Freaking out!!
Mingle
Veteran
Hi newbuddhist I'm going through a tense phase atm and I thought were better to get advice from then here?
Anyway I knew this time would come after many jokes at my brothers expense. I am VERY worried about going bald, all of a sudden im looking in the mirror all the time and checking out other peoples hair line. Wether it's realistically worrying or not is up for debate considering it might be a response to me deciding to grow my hair out which I've done in the past and i remember me getting rather attached to it. I mean my hairline has receded there is no doubt about that but it started when i was 21 and i think it has been the same since (which is a good sign)
I can't pin point any hard evidence of it dissapearing so I'm wondering if its just in my head. I know worrying wont help though so i want to stop but hey that's like "don't think about penguins drinking Corr's light" isn't it?
The hard truths are that my dad is bald and so is my younger brother who's 25. I am 27 so i definitely ain't to young to be concerned.
As i have stated before i have a hard enough time in the dating scene as it is, THIS isn't going to make it easier so you can see why I'm panicking. It's not just about women though i mean I've pretty much given up on them anyway but its kind of a spiritual thing too (and i know it's silly seeing as monks shave there head). I feel being in touch with my inner hunter gatherer brings me that sense of spirituality and just being. It makes me feel connected to my body knowing that lifestyle is how we are evolved to be. I'm not saying i go around sleeping in caves and throwing spears at things but i use it as inspiration. Anyway i feel losing my hair i would also lose touch with that as they didn't go bald. I'd just feel like a broken human.
Anyway I don't know if I'm worrying too much or perhaps I'm in some serious denial. I would just like some advice on approaching this with maturity and mindfulness. Thank.
Comments
You really DO have a problem, don't you?
If you are really worried about it there are a number of hair loss companies world wide that can help you e.g. https://ashleyandmartin.com.au/.
Apparently it is quite expensive but if it means that much to you then I guess you'll be willing to pay.
It worked for this guy (although I don't recommend the orange spray tan)!
With me it was starting to go grey and a little male pattern baldness when I was about 40. I tried that Grecian Formula stuff but it stunk and was a pain to apply, so I said the heck with it. It helped that I had a wife to tell me I still looked distinguished, though. I do remember my self image and the mirror having quite a battle for a while.
So your family has early onset male pattern baldness? Shaved heads are now quite the thing. I'm sporting a chrome dome, myself.
The number of guys in the public eye, with really short, cropped hair, or who are bald, and sexy, greatly outnumber those in the public eye with a full head of hair, and also look sexy. (think Jason Statham!)
@Mingle, all this was addressed in your previous thread.
Frankly this isn't about your hair.
This is about your self-esteem and insecurity.
It may not hurt for you to seek some kind of supportive counselling.
You have made your hair, and loss of it, your focus.
But I am convinced matters run much deeper than being follicly-challenged.
I was also a loner who couldn't seem to find a girl who was interested in me. I also didn't go many places where women my age hung out. Believe me, a library is not the hot dating scene you'd imagine. I was very image conscious and kinda a geek. Nothing like the suave old fart who just discovered suspenders are fantastic when it comes to keeping your pants up when you're shaped like a pear.
But I found the woman for me, when I got my butt up out of the house and forced myself to get involved in activities that required me to talk to people. I conducted some meditation classes and then some poetry classes, and stumbled across someone. The rest is, as they say, history.
I guess I'm only saying it's possible to get out there and find the girls, but you have to do the hard work of overcoming your shyness.
@federica I have actually for the past year been going. At first quite regularly but then it turned into when i felt the need because after a while i struggled to find things to talk about which was good. It was good the counseling but i don't feel I ever got down to the really deep routed stuff.
More on the hair side if things though i don't doubt that people can look good bald. It's just hair has been a sort of "despite everything else at least i have THAT going on" and kinda like how i stand out from other people. Like a lions mane sort of thing.
Own it. Work it. I started going grey a few years ago and I'm 23. Make it a part of you -- after all, it is a part of you.
I have a bald friend and he just got engaged. Well, I'm friends with both of them. She loves his baldness, says it's adorable.
Of all the things you could be concerned about, you really think this counts as something major?
You're getting old. we all are. In time, with other ailments taking precedence, I have a (hopeful) feeling this will pale into insignificance, and you will have other more major things you may have to worry about.
But Jesus Christ it's just hair!
I'm sorry, I sound unsympathetic.
And actually, I'm not as sympathetic as I could be. But I have things wrong with me physically, I can never reverse or have remedied. I would figure a few other members can say the same. Dhammachick for example, and SpinyNorman.
You really do need to get over this.
I hear ya but the thing is I'm actually not that shy, at least not anymore. I've hit the town many times I've even made out with a few girls i just cant seem to move it from there. I work in a shop and do try giving them some chat and some of em seem to like it. I don't think I'm an ugly guy by any means. I think my problem is that a big part of me doesn't WANT to take it further. Like it is just too much work and I'm gonna line myself up for too much heartache. Its been so long since I've been on a date there is just no way i wouldn't be an awkward wreck and I'm just kinda not really too willing to set myself up for a doomed to be rejection. I think that's why i get so jealous of my younger brother who doesn't have to make the effort at all. He just gets women coming up to him and showering him with complements
I have Alopecia Areata. From time to time, I have oval-shaped patches on my head that go bald. After a few years of trying to work around it, I just shaved it all off. It actually is very easy to deal with, I just shave it every three days. I saw a dermatologist about it once, and he stabbed the bald patches repeatedly with cortisone, which wasn't a lot of fun.
I'd rather just shave it, then put up with the cortisone shots.
With my other health problems (ulcerative colitis, arthritis), my hair is the least of my worries.
I guess i sound kind of selfish too implying hair is such a big issue. It's not. It just is to ME at the moment. Perhaps i should be happy that that is the only concern i have this moment im time.
Sounds like you should just stop hitting on women for a while and work on your own issues.
If going bald is your greatest difficulty in life then think yourself very lucky. Bald men are considered very sexy by many people. As long as you crop it very close and don't try to have a revolting comb over or toupe then it can look good. There is nothing you can do but accept this so best start now. I didn't want to get old but I am and now I'm ok with it.
It's pointless fighting the inevitable.
Believe me, lad, lack of hair is not a game ending event. Perhaps you should re-evaluate your priorities. Hair loss may be a concern, but it should not be the Big Kahuna. Shave it all off, use Rogain or hair implants, wear a wig, or just muddle on. Life will continue...
Peace to all
Jason Statham............
......... Ok I'm back now
_ /\ _
I was going to say Bruce Willis. But i have no idea what makes a man sexy.
I think that's why i get so jealous of my younger brother who doesn't have to make the effort at all. He just gets women coming up to him and showering him with complements
Is that the bald one? ...........................
If Trump can walk around with hair like he does - you got nuttin' to worry about!
Instead grow up.
Hair or no hair, don't hold you back from just being yourself.
Let it go.
I think a Buddhist forum is a particularly appropriate place to ask about this. Here's what Buddhism offers you: You will get old. You will get sick. You will die.
Here's what practical logic offers you: There are women who really don't care about your hair. I promise. Those are the women you should be interested in, ESPECIALLY if you think you're losing your hair.
Will you go bald? I have no idea. But you will get old. And you will look old, hair or not. You may get wrinkly. You may get arthritis. You may get any number of diseases. We're all different, but however it manifests, old age and its manifestations are already taking root in you. And in the women you know. And in every single one of the people on this forum. And in every single living being on this planet.
It has always been that way.
__Really?!__ The Dairy Lama said I would travel on a raft to a nice Island, a further shore, and he hinted at limitless ice-cream....humph...
Wait... what? Hunter-gatherers didn't go bald? Where did you hear that? A small number of hunter-gatherer societies still exists today, and they experience balding just like the rest of us. Even other primate species like stump-tailed macaques and chimpanzees experience androgenic alopecia (male-pattern baldness) if they live to be old enough for that to be a factor.
Anyway, it's understandable that you'd be upset about this. Our society values youth and beauty, and balding is often the first conspicuous sign of aging that men experience, which is a harbinger of eventual and inevitable death. But you'll eventually get over it. We all have to make peace with the facts of life eventually, or grow progressively more and more bitter. From Pema Chodron: