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Accepting compliments with good grace
nakazcid
Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran
Over the years I’ve gotten a few compliments, some of them quite nice. But I have an irrational (?) fear of developing an overinflated ego, and then watching it explode in slow motion over innocent bystanders. Is there any advice in the sutras about how to accept and internalize the nice things people occasionally say without having it feed the ego?
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Comments
Say "thank you" and do the dishes.
I'm not sure there's anything wrong about receiving compliments, @nakazcid
If someone makes you a compliment, it must be because they think you deserve it.
Just take it naturally.
Accept it, feel contented with yourself for some nanoseconds, then move on.
Receiving due compliments cannot be worse than feeling that your work goes unappreciated.
In both cases, life goes on and you'll get over it.
Hmm, let me expand on this a bit. For someone who struggles with low self esteem, the ‘common sense’ approach would be to revisit those compliments occasionally to lift one’s self-regard a bit. I didn’t know if that squared properly with Buddhist practice, and it looks like it doesn’t.
@nakazcid , it is said that the mind can be gently massaged to see things differently, by reciting certain affirmations, positive sayings or character-building ditties.
The more these are repeated, the more the person's own self-image alters, for the better....
It's a common and effective psychological tool to assist people to think differently, about all manner of things.
So, revisiting a compliment, because it lifts your self-regard, is not only ok.
I would say it's commendable.
@genkaku is spot on.
Acknowledge and move on.
https://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/articles/mental-noting/
Ideally we don't wallow, inflate or indulge ...
Just a compliment ...
At times we can get our selves into a bit of a bind with too much thinking about the what ifs...
I remember once when at a group meeting a few years ago, when the topic of giving "Dana" ( one giving one's time to doing charitable work) and self cherishing( stroking one's own ego so to speak) came up and a member mentioned the time she was in the position to help out in a soup kitchen ( I think she was visiting her daughter who moved to Canada) anyhow she got bogged down with thoughts of "Why am I wanting to volunteer there? Is it because I want to show people how good I am and the reward of receiving praise for doing so?" Her mind was so preoccupied with these kind of thoughts, she ended up not helping out because she thought it was her self cherishing nature that was propelling her to help..
This is not quite the same situation you have mentioned @nakazcid but it emphasize how one's mind can prevent one from doing beneficial things which will or would have helped others in some way....
On a more personal level I don't accept compliments...I only take cash or cash cheques to complement my bank balance
just joking 
...(but here's my bank account details... just in case 00 000000 000. 00 
)
I tried your account, @Shoshin but I think you might have missed a zero, somewhere....
It’s interesting, the Buddhist approach sometimes is quite different from what society teaches here in the Western world. For example yesterday in my reading around anatta, I came across a paragraph which said “one should base one’s concept of self-worth on continually being able to learn, rather than on perceiving one’s self as good”. This was from Thannisaro Bhikkhu’s teaching.
The idea of a skilful approach to self-view is quite a deep thing, it’s also something that is not easy to put into practice. There are some deep habits going back to childhood which have conditioned us to see ourselves as good, and to avoid “bad” behaviour.