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Craving for...
nakazcid
Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran
I find I crave safety and security way too much. I am very risk averse. At the same time I have a medical condition that makes stress inadvisable.
Any suggestions for overcoming this? Hopefully something that doesn't involve strapping on a parachute and jumping out of a plane.
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Depends what the medical condition is?
You could move towards wrathful versions of the Medicine Buddha with guidance
http://www.dharma-haven.org/tibetan/sadhana-medicine-buddha.htm
Oooh, no: You know you're a real risk-taker, when you eliminate the parachute....
To be brutally honest, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being risk-averse, and I'm not sure I think there's any need to compromise that quality.
As a friend of mine once commented, when I was studying canine behaviour, when there is no tangible reward as a choice, wolves will not run towards the 'good' they'll be running from the 'bad'.
The primal instinct is to survive.
Animals do so by avoiding confrontation, evading a predator and using camouflage. They blend in, and look inconspicuous.
Simply because we're at the top of the food chain, is no reason to behave otherwise.
Maybe start with small steps. Change up your daily routine. Take different routes to work, try different types of coffee, get a new hairstyle.
I'm sorry for sounding cliche but maybe your meditation practice could be tweaked in such a way as to find the middle way in mindfulness?
First reading this I immediately thought of the overly cautious driver. I look for that sweet spot myself... between being too careful and being reckless. Just in life in general though as I don't drive yet (I'm 45, lol)
It's funny that the result from either extreme is usually very similar. Too dark and we can't see but too bright and we're blinded.
As you have health concerns it's not surprising you avoid risk, and wisely too, as @federica says it's built into us to protect ourselves - hang loose
Thanks for the comments. While I was speaking of risk in general, one area I’m thinking of in particular is social risk. I’m a hardcore introvert, and find groups of more than three or four people overwhelming. I’m not sure how much of this is fear (I.e., risk-averse) and how much is a dislike of the sensory overload I feel around groups of people.
As an introvert myself I find socializing around an activity or some thing rather than having the socializing itself be the main activity. So socially I'm alright on a professional level where whatever task is central and more personal questions can arise more naturally.
Board game meet up nights are quite popular these days. Most people interested in such things tend to be of the introvert type so you won't be out of place.
https://geekandsundry.com/looking-for-more-how-to-find-a-gaming-group/
If you’re worried about it, then I’d advise slowly making changes, so as to avoid triggering your medical condition. You could make it a goal to speak to one new person every day for instance, or to have one real conversation with them. When you feel you’re ready you could try something like a pottery course where you’re in a low-stress environment with a dozen people, ie you don’t have to talk to anyone.
It is a case of slowly gaining exposure and making adjustments, I think. For a lot of introverts this is almost like social anxiety, where exposure therapy is often the route a psychotherapist will take. It is a question of taking small steps and trying to gain ground, as I understand it.
I wish you a lot of luck and patience with it, I used to suffer from social anxiety as well when I was younger.
@person I’ve been trying to get out to some game nights. The hard part is that I work a rotating shift, so some weeks I can attend and others I can’t.
@Kerome Like @person said dealing with others professionally is OK, it’s when things get personal that it can be awkward. I avoid talking about myself out of - I think - a fear of being rejected. I’ve been better about that lately and am starting form relationships at work. Not so much outside of the office though. But the idea of doing it gradually is better than jumping off the deep end.
“Everything is always changing. If you relax into this truth, that is Enlightenment. If you resist, this is samsara (suffering).”
Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse, “What Makes You (Not) a Buddhist”
(the play on the title, the "Not" means that Buddhism is an act of letting go).
Oh, so easy to understand, and so difficult to do in the midst of our attachments and aversions. Keep working on it. "little bit by little bit" as my Lama says, we become better at it.
As for aversions, my sister had a Lama dying of cancer, who called his pain his "kind teachers". We don't learn and we don't master from our happiness . .it is our unhappiness that pushes us to be mindful and relax and let go.
As for stress .. that falls under the realms of mindfulness, meditation and cognitive behavioral psychology. How we "frame" the situation and the cognitive self-statements we feed into our brain create the patterns that generate our emotions and result in emotional stress. Oh, again, so easy to say and so difficult to practice. I had a very stressful job my last 27 years before retiring, and I did learn somewhat how to moderate my reactions to it using cognitive strategies. With the help of Buddhism as well. But I didn't become SO skilled that I didn't dance with joy on the day I retired!
One thing that is very important is to realize that our very desire to be happy is often the cause of our stress. That and our persistent belief that something is "wrong" and "must be fixed" if we don't like what is going on. The solution we try to find is always in OUR reaction.
Oh, Buddhism is a work in progress with no dull moments .. it keeps us occupied for our lifetime, but never gets stale.
In those awful moments...
Look over the hoard or three or four. Quiver in your boots. Now look closely ... how well-dressed they are; how supple their rejoinders; how kool their clothes; how smart and casual they are ... and what a tongue-tied klutz you are.
NOW, as you stand there quivering ...
mentally ...
take their clothes off!
Nice to find so many introverts and crowd avoiders here, no wonder I feel at home
And here pops in the extrovert who thrives in crowds...
You may crave security and safety, @nakazcid, but has life really humoured you?
Impermanence seems to be constantly pulling the rug from under my feet for me to ever expect life to be remotely secure or safe.
In my books, that does not exist.
When the moment comes for you to make a decision any day, take the road less taken.
Choose something you have never tried before or something you would normally not choose.
See what lessons are in store for you beyond your comfort zone.
Enjoy.