Last night I had an experience while I was half asleep… I was going to dig, into a great glowing mass, because “I wanted what they had”. It struck me this morning that this was an insight into the nature of jealousy, that it hangs together with the concept of possessing things, desire, my-making, and perceiving in others these things.
As soon as you acknowledge the idea of ownership, that things that you perceive are owned by people, then you embark on the journey of ego expansion through owning more, of becoming somehow greater because all these things are “yours”. You see that things are other people’s but not yours, and then you are inspired by a thought of how wonderful it would be to have them for yourself.
The truth is that there is no such thing as ownership, not even such a thing as ‘I’. The ego clamouring that it wants more, that it wants to be bigger by ‘owning the things outside itself’, that it wants to do whatever it likes despite the impermanence of the world, is just a shadow of desire, and itself casts off further shadows of jealousy and other darknesses. But the reality is that we do not really own things, we just use them for a while.
I find it so beneficial to explore these relationships… it is like by understanding the way they fit together, I can let go of them. For me, these insights and the working out of them are the true gift of the dhamma, freedom from the chains of the mind.