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Snobbery
Bunks
Australia Veteran
Ok, confession time. I'm a snob.
I always denied it but this practice has made me face up to it.
I look down on people who drive hotted up cars.
I look down on people who watch commercial television programs.
I look down on people who own bull terriers.
I look down on people who smoke cigarettes (even though I used to).
I look down on people who have the Southern Cross tattoo'd on any part of their body or as a sticker on their car (it's an Australian thing).
I could go on.......
I moved to a working class area a few years ago (wanted a small mortgage) so I am now faced with my snobbery on a daily basis.
I actually see my moving here as a good thing as it is giving me the opportunity to begin practising equanimity. I am really going to try. Any tips?
I always denied it but this practice has made me face up to it.
I look down on people who drive hotted up cars.
I look down on people who watch commercial television programs.
I look down on people who own bull terriers.
I look down on people who smoke cigarettes (even though I used to).
I look down on people who have the Southern Cross tattoo'd on any part of their body or as a sticker on their car (it's an Australian thing).
I could go on.......
I moved to a working class area a few years ago (wanted a small mortgage) so I am now faced with my snobbery on a daily basis.
I actually see my moving here as a good thing as it is giving me the opportunity to begin practising equanimity. I am really going to try. Any tips?
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Comments
I am a snob too, in many ways, so don't sweat it. Recognise it, and laugh at yourself. Where will snobbery get you when you're old, infirm, incontinent, and your nurse has a Southern Cross tattoo on their arm?
:thumbsup:
I inherited it from my parents. My two older brothers are bigger snobs than I am......
One (of the many things) I do love about living where I do is that I can go up the street with my tracksuit pants, flip flops and an old t-shirt on and I fit right in!
My wife has been ill and all she felt like for dinner last night was a burger and fries. We drove down to the local McDonalds and dined in. I found myself sitting there and judging all the people around me e.g. look at these people in their old car bringing their kids here to eat? Disgraceful!
Hang on! I'm sitting here with my wife and daughter too...
Sometimes it's hard for me too, to face what I realize about myself when practicing. I have great compassion for certain people, and animals, and struggle greatly with it with some people who are close to me. I practice, and meditate, I do metta and tonglen and I still have not been able to stop the "oh god, now what" irritation that crops up the second I hear my grandma's voice on the phone asking me to drop what I am doing and come help her right now with some mundane task. She is currently mad at me because I could not come while my husband was on lunch (he didn't come home for lunch today) to get her wreath out of the attic. I can't bring our son to her house to do such things because of a lack of proper hygiene is a health risk to him (long story) so she has to wait until I have someone home to stay with him, and that just makes her quite unhappy. I wish I could just smile into the phone and deal with it better, but I just get immediately irritated.
Anyhow, you are not alone in realizing things about yourself due to your practice. I do note that it helps for me to contemplate the things I do (putting myself in her place, paying attention to how happy she is that I am there with her etc) The irritation is minor and fleeting, as opposed to 2 years ago when I would stew in crabbiness over having to do chores for her. So, it does seem to improve. I might not get to the place of unconditional compassion before she passes, but I figure at least I am helping her, and visiting with her. I know I won't regret that time once she is gone.
Being able to think thorougly about walking in someone else's shoes does help me a lot. When some random person irritates me because of how they are living, driving, etc I think of scenarios or reasons for why they are doing this, and it eases my snob feelings. Someone driving too slow for my liking because I'm running late? well, maybe first I shouldn't be running late, second perhaps they are a new driver, perhaps they are having an emergency, perhaps they don't drive often, or their car is having a problem. I don't know the reasons for what they do, so it's not up to me to judge them for it. Running through that in my mind does help.
Snobs are fools.
Then I became Buddhist, worked on myself, and now - ?
Now - I'm absolutely perfect.
He bought a four-pack of beer and some cigars.
he looked a right twit.
And fortunately, I wasn't alone in thinking so.
If one allows snobbish thoughts to manifest into snobbish actions or words which are hurtful and negative towards others.... then one would really suck.
THAT kind of snobbery is nothing to be proud of or flippant about.
But really, what Aussie refers to thongs as flip flops ???
In fact, to most people I know it is perculiar to refer to that type of underwear as a thong, here they are g-strings
In the UK, durex is a brand of condoms.....
When I was a kid, flipflops were thongs. They are not thongs any more! Thong is just one of those words I don't like. Like "moist" or "panties" it's like finernails on chalkboard to me to hear, or say, those words.
And having spent 17 years in the army, where many of the 'Ruperts' and 'Rodneys' (the Officers) were mostly of this ilk, I had further reasons to dislike them.
But on joining A.A. my attitude towards these 'middle class types' has somehow changed without any effort. I think it's because I mix with many of them (alcoholism is no respecter of class), and I even sponsor an ex army officer, who went to public school (they're not public; you need to be rich to send your children there), who has a degree in law, and some executive type job now. I'm friends with a Jumbo Jet pilot - we go running together occasionally (another alkie), and I also share an A.A. homegroup with a Viscount and his wife, and another extremely wealthy lady (old money type) who lives in a 500 year old mansion that has passed through her family.
I guess the reason for my attitude change is that underneath all that egoic stuff is a human being, just like myself; people who have exactly the same struggles with life as myself. Before I knew this, I guess they were aliens to me.
I enjoyed your story. I understand the logic of it, after all it's what Buddhism is all about, but I still struggle with fully grasping it and being able to apply it to all areas. Sometimes I hear rich people complain about this or that and the first thing I think is "#upperclassproblems" lol. Sad that sometimes I think in hashtags. Anyhow, no matter the struggle, they are yours and just as problematic for a rich person as a homeless person. A problem is a problem regardless of who you are, and money can't solve all problems, obviously. But as Richard Bach says, there is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hands.
We have a local breakfast only restaurant in town called "Shut Up & Eat!".... cooks and waiters are dressed in their best pajamas, and customers are encouraged to come in to eat in their PJs as well! I believe they give you 10% off if you're in jammies....
I haven't eaten there myself, but I hear their food is excellent and the two women who own/run the place are a real hoot. I'll have to check it out one day.
I always feel guilty about it, though. I go to the mall and I'm all looking at people's shoes and purses and I just feel so mean!
But I used to wear shoes from grocery stores so I feel like I'm allowed to get it out of my system a little.
I think that we get over these things with time. We grow and we evolve. I bet if I asked you, @Bunks, how you feel about things in 5 years you'd feel totally differently about it.
Kiwis call them jandals (Japanese sandals)!
My teacher was the sort of person no one wanted to be seen with. Everyone looked down on him. Dressed in old clothes. Looked very weird. Behaved even weirder.
We judge people on superficialities because we have no comprehension of their interior worth. They are all potential Buddhas. No less.
Some are enlightened and we pass them in the street, without even noticing. Dress a traveller in abbots robes, in a temple, spouting platitudes and they become profound. We are dear friends - hypocrites. :eek:
It is one of the reasons we have to humble ourselves. Life humbles us for sure.
http://lojongmindtraining.com/sectionSummary.aspx?sectionID=0
....then you see someone displaying behaviours that you yourself could not display which challenge your view and undermine the false security you've surrounded yourself with.
Solution: Slowly, ever so slowly, extract your head from your @ss...
Brings to mind the 6th and 7th of the "10 Grave Precepts" of the Bodhisattva.
This is the advice he gave to his son about it: So snobbery and conceit is eradicated by meditation practice he is saying it seems.
Another good article on it. http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/various/bl014.html
Of course most everyone engages in conceit and snobbery. It's considered one of the higher 5 fetters of the mind. It's just part of being a human being! But, it's root is delusional and should deliberately be rooted out. Just because it's "natural" does not mean it's good. If you really think about it, you could even go so far as to say it's an abomination of reality!
Another good article. http://www.zolag.co.uk/Cetasikas/html_node/Conceit.html#Conceit
Couple of things that stood out to me in that last article: It's skillful to view snobbery and conceit as a shameful act IMO.
Once, when she was still a young lawyer, she went out with a couple of friends. One of those friends was quite heavy. Some young men sitting at the bar were teasing the fat girl. The lawyer told them to shut it and let her friend be. One of the men answered "Hah, you can just crawl back to the conveyor belt", implying she was a working class woman and that he thought lowly of that.
The following Monday, the lawyer had job interviews as part of the interview team for the law firm. Guess who came through the door - the young, rude man from Friday evening. The lawyer took his hand and said "Nice to meet you again".
He didn't get the job.
For me personally, as of late, I've been struggling with some fierce adult acne bringing me right back to puberty. Ugh. There have been times within the past few months that I don't even feel like I can leave the house, I feel so terrible. But one thing I've learned is most people don't really feel the abhorrence I imagine in response to my acne, this is mostly my own construct because it's something that I'VE struggled with in my life. I'M the one who judges people with acne because it's something I've hated on myself so much. It's been a pretty humbling experience and I never realized I felt so strongly about it until I hit puberty round 2, lol.
I also am bothered by people without straight teeth because, you guessed it, I have crooked teeth. It's like their imperfection serves as a mirror to my own and I hate being reminded of it. When I was a kid, all I ever wanted was braces but we were too poor. A funny contrast to everyone I've ever known with braces that hated them, lol.
I think being a snob is normal, but what really matters is what you do AFTER your mind produces that original judgement. Do you allow it to continue or do you consider the real source of your detest?
I think your post is right on. We judge in others what we don't like in ourselves, or what we fear in ourselves (ie thin people judging fat people because they are afraid they'll be fat).
Southern Cross is the health insurance company I am with, you are a pretty loyal customer for getting a tattoo of them!!!
Looking down on and judging someone is different to hating them IMO.
I am not being a hypocrite, just because I also commit this, doesn't mean I can't bring this behaviour up.
Looking down on someone, judging them, and feeling superior, simply because they are not like you in some way, may not be the same as 'hating them' - but it sure isn't cultivating the Buddha nature within, is it?
I guess I'm missing something here, because I don't see how anyone claiming to be Buddhist or interested in becoming one would think that judging others is somehow "OK" - or that there are justifiable reasons to 'look down' on people.
Like..... as long as you admit it, it's not so bad? Seriously?
I'm not talking about judging those who hurt others, break the law or do things that are unacceptable by our own or society's civility standards... so let's not even go there.
I'm talking about judging people for the way they look, their (lack of) education, their gender, their sexual preferences, their economic status, their lifestyle choices, etc.
I kinda thought Buddhists had a rather clear guideline on that sort of thing....
I get snobby when I feel insecure about something, but rarely can see that truth in the moment.
So it's not that it's OK, but I mean, the guy was stupid. It didn't hurt me, he just hurt himself - I went to a different shoe store and a much nicer sales girl got the commission for my boots.
But this was someone's actions. He could have really hurt someone with a thinner skin than me.
But the mean thoughts? First of all, there's not much we can really do about them. They come, they go, we don't ask for them... As long as we're aware that they're not true, that's about the best we can do. You can't change your thoughts, they just happen. As you grow and evolve, your thoughts grow and evolve with you and I think that's what happens with most people.
Judgementalism is just a form of infantilism, which we do, eventually, grow out of.
@RebeccaS I would disagree that we can't change our thoughts. We can. As it is said, we have both seeds of good and seeds of bad, and that includes thoughts. You can start to train the mind one direction or the other, and you don't always just have to accept a thought. They do just happen, but you can retrain even what thoughts "just happen" and make the bad thoughts more and more dormant by not giving them attention.
Also, the frequency and intensity of the thoughts may lessen, but the content is exactly the same. Whether you have the judgement thought twice a day or twice a month, the thought is still the same. Whether you ignore it or feel guilty about it, the thought is still the same.
I would argue that it's a different process to just changing thoughts, though perhaps they amount to the same thing at the end of the day.
You welcome all of your thoughts and allow them to be there. You are not your thoughts. So you can say, 'oh snobbery... I've been thinking like that way a lot. How interesting'. This is a mahayana approach to make friends with the mind and treat it as a blessing rather than trying to control what is there.
http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1766