Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Anger - How are we meant to "rise above" things
I have a really big dislike for people with massive egos - that enjoy making people with smaller egos the butt of their jokes. In fact, I'm ashamed to say that I have a serious hatred for people like this as I cannot understand why people find this an acceptable way to carry on. How do you guys deal with emotions like this? or how do you deal with people like this. Their ignorance is too great to reason with them, speaking correctly makes you seem like even less of a human to them, and acting in the way they do is... not something I would consider doing for a second.
0
Comments
I think to myself, "What is so lacking in their lives that they must build themselves up so high at the expense of others?"
You'll often find that people with massive egos, actually have deep-seated insecurities.
They convince themselves they are superbly wonderful - because in reality, they fear they compare less than favourably with others.
The secret is to smile, think of them as elderly people, and who will be surrounding them then?
Think of them aged, infirm and dependent on the goodness and care of others in their sickness and frailty....
Let it wash off you, and think the same thing many suggest responding with, when beset by insistent Christians, or people who are not of your mind, in other matters, and you deem to be unskilful....
"Well I'm glad you think that works for you, but I'm not of the same opinion."
Sometimes, it can be said out loud, sometimes it can be kept to yourself. But try to release, and not judge them harshly.
They're just desperate to find their way. And think they have, even if you know different.
Something you can do is work on your negative emotional reaction to their actions.
So that no matter what they do will not affect your own peace of mind.
Perhaps if you try hard you can talk someone out of a behavior that you react angrily to; but there are millions of them out there and we can't control or change everybody to fit our preferences, so sooner or later you will have to let go of the anger, or go live in a cave somewhere if you want peace
Its quite important to me because I literally get angry and hateful every time I think or talk about it. Something that hasnt happened for a while recently.
I don't take them more ore less seriously. It's just not a factor. I trust facts speak for themselves and I couldn't care less what they think of themselves. I actually find it kind of endearing to be honest. In a foolish brat sort of way.
remember this equation, you'll need it later.
If people cannot accept me for who I am, then I'd rather not be accepted.
So feel along with these people, they are suffering much more than you are because having a big ego comes with a price. They need to defend them always and that causes a lot of suffering. They will also one day have to realize they are not so special and don't die in any other way than everybody else.
I'd advise some loving kindness meditation. First spend some time in silence of the breath, then slowly start building caring attention and love towards somebody you care for. This can be you or somebody close or even a pet. Feel like you want to hug him/her/it. Slowly expand this love onto others close by, then include the entire town or the entire earth, and in the end focus your loving kindness especially to people with big egos.
Guided metta meditations can be found on the interwebzzz they might be helpful.
With metta,
Sabre
It (my ego) is just using another idea of superiority, but it is doing the same trick.
Would you agree?
And if arrogant people really do have a strong "ego" or self identity, then I, as someone who suffers greatly because of his "ego", feel a great deal of compassion for arrogant people.
I guess my point is...outward appearances can be deceiving, who knows what's going on in the mind of an arrogant person? They could be suffering a great deal, albeit it is not nice to make others suffer because of your own suffering.
Of course, not hating them is not easy to do. If someone made me feel bad, I think I would probably be angry and/or hate them too. I'm not a Zen Master. But I think compassion would be a great starting point for someone who wants to deal with hate.
Am I ready and able – but most importantly willing - to give compassion to others even when they make it difficult to do so? Shall I continue as I know I should, or shall I take on and adopt their bitter world view?
If I react with anger and hatred, then I am contributing to the problem because they sense that anger and hatred, and it justifies their behavior in their mind. They see themselves as returning bitterness toward a bitter world.
When I stay calm and compassionate, it is like holding up a mirror in which they can see their own behavior. It gives then something to reflect upon.
Rather than getting pulled into the bitterness vortex, by staying calm (“holding up the mirror”) we actually can sometimes help others find their way out.
1) I remember that the person I’m angry at is suffering just like me and dealing with it the best way they know how, just like me.
2) I look at my own unskillful thoughts and behaviors with regard to the resentment. Basically, where am I being selfish, dishonest, self-seeking or frightened. Often I find that the thing I’m angry about is something I myself am, or have been, guilty of, to some degree, at some point in my life. If I can forgive myself for being a jerk, and if I hope others can forgive me for being a jerk, perhaps I can forgive the person I’m angry at.
3) Metta.
Sometimes it takes awhile and it can be hard work, but I find this approach helps me to overcome constantly suffering with anger. I still get angry, but I don’t live in it anymore.
Hope that helps some.
Thoughts give rise to emotions. But, thankfully there is a way to bypass this effect.
Thoughts are not reality. Thoughts are something we create in an attempt to interpret reality. Buddha said, " In the eye there is only seeing, in the ear there is only hearing..." etc. So our mind takes what arises to one of our senses and creates or applies a concept. But that concept is not present in what is experienced through that sense organ; it is only present in our minds. So this is where the teaching of emptiness comes in. All concepts, all thoughts, are empty of any reality outside of our minds.
So the key is to stop giving your thoughts so much attention and importance. Realize that they are not reality and focus on the present moment.
The 12 links of dependent arising, which lead to suffering, begin with ignorance. And ignorance is the belief that our thoughts are reality.
Ignorance is generally expressed in Buddhism as the opposite of Wisdom (Right View), meaning taking aspects of reality to be permanent or self rather than impermanent and not-self (along with the Four Noble Truths). Seeing emptiness, the mind lets go of the forms of craving that lead to suffering. "The belief that our thoughts are reality" is not so much of a problem as "the belief that thoughts are our self".
Thoughts are conditioned phenomena; as all things are.
Both emotions and perceptions arise due to thoughts.
If we have sad thoughts, we will have sad emotions. If we have angry thoughts, we will have angry emotions. But this only happens because we believe thoughts to be reality. There is a freedom that comes from letting go of that belief. Try it.
It is rather that thoughts are "me", and that they are correct interpretations of reality, that bind us. I don't think many people suffer from the delusion that "thoughts" themselves are reality, or else we'd really be in trouble...
~~
As to something like the original post about anger, you firstly realize that the anger isn't you; it's just anger, arisen dependent upon conditions. Any thoughts connected to that anger are also not-self, dependent upon conditions. Discerning clearly that anger has arisen due to a cause, the mind does not follow the emotion or the thoughts and choose to act in unskillful fashion. That is simply being mindful.
To fully rise above anger, follow the Noble Eightfold Path. Let the mind see that there are only conditioned mind and form, causes and their fruit. Do you get angry at a dog for barking, at a child for crying? There is no difference between these and any other occurrence in life, except that in these cases we have some level of wisdom.
The conditions of our childhoods usually leave us closer to one end or the other. Further experiences in life can change our minds! We always go back to the Four Noble Truths.
i think the reason why is- they don't SEEM to be suffering and that the ones that SEEM to be suffering are the nice people ( usually- i dunno if im right on that) but its proven that narcissists get ahead in society, they can easily trample on others without a second thought cause they really don't care.
what i think we need to focus on is:
a) this is maybe a result of my karma to learn to deal with these types properly as i seem to be surrounded by them not sure about you lol !
b) Loving Kindness meditation - ultimate cure for this kinda thing
c) they ARE suffering
imagine being in that person's shoes, acting like an arrogant cold person-- they are walled in by a shell...imagine a time you acted like this- how did it feel?
i am gonna really read through this thread as like u i need all the help i can get on that one lol !!
Beyond that, as I understand it, the Christians do have a perfectly legitimate prayer that runs, "Dear Lord, please give him/her a swift kick in the ass."
The 'voice of lordly judgement' is not real in the same way that a rainbow is not really solid, but instead is a play of light. This is a metaphor not a physics exercise.
A thought is not real from the standpoint 'that table is ugly' is not real. Even 'that table is black' is not real if you research the madyamaka understanding of emptiness (google).
--------------
Discerning that anger is empty of self may not be enough. You could believe the anger has a cause: The behaviour of them is jerk and should be blown out of the water.. Realization of the unsubstantiality of thought directly shows that perception is not real.
rangtong: prasangika, svatantrika
yogacara: cittamatra
madhyamaka
That being said, while it worked well for me up until recently, I have found the best way is to simply look at why your reaction is hatred and anger? Is it because your ego doesn't like what it heard? If so, then you already know that the ego is non-self and thus the situation doesn't warrant furthering the anger and hatred.
:om: