Questions about the noble Truths.....
newlotus
Australia Explorer
I have just embarked upon learning about Buddhism and believe this may be the right path for me to follow. But I am have a few hesitations with the four noble truths. Mainly “2, We are the cause of our own suffering”.
My background is filled with abuse from a young age. I’m working through that but I need something else to hang onto and guide me. I was turned away from Christianity when my partner who frequently raped me said that it was ok because he would confess his sins and be forgiven. This lead me to shoot holes in the teachings I had learnt and I just could not believe in it any more.
A lot of what I have read on Buddhism rings true with me, except the 2nd noble truth. I can agree that our actions in the now impact on our future which can lead to suffering. But I’m also trying to find answers for my past and this is forming a contradiction for me.
I can see that the bad actions of the perpetrator have negatively impacted them - I dont seem them often, they know our relationship is shaky and deep down I think they know their failed in their role as a parent. But compared to what I suffer thats nothing! In my work also, I see people with impairments and disabilities who are abused and neglected. I need to find a reason that people hurt each other.
I would think that it is not accurate. But in light of the second noble truth, my abuse was caused by me. That is not accurate, and I don’t believe correct in relation to these teaching. But what way do I view this?
Comments
The 4 noble truths are very simple yet extremely complex. Buddhism is a vast topic with more than 80,000 volumes of teachings in it. And every single one of them fits within the 4 noble truths. So simple, yet vast. And very difficult even for advanced practitioners to truly grasp.
It does not mean that if someone has done something horrible to you, that it, or the results, were your fault. "suffering" isn't the best word, as it is poorly translated. A better word (IMO) is unsatisfactoriness. Suffering has a lot of high levels of pain attached to it for a lot of people, and that pain is included in what Buddha talks about. But it is more about how human life in the world we live in is suffering. It is unsatisfactory. And that is a result of what happens in our mind. How we observe and react to everything that happens in our world is a result of what happens in our minds. And that Buddhism provides the answer in that we can change what happens in our mind, we can change how we think, how we feel and how we react to anything that happens.
When looking at the cause of suffering, the answer isn't really "I cause my own suffering." It is rather things conditioned in our minds that cause suffering. The way we perceive and view the world. It doesn't mean you are responsible for what horrible things someone else does to you. But you are responsible for how you react to what happened. And learning how to use the Eightfold Path to do so is the antidote to that suffering.
What @karasti says is true. You can imagine two people who both get a flat tire, one takes it in stride while the other spins off into how much it sucks. We can't avoid much of the pain in our lives but we can learn to heal past trauma and cope more effectively with the difficulties of life.
@newlotus all of Buddha's teachings are for the ending of suffering in the individual ie. you. If you do not take responsibility for not only your future but also your past, your heart will be filled with hatred. A heart filled with hatred is a heart filled with suffering. The purpose of the second noble truth is to rid your heart of this suffering and make room for happiness and peace.
This in no way means that your abuser is absolved of his crimes. It only means that you cease to carry the burden of hate.
May you find peace.
The cause of suffering(being hurt) and the reason people hurt each other are the same, namely - greed, hatred and delusion.
Aging, sickness, death, separation from loved ones, association with the unloved is suffering. These are all unavoidable and how one deal with these issues is the key.
All these causes pain(physical and mental) but suffering is what we add on to the experience. The more we add, the more suffering there is. If we are able to completely let go by not adding anything to the experience, there is no suffering.
Metta
@newlotus, it has been said that when one holds anger or hatred of another, it is not the other who suffers. Rather, it is the one carrying the anger, the hatred, the resentment who suffers.
Yes, we are the source of our own suffering just as we are the source of our own joy/happiness.
As @Swaroop stated, the abuser is not absolved of his crimes. But by releasing that hatred, you free yourself to be happy.
That hatred may be like an familiar old garment. It has been around a while and is difficult to part with. But once you do, you will find the new garment fits so much better.
Peace to you
Peace to all
@newlotus sorry to hear about the abuse you have experienced...
The cause of Dukkha, is craving, either in the form of desiring something or having an aversion to something ie, not wanting things to be the way they are...Clinging to that which is impermanent ....
The "Second Noble Truth" relates to
'Tanha" ( craving) and ones attachment to experiences, both wholesome and unwholesome, ( both the desirable/pleasurable & undesirable/unpleasant ) and ones clinging and grasping mind's attempt to continually 'own' either experience (enforcing a strong sense of self )....And the karmic patterns that arise, (in the mind stream) are the residual effects of the past attachment to the experience...
The deeper one delves into the Dharma, the more clearer things will become....
"The past shapes the present and the present shapes the future !"
So Right "NOW" @newlotus is the most important time of your life, and I do meant right "NOW" ....
If the impact from the abuse you have suffered, is still felt in a strong way, perhaps along with Buddhist/Dharma practice, it would also be beneficial for you to seek out a counsellor/therapist to help you work through it...( if, that is, you are not already seeing one)...
Hello
Stuff happens. Bad stuff happens. Even to innocents. That is samsara. There were at least two attempts on the Buddhas life.
Your question is why does bad stuff happen and are you karmically responsible?
First Noble Truth - it happens! Bad stuff that is.
Second Noble Truth - it happens because of the nature of the world. And we will come across greed, anger, lust ... and that is just Game of Thrones ... [oops making light of serious matters]
We are 'responsible' or rather find ourselves in circumstances. If we are raped, it does not mean we were a sex offender in a previous life. That is superstition, like believing Almighty Cod creates homosexuals and then hates them. What kind of non existent fish tale is that?
There IS superstition in dharma. Don't blame yourself or others, they were probably monks in a previous delusion ...
Move on. Be forgiving. Firstly of yourself.
NB. My Karma is to be reborn in the hell realms for dissing the superstitious. Challenge accepted. My cunning plan is to create a beneficial life experience from where I am ...
and now back to the wiser Buddhists
Thanks everyone that has cleared things up a lot for me.
@karasti- thank you. That was a very good explanation, I understand it now.
No I understand that anger and hate aren't good to hold onto. But one day I think I will get angry about what they did (not yet though). And that's fine. I can be angry but I won't be hanging onto it. I hold no hate towards them. I can see their actions were because they were suffering and they have created their own un happiness which is fine by me. I pity them, but I don't hate them. I just don't care about them.
@soshin - yes I do see someone for help with this also
Thank you to everyone again.
@newlotus I wish you happiness on your search for healing. And, the Noble Truths seem simple but it's only a key that unlocks a marvelous world of Dharma. As they state above, the Truths aren't saying you caused the abuse that left scars in your mind. We all have scars, some more than others. People who were abused can still find happiness. Buddha never claimed it would be easy. People tend to glance over the 8-fold path that is the last Noble Truth, but that's a huge task Buddha assigned us.
We may not be able to change the memory of abuse. We may only be able to think about it differently or manage it. Some mental trickery is involved. In example; one suffers abuse and is traumatized by it. Then the abuse stops mercifully for some reason, but the memory persists. The way we cause suffering for ourselves involuntarily is through memory. The abusive action has ceased but the mind relives it in detail causing stress that is comparable to the original assault. Our brains have a propensity for remembering the horror and pain in our lives more vividly than the pleasant occurances. Maybe it is a limbic survival mechanism our brains devise to alert us in the future when to fight or flee. In any case, no Buddhist worth her salt would affirm that we are responsible for abuse directed at us. We are both willfully and unwillfully responsible for our thoughts and memories only in that we have little choice in the matter, except to train our minds through practice and repetition. A carefully vetted teacher or psychotherapist might be able to help with the tools one needs to add to their psychic toolbox in these matters. I claim no professional expertise, just an opinion.
A quick quip that I find easy to remember and easy to use is
"Pain and suffering:
Pain is inevitable,
Suffering is optional."
I know this is a week old, but I just had this come up in my Twitter feed and thought you might find it helpful @newlotus
It is the descriptions of 10 high-level teachers about what suffering means to them.
http://www.lionsroar.com/what-is-suffering-10-buddhist-teachers-weigh-in/?utm_content=bufferdbb6a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer#
The phrasing of the 4 Noble Truths that I like most (for whatever that's worth) is:
There is suffering
There is a cause of suffering
There is a way out of suffering
There is an end to suffering
OP, note that this phrasing of the 4NT doesn't insist that you are always the cause of your own suffering. Trauma is inflicted upon innocent people and it causes intense suffering. However, if there is a way out, then taking the right steps out of suffering becomes our responsibility.
Maybe I'm just makin' stuff up but it resonates with me :-)