How do people who suffered severe abuse can accept their karma?
flavialuz
Portugal New
Hello everyone!
I'm Flavia and I was introduced to Buddhism and the concept of karma a little while ago, so I'm trying to reconcile this idea with my life experience.
I had a particularly violent upbringing and, according to the laws of karma, the terrifying childhood I experienced, full of violence, verbal abuse, and the extreme rejection and neglect that came from my mother was deserved because it was my karma. I grew up to be a self-destructive, self-hating individual who strongly believes that no good thing can come out of me... I grew up extremely depressed and suffered from an array of mental health issues that I didn't even know I had. However, since that's my karma, I believe I should have a better mindset, stop "acting out" and accept that. But practically, that makes me feel even more dreadful... How can one receive so much suffering to the point you wish suffering on yourself and move on? I don't want to do anything... It took me days to finally write this. I don't want to talk to anyone, I just isolate and try to make ends meet. It's interfering with my ability to provide for myself, my health, everything. I've been listening to some mantras and all, but that's not helping me so much. I really don't want to do all this anymore because I'm super tired.
Anyway, I don't want to make this long, I just would like to ask your advice on how I can accept my karma and have a better attitude about it.
Thanks to anyone who has the patience to read it and respond to it. I really appreciate it.
Comments
Seek counseling
Even for people with relatively healthy upbringings the spiritual path is a lifelong process, there isn't a quick bit of advice. Or if there is its probably well above the sort of thing anyone here is able to offer. I do hope you are able to seek and receive professional help sorting out and healing your trauma.
I think I might say that the individual of past lives isn't the same as the individual of this life. The child and the person you are now didn't cause the suffering you endured and isn't responsible for it.
As you said you don’t want to talk to anyone, perhaps counseling is not for you. And your question about karma might be better answered by a Buddhist teacher, which I am not.
But I have heard it said that karma is not a prison, that all your karma good and bad can be burnt up in a flash when you meet the right teacher. Just so you know. A well-lived Buddhist life can also purify heart and mind, and generate much good karma. The other thing is, a poor upbringing is a release of a lot of dark karma, so now that you are rid of it you can get on with dealing with the after effects.
It is good that you are aware of your trauma and its roots. I would suggest reading some books on trauma, people like Dr Gabor Maté or Dr Bessel van der Kolk, who have written compassionately and out of experience about trauma. The scientific perspective might help you gain some distance from the self blame.
Ultimately I think a traumatic upbringing can be risen above, through self help and good spiritual life. My own upbringing was also difficult, though there was love.
OP, I'm going to express a radical position on karma here, and point out, that in his earliest discourses, the Buddha cautioned against projecting karma to future lifetimes (and one would assume correspondingly--from past lifetimes to the present), and simply focus on the current lifetime. He seemed to be saying, that past and future karmas "aren't relevant" to his path, in the same way he told his followers, that whether or not there is a supreme deity or deities was not a relevant matter.
Some scholars feel that the multi-lifetime karma concept seeped into the texts from an outside influence, namely--Hinduism. Karma isn't a trap, or something to bludgeon people with if they were born into adverse circumstances. It's simply the law of cause and effect applied to the current lifetime; be careful how you treat others, so you won't have to worry about your misdeeds or harsh speech bouncing back to you, basically is the idea.
And by the way, there is a therapy technique for trauma that doesn't involve talking about the incident/s. It's a miracle treatment that heals the mind by working with eye movements, helping the brain to reprocess past painful experiences. It's called EMDR: Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. After treatment, you'll still have the memories, but they'll no longer be painful or debilitating. You'll be emotionally neutral and calm in relation to them.
Another option that doesn't involve talking is a certain type of acupuncture that works with psychological states. It can be a little challenging to find a good practitioner though; the acupuncture field in the US (I don't know where you're located) is dominated by a system from China, which they call "Traditional Chinese Acupuncture" (TCM), when in fact, Mao purged the traditional techniques that really work. You'd need to find someone who practiced 5 Element acupuncture, sometimes called "classical" acupuncture, from Taiwan or Hong Kong, and tell the practitioner that you need a special set of modalities called "Ghost Point" acupuncture for a childhood history of trauma. No talk, just treatment, which in your case would require a long course. You could Google "Ghost Point Acupuncture" + your locale. Also "7 Dragons" acupuncture.
I've received these types of treatments, both EMDR and Ghost Point acupuncture, on various occasions, and can vouch for their effectiveness. If you have questions you'd like to ask privately, you may message me.
Relief can be achieved, OP. Healing CAN happen! There is hope. Hugs, and best wishes.
Thank you all for these responses. I super appreciate it. They're really helpful to come back to it when I need them. Dakini, thank you for the EMDR tip. I will look into that. I wish all the best to all of you.
Please be aware that I am karmically an attitude. You have yours.
Mantrayana in Tantra can be done in various ways. Listening is the least effective.
I will offer you my personal Mantra and different ways to use it.
OM YA HA HUM
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vajrayana
@flavialuz ( I have a Brazilian friend whose name is Flavia)
It's a common misconception for many beginners to view karma solely as a system of reward and punishment, when in reality it is just causes (influenced by the energy we put into our actions both past and present actions) conditions ( the environment or circumstances in which the energy produced from our actions interacts with other energies) and effect (the outcomes of this interaction ) all of which is constantly changing, no thing is set in concrete...
What you think, say or do in this very moment impacts on the next moment and so forth..
Our past shapes our present and our present shapes our future
It's all interconnected...
That may be the best but not possible option.
Your location is given as Portugal, so not sure what is open to you …
Here is what we have in the UK.
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/a-z-topics/online-mental-health-support
While this understanding may even be popular, I will argue that it is wrong and only reinforces samsara-citta.
The first point of error is the belief in a conventional self that you could hold accountable. Convetional truth is "saṁvṛti-satya" in Sanskrit. This term comes from the root "saṁvṛt," which means "to cover" or "to conceal." In this context, it can imply something that is enveloped, hidden, or conventional. Thus, there is no conventional existing self; a self exists only in the minds of samsaric beings, but not in the luminous minds of enlightened beings.
Beings create their own suffering out of their ignorance. Karma cannot be explained without the context of the twelve nidanas. The first is ignorance. Both Vasubandhu and Nagarjuna somehow agree about this in their Thirty Verses and Sixty Verses, respectively.
So instead of reinforcing the actual cause of suffering by clinging to the subjective and objective, try to focus only on practicing equanimity and luminosity.
dear friend. firstfor those new to the path,treat karma as a choice not your fate. in zen endless possibility in a beginners mind. the practice is to make the mind seasoned. our choice--action-- to treat karma with mercy and grace. in my life, today is to choose wise action as we walk this messy human life. our zen, past is done, today is fresh with new choices. walking with you.namaste, the love in me, respect the love in you.
The age old argument of intention/karma or determinism/fate.
In the realm of samsara or causality, intention is all important. What you experienced was the result of past causes. What you do now will determine your future. All a matter of cause and effect.
If you can keep your mind pure instead of allowing anger and hatred in, you break the cycle of abuse and violence.
Of the utmost importance is the company you keep. To avoid foolish people and to associate with the wise is one of life's great blessings.
"Not to associate with the foolish,[5] but to associate with the wise; and to honor those who are worthy of honor — this is the greatest blessing.
To reside in a suitable locality,[6] to have done meritorious actions in the past and to set oneself in the right course[7] — this is the greatest blessing.
To have much learning, to be skillful in handicraft,[8] well-trained in discipline,[9] and to be of good speech[10] — this is the greatest blessing.
Quick hit here:
If you are experiencing it, it is your karma.
Karma is not absolute - you choose to embrace or change your karma
Only you can change your karma
You have the absolute power to change your karma
You are the greatest, most powerful force in your life
Didn't say it is easy or quick
What a beautiful adventure and marvelous challenge
You are in muddy waters, blossom as a beautiful Lotus.
Peace to all.