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What was change like for you.
Emmalou
Tx Explorer
I believe we all get to a point where we have had enough with ourselves, so we truly make a dedication for change. My course of action was buddhism i always loved the teachings and knew a lot, but didn't practice it. If only it was as easy reading about it and boom change. Well i now love that its not. My question to all is why did you change, what did you struggle with anxiety, self doubt, depression? I struggled with all these plus ocd, & its still there but not as strong. Last question what were some positive affirmations you used or tecniques that helped you believe in yourself more.
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Once upon a time, a long time ago, during a particular early-morning session of reading about the Hindu Vedanta I preferred at the time, a single statement came up in my mind. It came and there was no place to hide from it or escape. It was accompanied by a second assertion as well.
First -- and it flabbergasted me then -- "If they (all those holy men and holy women I rose so early to read about) can do it (attain a clear understanding), then so can I."
Second -- I don't care what anyone else thinks and I don't want to convince anyone else. I just want to know for sure, for myself -- is spiritual life bullshit or not.
I was shocked at the very notion that I could lay off eating the humble pie and go for the gold so to speak. Who was I to equate myself with all these heavy hitters? True, I didn't feel competitive about it, but to place myself in the same arena with those I insisted on calling "holy" or "enlightened" seemed pretty damned egotistical. Honestly, I was embarrassed.
But I kept going anyway....
I'm a control freak, and the one thing I couldn't control was my mind. I was lead around in life by the thoughts and feelings. I was always told "you are what you think" and sometimes my thoughts were pretty awful, which lead me to feel pretty awful. I learned better. Peace of mind was my entire reason for delving into Buddhism. It's done me well in that regard. And most others as well. My grandma used to tell me "You don't need to read all those books. Everything you ever need to know about what matters is already in you." Buddha knew that. I just had to be pointed the right way.
This right here is what i struggle with. The inner a**hole lol. I was even listening to the dhamma the other day and it was talking about having bad thoughts automatically i went into self shame and guilt and that voice turned on saying yep your a bad person. Well i know its not true but it is a struggle keeping that inner voicr quiet, ive found that not feeding it more and letting it stay as it is, is helping, and feeding my good powerful positive thoughts more is really changing things for the better
In a past life, I too suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, suicidal thoughts (and attempts) ...You name it, my mind was determine to give me the experience of a life time...
Change was slow, it was a gradual process, chipping away at the strong sense of self that was causing all the strife ...
Doubt in the Dharma gradually gave way to faith in the Dharma, the more I started to see for my self, the easier it became to put the Dharma into practice, experiential understanding gradually started to replaced 'hearsay'...(developing this experiential understanding/knowledge is ongoing.... a work in progress)
In a nutshell.....For me, it's all about the gradual letting go of the self.....and just going with the flow
A positive affirmation...of sorts
"If I change the way I look at things and the things I look at change!
new neuropathways are created, my life starts to rearrange!"
I used reframing, and a presentation package to continually reprogram my subconscious base and use of language ...
This is my online version of the sort of thing - click the 'close' button top right in the calling page bar to get rid of it http://web.archive.org/web/20060209114806/http://pages.britishlibrary.net/lobster/exxo/relax2.htm
This is now known as
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_reframing
It is similar to yoga nidra, positive affirmations (download image versions and run as slideshow) and light trance work ...
Eventually you will find the inner and outer voicing merging ...
The 'rest' is easy or more correctly 'at ease' ...
I've always held hands with spiritual stuff. First Jesus 'cuz I grew up in the Episcopal church (Sunday school and church every week); when I got out on my own, I gravitated towards a friend or two who went to Christian retreats. When computers came into my life, I gravitated towards spiritual type forums, so my interest has always been open to this kind of stuff anyway.
Because of what I went through as a kid, it was all I had to rely on but never was gung-ho about any religions. I like your questions, but it wasn't about change - or so I thought - it just happened once I started getting interested in Buddhism and reading about it and coming here.
My only son died in early 2010, and in the back of my mind, I felt no way I could pull through without some sort of change in outlook, etc. I never stop changing now - it's just that now, I can see insights coming a lot better. I can see everything better now. Life's still harsh sometimes, but...
What I think one of the things Buddhism study has taught me is that if you don't have compassion for yourself, it won't matter if others do.
Bravo @silver
I am tempted to say 'Hi Ho Silver, away!'
For me, I grew up in Osho's communes, and so no-mind, philosophy and the gauchhamis were standard fare. But I trained as an engineer and spent my callow twenties and thirties away from spirituality and in the corporate materialist world.
It's only in the last few years that I have come back to spirituality. I chose Buddhism because it has much to teach about the mind and the emotions - in a way you become a gardener of your own mind and thoughts, pruning what is unhelpful and encouraging what is helpful.
It has opened me up to some beautiful things, and enabled me to drop some bad habits. It has given me more insight into myself, taught me which emotions I need to cultivate and give more room to grow. Enlightenment seems far away as I learn to walk the path with ease and perhaps grace.
I still struggle with those things, I think we will for life. Buddhism isn't about eradicating the inevitable emotional and psychological suffering, but reacting to those states with wisdom, compassion, and a sense of calm clarity. I think it's all about learning to ride the waves, accepting the inevitability of suffering and knowing how to transform those waves into positive mental and emotional states, and accepting they will also arise and fall away again. Buddhism and Somatic Experiencing are the two things that have helped me gain a sense of command, aliveness, mastery and peace in regards to suffering. I guess it's all about learning to skilfully deal with suffering, use it as mud for the lotus flowers, and make peace with life as it is.
It's all about learning to avoid the second arrow so to speak
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For me, there wasn't a day that I decided to change things. There wasn't a discrete turning point. I have explored various religions, philosophies, outlooks on life. I still do. I still question. And hopefully I still change.
I look at the question as being: "What Is change like for you?" For me, I believe change is inevitable and in many ways, it is beneficial to come to this understanding...
Good plan/aspiration.
Most of us as our real primary change, become aware that spiritual life is genuine - if we are.
IMO it is the only life worth living, exploring and resonating with. There is only one person who needs to know that. Only one. Ourselves. That self we change as others have illustrated ...
When you know spiritual life is not bullshit but possible, worthwhile and wonderful ... well ... that is a daily beginning ...
i had a psychotic break in this past summer that landed me in jail and homeless.
The question of why is that i absolutely had to. i could have lived my life in mental hospitals and committed to the ward 24/7 or i could have taken responsibility for my own suffering, which i did, and try to find it's end.
i don't want to look at change in the past tense, because i'm constantly changing. after i got out of the hospital, due to being homeless and having nowhere to sleep, my social worker put me in a program for rehabilitating heroine and methamphetamine addicts. one thing i really took home from being around those folks is "take it one day at a time" -- it seems to help recovering addicts and i really look at this journey in the same light now, it helps to remove much of the burden of self-doubt, anxiety and the feeling of being "lost" in this whole thing!
Last question what were some positive affirmations you used or tecniques that helped you believe in yourself more.
i have found that mantra practice is a good way to remain confident, disciplined and lively up a bit. Youtube is ripe with many of them, here's a couple of my favorites. i find that when i'm stressed out in the middle of the day, if i can chant to myself a mantra, it helps my mind be at ease and connect with that bodhichitta that is all ways there.
insightstate.com/video/vajra-guru-mantra/
mantrasmeditation.com/buddhist-mantras/tibetan-buddhist-mantras/?platform=hootsuite
Bravo @wojciech - very honest, very real. Stay grounded. Mantra is protective, healing, transformative, empowering etc.
http://yinyana.tumblr.com/post/57234975984/buddhist-mantra-faqs
Most who know me on here have, at some stage, read about my turning points. To summarise - my first aha moment was when I finished high school (I went to a private Catholic Girls' school and our Yr 11 & 12 classes of General Religious Studies introduced me to Buddhism). I found myself seeking - and finding - solace in the Mantra chants of Tibetan Buddhism while exploring and staying a while in Traditional Wicca (15 years).
My second aha moment was witnessed by several members here 2.5 years ago when I was misdiagnosed with a terminal illness. There's nothing like confronting your own mortality to scare you into sorting your life out. While I found out a short-ish time ago that my disease is not terminal, it is a lifelong degenerative illness with symptoms akin to Multiple Sclerosis and will steadily rob me of my motor skills and place me in a wheelchair over the next 15-20 years (so the doctors say, I have other plans).
I have used these situations to "get real" about my life and my practise. While I'm most definitely still a work in progress, I'm grateful for the kick in the arse it gave me to sort myself out.
_ /\ _
When life kicks you in the arse. Turn the other cheek (got that from the bible)
It keeps changing.
Never stops...
I was brought up in a Catholic School.
I used to envy the priest for holding in his hands what in my child's mind seemed to be "THE Book" that held the key to wisdom, the answer to all existential angst.
So the day of my First Communion, I could not be more delighted when the school offered me the Bible as gift.
I swallowed it up in one weekend.... and I was utterly disappointed because, somehow, I could not connect.
I found little that really appealed to me.
Change came in the hands of another book that was presented to me, also as gift for the same occasion.
A book on Old China.
As I read about Taoism, I knew I was onto something.
Eastern philosophies resonated deeply with me.
After Taoism, came Vedanta, then Buddhism.
It was a rather linear path, with no real inner turmoil, no specific life crisis guiding my steps.
Rather than a discovery, it felt like a recognition: the more I read and studied Buddhism, the more it seemed to awaken parts of me that lay hidden in my subconscious mind, but that somehow "knew" this stuff.
It was not really new: it felt like resuming a path I had tread before.
That first change.... it was fool's gold! It laid a nice foundation, but there is always more work to be done. I am kinder to others, most of the time. Working harder on being kind to myself. It's become harder for me to say, "I deserve this".... about anything. I might have gone too far the other way with humbling myself. lol. Where meditation is falling short I have found yoga to be a nice replacement. I am at an all time stress level high right now... and it's all coming from me. I guess you could say that's where I have changed the most. I'm not really blaming anybody else for me anymore. But, I have a lot of physical pain and that leads to anxiety... so yoga.... that's how I'm changing now.
I guess i shouldve used a different word than change, because i understand we are always changing, but what i was meaning was what was the beginning of your journey of becoming more spiritual the time when you dedicated yourself daily to a practice and took things more seriously. This is a difficult thing deciding youre really in it no matter the kind of day you had. So really what keeps you on your path? What beauty have you found in yourself and what keeps you going even when you feel like you cant.
Lack of death.
Hello. For me, about 2006, I started to question my religion. Or religion/beliefs in general. I was not really brought up as anything. My mum was a spiritualist and for a while this interested me. But I've always had a problem with Gods; believing that is. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm atheistic in my beliefs, but also not a believer (so some would say I am an atheist therefore). I started to read about Buddhism and the philosophy really appealed to me. I liked the fact there wasn't a deity to worship as such but even more, the 8FP and 4NT and the philosophy just made so much sense to me. Common sense way of living! So I have dabbled in and out through my life, but more now. I would say I am a Buddhist now whereas before I was just Buddhism-curious
The fact that my practice "works" is what keeps me going. And I completely find it to be true that the more you don't want to do it (meditation, or whatever) or when you are too busy to do it, is when you most need to. You can't rely on it on the hard times in life if you don't practice it when things are easier. I have a small, local Sangha that I attend weekly and seeing them keeps me on track, as does regular contact with my teacher and his senior students even though they live 250 miles away.
I feel it's a real privilege to find myself on this path: it has made me so strong and resilient.
I see so many people whining in self-pity for lack of acceptance of life as it is.
The beauty is in the path itself.
Honestly, I never had a moment of doubt, never had a moment where I felt I "couldn't."
In moments of despondency, as was the case when I suffered a stillbirth, I plunged deeply into the Scriptures to grapple with acceptance.
I have never been disappointed.