It is intriguing, being halfway between a religious life and a secular one. At one point I seriously thought about becoming a monk, trading the problems of secular living for the vinaya because it felt like a calling. But I thought at my age (46) it would probably be rather difficult to absorb the sutra’s to the required extent. At least as a lay Buddhist you have the choice how to direct your studies and practice.
I’m also probably a bit too much of a heretic with the Osho background to really fit well into monastic life, if I’m being honest. My Buddhist studies have slackened a bit of late, I feel that many topics such as ‘correct sitting’ are born out of the real spirit becoming a tradition instead and thus missing the mark. Perhaps I feel the lack of a Buddhist teacher in my life, but they are a bit thin on the ground.
And also when I think of finding a teacher I also think of all the organised religious aspects of Buddhism that come along with it, religion as opposed to spirituality. I’m not sure I am desirous of mixing in those circles. Still there is something about for example the Plum Village approach to being a monastery which really appeals to me, I’d enjoy spending time there doing chores and attending dharma talks.