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So what makes us so 'special'...?

federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
edited August 2016 in General Banter

Ok, there is a point to this, but I'm not going to reveal what it is, yet.

However, I have been asked my opinion as to why 'newbuddhist' is such a popular forum with both genders?

There are a few Buddhist forums where women rarely go, or if they do, they either don't stay long, or they say little.
Here?
Here it's different. We have a good healthy proportion of women members, and we feel at home, comfortable and able to pretty much involve ourselves in all manner of discussions.

I would like to ask members what it is about this site that creates an ambience or an environment which makes it diverse and different to other buddhist forums?

What are the qualities which make newbuddhist feel like home - for all of us, but for the women in particular?

(I am pinning this temporarily, until the objective is achieved! Watch 'this' space!)

Cinorjer
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Comments

  • forum is one of my true dhamma friends

    ZenshinBunkssilvernamarupa
  • silversilver In the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded. USA, Left coast. Veteran

    I think the main reason it's different from others is that it's a lot more casual -- Everyone's free to discuss things on as deep a level as you want, but the atmosphere for whatever reason (the types it seems to attract) has been one of just being at ease, no matter what is being discussed.

    ShoshinZenshinCinorjer
  • nakazcidnakazcid Somewhere in Dixie, y'all Veteran

    I think @Tara1978 hit on an important point. This forum is friendly and supportive, doesn't judge on a sectarian basis, and is a wealth of diverse viewpoints. Something else I like is that when a question is posed, the OP is not greeted with a wall of sutta quotes lacking context.

    Cinorjer
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Thanks guys; I think this question hinges on why members believe this forum is successful with regard to the number of FEMALE members. it seems newbuddhist is better than others at encouraging, welcoming and retaining FEMALE members, where other forums seem to lose them, or not have them as members (short- or long-term) at all....

    Why do members feel this is?

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @dhammachick said:

    After all, you let us Aussies in :wink:

    That's only because the gatekeepers couldn't tell the difference between the Kiwi and Aussie accent....Ah if only they had known,,,Things would have been a lot different :wink::lol:

    BunksDairyLamalobster
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @federica said:
    Thanks guys; I think this question hinges on why members believe this forum is successful with regard to the number of FEMALE members. it seems newbuddhist is better than others at encouraging, welcoming and retaining FEMALE members, where other forums seem to lose them, or not have them as members (short- or long-term) at all....

    Why do members feel this is?

    I would say that this is down to the site/forum owners( I'm not quite sure who this is/they are) and the progressive forward 'inclusive' thinking on their part...

    federicaKundolobsterCinorjer
  • LadyLou99LadyLou99 USA New
    edited August 2016

    I believe that this site is much more accepting than other Buddhist sites. I tried joining dharma wheel but they suspended my account after the first 48 hours. I did not fail to notice, however, that I was basically the only female member. I reviewed the terms 'who does that anymore?" raises hand , clearly ebarassed And I did not one thing against the site rules. I gave up trying to find a site until this one popped up :3 I forget where I found it but, man am I glad I did :D The atmosphere here, i would think anyways, is a large part of it's success. Everyone is very friendly and it's more chill than the other sites. Some people take the dharma so seriously I feel it gets to their heads :/ No worldly attachments, my loves. They have utterly failed cx

    lobsterBunkssilver
  • KundoKundo Sydney, Australia Veteran

    @Shoshin said:
    That's only because the gatekeepers couldn't tell the difference between the Kiwi and Aussie accent....Ah if only they had known,,,Things would have been a lot different :wink::lol:

    Mwahahahahaha....... our plan is working :grin:

    And after the Women's win of Rugby 7's at the Olympics....... hides

    _ /\ _

    lobsterBunksShoshin
  • So what makes us so 'special'...?

    Discernment.

    Not between but above gender or other biases. It is very difficult to work with people who have an agenda. They will constrain and misconstrue the very qualities required to enable awakening.

    silver
  • I can't compare it to other Buddhist forums because this is the only one I visit, but compared to other Internet forums where I participate (music, triathlon, recumbent tricycles and velomobiles), what stands out to me is that the women here are highly visible, and particularly insightful and eloquent. I hadn't given this much thought until you asked, but the general high quality of discourse seems likely related to our diversity and inclusiveness. It's a good environment.

    Vastmindkarastisilver
  • CarlitaCarlita Bastian please! Save us! United States Veteran
    edited August 2016

    @federica said:
    Ok, there is a point to this, but I'm not going to reveal what it is, yet.

    However, I have been asked my opinion as to why 'newbuddhist' is such a popular forum with both genders?

    There are a few Buddhist forums where women rarely go, or if they do, they either don't stay long, or they say little.
    Here?
    Here it's different. We have a good healthy proportion of women members, and we feel at home, comfortable and able to pretty much involve ourselves in all manner of discussions.

    I would like to ask members what it is about this site that creates an ambience or an environment which makes it diverse and different to other buddhist forums?

    What are the qualities which make newbuddhist feel like home - for all of us, but for the women in particular?

    (I am pinning this temporarily, until the objective is achieved! Watch 'this' space!)

    I've been to I think three Buddhist forums and one site with a Buddhist sub-forum. The former, it was more vacant, than anything else. The people who did chip in, where, from what I gather, males. Given the usernames, I don't always know. It could be just a stereotype "Buddhist have to be males" or maybe not. Where I live, there are male and female Buddhist of all sects and schools; so, I'd think online would be even more so.

    The sub-form I think is mostly if not all males. I go there more often because of the feedback is different than here. However going by your post, I think here is good because you have a good diversity of people from different schools, interests, and practice within Buddhism and it's mirroring traditions. It's also "women" friendly probably because of the site design and sub-forums and especially the "members-only" part. Maybe it helps them feel safe.

    My first impression was diversity (so there isn't a "women" or "men" for example when talking about the Dharma) and it has a light feeling to where most people can chat about whats on their mind.

    Shoshin
  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    @silver said:
    I say three cheers for @Brian, @Linc and @Jason - but W.W.B.D.?

    I'm sure she would have done the same :)

    KundoBunkssilver
  • DairyLamaDairyLama Veteran Veteran

    What I really appreciate about this forum is the sense of humour, the ability to be light-heated as well as serious. The atmosphere in some other forums is dour and over-serious, slightly oppressive.

    lobsterBorukarastisilver
  • JeroenJeroen Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter Netherlands Veteran

    What I like is that the level of contributions, from men as well as women, is very high without being overly stuffy. Not every answer has to quote a sutra, and the humorous answers are just as appreciated as the serious ones. That is closer to the reality of Buddhist practice, in my mind, than the over scholarly focus that you sometimes find.

    karastiBunkssilver
  • SwaroopSwaroop India Veteran

    I think the women feel safe here because they have got a Mother here. (any one watch "Orange is the new black"?)

    karastiKundo
  • SwaroopSwaroop India Veteran


    Do you look like her, @federica?

    Red.jpg 37.2K
    karasti
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited August 2016

    I'm relieved to say that no, I don't. Didn't she also play Captain Janeway

    of the Starship Enterprise...? I see myself more in that role, really, although I don't actually steer this thing....

    SwaroopDairyLamaBoruKundo
  • BoruBoru Explorer

    I haven't looked at other Buddhist forums much but discussions in other forums tend to get quite aggressive and argumentative for the sake of arguing and female posters tend to not hang around, because of this maybe? This is the biggest difference I notice and is actually what draws me here (I'm a man). That and there are a lot of smart compassionate people posting here too.

    I read here more than I post, some comments can be quite profound and make me look at things differently.

    I don't think there is anywhere else on the internet where people actually change their point of view or outlook in a discussion. Maybe because there are no "know it all egos" floating about which probably would also be off putting for females?

    Cinorjerpersonsilver
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Thanks to both @David and @Boru for voicing certain thoughts i myself have had, but did not want to articulate, for reasons which I hope are obvious. I had feelings along the same lines, and it's of comfort and interest to see that other male members have thoughts along the same lines.

    Cinorjer
  • CinorjerCinorjer Veteran
    edited August 2016

    I think like some of the posters pointed out above, a lot has to do with the moderators. I've tried hanging out at several other boards, and while I can't say they had an agenda in a strict meaning, you always felt the moderators were looking over your shoulder ready to smack you down for wandering off topic or not obeying the rules. Apparently one of the rules is, keep your warped sense of humor at home. That doesn't usually work for me. It might be generalizing, but perhaps women don't want another boss or man telling them how to behave, but a welcoming family.

    Not that the largely unseen hand of the moderator doesn't step in quickly where needed, and that's probably another part of the success. In the end, this board is what the owners and moderators designed it to be. Congrats on a job well done!

    Vastmindlobsterkarasti
  • WalkerWalker Veteran Veteran

    @Shoshin said:

    So what makes us so 'special'...?

    Perhaps it's because we're Nothing Special

    That's what I like about being here. There seems to be an 'at home' feeling. Down-to-earth people who seem genuine, offering practical advice and compassion.

    There doesn't seem to be a lot of showmanship or one-upmanship.

    CinorjerkarastiShoshinShim
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I actually wrote this to someone, which I think may further illustrate what is being said here:

    ...Most discussions people have round a table, will diversify and meander. If you take dinner with a group of friends, you talk about a lot of different things, exchange anecdotes, experiences and information, then bid goodnight, go home and think about the social event. There is no tie that governs, taps the table with their knife handle, and says, "Excuse me, but Nick was talking about Trump being President, and what support he has gained, I don't think mentioning his wild crazy hair and facial expressions is on topic, Martin..."

    VastmindCinorjerlobster
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    I have dipped my toe in the water of a number of different forums over the years (both Buddhist and non Buddhist).
    This is the only one I consistently read and post on though.
    There are some extraordinarily wise people on here!

    CinorjerVastmindLincnamarupa
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    As most members will doubtless be aware, I cannot, and will not tolerate bias or prejudice of any kind. And I'm hot on the tails of Misogyny. It's my soapbox subject.
    And while I will apologise if any of my words or sentiments have put noses out of joint, I will never, ever apologise for holding those opinions and expressing them openly, loud and clear for all to hear. It's dangerous territory and I actually try to steer clear of it, because I know I can get heated about it.
    But I hope I can hold hand on heart and say with all sincerity, I strive as much as is humanly possible to not let the personal interfere with my "job" here. I do question my own rationale, and I can promise you there have been times when I have held back from Moderating, realising that my motivation was based on personal issue, and not something to do with the Forum's safety.
    I don't always get it right on target. I'm human, like the rest of the forum members, and I screw up, sure I do. But I have occasionally deleted my own comments prior to posting (and sometimes after!) because I realised I was sailing too close to personal wind... If you'll pardon the phrase.
    I have to say though, the current community makes my job so much easier and pleasant.
    Sometimes it's hard to Moderate those you have come to consider 'family'....

    Cinorjersilverlobsterkarasti
  • LincLinc Site owner Detroit Moderator

    @Jayantha said:
    community that trusts each other and lets their vulnerabilities show

    And it only takes one person left unchecked to destroy that. :o

    Bunkslobstersilver
  • @Jayantha said:
    Of all the Buddhist forums I ever visited, This is the only one where I can see 9 or 10 people in one post that I had wonderful conversations here over the years and I'm still glad to see are around. No other Buddhist forum impacted me, MOST especially in my early years, like New Buddhist, and even though I don't really visit much anymore since I became a monk, It still feels like home every time I log in.

    a small focused community that trusts each other and lets their vulnerabilities show breeds a group of practitioners i've not seen anywhere else.

    Glad to hear you're doing okay.

  • KundoKundo Sydney, Australia Veteran

    @Bunks said:
    I have dipped my toe in the water of a number of different forums over the years (both Buddhist and non Buddhist).
    This is the only one I consistently read and post on though.
    There are some extraordinarily wise people on here!

    preens Thanks my southern friend..... wait.. oooh.....

    Carry on :wink:

    _ /\ _

    BunkslobsterDairyLama
  • Not many forums can put up with me. o:) NewBuddhist rises to the challenge ... B)

    I once created a forum, 'Holy Geeks', that was geared towards technical computer support and multi tradition (or none) spiritual support. Two of our leading contributors engaged in a continuous unproductive hissy spit online. Both were experienced enough to promote a better example. After several online warnings - as a lesson in forum burning, karma, consequences etc - I shut down the forum. Smoked. Pin dropped.

    So I understand the sufi adage that 'one dog can pollute a whole pool'.

    As a moderator on another forum, I would regularly publicly report moderators (including myself) for bias or other crimes against dharma. :p Not surprisingly I was ejected rather than the pseudo blameless dharmaist elite ... Bad crustacean!

    So I am aware of how hard the personal integrity that @federica mentions is.

    I could give other examples but suffice to say some environments empower and some unbalance or are otherwise counter productive.

    ... and now back to the group hug ... <3

    P.S.

    It wasn't me! I swear!

    mmm ... Are those humorous swearing almost-monks endorsements any guarantee ... ? ;)

    CinorjerSwaroop
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Vastmind said:
    Are the 'boys only' sites having focus group meetings and asking why they scare all the girls away? , hahaha .... Or....do they like it that way? In my experience, when men get tired and want female company/conversation/input/energy, they put in the work to make a social group happen and sustain it. When they don't want to fool with us or don't know how....they keep it that way. shrugs.

    I have always felt comfortable and at home here as a woman. BUT, I also peeped out the scene before jumping in. I do no online social media...so when I stumbled upon NB, it looked like a contender. I lurked on our sister site for a couple of weeks just to get a feel for the admins/owners and their way of life/being.

    I'll have to agree with everyone's input so far. No big macho ego issues here....no dividing of schools/sects....easy humor...and participating with everyone.

    I missed this earlier on...
    I think perhaps it certainly does cross their minds, but without knowing why, they rarely do anything about it. Other than polling their members as I have done here, I don't think they would ever find reason; and even with a Poll, not sure they would, or whether they would see fit to act on it. Also, it's important to note that other forums have specific direction: They want to promote Dhammic discussion and examination, scrutiny and dissection of the suttas (I would also reference Mahayana sites too, I'm not excluding them, but the spelling is different) whereas we are far more relaxed and general in our approach, in that we welcome those dabbling in the embryonic stages of Buddhism.
    So I think Purpose has a lot to do with it. This Post from our Founder, explains it better than I can!
    Combine that with @Linc's "Raison d'être" above, and we've pretty much nailed it!

    I'm going to close this down for now, to permit digestion.... But if anyone has anything they'd like to add, of relevance, let me know, I'd be happy to open it up again....

    Many thanks to everyone for your thought-provoking comments and contributions. I think we can safely say we rock!

    Bunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Ok, I now have clearance to reveal why exactly this thread was begun.

    I was approached, via Pm, to converse with a Forum founder through the medium of email, who asked me this:

    I've been thinking for some time about how to encourage more women participating in our forum... @Jayantha mentioned that your forum does pretty well at this, so: what's your secret?

    If there's anything you've learned or any advice you might have, it would be greatly appreciated.

    The founder is Bhante Sujato and his forum is here.

    I know he has been "lurking" (in a good way!) and digesting all the responses here, so he will be along soon to contribute his own comments.

  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited August 2016

    The founder is Bhante Sujato and his forum is here.

    https://discourse.suttacentral.net/t/did-naked-ascetics-spank-each-others-bottoms/3056
    [lobster faints]

    At last some of the important issues are being addressed in an accessible form for the Facebook generation ... o:)

    BhikkhuJayasaraCinorjer
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I believe that he began the thread and titled it so, to evince more "light-hearted" input... But it IS interesting, nevertheless....

  • BhikkhuJayasaraBhikkhuJayasara Bhikkhu Veteran
    edited August 2016

    @lobster said:

    The founder is Bhante Sujato and his forum is here.

    [lobster faints]
    https://discourse.suttacentral.net/t/did-naked-ascetics-spank-each-others-bottoms/3056

    At last some of the important issues are being addressed in an accessible form for the Facebook generation ... o:)

    Lol That was an interesting little article! As a student of the suttas it helps to understand the world of the Buddha. Walking around and living naked is not conducive to a soft bottom ;)

    RuddyDuck9
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Which is different to a tight butt....

    SwaroopKundosilver
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