention that because without that piece of information, this might seem rather a silly thing to plan for.
I have a plan for what I'll do if the worst thing that I can imagine happens to me - if my wife dies before me. Just trying to imagine the pain so I can describe the condition I'd be in has me in tears at the computer..breathing is hard. There is no version of me that I can get to from here that won't want to die. But I won't.
The plan is to drive to the nearest monastery, about sixty miles from here - or where ever it happens to be relative to where I'm living at the time. Instead of willing myself to death, I will pack up the immeasurable, torturous pain and the desire to join her and make the trip to ask someone for something I've never asked anyone face to face for before. I'll ask for help and guidance. And then I'll take it. I'd let go of all plans and do what is suggested.
I figure that such a moment only comes once in life, if at all. In such a state, I might reach the understanding that I've only half-heartedly wanted till then. So, I guess what I'm saying is that if that day comes, I'd be willing to give up utter despair.
@yagr -- Yes, the Boy Scout motto is "Be prepared" but let's not overlook the fact that Boy Scouts are frequently children who really do need to collect their thoughts a bit.
Adults, it seems to me, are forced by experience to try to reverse the good training that the Boy Scout approach may have instilled. To be prepared sounds lovely and almost invariably is shown up in fact to be an imaginative fiction. No one can see the future and all the what-if's in the world simply cannot undo that fact.
Trying to avoid the pain inherent in an imagined scenario is about as foolish as imagining you could assure the pleasure. More often, life is like the kid jumping into the swimming pool ... hold your nose, take a run and then ... leap!
@yagr People sometimes forget that the cost of letting go of our illusions is that we don't have illusions to hide behind anymore. Seeking help and companionship on the path is necessary. Buddha never said we had to walk the Dharma path alone. That's what the Sangha is for. For myself, you and all the other posters here are voices calling out of the dark, assuring me I'm not alone. I may never see the person behind the voice, but I know you're there. I used to think I was strong enough to stride through life on my own, self-sufficient and in control. I had to give up that illusion eventually.
@Cinorjer said:
yagr People sometimes forget that the cost of letting go of our illusions is that we don't have illusions to hide behind anymore. Seeking help and companionship on the path is necessary. Buddha never said we had to walk the Dharma path alone. That's what the Sangha is for. For myself, you and all the other posters here are voices calling out of the dark, assuring me I'm not alone. I may never see the person behind the voice, but I know you're there. I used to think I was strong enough to stride through life on my own, self-sufficient and in control. I had to give up that illusion eventually.
So, we choose which illusions meet our needs and are skillful to adhere to at the time. To use as the raft, so to speak. And which ones to discard
@silver I find it very hard to give up on the internet/computering to be honest! Props to you, I am not ready for this yet, maybe only if I get a pretty good social life (as I use the internet mostly to keep in contact with distant friends as I leave in a small town). Definitely we are equally good, though
What I used to watch most on TV were like series (friends, law n order, etc). I never enjoyed political stuff/news too much and that makes me badly ignorant - but also free. Friends go crazy when they come up with very basic political questions and I do not have opinions, knowledge or views on that.
I do not think doing it is right, though, I should go for the middle way but it just does not work out for me haha! I have 0 conscious interest in anything related to politics, so yeah, it was not too difficult letting it go!
2
silverIn the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded.USA, Left coast.Veteran
Well, @dantepw, I'm getting re-introduced to some TV because my apt manager has recently let me sign in to his Netflix account; so far, I only am drawn to some of the reality shows like Storage Wars, Pawn Stars, there's Cesar 911 and Leader of the Pack (I guess it's called that), and there's a really good one I forget the name of, true stories of missing persons and they used psychics to find them etc. I hate the news shows, as well. I'm dumb as a post when it comes to politics. But, it's actually a relaxing thing to have a choice of really interesting shows. Nice change of pace for me.
I gave up: most friendships, sigarettes, drugs, alcohol, pc-gaming, porn, a girlfriend or two, 'home' (relocated 10 times), most of my anger, the will to 'succeed', two careerpaths, my college degree, loads of fear, my cd collection, my dvd collection, my comic collection, and lots lots more,
What I gained?
A family, a simple steady-kinda job that I actually like, a son, a dog, improved chess-game, a little peace of mind, jiujitsu skills, I can actually meditate for 20 minutes or more without discomfort, joy in general.
Your 'diligence' is to be commended. Your ignorance will continue to protect you from me and Buddha be praised, I do not have to deal with your pseudo intolerant wisdom, except through choice. Clearly you belong to the 'agents provocateur' style of dharma ignorance. The very worst of the Hinayana. Just so you know
Shame on you. Shame on your teachers. I will come and visit you in the hell realms. There is always hope ...
Have I just given up courtesy? Ah well back to the naughty corner ...
@dhammarato said:
It will land you in this same hell where we can laugh and reminisce about the world that we together destroyed. You destroyed my delusions and I destroyed you.
@Gui said:
I think, as the OP put it, to gain understanding in one's practice, one must give up understanding.
This is just plain nonsence. Some mahamumbojumbo. A real true deep unremitting investigation will lead to understanding (all 7 sambojhana), not your mahamumbojumbo. Even a newbe will know that what you say is just a play on words.
You well know that the Buddha did not trash understanding, He trashed "sensual desire". If greed for understanding leads one to correct practice (found so infrequently in the west) then that correct practice will trump the greed and true understanding (ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE SELF) will arise,
Excuse me, but what the heck is sambojhana? And if you understand all 7 of them, are you enlightened?
You do not need to give up a single thing.
Typical Western thought is that inner change happens by creating outer change. But with Buddhism, it is inner change that ends up creating outer change.
What you give up - inwardly - is the idea that happiness depends on what is happening (or not happening) in your outer life.
Comments
In all honesty I think I'm about at the point where I'm starting to get tired of trying to let go or gain anything for spiritual reasons or to improve my self.
If it comes, it comes and if I go, I go.
The divine and the mundane are the same. It's all just spin and how we look at it all.
Blah, blah, blah.
I'm not going to stop meditating or staying as aware as I can as often as I can but that goes without saying these days.
If that's all there is then that's ok. We are here right now and really, that is what is important to me.
I guess I'd give up everything but metta and curiosity.
Well, wait... I've taken on responsibilities now so I'm going to have to keep on being a father and partner too.
@Vastmind;
Nicotene is the worst for me.
I gave up listening to constant music because it was getting in the way. I've never been in a band but I do play some mean earth rhythm percussion.
I used to "give up" loads of things. That meant just throwing them away. Then slowly slowly I got more things.
Can't recommend.
In retrospect, since taking up a meditation practice, I've slowly but surely given up trying to make an impact on my world, whether through political activism or racing or playing in a band.
Not saying that I don't still enjoy participating in running/cycling races, music, or friendly political debates with friends, but now I definitely don't try so hard to make myself known through these activities.
I guess what I'm saying is that I've stopped trying to feed my ego and identity by putting these activities at the forefront of who "I" am.
Hmmmm
What to give up?
X,Y & Z
or
how our identity interacts with X,Y & Z.
At the end of your life, which would you prefer to be able to say?
I have developed a practice of separating myself from all phenomena that might have tempted me.
or
Where phenomena formally tempted me, I have developed the equanimity to no longer be controlled by them.
Well....middle way has come.....I think....haha. I listen to my dance/house/upbeat music in the morning....maybe half the day....but then I start the unwind/turn down.
I start with easy listening after lunch...then some classical. The ride home is quiet. No music. My thoughts come and go....but I'm more even mood when I get home doing things this way. If it gets old....I'll adjust then and see what happens....winter is coming...so I won't go out to concerts as much...so...just takin it easy greasy.... Lololol
Good news.
Removing aspects of our habitual experience is part of the value of retreat and formal meditation ... or the quiet time we all can choose or life can at times choose for us.
Equanimity and calm that @how mentions is a growing potential, a basis from which to explore our being, know our selves, our karma and hindrances.
Buddhist practice is very simple. We simplify.
Iz plan!
If it comes down to it I would give up myself.
That's why I now before each time I meditate.
To have a willingness to admit I am nothing and will give up myself if it came to it. Surrender I think they call it.
I contemplate my own death to help me with this, I am surely going to die. Everything I have and will ever do is pointless.
So may as well see the magic and enjoy the show.
Iz plan
That is nihilism. Also not true.
https://www.quora.com/How-is-Buddhism-not-nihilism
I want to give up my laziness.
@lobster
Ultimate pointless, relatively it's just a dance. I'm not being nihilistic whatever that concept is.
When the music stops, what was left of the music? A vague memory maybe. But while it was going. The point was the music.
When the world eventually dies, what was the point to all this?
Nothing but my what a show it has been.
I think, as the OP put it, to gain understanding in one's practice, one must give up understanding.
I suspect giving up giving-up is one of the hardest bits of surrender, not least because, once accomplished, you find yourself exactly where you were when you decided that giving stuff up was a nourishing idea in the first place.
A Zen teacher and his student (names long forgotten) were discussing the nature of mind. The teacher suggested, "Put it down." The student said, "I can't put it down." And the teacher repliec, "well, if you can't put it down, pick it up."
If you can't do anything about it, how could you possibly do anything about it?
Beats the socks off me.
@Cinorjer
It is my belief that the Noble Truths are somewhat misunderstood today. This may be due to school and sects developing over the years, or some other reason. I tend to be very basic, practical and rational in my approach.
The statement "our condition is one of suffering" is often interpreted wrong. While in essence, it is true, it is also incomplete. It should read, in my opinion, "our condition is one of a predisposition to suffering, and resistance to happiness, but that does not mean that happiness is unobtainable, or that suffering can not be avoided. It is your attitudes towards, and expectations of, such things that will serve you on your path."
I would like to make two points here.
Too many Buddhists take the raw text of the Four Noble Truths and Eight-Fold Path too literally and way too mystically. There is nothing mystical about them. So go with peace, enjoy the good things life offers and promote them, and work towards the reduction of suffering for all, not just yourself. There is no need to shave your head and chuck your TV out the window. It's all about expectations, attitudes, and balance.
Hey genkaku
I think if ones thinking processes are the primary source of ones identity, then asking it to let go of something, works as well as asking a fox in a hen house to be more respectful of the chickens.
While the Dharma jewel has endless facets reflecting the process of "Letting go",
this particular facet, which is probably too extreme for many, is my favourite.
Meditatively giving up something is complicated only by our identity to that thing.
To truly let go of something, we only need let go of that part of our identity that has connected to whatever we are trying to let go of.
Step one. Use your practice to illuminate what your identity is actually composed of.
It turns out to only be a raft of conditioned impulses and behaviors, supported by the manipulation of our sense gates of what we see, hear, smell, taste, feel and think.
Step two. Meditatively stop manipulating those sense gates so that nothing continues to hold that identity raft together.
Step three. Embrace the ocean to find that the only thing that ever separated anyone from the rest of existence, was that raft.
Step four. Repeat steps 1, 2 & 3.
Tee hee.
Taking up dharma pride/jealous motivation from the devoted practitioner maybe giving up laziness ... in time ...
What a great thread. Taking up is giving up? Who would have thought it ...
In the beginning our pilgrims rucksack is filled with all sorts of stuff. A little practice in hopping down the Buddha trail leads to a natural winnowing out of the of the contents of our ruck. Rather than give up use it up.
I have been trying really hard to give up the need to understand everything on the path. The interesting thing is that I am not a logic based person by nature, yet I have this driving need to understand everything I read/experience in my spiritual life otherwise fret over it. And all that does is give me a headache and feelings of despair.
So........... if I don't understand everything then I will just accept that there are things I don't understand and that they may benefit me anyway. Easier said than done I suspect
_ /\ _
I may have to give up the spiritual hedonism of a private retreat I am on for a few days and take up some form of decadence. However I am a stickler for punishment, may do some hardcore chanting to my knee. Did you hear that knee? Straighten up, you bent little fu$&er!
Sorry about that, just needed to rant ... the fish are laughing at my futile efforts ... as usual
@dhammachick
Not that I know if this applies to you or not but...
The most interesting lesson of the path is how to get enough of yourself out of the way so that it's teachings are no longer obscured.
The most common obfuscations of the path's teachings is simply from practitioners approaching it's teachings as something that can be possessed.
What to give up?
"Everything" or "nothing" since nothing is ours in the first place. When all is given up, what is left is everything or nothing. Zero or one. Includes or excludes all.
I know this thread has pretty much run its course, but wasn't sure about sharing this. I sometimes give the appearance of living by the seat of my pants, but I have a plan for almost every contingency. In fact, I have a back-up plan for everything as well. I mention that because without that piece of information, this might seem rather a silly thing to plan for.
I have a plan for what I'll do if the worst thing that I can imagine happens to me - if my wife dies before me. Just trying to imagine the pain so I can describe the condition I'd be in has me in tears at the computer..breathing is hard. There is no version of me that I can get to from here that won't want to die. But I won't.
The plan is to drive to the nearest monastery, about sixty miles from here - or where ever it happens to be relative to where I'm living at the time. Instead of willing myself to death, I will pack up the immeasurable, torturous pain and the desire to join her and make the trip to ask someone for something I've never asked anyone face to face for before. I'll ask for help and guidance. And then I'll take it. I'd let go of all plans and do what is suggested.
I figure that such a moment only comes once in life, if at all. In such a state, I might reach the understanding that I've only half-heartedly wanted till then. So, I guess what I'm saying is that if that day comes, I'd be willing to give up utter despair.
@yagr -- Yes, the Boy Scout motto is "Be prepared" but let's not overlook the fact that Boy Scouts are frequently children who really do need to collect their thoughts a bit.
Adults, it seems to me, are forced by experience to try to reverse the good training that the Boy Scout approach may have instilled. To be prepared sounds lovely and almost invariably is shown up in fact to be an imaginative fiction. No one can see the future and all the what-if's in the world simply cannot undo that fact.
Trying to avoid the pain inherent in an imagined scenario is about as foolish as imagining you could assure the pleasure. More often, life is like the kid jumping into the swimming pool ... hold your nose, take a run and then ... leap!
@yagr People sometimes forget that the cost of letting go of our illusions is that we don't have illusions to hide behind anymore. Seeking help and companionship on the path is necessary. Buddha never said we had to walk the Dharma path alone. That's what the Sangha is for. For myself, you and all the other posters here are voices calling out of the dark, assuring me I'm not alone. I may never see the person behind the voice, but I know you're there. I used to think I was strong enough to stride through life on my own, self-sufficient and in control. I had to give up that illusion eventually.
So, we choose which illusions meet our needs and are skillful to adhere to at the time. To use as the raft, so to speak. And which ones to discard
"What would you give up?"
Giving up trying to give up
I gave up of television and general media. I regret nothing
Well...I didn't give up my computering, but you're still a better man than me.
Even easier, there is nothing to give up, we never owned anything in the first place.
@silver I find it very hard to give up on the internet/computering to be honest! Props to you, I am not ready for this yet, maybe only if I get a pretty good social life (as I use the internet mostly to keep in contact with distant friends as I leave in a small town). Definitely we are equally good, though
What I used to watch most on TV were like series (friends, law n order, etc). I never enjoyed political stuff/news too much and that makes me badly ignorant - but also free. Friends go crazy when they come up with very basic political questions and I do not have opinions, knowledge or views on that.
I do not think doing it is right, though, I should go for the middle way but it just does not work out for me haha! I have 0 conscious interest in anything related to politics, so yeah, it was not too difficult letting it go!
Well, @dantepw, I'm getting re-introduced to some TV because my apt manager has recently let me sign in to his Netflix account; so far, I only am drawn to some of the reality shows like Storage Wars, Pawn Stars, there's Cesar 911 and Leader of the Pack (I guess it's called that), and there's a really good one I forget the name of, true stories of missing persons and they used psychics to find them etc. I hate the news shows, as well. I'm dumb as a post when it comes to politics. But, it's actually a relaxing thing to have a choice of really interesting shows. Nice change of pace for me.
I gave up: most friendships, sigarettes, drugs, alcohol, pc-gaming, porn, a girlfriend or two, 'home' (relocated 10 times), most of my anger, the will to 'succeed', two careerpaths, my college degree, loads of fear, my cd collection, my dvd collection, my comic collection, and lots lots more,
What I gained?
A family, a simple steady-kinda job that I actually like, a son, a dog, improved chess-game, a little peace of mind, jiujitsu skills, I can actually meditate for 20 minutes or more without discomfort, joy in general.
Your 'diligence' is to be commended. Your ignorance will continue to protect you from me and Buddha be praised, I do not have to deal with your pseudo intolerant wisdom, except through choice. Clearly you belong to the 'agents provocateur' style of dharma ignorance. The very worst of the Hinayana. Just so you know
Shame on you. Shame on your teachers. I will come and visit you in the hell realms. There is always hope ...
Have I just given up courtesy? Ah well back to the naughty corner ...
It's a date.
... and now back to giving up ...
Excuse me, but what the heck is sambojhana? And if you understand all 7 of them, are you enlightened?
Can moderators unban dhammarato?
You do not need to give up a single thing.
Typical Western thought is that inner change happens by creating outer change. But with Buddhism, it is inner change that ends up creating outer change.
What you give up - inwardly - is the idea that happiness depends on what is happening (or not happening) in your outer life.